To approach or to fake disinterest

[Pandora]

This is one of the few things i am ambivalent about. I cold approach women frequently with pretty decent results. Ill probably get a number from about 70% but actually end up going on dates/hooking up with maybe 20% of them. My theory is to always approach confidently and you should be somewhat successful.
What is interesting is that i know alot of guys who swear that one must maintain an aloof attitude and never approach a female first. They fake total disinterest in the female, especially in social settings where they can repeatedly come into contact with the chick (classrooms, workplace). In social circles when we go out with chicks a friend of mine doesnt say a word to the girls and has this "too cool for school" attitude. I didn't believe this worked until i actually saw it with my own eyes. Some females will actually attempt to get his attention or come up to me and ask me about him. He swears that in classrooms this works like a charm and has gotten him laid many times. He claims the mere act of approaching a chick shows that u are demonstrating lower value now matter how confidently you approach. He states the mere fact of approaching puts you in a position of seeking approval from her. His theory is act like you get chicks like her all the time. He plays on their insecurities and has them thinking" maybe this guy does'nt notice me like the other guys cuz be get top shelf chicks all the time and im not that hot". BTW this guy is average looking at best. Is this just another way to skin a cat???...what do yall think?

 

[jophil28]

Is this just another way to skin a cat???...what do yall think?

Yes.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

I could see this happening if the guy had an established rep. in the school, but In my experience when you ignore chicks they ignore you right back.

 

[mrRuckus]

Eh. If this were a bonanza shy guys would be rolling with chicks.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

He claims the mere act of approaching a chick shows that u are demonstrating lower value now matter how confidently you approach.

that's only true if you actually are seeking something with/from each girl. If you are actually qualifying, and not just faking it (e.g. you actually disqualify a large number of girls you approach, and despite extreme comfort, you purposely don't ask for a phone number) then it can be very powerful.


If you have a solid set of criteria, and hold to it through each interaction, you'd get a lot of girls wetting their pants over you.

As far as your buddy goes, what he is doing can be extremely difficult, and requires a lot of self control and self confidence.

(btw shy guys don't ignore girls. They just don't approach. There's a HUGE difference.)

If you don't believe me, go out to the and specifically try to ignore every girl you sense withing fifty meters. It's very difficult not to at least notice the girls around. Pay attention only to what you are planning on buying as you walk around the bar, look straight, and don't turn your head once to gawk.

This can be difficult, but when you train yourself to only notice girls out of your peripheral vision, and not turn your head AT ALL it sends a very powerful message.

Yet another way to make their panties wet.

As you said, many ways to skin a cat.

 

[Tazman]

I actually use this to gauge interest level. I don't completely ignore them, but I'll let them see me check them out real good, then I'll stop and act like they don't really exist. 90% of the time I get a good reaction, as I can literally see them trying to get my attention, then I make an effort to approach. Of course, I do this to women I believe I can get, but sometimes I surprise myself with women who I didn't intend to respond.

It works especially well with women who get a lot of attention from guys. However, keep in mind that they have to have placed some sort of value on you in order to care in the first place. If you hang out with them through mutual friends it gives you an opportunity to give yourself some exposure, but if you don't know them or see them very infrequently they have to be attracted to the way you look because they simply don't know you. They need a reason to want to get to know you.

 

[Pandora]

This can be difficult, but when you train yourself to only notice girls out of your peripheral vision, and not turn your head AT ALL it sends a very powerful message.

I think you are on to something. Have u guys ever noticed that the days that you could care less about female attention, these are the days that you get the most. For instance when you have a girlfriend it seems like all the ladies you meet throw it at you. Most guys are unaware of how much they telegraph desperation by their body language. We are not nearly as discrete as we think we are especially at bars when were checking out girls. We think we are slick but most chicks can tell if ur checkin them out. Hell most chicks can probably sense sexual frustration just by body language. Especially at bars where most guys have an nervous anxiety( afraid they will get rejected or wont get laid) about them. Chicks pick up on very subtle cues in body language like you wouldn't believe. I've actually tried this recently and it works on a superficial level. Will it increase attraction from a girl that had no interest in you at all..probably not. But will it atleast temporarily increase their interest,...i think so. And you are correct my buddy says it takes crazy amounts of discipline to not take that extra glance, or not to say a word and try to be the center of attention in conversations. When were at a table wit chicks and all the other guys are trying too hard to be funny and interesting, the guy literally sits there during group convos with a bored look on his face like "im above this" and doesn't say a word. Interesting stuff, thanks for the insights guys

 

[Pandora]

btw im new to this forum, how do you erase a post? thanks

 

[edger]

In my experience, roughly 90% of the time, ignoring and acting like you're not phased by them, doesn't work. It's important to realize, that women are always one step ahead of you in this insane mating game. Lots of guys think that they're the ones who are one step ahead of the women, but they're only kidding themselves. She knows every guys tricks. She knows why he's ignoring and acting unphased by her. She knows the deal. That's why when you try and act unphased by them, it doesn't work most of the time. They know what you're doing. Women aren't stupid.

 

[slaog]

It always comes down to your mindset. Have a high value mindset and that will shine through no matter what way you go about things.

