To keep employing silence and distance here or respond?

[jnMissouri]

My ex and I have been trying to reconcile. We started seeing each other again, and she has agreed to go back to the way things were, but....she is borderline so when she gets me almost back, pushed me away by wanting me to prove my love to her (I think she is fishing for a ring).

When she did this yesterday, after a few times of texting back and forth, I just said OK, and disappeared. She was like, what do you mean ok? with a frustrated emoji. Then sent another text asking if I'm giving up already and she's not surprised, with a bunch of emoji's like these

I never responded back. A girl I used to date told me to stay in your power, she knows what she needs to do to get you talking again. Mind you she was worried about losing me to another girl, because she asked me to take my dating profile down, reconcile, etc. Was mad I was having interactions and dates with other girls, which I sent her screenshots of. That said, she has never ignored ME when I reached out. But I also reached out the last two times. That WAS helpful as we started seeing each other again. But the silence and distance helped her get there.

I'm torn on staying silent. Part of me wants to respond to her last text and say, yes I give up because it's impossible to reconcile, then go silent. Communicating seems to have gotten us CLOSE to reconciliation. Otherwise, we'd still be in no contact for another month. I've experimented with no contact quite a bit in the last few years, and the results are all over the place, but ultimately, the relationships didn't work out because even after 60 days and them reaching out, they went right back to the way they were within a week...That's a topic for another thread.

 

[member160292]

What do you want out of all this?

 

[jnMissouri]

What do you want out of all this?

Use her for sex for a few more months...She's 26 HB10 Asian girl from wealthy family, high paying job, very high paying, I'm 41...very good looking successful guy.

She actually just sent me a text an hour ago, which is what I told my friends she'd send if she does send anything, an "so I take it your silence means we're done then? I think you've been doing inappropriate things with those 19 -23 year olds you sent me chat messages you were having with" type message.

The way the conversation is going with her, she is trying to keep some power. She agreed to get rid of male friends again (started talking to them when we were broken up) but wants me to "treat her better". Prove my love to her. All that crap. I think she is fishing for a ring, which considering she has admitted she is borderline and narcissistic, is NEVER gonna happen.

 

[kookdekoo]

Maintain silence. Look for a fresh arrangement. Just my $0.02....

 

[Dr.Suave]

Just dont agree to exclusivity, dont give her the "gf" labed, and dont get her pregnant. Other than that you can try different things and you should be fine.

 

[Gamisch]

My ex and I have been trying to reconcile. We started seeing each other again, and she has agreed to go back to the way things were, but....she is borderline so when she gets me almost back, pushed me away by wanting me to prove my love to her (I think she is fishing for a ring).

When she did this yesterday, after a few times of texting back and forth, I just said OK, and disappeared. She was like, what do you mean ok? with a frustrated emoji. Then sent another text asking if I'm giving up already and she's not surprised, with a bunch of emoji's like these

I never responded back. A girl I used to date told me to stay in your power, she knows what she needs to do to get you talking again. Mind you she was worried about losing me to another girl, because she asked me to take my dating profile down, reconcile, etc. Was mad I was having interactions and dates with other girls, which I sent her screenshots of. That said, she has never ignored ME when I reached out. But I also reached out the last two times. That WAS helpful as we started seeing each other again. But the silence and distance helped her get there.

I'm torn on staying silent. Part of me wants to respond to her last text and say, yes I give up because it's impossible to reconcile, then go silent. Communicating seems to have gotten us CLOSE to reconciliation. Otherwise, we'd still be in no contact for another month. I've experimented with no contact quite a bit in the last few years, and the results are all over the place, but ultimately, the relationships didn't work out because even after 60 days and them reaching out, they went right back to the way they were within a week...That's a topic for another thread.

They go back because you go back.

Think about it. You stayed silent. From silent you went to slowly talking again back to saying good night and morning and me love thy.

What might work is completely shifting your view on her. When you with her make sure its a GrEAT time..when she's gone be a little more distant.

In this case for example you simply can't cave in. You gotta have the upperhand and keep it.

By the way, replacing her only takes you so far because if YOU dont change anything about yourself the next woman will display the same behaviour.

So this might be a perfect test case for you. Deploy silence .

