To do or not to do.

weekender

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Hey, guys long time reader first time poster, for I finally ran into a unique (I'd like to believe so) problem which isn't dealt with on this awesome board.

Girlfriend of 2.5 years.
I am taking 3 courses in this summer (heavy course load), which prevents me from talking/seeing her that much. This has happened first time where she is taking the back seat, she tells me she feels neglected. And from this neglect, she tells me, I have driven her to speak to her friends about her problems.
Her friends include, 2 of her female friends and a guy friend.

The guy friend she met him like 6 months ago at some family party, after talking for some time, he openly asked for her number. She later told me "I hope he didn't take the wrong way". Meaning she hopes that he wouldn't think she's into him.

She has some embedded psychological issues to which I told her she should see a psychiatrist. She became upset stating I am just pushing her away so I don't have to listen to her.

She complains about me to her friends and especially the guy friend. They seemed to have gotten closer due to my neglect (her words).

Since talking to her wasn't getting through her head, I decided to write and send it through facebook, since she is on that often. When she wrote back to me a day later, she attacked my character and she said I was becoming like my father (I had confided in her about the father issue), and it was more or less a desire to break up. I said, I was tired of this and that it was over also.

She sent me goodbye message, to which I also sent a goodbye message. She later wrote back "I miss you". I called her and told her she can't keep doing this. She sent me a text later in the day saying "are you sure you want to do this?" I called her back a couple hours later and said, there was a chance we can get back together, if she could understand I am the man of the house (my own family and not me and her) and that I needed to prioritize my education before her.

She started crying and told me "i am technically seeing someone". To which, I said, is it that guy (guy she met at the family party who "I drove her to")?
She said yes, and that they saw each other twice once he came to her school and the other time they went out on a date, watched a movie and made out :cuss: She said we were broken up she didn't think we'd ever get back and he was there for her listened to her at all times, while she cried over me. At that time I wanted to get back with her just to screw her over, I told her I too was seeing someone too. I told her to break up with him and I would break up with the person I am "seeing" and we would be ok. She said ok and hung up. 5 minutes later I called her back and stated "don't do it, I don't want you back, I don't trust you any more" to which she replied "I will spend the rest of my trying to build the trust I have lost" she went on "I will do any thing to get back together".

So I did.

I told her she can't talk to any guys she meets on facebook, outside on the phone any more. Since I don't trust her any more. She agreed.
There were some other rules also, to which she agreed.
That's the background story. Now we are back together but she making out with another guy as soon as we were broken up, literally 4 days later, bothers me.

Now I ask you guys, should I just tell her, it's over and move on? By taking her back has the power in the relationship shifted too much in her favor? Or do you think taking her back was a big mistake in the first place?

Please, I need your input. Thanks for reading this long ass read.
 

Chromeo

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Ok first of all making out is no big deal. She was just using this guy as a shoulder to cry on and girls make out when they feel emotional.

shouldnt really have a trust issue for just that, you guys did break up, she wasnt making out with him while you were together, just after you guys broke up and she was crying about it.

I think you are still in a good power frame here. You told her you have responsibilities and shes willing to work for you.

now if you broke up with her for making out with a guy, then took her back, thats a power shift.
 

Tiguere

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This relationship has ran its course. Practically she branch swung. Grass is greener syndrome etc . You showed her its ok to leave and come back as she pleases. It won't be long before she meets another dude and fvck you over again. I was there in your shoes 2 years ago. Eject now. I would advice to use her as fvck buddy but you are emotionally attached.
 

weekender

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Tiguere said:
This relationship has ran its course. Practically she branch swung. Grass is greener syndrome etc . You showed her its ok to leave and come back as she pleases. It won't be long before she meets another dude and fvck you over again. I was there in your shoes 2 years ago. Eject now. I would advice to use her as fvck buddy but you are emotionally attached.

Mate, I told her getting back together wasn't such a good idea. She was absolutely adamant about getting back together. She told me, she would do anything to get back.

And I am planning on spinning plates.

Appreciate the reply.
 

Kailex

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weekender said:
She has some embedded psychological issues to which I told her she should see a psychiatrist.
Should have stopped reading there.
Already you know this girl is going to be terrible to deal with.

She complains about me to her friends and especially the guy friend. They seemed to have gotten closer due to my neglect (her words).
She TOLD you that she was getting closer to him because you had SCHOOLWORK to take care of???

Huge red flag right there.
What happens in the future when you are busy working and trying to support her (assuming you'd want to get married to the certified lunatic) and your family? Will she feel neglected again and want to run off with another guy to "talk to"?

5 minutes later I called her back and stated "don't do it, I don't want you back, I don't trust you any more" to which she replied "I will spend the rest of my trying to build the trust I have lost" she went on "I will do any thing to get back together".
Eject.
You laid down the law and said you weren't going to trust her anymore.

