**To all the Newbies, Heart Brokens and Hardcase Believers - Trust the Users Wisdom**

[Atom Smasher]

This really is so good, I'm going to sticky if for a few weeks even though it's old.

 

[Milano]

Its sad, Im 28, started ****ing 2 years ago, and holy **** has this game with girls taken its toll on me.

I first met a single mom, whom I ofc loved with all my heart since she was my first, and it really ate me up inside to see again and again that the more I "loved" her the more cold she went. I thought to myself that the world is a ****ing disgrace, and women are evil, it hurt so much to find out about this for the first time in my long emotional virgin life.

I have since banged a few hookers abroad, making one of the *** Im pretty sure of which is a funny memory, but I had to take a **** pill cause I was so emotionally and physically tired from gaming alone for the first time in my life in Greece that summer, and ending it with my first ex.

I started studies last semester, something completely different than what I have a natural talent for, engineering. There I asked the hottest girl in class out on a date, and she was cold from the first time I saw her out, and it destroyed me. I couldnt understand a thing but I started chasing anyway, I couldnt believe that she said yes to a date and then acting so cold, it confused the hell out of me, and later I had to give that up.

Recently met a hot teacher on tinder, thought I had finally gotten what I deserved in life, girlfriend material. A woman with everything sorted out it seemed. Got her straight to my place on the first date actually, and got 2 lays that week even though I struggled to get it hard the first time so I took a **** pill to be sure. The sad part about that is when I had her in the couch I know she knew I was nervous, and it hurts that I couldnt show her my confident side, I was trying so hard that I couldnt get my **** hard when it mattered, and it is just horrible! Never thought I would end up in a situation like that in my life!

So what came out of it? Well duh I tried desperately for a third lay to show her that I can do better but she had already made up her mind about me and that sex was out of the picture, but I chased!! Oh boy if I just chat her up, if I just swallow her lies for a few more weeks I will have my third lay! YES! She wanted to go Christmas shopping by her initiative, now I got her! Only to get more lies as I pushed for sex again.

Moral of the story: My god, the chasing NEVER EVER works, and it is SOOOOO hard to get it into my ****ing brain even though the evidence is starting to mount up. My god how much pain do I need to understand this? I promise to edit this post if I even encounter a situation where I can turn it around lol

Sorry for wall of text guys, something to relate to for the lulz

 

[XFORCE]

This is the post linked above, that every fvcking bluepill should read.

"Man affections vs boy affections

a while back i finally figured out what makes a good relationship.

most of the gamey talk is all focused on getting laid. getting laid is the easiest thing in the world, after you do it for a while. what’s not nearly as simple is to maintain an excellent relationship. i’m going to venture out on a limb and say that MOST relationships are crap. and yet it’s really just two fundamental principles, that determine the success of any relationship. it’s ridiculous that it took me so long to figure this out.

my relationships used to be sort of average. have a girlfriend, sometimes you get along, sometimes you don’t. sometimes she’s a ****, sometimes she’s nice. sooner or later there are the annoying bits of jealousy and wondering if she’s cheating, and then all the arguments and breakups. standard ****.

to figure out why most relationships suck, eventually you have to look at the type of emotional connection you are seeking:

emotional validation from your partner
being able to ‘trust’ your partner
support from your partner
sort of, almost unconditional love from your partner, ‘as you are’
seeking approval from your partner
there’s more aspects, but that’s probably enough to make the point we’re getting to.

we are simple creatures. we are programmed to have an emotional connection to the opposite sex. to get a little weird about it for a second though, think about how this programming expresses itself:

there are only two types of man-love our brain is wired for.

one, the love you got, wanted to get, hoped for, maybe experienced – from you mother, as a child. that’s a key kind of emotional connection to the female. and, as much as that sounds ****ed up, it’s the type of connection most men are trying to find again in their adult life – from a girlfriend / wife.

seriously consider this. look at the few bullet points above. what kind of ‘love’ is that? let’s not judge it, just look at it objectively. that’s how most men view love. they don’t think about it consciously, but that’s the love they got to experience as a child.

here’s some news: no girl will ever love you like your mom did.