Let your silence speak, or let your words be worth more than silence

 

[RickPound]

The way the conversation is going with her, she is trying to keep some power. She agreed to get rid of male friends again (started talking to them when we were broken up) but wants me to "treat her better". Prove my love to her. All that crap. I think she is fishing for a ring, which considering she has admitted she is borderline and narcissistic, is NEVER gonna happen.

Standard operating procedure. Dude, borderline and narcissistic? It’s not worth it. She won’t stop with the male friends, maybe just hide it better moving forward and “treat her better” means you will never be enough for her - it’s a bottomless pit. She’ll keep moving the goal posts so she has something to blame for her bad behavior.

Prioritize your mental health and focus on getting to the point where you don’t care about getting her out of your life - in fact - to where it’s annoying to have her in it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why would you send her photos of you and other girls.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

These Asian girls are nuts and I reckon there are family pressures that aren't helping. She should be getting a short leash imo. The "prove my love" bit is a giant red flag. I once had a gf like that who would do things deliberately to piss me off and test me to gauge my reaction so she could temporarily soothe her insecurity.

In my experience the westernized asian girls will always be jealous of the pretty white ones.

 

[RazorRambo24]

The only power you'll ever gain is when you learn to cut off women from your past and not look back. You are draining yourself for her slowly without realizing it. Being in situations like this just waste your energy you can be using toward building an empire.

People with BPD are like energy vampires. Why be with someone who will love you intensely one second and 2 seconds later be plotting your downfall?

 

[RickPound]

People with BPD are like energy vampires. Why be with someone who will love you intensely one second and 2 seconds later be plotting your downfall?

No joke. They’ll spend the weekend with you and act like the sweetest girl when they come to your Mom’s birthday, then 2 days later make up a story on how she going to the city with her “friend” and get a hotel for the night with the guy she’s cheating on you with. Then say it’s cuz you didn’t love them enough. Ask me how I know…

 

[BillyPilgrim]

No joke. They’ll spend the weekend with you and act like the sweetest girl when they come to your Mom’s birthday, then 2 days later make up a story on how she going to the city with her “friend” and get a hotel for the night with the guy she’s cheating on you with. Then say it’s cuz you didn’t love them enough. Ask me how I know…

Anything to do with post #9?

 

[Rainman4707]

My ex and I have been trying to reconcile. We started seeing each other again, and she has agreed to go back to the way things were, but....she is borderline so when she gets me almost back, pushed me away by wanting me to prove my love to her (I think she is fishing for a ring).

When she did this yesterday, after a few times of texting back and forth, I just said OK, and disappeared. She was like, what do you mean ok? with a frustrated emoji. Then sent another text asking if I'm giving up already and she's not surprised, with a bunch of emoji's like these

I never responded back. A girl I used to date told me to stay in your power, she knows what she needs to do to get you talking again. Mind you she was worried about losing me to another girl, because she asked me to take my dating profile down, reconcile, etc. Was mad I was having interactions and dates with other girls, which I sent her screenshots of. That said, she has never ignored ME when I reached out. But I also reached out the last two times. That WAS helpful as we started seeing each other again. But the silence and distance helped her get there.

I'm torn on staying silent. Part of me wants to respond to her last text and say, yes I give up because it's impossible to reconcile, then go silent. Communicating seems to have gotten us CLOSE to reconciliation. Otherwise, we'd still be in no contact for another month. I've experimented with no contact quite a bit in the last few years, and the results are all over the place, but ultimately, the relationships didn't work out because even after 60 days and them reaching out, they went right back to the way they were within a week...That's a topic for another thread.

if you're ending screenshots of interactions with other women, maybe it's best to end things with your current girl.

 

[BadBoy89]

I never responded back. A girl I used to date told me to stay in your power, she knows what she needs to do to get you talking again.

What does she need to do?

Mind you she was worried about losing me to another girl, because she asked me to take my dating profile down, reconcile, etc. Was mad I was having interactions and dates with other girls, which I sent her screenshots of.

Your story is falling apart here.

That said, she has never ignored ME when I reached out. But I also reached out the last two times. That WAS helpful as we started seeing each other again. But the silence and distance helped her get there.

You employed silence and distance and reached out twice?

Your story is falling apart even more.

I've experimented with no contact quite a bit in the last few years, and the results are all over the place, but ultimately, the relationships didn't work out because even after 60 days and them reaching out, they went right back to the way they were within a week...That's a topic for another thread.

Can’t wait for that thread.

Arent you the billionaire driving a Lamborghini that can have any women he wants?