To know or not?

[NSX-R]

This is a question for the more experienced board of the forum.
So you get in a relationship and you sit with your woman alone . She starts talking about her past with exes and people she’s been with .
Here is the question. Is it a good idea to listen about her past?

In one way you will know more about her but on the other way a feeling of paranoia starts and you lose the trust you have for her and make things worse . So is it better for your own peace of mind to not know everything about her past and build an impression of her considering only the present and how she treats you ? Or listen about her past and add to the already existing impression even if it makes it much worse?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is a question for the more experienced board of the forum.
So you get in a relationship and you sit with your woman alone . She starts talking about her past with exes and people she’s been with .
Here is the question. Is it a good idea to listen about her past?

In one way you will know more about her but on the other way a feeling of paranoia starts and you lose the trust you have for her and make things worse . So is it better for your own peace of mind to not know everything about her past and build an impression of her considering only the present and how she treats you ? Or listen about her past and add to the already existing impression even if it makes it much worse?

Its good to know their background outside of what they say. You'll come to understand how she prefers to navigate.

 

[King Lion]

Confucius said " Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."

When it comes to anything in life...It's always better to know than to not know!

 

[Gstring]

@NSX-R That is a beta question . . .

Sure, she'll tell you about her boyfriends, but she will leave out of the information about men she s****ked off while dumping one boyfriend and looking for another one. She might say she only had 18 but in reality she had over 100, closer to 200, especially if we talking about mature and experienced women.

You have to understand -- all women are hors, all of them. But there are two types of hors, professional and amateur. Professional hors know who to sleep with, alpha males, or a beta who she'll date for 8 dates. It takes only one beta male to ruin woman's reputation, she sexes beta and he tells everyone, because he didn't have sex in 5 years, for him it's something out of this world, he has to brag. This is why they don't sleep with betas on first dates, it would take several dates and tons of none sexual attention, while an alpha can d**k her down on the first night, she'll come over herself. You could be next to professional hor and never know she had body count over 100.. Amateur hor? She is going to have bad rep, or she will be new in town. Good virgin girl? Only if woman from out of town and is looking for new start.

So what exactly will your woman tell you? The truth? No, she is going to tell you a story and you will be beta to believe into it.

Just assume she is a professional hor and have slept with ton of guys and will never tell you the truth. Assume she is probably sleeping with another guy when she is not with you. Spin plates.

 

[Reyaj]

I think this is actually a great question, definitely one I've thought about.

Here's my thoughts on it from my own personal experience. If a girl mentions sexual escapades from her past without any provocation then I view her as a pump/dump and not LTR material. Other than that you should really focus on her actions while she is with you. If she is showing red flags that could stem from past sexual encounters then she also wouldn't be an LTR play.

However let's face facts we aren't dealing with virgins at our ages, mostly every girl you'll be with has a sexual past as do you. I personally don't feel the need to go into past relationships nor do I feel the need to divulge my own. The best bet is focusing on the present and future with each other.

 

[bat soup]

This is a question for the more experienced board of the forum.
So you get in a relationship and you sit with your woman alone . She starts talking about her past with exes and people she’s been with .
Here is the question. Is it a good idea to listen about her past?

In one way you will know more about her but on the other way a feeling of paranoia starts and you lose the trust you have for her and make things worse . So is it better for your own peace of mind to not know everything about her past and build an impression of her considering only the present and how she treats you ? Or listen about her past and add to the already existing impression even if it makes it much worse?

You should never listen when a woman speaks.

 

[NSX-R]

I think this is actually a great question, definitely one I've thought about.

Here's my thoughts on it from my own personal experience. If a girl mentions sexual escapades from her past without any provocation then I view her as a pump/dump and not LTR material. Other than that you should really focus on her actions while she is with you. If she is showing red flags that could stem from past sexual encounters then she also wouldn't be an LTR play.

However let's face facts we aren't dealing with virgins at our ages, mostly every girl you'll be with has a sexual past as do you. I personally don't feel the need to go into past relationships nor do I feel the need to divulge my own. The best bet is focusing on the present and future with each other.

Is a dilemma that I’ve discussed many times with most of my closest friends. Some say ignorance is bliss but till which extend?