before we get a bit more into that, let’s look at the other type of man-love our brain has wiring for:

the love a father has for his daughter.

again, we have to remove all the incestous, sexualized, weird bits of it, and just look at the emotional components that drive the type of interaction, expectation, dependence, and outcome. how does a father love his daughter?

giving emotional validation to the child
rationing trust, with having ‘hand’ – control
providing support
molding her in his image
giving approval, as long as the child does at it is supposed to
compare these bullets to the ones above. how do you feel about that? take out the mother / daughter thing. just look at the giving & taking ratios, look at where the control lies.

there is always control in a relationship. question is just – who has it?

there is no other emotional romantic connection wiring in our brain. it’s either seeking the love you got from your mother as a child, or creating the love you get from your offspring.

everything manosphere talks about fits into this model. the whole concept of ‘beta’ is embodied in how men deal with women who they want maternal love from. they are the weak ones, seeking approval, expecting this ocean of support, putting a woman on a pedestal. and guess what – it works for ****. mom love is done after you are grown up. realizing that means having to step away from that, coming to terms with the fact that this kind of emotional bond is DONE. being a man means being at the top of the social hierarchy. on the flip side, relationships suddenly work incredibly well when you treat a girl not like an adult that you look up to, an adult that you seek validation from – but like a child.

think about it. **** tests? from an adult, maybe. but a child? how do you treat a child who **** tests you? well … a lot of men haven’t grown up enough to be called men, so they still wouldn’t know. but for some of us, all that’s missing is this conscious realization. you don’t seek the validation of a child, do you? you don’t ask a child if it’s ok for you to go out, do you? when you want a child to do something, how do you address it?

i’m not saying, ‘be a ****’. you still game children, a lot. you want to reward them for good behavior. dealing with kids isn’t easy, either. but if you figure that out, then you also figure out a healthy relationship with a girl. i don’t really believe that the ‘******* game’ is a fully evolved strategy. it’s just better than wanting a replacement mom. so when a girl has the choice between a grown up (who is an *******) vs a sniveling boy who wants a mother – she will of course pick the *******.

but give her the choice between a father figure, an *******, and a sniveling boy and the father figure will win, every time. part of that is giving validation, creating boundaries, being clearly in control.

if you want a great relationship, start reading parenting psychology books (not the new age feminist ones). and dog training books. you can take this however far you want, once you get comfortable. xsplat likes to go full on daddy. it’s a genius move. a bit depraved? maybe. but better than the advocates of game stuff who act like children themselves – basically saying ‘treat girls like you are 12 and in a sandbox with a girl’. and better than mainstream culture which puts out disney **** and romantic comedies that all emulate maternal love relationships (which don’t exist).

my relationships have become something entirely different since i started taking the father figure approach. girls love it. they are willing to do anything and everything, and the general bull**** from girls is maybe 5% of what it used to be – before i figured this out.

Original Source: http://www.cedonulli.com/healthy-vs-****ty-relationships-two-principal-types-of-love/"

This post blew my mind. Quite the education

 

[GeezerBub]

It was a lot and I read it...I don't disagree. A must read.

 

[touma.akagi]

I think we should clarify that just because a girl is refusing you doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you. Even if a girl says she likes you, if she's not doing her part of what needs to happen for you to be together, then you should write her off.

 

[Wrenched]

I agree with 99% of it. I do see instances where people give bad advice here that can only make the situation worse. However, if a few people say the same thing there's a good chance it isn't bad advice

 

[LuksSkywalker]

This is the post linked above, that every fvcking bluepill should read.

"Man affections vs boy affections

a while back i finally figured out what makes a good relationship.

most of the gamey talk is all focused on getting laid. getting laid is the easiest thing in the world, after you do it for a while. what’s not nearly as simple is to maintain an excellent relationship. i’m going to venture out on a limb and say that MOST relationships are crap. and yet it’s really just two fundamental principles, that determine the success of any relationship. it’s ridiculous that it took me so long to figure this out.

my relationships used to be sort of average. have a girlfriend, sometimes you get along, sometimes you don’t. sometimes she’s a ****, sometimes she’s nice. sooner or later there are the annoying bits of jealousy and wondering if she’s cheating, and then all the arguments and breakups. standard ****.

