To the girls on this board

[becker]

When a girl is interested, but she's extremely shy by nature, what does it mean if she sort of acts more open to other people than you? Basically, will a girl tend to make herself seem less interested (thus applying DJ-esque techniques) to appear like more of a challenge to attract you? This one girl I know and I get along very well, but many times she would seem unresponsive to stuff I say. It seems to me like some girls may not want to get too close to a guy because they might fear falling into the LJBF zone just like guys might.

I would ask this girl out to lunch, and she'd rarely say yes, and she doesn't talk much about her BF more than just a brief comment or something.

 

[Sir Shags Alot]

I was out with some friends my boys girl brought her friend that she wanted to hook me up with. This chick was the shyest girl I have ever met. I tried to talk with her but she seemed to lock up everytime. I thought she wasn't interested. The next day my friends girl called and said that she was really interested in me, but I made her nervous because she thought I looked good! I said forget it, and moved on....I need a girl with confidence.....

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by becker
When a girl is interested, but she's extremely shy by nature, what does it mean if she sort of acts more open to other people than you? Basically, will a girl tend to make herself seem less interested (thus applying DJ-esque techniques) to appear like more of a challenge to attract you? This one girl I know and I get along very well, but many times she would seem unresponsive to stuff I say. It seems to me like some girls may not want to get too close to a guy because they might fear falling into the LJBF zone just like guys might.

I would ask this girl out to lunch, and she'd rarely say yes, and she doesn't talk much about her BF more than just a brief comment or something.

First off, I'm male. But I'm shy (slowly becoming less so). Shy people are all shy for different reasons. I think this girl is shy for the same reason as me: she's had bad experiences in her life that have made her hesitant about meeting/trusting new people.

She may have a low opinion of herself: she likes you, but thinks she's unattractive. She is afraid of opening up you you in case she gets hurt "when" you reject her.

She might be trying to play hard to get (shy people think that just means being more shy ).

Of course, she has a BF. Maybe she's happy with him. You've asked her out, maybe she's not interested. Maybe she is blocking you out for fear of getting hurt/rejected. REJECTION affects shy people a lot more than most.

I think you should try asking her out again, but remember that she might not be comfortable in busy coffee shops, etc (assuming she has a SERIOUS case of shyness ). Find out what she does with her friends, where she goes. Take her somewhere she'll be comfortable. Dates are intimidating enough without her having to deal with her other anxeities!

If she blows you off again, just leave her be. If she's that hsy she'll have to learn to come out of her shell herself.

 

[becker]

Hey guys, despite being guys, good points.

Santos, you certainly have good insight just off my post. I mean, this girl was telling me about the way she was in the past, and she's one of those girls who are afraid of public speaking, and, just to give you an idea of how extremely shy she used to be (I guess she's gotten better over the years) she said she used to have trouble even calling information (as in calling the operator and asking for a phone number). Pretty extreme, but you probably couldn't tell by being around her. She's not that outgoing though, and she's much better only after you know her well and she's comfortable around you. I've known her for 3 years, so I guess I qualify. This is why I'm a little unsure of whether she's interested, or she's just not interested.

I've gone out with her before, but usually with at least one other person, and rarely alone. In those settings, she's more comfortable because she can just talk to the other people and not be stuck talking only to me (I think that's the situation where she might not be so comfortable all the time). Sometimes she's ok, and other times she isn't.

It's hard to tell what she's thinking because she's not that open about everything.

 

[Brasco]

Their is only one way to find out becker, ask her. I know its a tuff call, but by the sounds of it your getting fraustrated trying to figure her out. Some girls are hard to figure out and the only way is to confront them.

Also you mentioned in your first post that she has a BF. She could be having mixed feelings between you and the BF. I was reading a study and it said that it is not uncommon for a girl to have feelings towards more then just one man, but normaly no more then two men. Maybe you should try and find out how her relationship is with her BF before you try anything else.

 

[becker]

Yeah, it's difficult to ask her because it's one of those things you want to ask her when you're alone with her. I'm rarely alone with her, so it would be awkward with other people around. That's why I wanted to ask her to lunch, but it's difficult to do that because of the way she acts. That's the dilemma.

Why the heck does every girl have a BF? It seems like the only ones that are available are the ones you don't want, so the only way to get a girl you want is to take her away from another guy.