This WILL happen again, eventually. She WILL feel neglected and now she feels validated that no matter what, you WILL go back on your word to be back with her. She said she'd do anything to get back together because the branch she swung to... probably was a terrible and weak branch and she wants the security again of being with her LTR.

Guess what... you gave her that security.

Essentially, she admitted to making out with her "friend".
Will you trust her once she gets another male "friend"?

Now we are back together but she making out with another guy as soon as we were broken up, literally 4 days later, bothers me.
Your gut is telling you something.
That you KNOW OF... it's 4 days... it could have been sooner. Maybe she wasn't admitting to something ELSE.

Now I ask you guys, should I just tell her, it's over and move on?
You know the answer to this question already. YES.

By taking her back has the power in the relationship shifted too much in her favor? Or do you think taking her back was a big mistake in the first place?
Yes. And yes.

By taking her back, you went back on your decision of "never trusting her again". Trust me, right now she feels very comfortable and will TRY to make it up to you... 2, 3 months down the line, this WILL happen again.

Yes, it was a big mistake.

The relationship is done already.

If she can't respect the fact that you are trying to build a future for yourself and will immediately flock to another guy... then she is definitely not worth it.

Low quality girl.
You will spend more effort trying to rebuild and put together this relationship than it would take to concentrate on your studies and eventually work on new and better relationships. She screwed up. Getting back with her is your way of saying: Hey, it's okay to screw up like that.

And we both know, it's NOT ok.
 

weekender

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Kailex, I was hoping you would write. We broke up. All I am saying is I will never run into this kind of situation ever again. Pook will be the ground I walk on, this thread will be my vision, and Anti-Dump will be the sky I often stare at.

Yes, kind of feeling crappy right now.

Again, thanks to all the people who replied.
 

zekko

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When she wrote back to me a day later, she attacked my character and she said I was becoming like my father (I had confided in her about the father issue), and it was more or less a desire to break up.
Most likely she engineered the breakup so she could make out with this guy without guilt.

It's funny how this guy served as her "emotional tampon" but was able to get a makeout session out of it. Don't they tell you on SoSuave listening to a girl's boyfriend problems only lands you in the friendzone?

You'd probably be better off staying out of a LTR while you are in school, sounds like you are too busy to deal with both. On the other hand, spinning plates takes time and energy also, it might be more convenient to have a girlfriend.

Don't be too jaded by your experience. Like Kailex said, she was a low quality woman. Learn from this how to recognize higher quality women in the future.
 

Brighty

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zekko said:
Most likely she engineered the breakup so she could make out with this guy without guilt.

It's funny how this guy served as her "emotional tampon" but was able to get a makeout session out of it. Don't they tell you on SoSuave listening to a girl's boyfriend problems only lands you in the friendzone?
I feel like with a psychologically depraved girl, this is rule doesn't always apply. He sounds more of a rebound than anything, and he only made out with her, despite being an "emotional tampon".

Anyway man, you know what has to be done. You know this girl isn't right for you, it's going to suck depriving yourself of her because you've been together for so long but you're going to have to do it because you deserve a hotter, better quality girl. Plus you're young, what are you doing with a 2.5 year relationship anyway? It's run its course and its over now, time to just let it go.
 

weekender

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Hey guys me again. A month since my break up, I have a growing circle of friends, I have started an organization to help the poor with my friends. Ran into a bit of a dilemma which I need some help with. My ex, is still calling my house with private numbers she doesn't talk when someone picks up the phone, she called my cell phone this time without blocking the number, I didn't pick up and haven't called her back and plan on not contacting her ever.

She knows my close friends and some of them are still in contact with her, she is now making up stories to hurt my relationship with my friend. She actually went and asked the aunt of my friend about some family issue my friend was having (which I told her but not so much in details because we were together at the time and I thought I could trust her). The aunt didn't know anything, thus, asked my friend's mother, she simply said "she didn't know anything about this matter". My friend told me about it, he happens to be a very good friend of mine and I think this chick may use other tactics to get back at me for whatever reason.

As I have said she's the one who broke up and she is seeing someone else. I am trying to figure out why she is doing what she is doing and any idea as to what I can do about this, do I just continue to ignore this? Thanks.
 

2crudedudes

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weekender said:
I am trying to figure out why she is doing what she is doing and any idea as to what I can do about this, do I just continue to ignore this? Thanks.
Why do you feel like you have to ask? I don't see where the confusion is. Do you continue to ignore? Of course!

As opposed to what, try to mend things? The chick is a loon, and the times she was "getting close" to that other guy equate to cheating, more or less.

Consider this:

A woman is more likely to forgive a man for physically cheating than for emotional cheating. With this in mind, during your heavy school workload she cheated on you emotionally (the "getting closer" part), so she's already carrying out the worse of the two (in the eyes of a woman).

Talk to your buddy and explain things. At this point, your relationship with your friend means a hell of a lot more than this b1tch. And she's gonna keep pushing this because that other guy was just a rebound, and wants you back.

You cannot benefit from any contact with her whatsoever.
 
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