Some other will say that you should never listen to what a woman say but where there is smoke there is also fire .What you said about every woman in our age has had enough sexual partners it’s pure truth but are we able to handle the truth? I believe deep down every man out there wants a serious relationship. Considering all that i just mentioned, is it worth it to live in the fairytale as long as it lasts or know the truth and live with doubts?

For the "extreme alphas" out there , no i don’t mean to become a white knight , not even close , but what i mean is not knowing the details of the past , it does not affect the presence or futures.

 

[Reyaj]

I don't need to know about her specific exes and relationships, hookups, etc. If she's mentioning a specific ex a lot, or going through her hit list, or her notch count, it's usually a red flag.

Talking about general sexual experiences (or fantasies/kinks) is cool with me. E.g., tried this, not that, did this once. Whatever she says, I don't judge, just decide whether to continue with her or not. But I do prefer to talk about that stuff early on so I can get a read on her before any emotional investment occurs (if it does). Of course there will be plenty I'll never know, and that's cool (and same goes for her, lol). Besides talking about it while she's still plate status, I LEAD the conversation and she'll usually mirror my language. E.g., "had sex in an airplane once", instead of "my college sweetheart Cindy and I had sex on the plane when we flew to Italy together for a romantic getaway."

Is there anything a woman could say to you regarding her sexual past that would disqualify her in your view for an LTR? I don't mean notch count, but a specific sexual act... Everyone views sexuality differently so I'm genuinely curious.

Movie Example

Is a dilemma that I’ve discussed many times with most of my closest friends. Some say ignorance is bliss but till which extend?

Some other will say that you should never listen to what a woman say but where there is smoke there is also fire .What you said about every woman in our age has had enough sexual partners it’s pure truth but are we able to handle the truth? I believe deep down every man out there wants a serious relationship. Considering all that i just mentioned, is it worth it to live in the fairytale as long as it lasts or know the truth and live with doubts?

For the "extreme alphas" out there , no i don’t mean to become a white knight , not even close , but what i mean is not knowing the details of the past , it does not affect the presence or futures.

I think you need to ask yourself the deeper question regarding what about the past sexual relationships bothers you? Let's hypothetically say she used to do porn but became a born again Christian and was completely devout while carrying herself superbly. She would be a great LTR for you.... never cheat, givie you amazing sex, cook, clean etc.... Would her past still bother you even though its not affecting her future? I realize this scenario is far fetched but indulge yourself with the hypothetical with answering the question.

 

[returnofpigman]

This is a question for the more experienced board of the forum.
So you get in a relationship and you sit with your woman alone . She starts talking about her past with exes and people she’s been with .
Here is the question. Is it a good idea to listen about her past?

In one way you will know more about her but on the other way a feeling of paranoia starts and you lose the trust you have for her and make things worse . So is it better for your own peace of mind to not know everything about her past and build an impression of her considering only the present and how she treats you ? Or listen about her past and add to the already existing impression even if it makes it much worse?

You might be headed for LJBF land. If this conversation comes up again, redirect it to something else. No woman wants a guy she likes to think she’s a slut. Telling you she’s a slut by listing her conquests would gross me out. I want a woman who acts like a slut with me not in a narrative form while I am spending time with her. Good grief, I am sure you know this but don’t list your conquests with her.

 

[Kotaix]

All input from outside yourself should be listened to. If she tells you about her past, you should listen to it and react accordingly.

Alternatively, you can stick your head in the sand now and be unpleasantly surprised later when you realize you've wasted your time on a woman that wasn't worth it in the first place.

Deliberate ignorance is not bliss, it's just self-delusion.

 

[NSX-R]

Is there anything a woman could say to you regarding her sexual past that would disqualify her in your view for an LTR? I don't mean notch count, but a specific sexual act... Everyone views sexuality differently so I'm genuinely curious.

Movie Example

I think you need to ask yourself the deeper question regarding what about the past sexual relationships bothers you? Let's hypothetically say she used to do porn but became a born again Christian and was completely devout while carrying herself superbly. She would be a great LTR for you.... never cheat, givie you amazing sex, cook, clean etc.... Would her past still bother you even though its not affecting her future? I realize this scenario is far fetched but indulge yourself with the hypothetical with answering the question.

