Tired of Pretending to be Alpha

[GreyedOut]

I'm starting to get really tired of all the "alpha" talk. Most of the websites that talk about successfully getting women focus on how to be alpha. My buddies are naturally alpha type guys. They're all hockey and football players that walk the talk. While I love sports, I never really got big into them when I was a kid. I also think the fact that I was mostly raised by my mother made me develop more feminine traits...I've never really had a good role model to follow as a male.

Anyways, I feel like these are all excuses. I've started to get into sports, hitting the gym hard with weights and bulking. I know how to act alpha and everyone seems to buy into it. The last few girls I dated went crazy over me in the beginning because I put on a good show. But it's not internalized at all and eventually the cracks start to show.

I started seeing a therapist and it's been going pretty good. The guy helps me work through a lot of issues. But I would never describe this guy as alpha. He's been talking about my pride and being vulnerable with women. Some of it is really conflicting with everything I thought I knew and have been learning.

I'm tired of hiding who I am and trying to be something else all the time. But at the same time I've never seen a girl respond positively to me being "myself". I have seen them respond to me being a fake alpha male. But I can't maintain it because it's not natural.

Can anyone here relate? Is it possible to actually internalize or am I trying to be something I'm not?

 

[Tyson420]

Be who you want to be.

If you don't like being Alpha then don't do it. It's not about that, it's about being confident. Everybody should be confident why the **** not should you feel that you aren't the reward?

Unless you're a self-depreciating fa!got which I hope you're not, lmao.

 

[bigneil]

It seems to me that we are experiencing a major shift in society where men have to fake their personalities they way women fake their faces.

This simply couldn't have been the case in the Caveman days - nor in nature today.

Do squirrels have to pretend to be alpha to reproduce? Shouldn't mating come naturally?

I have three cousins - one female and two males with the same parents. The males are perpetually single. The woman is married with 2 kids (she is the middle child). Do you really think she has better genes than both brothers? They are the equivalent in genetics.

 

[Strelok]

I see what you mean and I understand your point of you.
I suggest you to examine yourself with no ego or pride,just clearly define yourself.

Once you decided who you are and what you want be,just try to find a place where you can fit,as I just said in an other thread:

There is no shame, a qualified worker who cant get a job in his coutry cause he doesnt know the right people, can be an appreciated professional abroad,because thats what is all about,being recognized as men for our work and given something in return according to justice.

If you find yourself unhappy because the environment is not fair to people that dont fit certain criteria just move, hold your balls and change your life.
There are plenty of places in this world where a man can simply be a man and not a mask of what media say its the only way.

A nice guy who does his job, live an honest life and is faithful to his family deserve a share a paradise even if he doesnt know game or play the cool guy.
As I said hold you balls and change your life,move to greener fields.

Get an airplane and move to east europe or south america, those countries still live by nature, they are not a giant theatre where you have to punch people to have a corner in front of the camera because "if you're not filmed you dont exist as individual".

 

[FairShake]

Stop reading websites about how to pick up women and actually go out and pick up women. You don't need to be "alpha" in the way these websites describe. Remember these websites are by men meaning they are as much (or more) about what MEN want you to be as WOMEN.

You may get more sexual success acting that way but you will be way unhappier. And which is more average and frustrating in the end?

 

[zekko]

Do squirrels have to pretend to be alpha to reproduce? Shouldn't mating come naturally?

Mating does come naturally. You don't have to pretend to be alpha to reproduce. Nobody thinks about this kind of stuff except for people who read websites like this.

I think a lot of times the alpha "act" works because the guy believes it will work, so that gives him the confidence to attract the woman.

 

[st_99]

IMO, alpha doesn't mean being jacked up on weights or tossing a football around. A math teacher, scientist, a dentist can all be alpha and they might be kind of wimpy "looking". Its just being confident in whoever the hell you are. Its more how you carry yourself, not what you look like or what sports you play.

 

[snowdog]

Not taking yourself seriously and not giving a f*ck about anything, combined with taking action is all you need.

I laugh at these alpha macho douchebags. They take themselves so seriously.

 

[sexysuave]

GreyedOut,

Your post is pretty interesting. I've had 2 experiences early last decade where 2 of my girlfriends at the time said "you're kinda a little different now" a few months into our dating. They said I was more "calm and nice" now compared at the beginning I was a "real rock".

But I haven't had this happen in a LONG time, as I sort of grew into the person I think I was deep down. I was also mainly raised by my grandma as a little kid, so she would tell me to stay outta trouble and away from fights, so I always tried being the really nice guy. Well, somewhere in my teens I just flipped (went from passive to super agressive lol) and was just looking for fights left and right just for the hell of it (part of it to make up for letting people kinda bully me around a bit) and also started looking to pick up girls like a madman. I actually formed a "club" with some friends called "the players club" and we would constantly go anywhere and everywhere trying to pick up girls and get numbers and what not. We also took pen and notepad with us and would actually take notes after each approach and write down what worked and what didn't work, what we could do better next time, etc. LOL... this is before I knew of any dating communities or anything, or have seen any books at all.

