thought about starting new thread, but it fits here...
I caught myself acting AFC 2-3 weeks ago with a girl I have a very high IL with. She doesn’t have a lot of money (student) and she got very upset because a vehicle inspection at a reputable place revealed that the used car she just bought needs lots of work. She asked me to put together an email list of things wrong with the car and the order of importance. We were then supposed to go riding around the next day and she said she would email me her new number. I composed a long email and told her that I would help with her smooth out her cashflow and get the critical stuff taken care of (timing belt, etc.). She didn’t email me the number and she didn’t call me. She knew my weekend plan was to be with her.
Man I was frustrated. I sent her a couple of emails but she didn’t respond…all week. Grrrr. We had tentatively planned a movie last Monday, so that day I called. She said she couldn’t, but offered to get together Tuesday. Fine. Tuesday we hooked up and went over some business stuff. Then we went for a walk. I told her that when I didn’t hear from her, I figured she had enough of me. I said that she’s doing a good job of keeping me at arm’s length, but that I didn’t want to be there. I told her that I realized I was getting too close, acting like a BF in an LTR and I understood why she was pushing me a way. I said “I’m holding on too tight to our relationship, and it’s not fair if to you if you don’t want more. So, you have to bear with me while I figure out how to gracefully back off.” We chatted a bit more, then I called it a night. It was dark and I asked her to email me when she got home (about an hour away), so I know she arrived OK. She said she probably wouldn’t be online, and said to call her. I grinned and said “you never gave me your number”. She immediately searched for something to write with, wrote it down and gave it to me. I didn’t call her that evening but waited until Thursday.
Thursday I called during lunch and told her (voicemail) my week was filling up but if she wanted to get together for coffee after work I’d block out some time on Wednesday. We exchanged a small handful of business related emails Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. I never brought up this Wednesday. Her second e-mail this morning had a line in it…”Wednesday is fine if you still want to
”...(here smiley face)
So, I think this definitely falls under the Confident Persistence category, as well as recovering from some AFC behaviour. I let her know that I was acting a little AFC, and thought about distancing myself. It almost looks as if I’ve turned the AFC tables on her. I’ll know soon enough. I’ll be happy to entertain any critiques here as well. We’ve grown pretty close over the past 8 months. I’m not an emotional tampon. Most of our time spent together (once or twice a month 4-5 hours at a time) has been walking talking getting to know each other.