to figure out why most relationships suck, eventually you have to look at the type of emotional connection you are seeking:

emotional validation from your partner
being able to ‘trust’ your partner
support from your partner
sort of, almost unconditional love from your partner, ‘as you are’
seeking approval from your partner
there’s more aspects, but that’s probably enough to make the point we’re getting to.

we are simple creatures. we are programmed to have an emotional connection to the opposite sex. to get a little weird about it for a second though, think about how this programming expresses itself:

there are only two types of man-love our brain is wired for.

one, the love you got, wanted to get, hoped for, maybe experienced – from you mother, as a child. that’s a key kind of emotional connection to the female. and, as much as that sounds ****ed up, it’s the type of connection most men are trying to find again in their adult life – from a girlfriend / wife.

seriously consider this. look at the few bullet points above. what kind of ‘love’ is that? let’s not judge it, just look at it objectively. that’s how most men view love. they don’t think about it consciously, but that’s the love they got to experience as a child.

here’s some news: no girl will ever love you like your mom did.

before we get a bit more into that, let’s look at the other type of man-love our brain has wiring for:

the love a father has for his daughter.

again, we have to remove all the incestous, sexualized, weird bits of it, and just look at the emotional components that drive the type of interaction, expectation, dependence, and outcome. how does a father love his daughter?

giving emotional validation to the child
rationing trust, with having ‘hand’ – control
providing support
molding her in his image
giving approval, as long as the child does at it is supposed to
compare these bullets to the ones above. how do you feel about that? take out the mother / daughter thing. just look at the giving & taking ratios, look at where the control lies.

there is always control in a relationship. question is just – who has it?

there is no other emotional romantic connection wiring in our brain. it’s either seeking the love you got from your mother as a child, or creating the love you get from your offspring.

everything manosphere talks about fits into this model. the whole concept of ‘beta’ is embodied in how men deal with women who they want maternal love from. they are the weak ones, seeking approval, expecting this ocean of support, putting a woman on a pedestal. and guess what – it works for ****. mom love is done after you are grown up. realizing that means having to step away from that, coming to terms with the fact that this kind of emotional bond is DONE. being a man means being at the top of the social hierarchy. on the flip side, relationships suddenly work incredibly well when you treat a girl not like an adult that you look up to, an adult that you seek validation from – but like a child.

think about it. **** tests? from an adult, maybe. but a child? how do you treat a child who **** tests you? well … a lot of men haven’t grown up enough to be called men, so they still wouldn’t know. but for some of us, all that’s missing is this conscious realization. you don’t seek the validation of a child, do you? you don’t ask a child if it’s ok for you to go out, do you? when you want a child to do something, how do you address it?

i’m not saying, ‘be a ****’. you still game children, a lot. you want to reward them for good behavior. dealing with kids isn’t easy, either. but if you figure that out, then you also figure out a healthy relationship with a girl. i don’t really believe that the ‘******* game’ is a fully evolved strategy. it’s just better than wanting a replacement mom. so when a girl has the choice between a grown up (who is an *******) vs a sniveling boy who wants a mother – she will of course pick the *******.

but give her the choice between a father figure, an *******, and a sniveling boy and the father figure will win, every time. part of that is giving validation, creating boundaries, being clearly in control.

if you want a great relationship, start reading parenting psychology books (not the new age feminist ones). and dog training books. you can take this however far you want, once you get comfortable. xsplat likes to go full on daddy. it’s a genius move. a bit depraved? maybe. but better than the advocates of game stuff who act like children themselves – basically saying ‘treat girls like you are 12 and in a sandbox with a girl’. and better than mainstream culture which puts out disney **** and romantic comedies that all emulate maternal love relationships (which don’t exist).

my relationships have become something entirely different since i started taking the father figure approach. girls love it. they are willing to do anything and everything, and the general bull**** from girls is maybe 5% of what it used to be – before i figured this out.

