Too much of a challenge

[Mercury21]

Guys, basically I need to know where to draw the line.

Thanks to 2 years of sosuave, I have changed from being an AFC to someone who is not afraid of women. I attract women very easily, and I am good sparking interest and all that other stuff.

My biggest problem at this time seems to be that I am too much of a challenge. We are taught to not care about women,act like we don't need them, not appear too clingy and so on.

It is all true. And I do all of that, and as expected it creates attraction. BUT, I think I do it too well because I can never bring myself to ask for a girl's number, or set up an encounter later. In my mind that would appear like I am wanting the girl too much.

There are times that I find myself walking right past girls at college who I know are attracted to me in some way, and all I will say is a simple "hi" just so I can seem more like a challenge. This works wonders but will not lead to any numbers or dates.

What advice do you guys have for this? How can I draw the line between being a good challenge and not getting numbers? There has to be a good balance somewhere, but I have not found it yet. Maybe you have?

 

[NewMan]

Dude....

Your taking the challenge bit a little to far....

Firstly you have to have contact with these girls - talk to them and flirt with them. You must establish attraction with them. If you don't talk to them how can you ever expect to get their numbers?

The challenge part comes AFTER you've established rapour with these women.

You don't devote all your time to them - you give them only small pieces of yourself to them.... unlike AFC's.

 

[Mercury21]

New Man,

My problem isn't talking to them. I do that, and create all kinds of attraction with women. I can tell that a great majority of the women I talk to are attracted to me on some level.

My problem is:

#1. I feel as if I ask a girl for her number it would make me lose that mysterious appeal that I have, and make me seem needy. I have no problem number closing at bars, clubs ect.. but anywhere else like College for example, I feel that I will kill the mystique about myself that I have created if I ask for a number.

And #2. This has much to do with #1, but if I am just walking along and see a girl I know walking by and looking at me, I have a problem stopping and talking with her. What I have become so used to doing is just say "hi", keep walking with confidence like you have something else to do. And that is what I always do!

Not that there is anything wrong with that..infact it works wonders for my mysterious appeal..."does he have a girlfriend?" "Why doesn't he like me?" ect....

But it does my sex life no good, because I am not getting any numbers from all these girls who are basically in the bag.

So how do I talk and ask these girls out without killing that mysterious and challenging appeal about me?? That is one skill I have not figured out yet.

 

[icepick]

Sounds like you be a litte skeered.

 

[icehot]

Like newMan said,

mystery, challenge etc. comes AFTER you get the girl.

Sounds to me like your just not confident enough to approach these girls at your college. If they don't know you, you don't number close and don't take them out. Remaining mysterious is pretty much useless.

# close, take them out, build rapport and THEN be a challenge


-iceH

 

[MikeYikes122]

Originally posted by icehot
Like newMan said,

mystery, challenge etc. comes AFTER you get the girl.

Sounds to me like your just not confident enough to approach these girls at your college. If they don't know you, you don't number close and don't take them out. Remaining mysterious is pretty much useless.

# close, take them out, build rapport and THEN be a challenge


-iceH

Shutup...

You don't know that. If you aren't going to help him then just down bother posting. Do you think by telling him he isn't confident your really going to do any good? We're supposed to help each other not kick each other when we're down or stuck in confusion.

I used to have this problem too and still sometimes do, and it seems like we both come from similar backgrounds. All that I can tell you is it eventually starts going away, just don't worry about it too much. I think it's that we lacked with girls so much at earlier points in our life that we have to compinsate now by trying to be perfect. This used to manifest itself in my obsessions with my looks, but i've gradually realized that I don't have to win over every girl I ever meet.

Just keep your head up and keep daring yourself to ask for these girls phone numbers. That's what I do.

 

[vdk]

Mercury I know what you mean. Sometimes too much challenge and mystery screws you up. For example I have 2 girls in college that I knew liked me. The mystery and challenge thing worked like a charm and knew from their friends they liked me. I was too busy in my own world and they eventually hooked up with semi-AFCs themselves.

Realise you need to at some point 'CLOSE THE DEAL'.

Also, you have to open up a bit too. Give her bits and pieces of your life, otherwise she'll think you have a boring personality, unwilling to share experiences in life.