 

[Tazman]

In my experience, roughly 90% of the time, ignoring and acting like you're not phased by them, doesn't work. It's important to realize, that women are always one step ahead of you in this insane mating game. Lots of guys think that they're the ones who are one step ahead of the women, but they're only kidding themselves. She knows every guys tricks. She knows why he's ignoring and acting unphased by her. She knows the deal. That's why when you try and act unphased by them, it doesn't work most of the time. They know what you're doing. Women aren't stupid.

This seems counter intuitive. In fact, I've had the complete opposite experience. Women are not always one step ahead of you, not if you're aware of the things they expect from typical guys. If a woman knows you're purposely ignoring her you aren't doing it right and it's obvious. Mimicking the behavior of men who have "options" works like a charm, hopefully for the guys looking for advice those behaviors eventually become natural (because you have options) rather than scripted.

 

[edger]

This seems counter intuitive. In fact, I've had the complete opposite experience. Women are not always one step ahead of you, not if you're aware of the things they expect from typical guys. If a woman knows you're purposely ignoring her you aren't doing it right and it's obvious. Mimicking the behavior of men who have "options" works like a charm, hopefully for the guys looking for advice those behaviors eventually become natural (because you have options) rather than scripted.

What to you is purposely ignoring a woman? I just want to get your take on it to see if we're on the same page here. My take of when a guy is purposely ignoring a woman, is when he makes every effort NOT to make eye contact. I mean, when people are in a bar or club, they've got to at some point look at each other, especially if the chick is dancing right in front of you. But if you have your head turned the other way the whole time, or you're facing her as she's dancing in front of you, but your eyes are diverted in the other direction, then yeah, it becomes obvious you're trying to ignore her. See, I'll employ this tactic, but I make sure I'm not doing it the entire time, only once in a while letting her see me look at her. And when she does see me look at her, I look at her as if she's just another ordinary avg./below avg. plain Jane out there, without any "wow" in my eyes and facial expression. But like I said, it still does sh*t for me most of the time.

 

[Tazman]

Ahh ok, no I don't mean to completely ignore them or turn your head away. I always make sure they see me checking them out, I maintain eye contact until they look away, but after that I don't do it again the same way. Basically, I let them know I'm looking at them and gauge their behavior afterward by acting like they're nothing special and my attention is elsewhere.

Without fail, the ones who want your attention will find a way to position themselves close to you in some way. That's when you go for the kill. I only do it this way because I hate cold approaching.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Without fail, the ones who want your attention will find a way to position themselves close to you in some way. That's when you go for the kill.

The dance is beautiful, ain't it?

 

[edger]

It always comes down to your mindset. Have a high value mindset and that will shine through no matter what way you go about things.

Dude, I've been having a high value mindset for a long time, so much so, that I'd consider myself a narcassist to be quite honest with you. I'm in love with myself. Point is, no matter how much you think you're the sh*t/the prize, these things, once again, aren't a cure for the common cold. A lot of women aren't phased by it(at least in my experience).

 

[slaog]

Dude, I've been having a high value mindset for a long time, so much so, that I'd consider myself a narcassist to be quite honest with you. I'm in love with myself. Point is, no matter how much you think you're the sh*t/the prize, these things, once again, aren't a cure for the common cold. A lot of women aren't phased by it(at least in my experience).

Nah, thats just acting confidently. You need to believe it. Believe that you can go out and attract women easily.


You're acting confidently and acting like you're the prize but you don't believe it yourself. You don't fool women either. They see that you're not behaving congruently eg saying one think but having nervous body language. ****y people usually show off and talk sh*t so thats another reason why women are turned off?

Lots of guys think that they're the ones who are one step ahead of the women, but they're only kidding themselves. She knows every guys tricks. She knows why he's ignoring and acting unphased by her. She knows the deal. That's why when you try and act unphased by them, it doesn't work most of the time. They know what you're doing. Women aren't stupid.

Edgar your problem is you're so ****y you're ignorant. Just because you're having trouble being one step ahead of women don't presume others are too.


Its one thing being confident but its another thing being ****y. If you get too ****y and think you know it all it'll stop you from learning more.

 

[Tazman]

The dance is beautiful, ain't it?

When it works, it's a real ego boost knowing you can get them to show their hand, especially knowing their reaction is mostly sub-conscious.

 

[Trader]

First off, there are many paths you can take in the mating game

Secondly, yes being disinterested in girls (especially hot girls) does cause them to become interested in you, ASSUMING you have something of high value (i.e. a unique look, personality, etc)

They will find a way to approach you, I'm not saying they are going to talk to you per se, but they will somehow find a way to *gravitate* to where you are located, then that is the time you can initiate.

But here is the key - why would you *fake* being disinterested? Just be disinterested naturally. Again, the theme is the same - you put the focus on you, your life, girls are low on the priority list, and then all the right actions flow out of you naturally.

 

[Tazman]

I simply see this as a "technique" I've had success with.

 

[jophil28]

I simply see this as a "technique" I've had success with.

"Faking" as a technique has philosophical problems.
Faking" as a daily practise is rife with anxiety and is underpinned by the fear of being uncovered as a sham .

Certainly "fake it till you make it" is fine because it holds intergation of the new behavior as its end objective.