To call, or not to call?

[Bunkins]

Hey guys, been checkin this place out for a few yrs now.. Lots of good info.... Alot of stuff has came up, that I'm not quite sure how to deal with, didnt see anything really relating to this exact situation, so I figured there's no harm in just asking.....


There's this chick I've been interested in for several months now, but she had been seeing someone.... She told me upfront when I first met her that if she wasnt seeing the guy she was at the time, that she wouldnt think twice about going out with me.... So I just stayed back and played it cool, called her up everyonce in a while to see what was going on and what not, just to let her know that I was still around basicly...... Well she dumped the guy a few weeks ago, and a friend of mine that works with her told me she had been asking about me again, wanting to know if I was seeing someone, still interested and all that.....

So I called her up Tuesday ( probably 4-5 days after I was told she was asking about me ), we were supposed to go out Wednesday night, but not 5 mins before I called she got called into work...... She didnt think she would be there long, and told me she would call me back if it wasnt to late..... Well, it's Sunday and I havnt heard anything back..... Should I call her back? Or wait for her to call me back?? She works 2 jobs, plus goes to school full time...... So it's not going to easy to pin her down, plus I have a very busy schedual myself, always working, or something going on....... I've just been kinda staying back a little, not only because she just broke up with this other guy, but for reasons of my own..

I've read alot of stuff, but putting it into action is something I've never done.. So I might as well be a newbie, cuz I dont know WTF to do LOL..... She's cool though, I really like her.... She's one of those that if I dont find out what happens, it will be something I'll regret later on, I've got enough regret, dont need anymore... I just have a habit of screwing things up, trying to do this one right.... I know I can get a hold of her tonight to talk, maybe get another chance at going out on a date, just dont know if I should be the one to call.... Thanks guys

 

[tristan22]

From experience i have learned that:

"the girls who are truely interested in you will make it undoubtedly easy to see them, meet them, and go out with them regardless of what's going on in their life."

"the ones who aren't interested, play games"

Ask yourself this question:

If a gorgeous hot bangin chic calls you up and asks you to go out, what is your answer going to be?

 

[Bunkins]

I think I gotcha..... But to clear it up, see if she calls?


She actually did make it pretty easy to see her, but it just didnt go to plan, nothing she could have done about it..... I never was to clear at first when I asked what she was doing on a certain day, that I wanted to take her out.... My fault there, I have a shy side to me I'm trying get past, but she caught on quick, once she figured out what I was trying to ask her, one of the days she said she had alot of stuff going on ( which was Wednesday ), she said she'd just try to get everything done by the time I got off work.... And she did..... I know the interest is there, but by seeing if she calls me back does that show that I'm not interested?? Or should I give it another shot, to show that I'm really interested? Then if nothing happens there, just go on with what I was doing before and forget about it?? Put the ball in her court, if she calls she calls, if she doesnt she doesnt... I just dont want to come across as being needy, which I'm not.... I'd like to see this go somewhere, but just not sure how to go about it all.....

 

[Fu Fu]

Don't call, let her call you

Tristan is right. I think this this chic has very low interest level. The ultimate test of her interest was the date, and she failed miserably by not counteroffering. It was evident that she chose another guy to date over you in the beginning. Think about it, "She wouldn't think twice about going out with you", yet still dated the other guy. That's ******** for "I'm not interested in you enough to go out with you". If she was interested she would have been over you like stink on $hit when she did break up with the other chump, but she's obviously not. This may be tough, but my advice is to not call her and try to forget about her. You've done more than enough to let her know your interested, so if she really wants to go out with you she will definitely let you know.

 

[Bunkins]

Thats what I'll do, just go on about my business and forget about it....... I've done it several times before, this one aint no different...... Kinda tough, but I've been played to many times to let it happen again.... Anyways, thanks

 

[Satan Psycho]

I've never known a chick to call after that long. She may be testing you in which case you must pass. I say give her a call, be understanding but firm (Be the man). Tell her you'll give her another chance and give her choices that fit you're schedule. If she says she can't make it on those dates tell her that's too bad and you'll call her again some other time. Not these exact words of coarse. Don't seem like you're mad either.

She obviously knows you're interested because you called to ask her out in the first place. If you don't call her again she will assume that you are either weak or pouting or playing games.

 

[Bunkins]

That makes sence too...... I just kinda of wonder about the whole thing about her ex.... She saw the guy for somewhere around a yr... I had called her 3 times in the 3? months I've known her... The last time I called her before all this while she was still seeing him, she was all excited that I called, talkin up a storm.... Probably a week and a half later she dumped the guy... A few weeks later all this comes up.. I've been thinking about all the stuff she has told me, and it could go 50/50.... She might be sincere, she did tell me she has a bad habit of not calling people back.. But that could be just an excuse not to call me back... Or she is testing me to find out if I call her back, and how soon I do it.... Trying to find out how interested I really am...... I dont like the idea of playing games, and I dont play them... But maybe it's worth finding out whats she's doing?? I dont have much experience in this stuff, from my past I've just always just kinda stayed away from it best I could.....