Everything we discuss here is hypothetical but i think @samspade gave again the right answer . Asking everything you need to know before investing emotionally is the sweet spot . I’ll use 2 examples.

I used to bang a plate that was a bi . I was even entertaining the idea of making a threesome with her and a very nice hb7.5 that was her bff . Anyway it didn’t happen cause i joined the military and never saw her again . I think she told me once her female body count was more than the male one. I didn’t care.She was heavily invested in me emotionally but as i said i didn’t honestly even care of her existence.

Fast forward at the end of my military days i used to be in an ltr with a hb8 that i was emotionally involved. Her best friend and me were very cool with each other so she used to talk very freely to me till one day she told me that my gf had sex with 2 women in her life , years before we met . Even though i didn’t show it, i was in shock and disgust for some reason. I remember i would be alone and the thought the she was with a woman was very repulsive. I believe we had sex once or twice after and then we broke it off mostly for other reasons but this maybe played also a small part .

Don’t take me wrong, i love the idea of two women banging, even more if i can also join in lmfao but as soon as i go serious, things change as it seems.

Let me ask the same question back to you , would it be the same for you if that christian woman told you that she was into porn industry or not ? Personally if i got involved emotionally, i wouldn’t be able to deal with the paranoia thoughts .

 

[Ricky]

Its ok to listen and i kind of got turned on by hearing about a womans experiences. However. It could lead to her asking questions about your past

I learned the hard way recently from my wife... not to volunteer to much from your past. Its causing me some issues still

 

[NSX-R]

This is kind of the uglier stepsister to finding out (as a chump) that the sweet girl you've had a crush on is getting fukked by some Chad. You're in an LTR and you think you know a girl, then you find out some thing from her past and it's disillusioning.

It's why I think it's so key for guys to stay single and get as much experience as they can in their 20s and 30s. Women are at peak power (and peak irresponsibility) aged 15-26. Some young guys will have wild times too, but a lot of guys (especially recovering blue pillers) will need to build their lives up and learn to handle different women so they, too, can have some crazy sex under their belt. If I were to do pop psych, I'd say the ego is reacting to the fact that a girl had the agency to do something that I hadn't yet pulled off. But at age 44 I've done plenty of crazy stuff (and care far less about proving anything, sexually), so if a girl tells me she's done something I haven't, I'll just say, that's awesome. Then I'll determine whether she's too "slvtty" for me, lol. But the truth is, 99% of women have wild, depraved fantasies anyway. I'd rather know early on what she's like, but without the hard stats.

The examples i used were like 3-4 years ago . Since then I’ve done only 1 ltr because I evaluate the female mostly of her past and if it’s not too sluty then i give her the chance to prove during the time we pass together if she’s going to be promoted to a Ltr or demoted as a fck buddy. As you’ve noticed not many were proper enough .

That’s why I’m very cautious before i go serious. If i go serious it means that it’s worth
It .
Other than that i agree to everything else said

 

[Max Baker]

The problem is as others have said, she won't tell you the truth anyway. It will be what you want to hear so she can secure an LTR and or resources for you. Treat them as cunning manipulative people.

 

[SirBigBell]

Im sure we all want to know a used car’s history before committing to purchase it. The history of the car can give you an idea of the life it has lived and the care it’s been given or denied. This information affects its perceived value.

Similarly with women, I may not enjoy hearing about her sexual history, but am willing to listen because that can determine whether I should readjust my willingness to commit to her long term or to just spin her as a plate. Information is power. I certainly wouldnt consider a woman with a high bodycount LTR material. If however she opens up about an extensive sexual history after you’ve married her then you have to take it on the chin because it’s too late by then.

 

[Reyaj]

All input from outside yourself should be listened to. If she tells you about her past, you should listen to it and react accordingly.

Alternatively, you can stick your head in the sand now and be unpleasantly surprised later when you realize you've wasted your time on a woman that wasn't worth it in the first place.

Deliberate ignorance is not bliss, it's just self-delusion.

Everything we discuss here is hypothetical but i think @samspade gave again the right answer . Asking everything you need to know before investing emotionally is the sweet spot . I’ll use 2 examples.

