To Kate Winsall from Positive Joe

jonwon

Master Don Juan
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From
Sent: 11 July 2006 01:41
To: Kate Winsall
Subject: Lady of the cake





Hello Kate,


It?s joe - we met at Andrew?s party.


I hope you don?t mind me getting your e-mail address from the e-mail
that Andy sent to us all; it is a bit sneaky of me.


It was wonderful to meet you on Saturday, and I wonder if you would
consider meeting me for coffee sometime; maybe at the Tate Modern?


OK. This is where my common sense is telling me to stop? keep it simple
and

positive joe.


And the probability of me listening to that voice? Experience has taught
me that it is not worth putting up a fight; I will end up giving in to
the part of me that never wants to find itself shaking its head and
muttering ?if only?'


This is the part where I throw caution to the wind; the part where I
listen

to my heart and remember that I should live my life as an exultation and
revel in the opportunity to try; the part where I refuse to apologize
for who I am; the part where I trust that the lady I met on Saturday
night is, as I suspect, able to see sincerity where others would see
clich .


I am fortunate enough to have been able to collect a number of special
memories. They are memories of moments that made any struggle leading up
to them worthwhile. They are memories of moments when I am struck by
something so beautiful, time stands still and all of the ugliness in the
world ceases to exist.


Your smile is the freshest of my special memories.


Regardless of whether we see each other again, I will use it as I do my
other special memories. I will call on it when I am disheartened or low.
I will hold it in my heart when I need inspiration. I will keep it with
me for moments when I need to find a smile of my own.


I am unsure of all my motives for sharing this with you and, if I am
honest, not ready to examine them too closely. However, I know that it
makes me feel good to believe that maybe, if you are ever upset, knowing
that I will be keeping your smile alive might help you through.


If you are half as intelligent and aware as I believe you to be, I am
sure that you will find what I have written, in the very least, sweet.


If I am twice as lucky as I would dare to hope, you will find this note
charming and agree to contact me and arrange a date.


Either way, I trust that your reply will be candid - you told me how
much you value honesty.


One last thing, I promise that it is enormously rare for me to stray as
far

from sobriety as I managed on Saturday night.


Be safe.
Joe

---

Anyone care to dismantle this little gem :yes:
 

Rollo Tomassi

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This reads like a Hallmark "Special Moments" abortion splattering emo effluvia indiscriminately on any who could get past reading the first 3 'stanzas'.

Lets see if I can save the patient,..

jonwon said:
From
Sent: 11 July 2006 01:41
To: Kate Winsall
Subject: Lady of the cake
Lady of the cake? Who the ƒuck are you, Percival? I realize AFCs think chivalry isn't dead, and that women secretly want, and appreciate it. I have news for you, they're the ones who killed it and all you do is telegraph your beta-ness to the 1% of the female population who would actually understand what you're alluding to here. Relax King Arthur.




jonwon said:
Hello Kate,


It?s joe - we met at Andrew?s party.


I hope you don?t mind me getting your e-mail address from the e-mail
that Andy sent to us all; it is a bit sneaky of me.
Translation: It's me Joe, the chump who stared at you across the room for the better part of the night unable to muster even the rudimentary courage needed to make ask you out, so I'm using this Buffer called email to blunt the potential for real rejection that I was to petrified to risk at the party last Saturday.

Her: Note to self - Kill Andrew for not blind copying his group emails.

jonwon said:
It was wonderful to meet you on Saturday, and I wonder if you would consider meeting me for coffee sometime; maybe at the Tate Modern?
Translation: I use terms like 'wonderful' in order to telegraph my already overt interest in qualifying for your intimacy because I haven't even the basic understanding that women prefer covert communications. So I wouldn't want you to have any doubt about my intent, even though I copy/pasted your email from Andy's group send. Perhaps we can meet for coffee at Tate Modern so I can show you how sophisticated I am in my appreciation for fine art? Oh what the hell, I'll just show you now by writing you a sonnet,..


jonwon said:
OK. This is where my common sense is telling me to stop? keep it simple
and

positive joe.