A few years after that I came across some of those pick up books and what not and started getting heavily into that, so I really came of initially with all sorts of "game" tricks, gimmicks, whatever. I did all sorts of stuff that I "learned" triggers attraction, but it didn't come to me naturally. Really, my every move was a calculated step. Well, eventually, in relationship, you get "found out" and I think this is what happened with these 2 girls. They realized I wasn't this EXTRA MATCHO CONFIDENT BAD ASS that I initially presented and was actually a pretty decent dude, that does have feelings and all of that. (Both of these chicks were SUPER hot, so they had their pickings of 100s of "nice guys" that were hitting on them left and right, and I guess they were really into what I initially presnted as my self at first). One of these two girls even told me (while still in a relationship with me) "don't be so nice to me. You are too nice sometimes."

Like, literally, she told me that straight up!! This chick liked me so much that she actually TOLD ME that I was being too nice lol. That was almost unheard of, usually you hear chicks make up all kindsa BS when they're not into guys anymore and "never tell the truth", so that was kinda eye opening for me. It led me to do a lot of soul searching and figure out just how exactly I was "being too nice", and I realized that it was probably because deep down when I was doing things I would always think "is this gonna get her upset" or "if I do this, will she be upset" and etc. etc. Pretty much, I cared too much of what she thought and I should have just been more aloof and relaxed like when I first got her. (also, she was so damn fine that I was scared of losing her, so that made me act in ways where I was always worried about what I'm doing or saying because I didn't wanna "upset her" lol, sucks I know!!)

So that's when I started realizing that girls don't want you to do everything to get their aproval, they want you to do what YOU WANNA DO, regardless of how she might feel about it. This played a big role later in my life, because I started not being afraid of "losing" the girl and actually did what made me happy, and eventually found the right balance.

I could go on writting forever, but I'll try to wrap it up. Pretty much, I understand and have been there to a certain extent. Also, DO NOT give up! You said it your self, you "old" you was not picking up chicks. You actually have to BECOME this new "alpha" person (just more confident in your self, and caring less about the outcome). And it CAN be done, I promise you, but it will take time. You will have to stand up for your self here and there, and sometimes accept the loss of a girl or a friend, but you have to start RESPECTING your self. Sometimes being "too nice" comes from not feeling as worthy as others and making sure you're accomodating them and that you don't upset them, but you have to realize that YOU are as important as anyone else on this earth! You were born with the same rights as anyone else and DESERVE the same respect, and sometimes you will have to stand up for it, no matter the consequences. You only get treated how you let people treat you. I think once you start thinking about things this way, you will start respecting your self more, leading you to actually permenantly adopt some of these "alpha" qualities that you have been learning about. I'm more than willing to talk to you about this and go into more details with you, so if you want feel free to drop me a PM with your number and we can chat.

Keep your head up and keep improving your self, and realize that you ARE worthy, and you ARE good enough, and you DO deserve all respect, just like everyone else.

 

[CoolBlue]

The problem here is that you are pretending to be alpha, instead of actually becoming alpha.

Look at your friends. They are natural ball players with their confidence. They don't fake that sh*t.

Develop yourself and build some real confidence which women will find attractive. Doesn't have to be sports at all. Having your own company and making money = alpha as helll

 

[Chamber36]

You don't need an excuse to be confident.

But I think there's a few things you'll need to get strong confidence..

1. You need to be socially aware.
2. You need to be aware of your own body.

You need to be as calm as possible, while remaining as sharp as possible.

Practicing sports and martial arts will help you remain calm in the face of peril.

 

[Angelo]

All you have to do is Be A Man. No need to pretend, just be what your Nature is suppose to be.

 

[Rubirosa]

I totally understand your position.
I think it's more important not to be beta vs. trying to be alpha.
I've spent my whole adult life becoming the man I am today through painful trial and error. I did not grow up with the internet.
Our personalities can be tweaked somewhat, but we basically stay the same inside. For example, I was always the "artistic" type...into books, guitar and fashion. While I got my share of girls back then, it was nothing compared to where I am now.
I basically decided to add a little machoness. I got into Muay Thai, and later Japanese hard style Karate. I've suffered broken bones and torn ligaments, but the effect it has had on my total personality package has been more than worth it. In other words, if someone wants to "f" with me, I don't back down. I've been hit by 220 pound monsters during sparring, it has toughened my personality, whereas before, I would be afraid of confronation. This toughness does not make me an "alpha" per se, but if an alpha wants to push me aside, I'll do my best to make him a beta.
So I still retain my artistic, sensitive side that is the core of my personality (regretfully, this type of personality very often manifests itself into betas), but I've added the tougher aspects of traditional maleness to the mix which prevents me from morphing into a beta.
The Book of Pook stresses acting male, but it does not stress acting alpha.

 

[f283000]

It seems to me that we are experiencing a major shift in society where men have to fake their personalities they way women fake their faces.