I think I will just call her, maybe something came up? Who knows, maybe I'm just stupid? LMAO. Just kinda of hard when this is the first person you've really been interested in, in 4 yrs.... Some more opinions on this would be great.....

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

This girl is interested in you - this is obvious - but do not call her until she initiates contact first!!! You made your intentions known, no need to do it again!! You'll look desperate if you do call her!!

Don't beg!

 

[Legend]

This girl is interested in you - this is obvious - but do not call her until she initiates contact first!!! You made your intentions known, no need to do it again!! You'll look desperate if you do call her!!

Hit the nail on the head

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Bunkins
She told me upfront when I first met her that if she wasnt seeing the guy she was at the time, that she wouldnt think twice about going out with me....



So I called her up Tuesday ( probably 4-5 days after I was told she was asking about me ), we were supposed to go out Wednesday night, but not 5 mins before I called she got called into work......

No counter-offer? Seems a little too convenient. At any rate I wouldn't wait around, but yes, if you STILL think there's interest here, then you should call this girl. Not right away...like you said, you're too busy for that.

Set another date, if she cancels again, without any kind of counter-offer, then drop her. "I'll call if I get out later" is BS. I hope you weren't sitting by the phone. At that point, you should've just rescheduled. Set up another date and time right there on the spot, or say you wanted to reschedule and needed to check YOUR schedule.

SHE should have to compete for YOUR time as much as you for hers.

 

[Bunkins]

So I'll just see if she trys to contact me, if not just forget about it. I will see her again either way, since she works with a friend of mine at a restaurant I like to go to time to time, it's a given. But it will be a while till I go back just because of this, dont want to look like I'm going just because of her...... Do I need to wait until she contacts me personally?? What if she trys to contact me in other ways? Lets say through another person?? Does that count?? I cant put my finger on it, but I thinks she's a little intimidated, not to sure of herself or something... She's had trouble from the start talking to me face to face I guess you could say, always seems to be a middle man somewhere. I do tend to do that to people.... Alot of mixed signals I'm not used to dealing with. The only thing not mixed is my interest in her, and her interest in me... Maybe I'm thinking to much into it or somethin....... So I'll just quit thinkin about it, and see what happens..... Always been one of my weak spots, sitting around waiting for something to happen, without getting involved. Always been the type to do my part, and do what it takes to get the other jobs done, relates to my work life, and personal life. Drives me nuts sitting back watching and not getting involved.. Guess here's my chance to work on that huh?? I've done better this time than every time before though, if it wasnt for you guys I probably would have already called, putting me right back to the things I've always done before....



Naa, I wasnt sittin by the phone waiting for her to call, I havnt since then either.... She has my cell phone number, and I have to keep the phone on me at all times.... She said she had to go to work, so I went on about my business getting things done that needed to be done...... And I've done that every day since, to much going on to stop it all waiting for something to happen that probably wont.....

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

If she's the timid type, then give her call next sunday (after the weekend and try to set something up - maybe she's scared, who knows.

She did say she'll call you IF she gets off early, so this is 'conditional' - meaning she didn't get off early so she didn't call you! So she may have held onto her word and is waiting for you to iniitiate.

If she is the timid type, then you would have to follow up after a few days.

 

[Bunkins]

Grrr, alright, so I've changed my mind a bunch of times... Just lots of little details that dont come up until I think about them a little...... See, I need alot more practice with this stuff, I need to be quicker and peice the info together faster. Be more aware, pay attension to what she says and think about it right there and then, not after... I guess I might as well find out, whats it going to hurt? Thanks for all the help with this guys, and bearing along with me..... All the responces has made me think, got me off that one track mind. Learning what area's I need to work on.. So after my last post, and PR-Lover's reply, I'm going to call her, dont know when but I'm just going to do it, once things slow down a little. Screw it right? Atleast I'll know for sure either way instead of pondering on it driving myself nuts....

Atleast I'm feeling confident about calling.... When before I wasnt quite sure, dont want that doubt to show through in my voice or the things I say.. I was confident when all this started, but all this has thrown me for a loop.. Win win, I guess, I'll learn somethin either way..... We'll see, I'll update this post to tell what happens, for those who are interested..... Thanks guys

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Bonkers,

When you call her, say "So you couldn't get off of work early last whateverday, they kept ypu busy hey?" Assume she was busy and couldn't call you, this would be a good transition to your convo.