To stay NC or not

[Gdupm6]

Hey guys, to make it short I've been NC with my ex for over a month. Her b day is tomorrow (10/25). Im debating whether I should text or call her to wish her happy birthday or to stay NC?

She was the one who told me that she needed a "break" and as time went on our communication lessened and lessened. Now it's been NC for over a month..

What should I do? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks

 

[808]

No contact means no contact.

She's the one who wanted a "break," which means it's over. There's a reason communication lessened. Move on.

 

[ArcBound]

If you are over her and can see you two being friends, then sure why not?

Judging by the tone of your post though, it seems you might not be. I would only call her if you are genuinely over her and just want to be friends, if you are looking for more you will only hurt yourself if you call her.

Remember no contact is a means of you getting over her, not for her to coming back to you.

 

[pdx1138]

If it helps, I broke up with my ex last february.

Didn't see/talk/txt her until June when I dropped off some of her things that were in my house.

But we'd been friends for 20 years and kept the breakup civil.

I was debating whether or not to send her a text on her birthday, but I did.

We chat about once a month now.

 

[Gdupm6]

I just don't know what it is, I dont know why my mind is so cluttered With thoughts. The thought of never talking to her again does kind of bother me and a part of me tells me not to call her and stay NC. Then a part of me wants to.. Her b day is in a day and its bugging the hell out of me...

I know by calling/texting her I'm gonna show that I still do think about her, and I'm sure she's wondering if I would call her for her b day also..
Im sick of feeling this way....

 

[DMEDFISIK]

I don't think you should call. A simple text or e-mail saying: "happy birthday. Have nice one" would do. Do it without expecting anything. Whether she gets it or not shouldn't bother you. If she replies, then let it end there. You are trying to move on to a better life.

 

[pdx1138]

I agree, do the simple text as dmedfisik suggests.

 

[Gdupm6]

If anything, I wasn't planning to call her, it would have been a text.... I'm just really lost on whether I should get in contact with her or not...

 

[The_411]

Ask yourself why do you want to contact her and be honest with yourself. Do you want to cotnact her with the secret hope that you two will get back together or do you because you miss her etc.

99.9% of the time there's no reason to call or text because you're going to feel like crap when she doesn't respond.

In the case where you've known the person for like 20 years as mentioned above that's one of the few exceptions where it's suitable to text.

In your case the wounds are too fresh and it will only delay healing.

 

[Gdupm6]

THE_411 your points are very valid. I do agree

I do ask myself that question, and to be honest I really don't know the answer as to why I want to contact her. I'll be honest, I do miss her, and i would like to hear her voice and talk to her, but a part of me is also hurt and tells me that I should not call her and continue NC. Never really had closure with her, we just stopped talking, and i guess the thought of not ever seeing her or talking to her kind of gets to me.

I don't know about getting back together, i mean she really would have to make some changes (which i doubt) for me to consider anything like that.

 

[chocococonut]

Dude, she broke it off with you. Stop being a wuss. it's over.

If she contacts you first, then maybe there is hope.

You breaking the NC first can show you are lonely, insecure, needy, clingy, depressed, or anything similar of these negative feelings.

You will actually lower her interest level in you (its probably low-as-hell already) by contacting her.

 

[Gdupm6]

Even though its just contact regarding her b day?

 

[st_99]

Honestly, it doesn't matter what you do, makes no difference whatsoever. The only thing that matters is that whatever you are doing, its from a position of strength, confidence and a sincere not caring if this girl likes you anymore,

It doesn't sound like you are in that position though so I would remain NC.

 

[Gdupm6]

I'm wondering.. Would it make matters worst between us if i dont text her for her birthday? I just don't want her to think that im so immature that i can't even send her a simple happy birthday text for her birthday.

 

[3countriesPlan]

Nothing wrong with being civil.... don't do it for any wack reasons or for any hoped for response. If you really want to you can wish her a happy bday then disappear once again..

 

[Johnnyventana]

Be true to yourself. If texting her HB is in your character and you would be mad at yourself for not doing it, then do it. Do what you normally would do, don't do anything her presence is making you do. Be yourself and decide what you would normally do, in absence of her.

 

[perseverance]

I'm wondering.. Would it make matters worst between us if i dont text her for her birthday? I just don't want her to think that im so immature that i can't even send her a simple happy birthday text for her birthday.

If she is not in your life anymore how can there be an "us"? Also why do you care what she thinks? You owe her nothing, she's your ex, you're not together anymore. I suppose the real reason you want to send her a birthday text is because you are afraid that if you don't, you'll ruin whatever slim chance you have of getting together again.

If you want to send her a Birthday message then I say go for it, but you should be doing it because you really want to, not so you can gain an advance, keep doors open or save face with her.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

I'm wondering.. Would it make matters worst between us if i dont text her for her birthday? I just don't want her to think that im so immature that i can't even send her a simple happy birthday text for her birthday.

I'm in no contact with an ex. If I sent her a happy birthday text it would be from a position of confidence, strength, etc. not because I wanted her back. In fact, I do miss her, but I don't want her back. She would've have to make some important changes which I don't see happening. If I were to do anything that related to her it would be without ANY expectations.

Seeing were you are coming from, I will recant my previous advice and tell you not to bother sending her a text. It appears it will mess with your head. Let her go her way. You should be trying not to care anyway.

 

[Gdupm6]

It's a combination of me wanting to do it because I want to, and I also do want to talk to her... Today is her birthday, I still haven't sent her anything...

 

[bigneil]

You'll be better off not contacting her. She expects you to contact her, seeing that she's seen your inner wuss. Plus she'll get 200 Facebook birthday posts and she will sift through your message looking for greetings from guys she wants to sleep with.