To Break Up or Not to Break Up?!?!?! Help!

[Dr.T]

I have been dating this girl Amy for the past 4 months. Things started off great, we had a lot of fun together, enjoyed great conversations, and hung out with mutual friends. However, Amy began to drink alcohol for the very first time in the begining of our relationship. I myself am not very into it, but I have no problem being with a girl that does, normally. Amy quickly developed a serious drinking problem. She drinks pretty much every other day atleast, and is severely drunk atleast 3 times a week. She has now began to drink ALONE. When she is drunk, she becomes an unattractive mess, to say the least. She hangs on other guys, and seems to forget about me. Yes, this angered me, but I just kept brushing it off as the alcohol actng out not her. I have had to drive to her house in the middle of the night, to check on her, after she has left me drunkin voicemails on my cell.

How much of this can one person stand for? I am having a difficult time dumping her because I will feel extreme guilty for leaving her with this problem she clearly cant control or solve on her own. I have offered to help, suggested by to stop, but she doesnt want to. What to do? Please fellow DJ's help!!

 

[Healer]

Dump this HO immediately and move on.


You dont need to deal with an alchoholic person in your life right now.

**** her one last time really hard, scream "WHOS YOUR DADDY!" in her face then cvm on her wherever you want. Then get up, and get out. Trust me, its very liberating.

or you could just give her a phonenumber for AA and tell her your leaving.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Don't quit her until you hit her in the shi-tter.

Good Luck!

 

[Healer]

Damn thats good advice!

heres another.

Pump-her in the Dumper and then Flunk-Her.

 

[Royal-tiger]

Leave, my friend!

This is a classic case reflecting onset of early alcoholism. Whatever you can do, I believe you are doing but the initiative and drive have to come from Amy. It is too early; hence, with an effective intervention she will come out of it.

Please have her seek counseling before it is too late.

Since you have been with her for only 4 months it is too much of a sacrifice to go through alcohol-related turbulence. Be there as a supportive friend but leave the relationship with this girl. Believe me unless she seeks help herself you are in for a very bumpy ride involving drama, lies and ultimately, deception. You probably will end up co-dependent (in the name of loving her).

Loving certain attributes of Amy is one thing but overlooking her flaws is ignorance and suicide.

 

[Dr.T]

More Problems

There are some minor problems in dumping her. For one, we work together; I will run into her practically everyday. Also, we have the same circle of friends. We will most likely be at the same parties, hangouts, clubs etc with the same people, often. This could be very awkward. I cant use my ususally techniquie of, just stop calling/answering her calls until she takes the hint.

What to do??

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

You're making this more complicated than it has to be, T.

You will break up with her sooner or later, it's practically a given. You obviously don't need or want the drama and insanity of her alcoholism in your life, and you're going to reach a breaking point eventually. You might as well end it now, while you still have shreds of dignity left.

Avoiding her calls and hoping she gets the hint, however, is the coward's way out whether you work with her or not. TELL HER that her alcoholism is unacceptable to you and as a result you're ending the relationship. TELL HER that she needs to get help for HER alcohol problem, and LET HER KNOW that it isn't YOUR problem anymore.

Would you rather be awkward at work, or on a one-way trip to nowhere with this chick?

 

[laydee1]

Tell her straight that it is affecting the way you feel about her and it is a make or break thing. She has to know you're serious or you just become part of the problem - that is, you are supporting her "drinking" behaviour - teaching her that her drinking gets her attention!

Suggest you will help support her or that she gets professional help

It sounds like she may be "in denial" in which case, she won't want help and won't want to listen to you suggesting anything is wrong anyway - i.e. she will probably dump you first.

If you can be supportive and if she WILL get help or try to stop on her own, there's a chance and it will be ok!

Also....find her an interest that doesn't revolve around drinking!!

 

[tomyv]

dump

Just dump her.

 

[Reto]

Man....Give her an ultimatum. You or the booze. She isn't bad yet... But she's on her way...


My current girl has a BAD problem. We have broken up several times because of it...How bad? On her last (3rd) DUI, she lost her Driver's Lic for a year and spent 30 days in Jail... (Imagine this very pretty petite cheerleader type white girl locked down with convicted felons. Out of 100 on her cell block, there were 8 white girls. The rest black and hispanic. Not being racist. Just a fact. Very scary for a girl, or even a guy with no other record. She actually got into one fight and got a black eye).

Since she got out, she has binged twice. I'm not talking 2 days drinking. I'm talking 20+ days drinking. Coming off alcohol after your body gets use to it for so long is not pretty. You pretty much need medical attention. It's called detox. You're in for a few days and they give you drugs to keep you from having seizures, anxiety attacks and to generally cope.

Your girl definitely has an addictive personallity. (GOD, keep her away from drugs!). She just cannot drink.

Why do I stay with my girl? I don't know...Sometimes I think I can help her. If I left her, I'd feel like I'm abandoning her...But, I'm carzy about her and for some reason I'm willing to put up with her sh!t... I gave her an ultimatum last time. She hasn't had a drop since last detox...She realizes alochol has screwed up her life...

Rent when a Man Love a Woman. This guy's wife has a serious drinking prblem... Reality is a lot worse than the movie...

 

[Dr.T]

Thanks.

Firstly, I would just like to sincerly thank all you felllow DJ's for the help I have received here.

I now realize that I this relationship must end, and must end quickly. I have good DJ skills, and normally wouldnt have such a problem leaving a girl. However, she was such a dream come true in the beginning, and I kinda fell for her.

Im going to let her know that her drinking has changed my feelings toward her and that our relationship as bf/gf is over, but I will be willing to help her as ONLY a friend. I think this covers all the bases, and keeps the guilty and hard feelings away.

Thanks, everyone once again.