Also, I noticed mystery and challenge works well if you are well groomed, which means good sense of style, haircut and well maintained body. No woman is gonna give a rats ass if you are mysterious if you dont have some sort of physical attraction.

 

[RandomGuy]

Wow, sounds exactly like my situation now.

I focus way too much to be mysterious and confident, rather than getting girls number.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Sounds like you're using 'mystery' as a cover up for being scared of approaching women.

You can't have 'mystery' unless you make some initial contact - otherwise you are no more 'mysterious' than the man who sweeps the floors or the postman the girls see every day and never speak to!

One way I've found to get numbers without appearing desperate is to set up a provisional meeting first. Eg, you say, 'let's meet up together sometime at xyz 'ok'. 'right, good'

Then almost as an afterthought you say '...well you'd better give me your number so I can call and set things up'. Often the girl has given me HER number before I've even said this bit.

Maybe that appears lame, but it seems to work better for me than just asking for the number.

 

[Mercury21]

Vdk, Mike, Austin....

Those are some good thoughts. I really don't feel that I'm afraid of women.

I think it all goes back to that whole "College Catch-22" Problem that most guys have. Up until now my entire tactic with women has been making my self scarce..and only appearing every now and then. I have been very sucessful with that. But in College I can never be scarce because I am always around when the women are to!

Plus, if I do get a girl's number I'm not going to call her for atleast a week. But in that time period I am almost sure to see her around campus, especially if we have a class together. So *poof* there goes my mystery and my plans of letting her miss me.

I think that it is a combo of all those things that keeps me from sealing the deal with these girls. Its like those bakers who don't know when to stop putting chocalate on a cake....it tastes so good they put on too much and eventually ruin the cake.

I am kind of like that with the whole "challenge" and "mystery" thing. They are very good and useful...but since I have not learned where to draw the line yet I end up over doing it.

Can anybody else relate? Any sucess stories would help to!

 

[PlayerinTraining]

You STILL care too much about what women think...

Originally posted by Mercury21
New Man,

My problem isn't talking to them. I do that, and create all kinds of attraction with women. I can tell that a great majority of the women I talk to are attracted to me on some level.

My problem is:

#1. I feel as if I ask a girl for her number it would make me lose that mysterious appeal that I have, and make me seem needy. I have no problem number closing at bars, clubs ect.. but anywhere else like College for example, I feel that I will kill the mystique about myself that I have created if I ask for a number.

I have the same trouble. The problem STILL revolves around worrying what the women (or other people) think.

You are afraid expressing interest will make you look weak. But if you don't express ANY interest, you don't get anywhere.

The problem is you are STILL making the mistake of thinking woman's judgement about you reflects on you, but you don't realize it.

If you REALLY don't care about a woman's opinion, having her think of you as weak, simply by asking her out, wouldn't matter, and wouldn't stop you.

But it still DOES matter deep down, so you don't approach or close like you would like, even though you don't feel the same fear and embarassment when you were an AFC.

This is the FUNDAMENTAL problem men who aren't successful with women have. I describe it in detail, and where it comes from on another thread.

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=40403

Basically, you need to be detatched from all of your interactions with women. Anytime a woman fails to respond to you, FORGET ABOUT IT!!! That is the BEST thing you can do.

You can and will drive yourself insane trying to "improve your game" by analyzing everything you say and do around women.

Because they are fickle and inconsistent, it is NOT POSSIBLE to always keep them happy. This DOES NOT MEAN you are doing something wrong, and therefore, have NOTHING to improve.

 

[Mercury21]

Playerintraining,

That link of yours is Gold! Very intersting and informative stuff

But you are right. I guess what it comes down to is the underlying fear of rejection and/or not living up to the standards of others.

Maybe we are fighting a battle against ourselves. Think about it. I, for example, have always been one of those guys who despises serious relationships. While everybody else gets a girlfriend, breaks up, gets another one ect.... I always CHOOSE to stay single and have a different girl every night.

I have always been happy that way. However, the fact that everybody around me seems to have a girlfriend is probably beginning to take its toll on me. I think I am starting to jugde my own worth on weather or not I can find a girlfriend to, even though I really don't want one. Its like a tug of war game going on in my mind and my penis.

Those are some good thoughts, Player.