To confront her or not too...

[Mr_Pink]

Well, here's the problem...

At the beginning of the month, I went out with this girl. Real casual date, but I think it went really good. At the end, I asked her if she wanted to do something again, and she said that she would let me know when she was free. The week after, she had classes at a college that she had to go to. Same story the next week. So, I got a hold of her and asked her if she wanted to do something this week. She said she was going to be out of town for her sisters wedding, which she told me about before hand.

So now it's three weeks after the date, and she's back. She's been online at least twice since she's gotten back. And tonite I IM her. No response. After about a half an hour I get sick of this, so I have a friend of mine IM her. He does. She responds. And she's done things like this before. I IM her, no response. Or I IM her and she signs right off.

So, now I know that she's been ignoring me, so what should I do. I think I at least deserve an explanation from her. So, what's the DJ way to handle this??

Oh, and I do plan on first thing tomarrow calling up another lady friend and going out with her. Enough with this b*tch, time to move on...

 

[willysquared]

you're embarassing yourself by still trying to get with her after she clearly avoided you for 3 weeks in a row, and then again on AIM, there is NOTHING else i would do other than........

NEXT!

 

[killerasp]

Well. dont NEXT her just yet.

Try to set something up casually. The next time you are going out, call her up and ask if she wants to tag along. You cant really tell much from one date. But dont wait around for this one girl when you can go out and get many more dates from other girls.

 

[Starman]

"At the end, I asked her if she wanted to do something again, and she said that she would let me know when she was free" (STRIKE ONE)

"I got a hold of her and asked her if she wanted to do something this week. She said she was going to be out of town (STRIKE TWO)

"And tonite I IM her. No response." STRIKE 3


She's OUT!!!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Bro the DJ way of handling this is to NEXT HER!! Trust me bro, when a girl is interested she will find a way to make time for you. WTF is up with college excuse?? Does she have class for 24hr straight M-F?? NO!! She's blowing smoke up you butt. Even if she was incredibly busy, then you should always lay back and put the ball in her court. You called tried to get together and she did not accept it. If she was interested she would have suggested an alternative night or date. Don't waste your time on silly byatches who aren't interested. Its time that I teach you the baseball rule!!

3 strikes your out!!! Basically if your interested in a girl and she fuks up 3 times, she's CUT!! 3 mess ups could be rejecting a date, being rude or canceling. A true DJ always knows when to cut off communication. Remember not all girls are going to like you, that's why you have to talk to as many girls as possible to increase your success chances.

 

[Mr_Pink]

Here's what I'm talking about. This is straight from an email from her:

like i said before my
summer is now
basically over... but after the wedding and most (almost) everything is
settled down we shall talk...

So, she says something like that, which would infer that she wants to get together again, but then goes and ignores half of the attempts I make to talk to her. So, I'm jus sick of her head games or whatever the hell she's doing. I don't need them. But... what would you all do??

 

[Starman]

If Im not really into her..NEXT!! but if I had some feelings for her..the AFC in me would give her another chance

the AIM thing was a total diss..and insight you normally wouldnt have on her IL

dump her

 

[Tano]

Seriously, get the hint. Not to be rude but if she had any interest in you she would of called within the week or suggested a time another time to meet.

If you were interested in her but were very busy wouldnt you make time to meet her or atleast act enthusiastic and suggest another time?

Follow this advice: You give the chick one chance (not 3) and if she flakes on you or dosnt return your phonecalls then you NEXT her. This method lets you keep your integrity and pride. Adopt a zero tolerance policy unless there is a really good reason that she cant see you. If her excuse is valid then tell her she owes you dinner to make up for it.

If you keep taking her **** and chasing after her then you are heading in the wrong direction.

The only tip i can give you is be more affirmative next time you organise another meeting (with a different chick) and tell her the time and place where you want to meet. If she says no and does'nt suggest a counter offer or a different time/place then she is not interested.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by Mr_Pink
...I think I at least deserve an explanation from her...

She doesn't owe you a fvcking thing.

AFC's (resentful ones, certainly) play by social rules that the rest of the real world doesn't play by--and never has. I think this is why, to "ramp up" to the rest of the world, they often go through a period of anger or pay back which is them acting like a jerk. Or they'll try to toughen themselves up and accept (resentfully) the cruelty of the world.

That's one way of doing it.

Mostly, though, they come to recognize how the world does work and can accept that they have the means of dealing with it, too.

What they missed, IMO, are all the unspoken social realities and means of communicating "subtext" of this social reality--this is how people and animals communicate. Women expect you to pick up on this "subtext" (I hate getting abstract here when concrete examples are probably best...) without the need to have everything clearly and specifically spelled out for you like a 3 year old. Failure to pick up on the subtext means you have failed a test of hers (a test everyone uses--men and women) and are not worthy.

Ok--use your own examples of her evading you and politely blowing you off without socially insulting you. The subtext is that she isn't interested and she expects you to get the hint and move on. A social retard will continue pursuing her because he doesn't get it. A social moron may or may not get it and but will then confront her as if she owed him something--when she doesn't owe you anything (least of all in buying you a clue.)

What you want is to pick up on the subtext (she's interested, she's not interested) quite quickly and make the appropriate ACTION: pursue her or move on.

That's all she expects: make a move or move on, depending on you picking up on the subtext.

She certainly doesn't expect you to make things difficult by being inappropriate (and she will make you pay for being inappropriate--she will talk about this with ALL her acquaintances about you and what you did---try and get a date in that environment!)

The "picking up on the subtext" I think is a test--ultimately--to see if you have good enough genetic material to be the father of her children. Either you are damaged goods and can't pick up on the subtext (ie, get a clue) or you can, showing that you have social ability, intelligence, discretion, display higher value, etc.

So, what's the DJ way to handle this??

Handled by others above...next, of course.

 

[Jay26]

She ain't interested dude, just read between the lines, and no you don't deserve an explanation at all.

Just move on, this ain't going anywhere anytime soon.

 

[dionysius_d]

Willy is right.. Why degrade yourself any further?

 

[Phrozen]

In the future, don't ask if she wants to do stuff or if she wants to meet again. Act as if you know she already wants to do something with you, when you actually have something to do call her and tell her you are going to do X at Y time and that she is welcome to join you.

When you phrase your invitation in a question it is much easier to answer no as it puts her in complete control.

 

[stormwriter]

Mr_Pink,

Remember, don't make plans for another date while you are still on a date.

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by Mr_Pink
Here's what I'm talking about. This is straight from an email from her:

like i said before my
summer is now
basically over... but after the wedding and most (almost) everything is
settled down we shall talk...

So, she says something like that, which would infer that she wants to get together again, but then goes and ignores half of the attempts I make to talk to her. So, I'm jus sick of her head games or whatever the hell she's doing. I don't need them. But... what would you all do??

Here's why we always stress actions over words. Don't worry about a conflict between words and actions. Actions always speak the truth, and girls never tell you straight out what they're thinking. Knowing this stops you from making the kind of mistake you're trying to make. You want to ignore weeks of flakiness, her deliberately avoiding you, and general disrespect, on the basis of a few ambiguous words she wrote in an email. "when everything is settled down, we shall talk." I don't even need a ******** translator to know that doesn't equal "I want to jump your bones". Don't confront her. Save what's left of your dignity, and never contact her again. If she wants to go out, she can call and ask you.