Original Source: http://www.cedonulli.com/healthy-vs-****ty-relationships-two-principal-types-of-love/"

Man, this article says it all...
It's so true it hurts why I didn't get to read it a year ago. I can see it now. Every situation I've been in in a relationship after high school comes down to this. It all makes sense. There is no magic or hidden secrets. All you learn about life, from earliest days 'till now is connected. How can you know different love then the love given to you by your mother? Considering you have a caring mother.
On the other hand, how can a girl know different love than the one given to her by her father? This essentials grow with us and they stay the same throughout an entire life, but circumstances change. You get older, more independent, more responsible, but still, the love you seek from your loved one is that first love you get from your parents.
Learn and accept that as a man you will not get the same love as your mother gave you, but you will still get some love from any girlfriend. Girls love their fathers, so as long as you act like one, she will give you love too.
Don't let your happiness depend on your girlfriend or any girl by that means. Learn to be happy by yourself and with yourself and continue to do stuff that used to make you happy before a relationship. Don't change. Just let a girl sink into your life. If she finds herself satisfied being part of your life, great. If not, she is free to leave. Just don't change for her. There's ALWAYS someone better for you, no matter how hot she is or how great your sex is. Some things are more important in a relationship.
Cheers

 

[Lynx nkaf]

ahh, and if the mother was abusive?
emotionally, mentally and physically?

the guy is going to meet someone like me who literally begs him, pleads with him, 'to cut the umbilical cord'.

Second try; then I wrote down every abuse he told me she committed and identified her with full marital and maiden name and address and sealed it and put it in my bank safety deposit box and I told him I put it all in writing if ever he wanted help in organising a legal persecution and if he sought a proper apology/penance or penalty/jail sentencing for her.
That backfired too.

My efforts deadened me.
People have to decide on their own to seek professional/legal help with ptsd stuff with their opposite gender parent.
I'm neither a mental health professional nor a lawyer.

I would respectfully try to change when he suggested something I could work on.
I had the habit of speaking about my father as if he was just in the other room, alive still.
I haven't completely lost that habit, but I can tell you I never did it anymore with the boyfriend, after he pointed it out.
I always said my 'late' father or my Dad 'that passed away' when talking to him or in person(about deceased Dad) from then on, with this boyfriend, after he asked me to be more conscious of this and change.
Like I was asking him to change with his opposite gender parent.
Fair enough.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

ahh, and if the mother was abusive?
emotionally, mentally and physically?

the guy is going to meet someone like me who literally begs him, pleads with him, 'to cut the umbilical cord'.

Second try; then I wrote down every abuse he told me she committed and identified her with full marital and maiden name and address and sealed it and put it in my bank safety deposit box and I told him I put it all in writing if ever he wanted help in organising a legal persecution and if he sought a proper apology/penance or penalty/jail sentencing for her.
That backfired too.

My efforts deadened me.
People have to decide on their own to seek professional/legal help with ptsd stuff with their opposite gender parent.
I'm neither a mental health professional nor a lawyer.

I would respectfully try to change when he suggested something I could work on.
I had the habit of speaking about my father as if he was just in the other room, alive still.
I haven't completely lost that habit, but I can tell you I never did it anymore with the boyfriend, after he pointed it out.
I always said my 'late' father or my Dad 'that passed away' when talking to him or in person(about deceased Dad) from then on, with this boyfriend, after he asked me to be more conscious of this and change.
Like I was asking him to change with his opposite gender parent.
Fair enough.

"People have to decide on their own to seek professional/legal help with ptsd stuff with their opposite gender parent.
I'm neither a mental health professional nor a lawyer."

Of course you are not. As you said, each of us needs to deal with certain things alone. You can be supportive, but you can't do it for him. Also, he alone has to change. My ex girlfriend tried to make me more mature than I was at that time and I tried but I was always thinking am I doing it right, is it enough or should I try harder. In the end I lost my true self. Only after we broke up did I realize that I really have to grow up, but under my own circumstances and in my own way. Not to get her back, because I'm done with her, but for my own good and better future.
Sometimes breaking up and letting a person go is the best help you could give to them. After this last break up i take everything as a lesson. I try not to be bothered personally with break ups and rejections because all this is making me better man for tomorrow and in the end it will make me ready for the real deal. You have to learn something from every experience, otherwise it's a waste of time, energy and nerves. And then, you have to implement it in your life and not make same mistakes again.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

[QUOTE/]
(...)
Sometimes breaking up and letting a person go is the best help you could give to them.
(...)
You have to learn something from every experience, otherwise it's a waste of time, energy and nerves. And then, you have to implement it in your life and not make same mistakes again.
[/QUOTE]

I wonder how I can implement what I've learned from him and about him in my life? oh ya, that's why I'm here on sosuave....to learn what to say and do and let's admit it, to learn what not to say.