I used to bang a plate that was a bi . I was even entertaining the idea of making a threesome with her and a very nice hb7.5 that was her bff . Anyway it didn’t happen cause i joined the military and never saw her again . I think she told me once her female body count was more than the male one. I didn’t care.She was heavily invested in me emotionally but as i said i didn’t honestly even care of her existence.

Fast forward at the end of my military days i used to be in an ltr with a hb8 that i was emotionally involved. Her best friend and me were very cool with each other so she used to talk very freely to me till one day she told me that my gf had sex with 2 women in her life , years before we met . Even though i didn’t show it, i was in shock and disgust for some reason. I remember i would be alone and the thought the she was with a woman was very repulsive. I believe we had sex once or twice after and then we broke it off mostly for other reasons but this maybe played also a small part .

Don’t take me wrong, i love the idea of two women banging, even more if i can also join in lmfao but as soon as i go serious, things change as it seems.

Let me ask the same question back to you , would it be the same for you if that christian woman told you that she was into porn industry or not ? Personally if i got involved emotionally, i wouldn’t be able to deal with the paranoia thoughts .

So this is exactly what I meant regarding the root of what would bother you. It seems on here what gets preached is that a higher notch count or promiscuous past corrupts a woman in her behavior and thus that is why it matters. But that doesn't seem to be what it is based on what you said. It sounds like the mere fact of her engaging in that activity tarnished her regardless of how she treated you. It sounded like everything was going well in your relationship but you couldn't get past those thoughts.

To answer the question I asked you, I'd feel the same if I found out a woman I was with did porn... I wouldn't be able to get past it. But if on the surface she treated me great and things were going well, then why should someone's past bother us so much?

Thanks for sharing that scene. I just realized I've never seen Chasing Amy (though I think I had it on DVD at some point...freebie I guess). I'll have to watch the whole movie, but that scene was interesting.

I guess there are too many variables to consider, but I'm sure there are some things that would make me draw a line in the sand if I heard them. It would also depend on her attitude and the way she framed the experience. There's a difference between "I wanted to try a threesome with my boyfriend" and "I was drunk at a party and two randos fukked me."

I thought it was a good movie, if you do get to watching it let me know your thoughts. The premise is based on this very topic.

It's really interesting how everyone views sexuality and I'm still trying to figure out what's the right approach. I was conditioned from being young that pre-marital sex was wrong which I've obviously grown out of.. However I still have remnants of that conditioning I notice in judging females. While understanding that past sexual behavior could influence a woman's ability to pair bond, should it still bother us in the cases where it doesn't? Maybe the hippy approach to sex being more of a natural free occurrence is right?

 

[Kotaix]

It does help to hear about a woman's past. If she is alpha-widowed then you might as well realize that. She is never going to be more than a plate if that's the case.

And if she is constantly talking about exes I wouldn't want to be around her either because that's just something I'm not interested in listening to.

Not to mention that if she does this she wasn't raised well since she doesn't realize this is unacceptable behavior.

 

[Lookatu]

The past is the past and whether she tells you a lie or truth doesn't matter. We've all made mistakes and bad judgements. It's not for you to judge what she's done in the past without you also getting judged. It just doesn't work or isn't productive/relevant in any way.

It's how you two get along and how she treats you and her actions as another has said.

The only time examining or knowing her past would be warranted is to rectify or resolve some issues where looking from where she came from or what happened to her could help you understand her better in resolving an issue. My $.02

 

[FuzzX]

Man if she starts going on about the past, its time to pull the eject lever. I miss being on this forum, fvk, you don't know how many dumb dudes there are out there that would give you some bullshvt advice.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The past is the past and whether she tells you a lie or truth doesn't matter. We've all made mistakes and bad judgements. It's not for you to judge what she's done in the past without you also getting judged. It just doesn't work or isn't productive/relevant in any way.

It's how you two get along and how she treats you and her actions as another has said.

The only time examining or knowing her past would be warranted is to rectify or resolve some issues where looking from where she came from or what happened to her could help you understand her better in resolving an issue. My $.02

Her past shows her habits and norms. At least what they have done or normally has done. You can't predict future at 100% using this info.