And the probability of me listening to that voice? Experience has taught
me that it is not worth putting up a fight; I will end up giving in to
the part of me that never wants to find itself shaking its head and
muttering ?if only?'


This is the part where I throw caution to the wind; the part where I
listen

to my heart and remember that I should live my life as an exultation and
revel in the opportunity to try; the part where I refuse to apologize
for who I am; the part where I trust that the lady I met on Saturday
night is, as I suspect, able to see sincerity where others would see
clich .


I am fortunate enough to have been able to collect a number of special
memories. They are memories of moments that made any struggle leading up
to them worthwhile. They are memories of moments when I am struck by
something so beautiful, time stands still and all of the ugliness in the
world ceases to exist.


Your smile is the freshest of my special memories.
Her: What was your name again?


jonwon said:
Regardless of whether we see each other again, I will use it as I do my other special memories.
Masturbate?


jonwon said:
I will call on it when I am disheartened or low. I will hold it in my heart when I need inspiration. I will keep it with me for moments when I need to find a smile of my own.
Translation: I am so desperate for sex, and am such an omega male that the pedestal I'm putting you on was reserved for Christ the Messiah. Congratulations, you're my new religion, and only after having met you once at a party, it must be destiny


jonwon said:
I am unsure of all my motives for sharing this with you and, if I am honest, not ready to examine them too closely. However, I know that it makes me feel good to believe that maybe, if you are ever upset, knowing that I will be keeping your smile alive might help you through.
Translation: I would really like to get laid, but since I don't want you to think I'm like "other guys" who only want to ƒuck you I'll sweep that under the rug and desexualize myself to steer you away from that thought. Instead, contemplate how reliable, familiar and comforting I'll be (like a stuffed animal) as your potential boyfriend, again, so unique and unlike those "other guys" who just want to ƒuck you.


jonwon said:
If you are half as intelligent and aware as I believe you to be, I am
sure that you will find what I have written, in the very least, sweet.
Her: So essentially a woman half as intelligent would fill the same poetic role you've sickeningly cast me into after casually meeting me at Andy's party. I swear I'll kill that bastard.


jonwon said:
If I am twice as lucky as I would dare to hope, you will find this note charming and agree to contact me and arrange a date.
Translation: In case you are only half as intelligent and aware as I hope, let me explain for you how you're supposed to react to my quasi-marriage proposal - you should think I'm charming and shouldn't give me the rejection I never risked in person last Saturday.


jonwon said:
Either way, I trust that your reply will be candid - you told me how much you value honesty.
Translation: Lord, please, say yes. You said you liked art, poetry and appreciated honesty (like every other girl on Match.com) in a guy, haven't I identified and qualified myself with you for your approval?


jonwon said:
One last thing, I promise that it is enormously rare for me to stray as far from sobriety as I managed on Saturday night.
Translation: I swear I wont be an alcoholic when we're married.


jonwon said:
Translation: I'm safe

I'm sorry, we've done everything we could, this patient is terminal, call the deacon to read last rites.
Time of death,..
 

WaterTiger

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:eek: FREEEEEEEEEAK!:eek:

STALKER!!!!!!:wave:

REDFLAG!REDFLAG!REDFLAG!


RUN AWAY!!!!:woo: :woo:





FASTER!:woo:


This would be a very creepy thing to get from a guy I just met for a short while at a party. Please, guys...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD....DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!:nono: :nono: :nono:
 

jonwon

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MMmmm, why cant I send that email, it looks romantic and amazing, just what girls want, dont they?!

I'm in love with Kate Winsall.

In all honesty which idiot would post their name on this board never mind an email to some chick?!! - It's a 3 year old email (see the date) as linked from 02hero.

I think the email is great for all the wrong (or thought to be right) reasons.
 

Colossus

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I dont know what it is but Ive talked to a lot of girls lately who have gotten similarly creepy and stalkish correspondence from guys they just met. Nothing quite this epic....but I am amazed at how common this wretched chumpism is.
 
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