Hey, that was a decent thing to write about it being the best help to break up and let him go.

I know that I would immediately respond if he contacted me but ultimately, we scared each other. Neither one knew how to constructively argue or problem solve the "us" (that third entity)
Neither one knows how to or can accept expressing anger. Too scary.
He loves me and I him and that doesn't change ever, even if you never speak to or see one another again.

We would wake up holding hands. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I don't want that experience to be a waste of time or nerves.
He did nothing about someone trespassing on his property when I was there. The lesson I learned about myself was how highly I value protection. The 6 weeks of texting that followed that day, I realised he was not aware of self defense techniques and had such an apathetic attitude towards personal space/his property. I didn't feel safe returning there. And we know on sosuave that once the intimacy/safety is gone(I no longer felt either-selfish woman to prioritize the safety of where I sleep-sarcastic).......how can you negotiate it back?

 

[LuksSkywalker]

[QUOTE/]
(...)
Sometimes breaking up and letting a person go is the best help you could give to them.
(...)
You have to learn something from every experience, otherwise it's a waste of time, energy and nerves. And then, you have to implement it in your life and not make same mistakes again.

I wonder how I can implement what I've learned from him and about him in my life? oh ya, that's why I'm here on sosuave....to learn what to say and do and let's admit it, to learn what not to say.

Hey, that was a decent thing to write about it being the best help to break up and let him go.

I know that I would immediately respond if he contacted me but ultimately, we scared each other. Neither one knew how to constructively argue or problem solve the "us" (that third entity)
Neither one knows how to or can accept expressing anger. Too scary.
He loves me and I him and that doesn't change ever, even if you never speak to or see one another again.

We would wake up holding hands. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I don't want that experience to be a waste of time or nerves.
He did nothing about someone trespassing on his property when I was there. The lesson I learned about myself was how highly I value protection. The 6 weeks of texting that followed that day, I realised he was not aware of self defense techniques and had such an apathetic attitude towards personal space/his property. I didn't feel safe returning there. And we know on sosuave that once the intimacy/safety is gone(I no longer felt either-selfish woman to prioritize the safety of where I sleep-sarcastic).......how can you negotiate it back?
[/QUOTE]
"He loves me and I him and that doesn't change ever, even if you never speak to or see one another again."

Don't be so sure. Even if you don't find someone new (theoretically), if you don't see or hear from him, this love you speak of will slowly deminish. I thought after every relationship that I will always love my ex. Well, it doesn't work like that. First you lose a bit of that love when she starts dating other guy, then you lose some when you figure out you are happy with your life just being alone (not in a relationship), then you completely lose it when you find someone new.
Life is not a fairytale. **** happens. People die young, world comes to a hold (like nowdays),people lose their jobs, and even relationships fail. Don't live your life unsatisfied, especially when you hold the key to your happiness. Nobody is holding a gun at your head. Squeeze your teeth, close your eyes and just cut the cord if you are not completely happy wiht your current partner. Do this for your future self. Don't be selfish.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Thanks Luks. Welcome to Sosuave btw.

 

[LuksSkywalker]

Thanks Luks. Welcome to Sosuave btw.

Thank you.

Remeber this, if you are unsatisfied in your relationship, chances are that other person is too. Eventually one of you will decide to break up. Your relationship is a car going towards a wall and someone will jump out to save himself. Do yourself a favour and jump out first. You will feel less disappointed this way because nobody likes to get dumped. It sounds a bit shallow but your own happiness should be your priority. Nobody will put you in front of them, everybody is looking out for themselves.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Thank you.

Remeber this, if you are unsatisfied in your relationship, chances are that other person is too. Eventually one of you will decide to break up. Your relationship is a car going towards a wall and someone will jump out to save himself. Do yourself a favour and jump out first. You will feel less disappointed this way because nobody likes to get dumped. It sounds a bit shallow but your own happiness should be your priority. Nobody will put you in front of them, everybody is looking out for themselves.

