Too nice-lacking in edge

[Matt Rogers]

Recently I got messed around severely by a girl I really liked, and have decided that I am not getting respect from girls and am being too much of a nice guy. I was brought up by my mother with impeccable manners, to compliment girls, make them laugh and make them feel special. I am a bit repressed sexually, having no real sexual experience of note and am quite shy and retiring and stay well clear from the nightclub scene and am intimidated by sexy girls-I tend to go for the angelic looking innocent girls.

It appears that my charm can only get me so far and I am hindered by lacking that masculine edge and bad boy sexuality. I work out which has increased my muscle but I still lack aggresiveness and testosterone-and am far too gentle and sensitive.

I don't lack in confidence at all, as I am able to talk to pretty much all girls without being intimidated, I just seem unable to create sparks and sexual tension when I meet girls.

Any ideas?

 

[DJnoob]

start with teasing them... make fun of them.

 

[DrSoSuave]

From what you just said, It seems like you prefer to emulate masculine men to appear less of a nice guy.

When you are able to create sparks and sexual tension, are you doing it in a way where it comes off as obvious and accomodating?

If your mind is focused on inadequacies you may unconciously try to hide it by overcompensating for it such as being nice. Like others who soon learn that "positive thinking" or using "****y and funny" techniques which only serve as a temporary solution - a longer term solution would possibly be trying to accept your true self and how others see you and working with it.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

You cant get an edge if you never did anything edgy...Go out and do something that you can tell a story about later...

 

[Thundercat]

Better then getting an edge, try sitting down, makeing a set of rules you live by, and if anyone breaks those rules, kick them to the curb.

Women respond to strength and honesty. If you make it clear that you will not put up with certain behavior, they can either abide by that rule, or you can kick them out of your life. Either way, you win.

I think guys often mistake having an "edge" for having self-respect. If you have self-respect and ditch a woman because she's violating your rules, you'll be surprized at how often they come crawling back to you.

Thundercat

 

[Kaine]

start with teasing them... make fun of them.

Sweet jeesus! Great digestible advice all in one line

No I'm not been sarcastic

Master this skill and your attraction with women will skyrocket

There is communication beyond face value here


Kaine

 

[ScrewIt]

try gaming women who you have no interest in (or dont wanna fuvck) then you'll realize there's nothing to it.....Attraction is the results of your actions ...words too (but how u use them to create it is up to you)

you say you're confident, and in yourown skin, but are you really??

if you really are, acting the right way around women to create taht attraction should be no problems....Just be more sexually aggressive....that's what differentiates the nice guys from the guys that get their woman.

 

[topher]

Originally posted by Kaine
Sweet jeesus! Great digestible advice all in one line

No I'm not been sarcastic

Master this skill and your attraction with women will skyrocket

There is communication beyond face value here


Kaine

I completey agree here, this is something i use ALOT and chicks love it.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
Recently I got messed around severely by a girl I really liked, and have decided that I am not getting respect from girls and am being too much of a nice guy. I was brought up by my mother with impeccable manners, to compliment girls, make them laugh and make them feel special. I am a bit repressed sexually, having no real sexual experience of note and am quite shy and retiring and stay well clear from the nightclub scene and am intimidated by sexy girls-I tend to go for the angelic looking innocent girls.

It appears that my charm can only get me so far and I am hindered by lacking that masculine edge and bad boy sexuality. I work out which has increased my muscle but I still lack aggresiveness and testosterone-and am far too gentle and sensitive.

I don't lack in confidence at all, as I am able to talk to pretty much all girls without being intimidated, I just seem unable to create sparks and sexual tension when I meet girls.

Any ideas?

It's not worth it.Just realize most chics ain't nothing special.

 

[PRMoon]

This one has me stumped

Killer instinct is just that, instinct. If yours has been repressed then maybe some theropy could help you to bring our your inner monster.

 

[Caldus]

I agree with whoever said write down a set of rules and if people break them, then kick them to the curb. That's a good way to live. At least you can be yourself and find the right girl for you. No use in trying to be a completely different person just so you can get a girl who doesn't really match well with you. It's true, most girls really aren't that special. The truly special ones will like you for you too and not just because of your sexuality. If you're looking for a girlfriend, look for a girl who likes you too, not just your body or the way you act.

 

[RedKnight04]

Matt when you wrote that thread about not caring if chicks flake on you tells me alot about your game. You shouldn't take ANY **** WHAT SO EVER!

Their are two things I dump a girl right away for. One is disrespect and the other is if she shows high signs of disrespect towards others around your reality b/c that girl will eventually do it to you.

When a girl calls me the day of with any excuse it better be DAMN good because that is rude. It gives you a low chance to make other plans and a high chance of having your night ruined.

Have some respect for yourself even if you have to put people in their place.

 

[Delta]

nice in and of itself is not bad... it's just that as guys, we tend to throw a lot of behavior under the word NICE.

so think:

are you NICE or are you (consciously or not) OBSEQUIOUS?

things associated with 'true' NICENESS:

1. STRENGTH, PLENTY, CONFIDENCE
2. TRUE GENEROUSITY AND ALTRUSIM (not expecting anything back)
3. in other words, LOVE (BROTHERLY that is) and SELFLESSNESS.

things associated with OBSEQUIOUSNESS:

1. WEAKNESS, FEAR, INFERIORITY, POVERTY, DESPERATION
2. APPEASEMENT, CURRYING FAVOR, ASS KISSING, BROWN NOSING, FLATTERY (taking this opportunity to note that COMPLIMENTS can be genuine and nice or be mere flattery depending on whether it is delivered from a place of strength or weakness), BRIBING, BARTERING, INVESTING AND EXCHANGING, EXPECTATION OF A RETURN.
3. SELFISHNESS
--------------------------------------------------

afcs tend to put an awful lot of obsequious behavior under 'nice'. nice is not nice if it is pathological and SELFISH.

but that is not to say that to pursue 'niceness' is the ultimate goal... to attempt to love a girl with the love of mother theresa is NOT what you want to do.

erotic love is to a great extent SELFISH... so it is not desirable to be completely nice.

so it is better to abandon niceness if in danger of becoming obsequious.

--------------------------------------------------

SELF RESPECT. again, with women and dating, it is NOT a matter of TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK or pulling a ghandi. they are not objects of completely selfless love that you don't want anything from.

you want something from them, they want something from you.

it may not be WAR... but it is a CONTEST at least.

being that as it is, WHY should you put up with rude behavior?

if you are a worthwhile person, how do YOU deserve to be treated?

and if you can't immediately answer that you deserve to be treated well, you need to work on self esteem.

assuming that your self esteem is ok, then try to view yourself from the vantage point of a third person observer...

how should this person (you) be treated? and if they are then treated in an unacceptable manner, what is an appropriate way to respond?

by lying down and taking it? no.

by flying off the handle and start screaming in the starbucks? that's not quite right either. but taking an appropriate amount of offense and 'calling them on it' can be the way to go. or the self respect to walk away. you don't need this shyt.

the ability to do this speaks volumes about your worth. the inability to walk away ALSO speaks volumes about your worth.

and your perceived worth is the thing that attracts or repels women.

delta

 

[DJArlington]

Delta - this is a great post. I think you hit it on the spot. Confident guys are genuine nice guys that don't expect anything in return. AFCs have a tendency to get needy if they are doing something that is really nice for someone else and the other person doesn't do anything in return. Of course, there has to be some level of reciprocation so you do have to find that happy medium between nice guy and confident guy.

you should always have the ability to walk away if you are getting mistreated, that is a real man for you. Very few of those exists in this world.

Go get em guys!