The first indication I had that he was unhappy was when he admitted to watching that Coach Red Pill youtube video 'make loneliness your friend'..,and that he rewatches it over and over.

ouch.

You always want someone to tell you the truth when they're unhappy or lonely with you but wow, does it ever take time to accept someone's truth.


I'm here on Sosuave regaining my total strength, evaluating what value I have and picking up the pace on completing previous goals and renewing hobbies.

Typically, I am energised by masculine energy and leadership and thankfully, I find it here.


My posts refer to an exboyfriend. I have no knowledge of where he is or how he is. Complete disconnection. I am in healing mode.

 

[Stephen89]

Thank you very much for this.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Oneitis and heart break is truly the most crippling thing a man can ever experience. Many men never recover from it.

The entire Redpill community was born out of the crucible of the cancer of Oneitis heartbreak. Game is armour to protect ourselves from this severely debilitating and potentially life-long affliction.

Personally, I believe that no man is immune to this (look at what happened to Roosh - his conversion to Godpill was entirely the result of heartbreak).

I was a serial womaniser my entire life and felt I had mastered "un-attached" sex. I had never felt true love so I never understood how dangerous it was. It made me complacent and fearless. I believed I was immune to the powers of feminine love. One day I met a girl that changed everything - I experienced bliss state of love, and then lost her to my own careless infidelity and beta atonement after I has caught. I had to crawl through the cold hallways and razorblades of Oneitis for months. No amount of casual sex, distraction, activities with friends helped me. I believe that Oneitis changes your brain chemistry and there's nothing you can do about it but "feel the pain." You're never the same again and it becomes a part of you forever.

I agree.

I can share one way to stop the oneitis.
It happened because of redating three old flames, years and years later.
I lost alot of the oneitis, sitting and listening to them talk about the partners they had between the last time you were with them and 'now'.
I guarantee it obliterates a large percentage of the oneitis just from disbelief that
a. they fell for someone else and had fun w/o you
and
b. you realise they really don't love you, maybe just care deeply for you or they would never cruelly chatter on and on about the between years.

Not when they have this awesome opportunity to be with you again 'their one true love'


Ya right, guess not after all hey?

When we realise we're more of the romantic versus aromantic type dater, we really must force ourselves not to get 'too thick, too fast' as my parents accused me of doing(romantic pedastalising, not necessarily sex right away)

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Yes I've experienced this myself. I had a highschool crush where there was an abrupt end to our intense relationship. I didn't see/hear from her in years. She entered into "dream girl" fantasy status in my mind. I met up with her randomly by chance a few years later and the reality of her slutty existence destroyed my childhood Oneitis in an instant and I was repulsed by her.

Our brains are just factories of chemicals and illusions that can be changed when we receive new information.

I experienced a much more severe Oneitis many years later, as mentioned in my above post. No amount of knowledge or Game awareness can help it (Which is why Game always advocates never getting attached and spinning plates forever - I personally see this as a limited existence. Love is the bliss state the the highest level of transcendence in life).

After a Oneitis break-up your brain literally has to detox and receive new experiences to slowly wean yourself away from it - there's an inevitable time factor to this process too. It's literally impossible to "move on" and "switch off" overnight to a woman you had a deep attachment to. Anyone who tells you that this is possible is lying and hasn't ever experienced deep love.

I call love the soft focus feeling.

Everything is in soft focus. No stress or event can alter the soft focus.
Where time slows down and all senses amplify by 1000%.

Imagine spinning love plates?
What kind of human growth hormone effect would that have?
Are the romantic capable of spinning love plates?

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

Someone needs to make a Don Juan instruction manual, and this needs to be the introduction.
Fantastic post.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Here is the thing tho. People get back together with exes all the time for one reason or another.

Not saying any of this is wrong and that moving on isn't the right mindset but time changes a lot of things and sometimes things work differently then. But most of the time they don't.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I am seriouosly amazed on how I've written such gospel, and I got lost along the way... again!

At least if I know I've written this, I know I can be like this again!

Back to the drawing board