I look at it another way. I look at it as a TRADEOFF.

Women are forced to look hot for us. They are forced to either work out, eat well, put on make up, smell extra good, dress extra provocatively all for us.

Why? Because it's the way the media and society have portrayed what the model for attractive women should be.

The media has also created its model of what is an attractive male and it's not what 99% of the users in this site are unfortunately.

So when you think about it women have to do all these things to attract men and we have to do all these things to attract women. It's sort of a fair tradeoff.

I saw a thread from a poster who lost his gf once his "inner nice guy" came out. Sure that got a lot of complaints from us guys saying how we can't be our true selves to keep women BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WOMEN?

What if she suddenly got fat and ugly and you dumped her? Nobody could complain then now would they?

I'm just looking at it from a balanced point of view. You might say it's a feminine point of view but hey you gotta be fair.

You can't blame women for wanting a certain type of man just like we can't blame guys for wanting women that look a certain kind of way (big boobs, big butt, pretty face). It's how we have been conditioned.

 

[BettorOffSingle]

I'm starting to get really tired of all the "alpha" talk. Most of the websites that talk about successfully getting women focus on how to be alpha. My buddies are naturally alpha type guys. They're all hockey and football players that walk the talk. While I love sports, I never really got big into them when I was a kid. I also think the fact that I was mostly raised by my mother made me develop more feminine traits...I've never really had a good role model to follow as a male.

Anyways, I feel like these are all excuses. I've started to get into sports, hitting the gym hard with weights and bulking. I know how to act alpha and everyone seems to buy into it. The last few girls I dated went crazy over me in the beginning because I put on a good show. But it's not internalized at all and eventually the cracks start to show.

I started seeing a therapist and it's been going pretty good. The guy helps me work through a lot of issues. But I would never describe this guy as alpha. He's been talking about my pride and being vulnerable with women. Some of it is really conflicting with everything I thought I knew and have been learning.

I'm tired of hiding who I am and trying to be something else all the time. But at the same time I've never seen a girl respond positively to me being "myself". I have seen them respond to me being a fake alpha male. But I can't maintain it because it's not natural.

Can anyone here relate? Is it possible to actually internalize or am I trying to be something I'm not?

If alphas get 86 percent of the women, Betas get 14 percent. I'm a proud "14 percenter" and find that the beta approach is built to last, without the risks of being allpha.

The alpha males ignore one key question: WHO DIED ALONG THE WAY?

Think of it this way, with two choices:

1. A ninety-nine percent chance of failure, and a one-percent chance of success; or

2. A one percent chance of failure, and a ninety-nine percent chance of DEATH!

It's like taking lifestyle advice from a drug dealer who hasn't yet been killed or gone to prison. Until the negative consequences are visited upon him, everyone wants to copy him, but smart betas know that there is no free lunch.

Where betas mess up is that they don't usually lose women to alphas, but to stronger betas. For example, I used to use the "chess gimmick" to get laid. I wasn't an ordinary chessplayer, but an "aspiring world champion" (an alpha among betas), who trained sixteen hours a day, and lived the role, but who always put down the board when a live target surfaced. Other geeks think their "intelligence" is sufficient to get laid, but it's not. You need intellect, creativity, wisdom, AND to have applied that to getting laid.

I don't know how this board tolerates self-promotion but I gave away my comprehensive book for free. You can do a search on it if you want. It shows how I went from "AFC" to "PUA." What I learned in my review is that I did much better as an AFC, but also that my success as a PUA could be directly traced to what I learned as an AFC in the "friend zone" with the super-elites (SHB 9.5+).

The game I run is "reluctant PUA." This is where you chase your "soulmate," and either marry her if she says yes, or if she says no, you swear off commitment, and "reluctantly" settle for no-strings sex with hot women.

I wrote 600 pages on this and spilled it onto my own forum, so maybe they won't mind since I'm trying to truly help men out here without charging them thousands, or anything at all. I make my living at the racetrack, so I don't need to prey on desperate men. or sell "bootcamps.

Ray Gordon

 

[Atom Smasher]

The concept of "Alpha" is a construct to help give us a structure that enables us to see the "toxic shame" that is foisted upon us by a feminized society (media and educational system). It is limited in its use and function.

It's almost like using smoke in order to perceive the invisible man, for as the smoke envelopes him it is displaced and therefore enables us to perceive and define his form.

Once that occurs, the "Alpha" concept needs to be retired and replaced with a more personal "be the best `YOU` you can be" construct.

Look at "Alpha" as a set of training wheels that gets us up and moving in the right direction. It must be abandoned eventually and replaced by self-actualization and independence.

In practical terms, everywhare I go I become the leader. Literally everywhere (unless I make a consciouse decision not to rise). This is due to no effort whatsoever on my part. I display a sense of control and command, and people willingly defer to my leadership as they perceive me as poised and always knowing what to do. All of that is accomplished with a polite and friendly but strong demeanor.

This is not bragging in any way, but is used as an illustration of graduation from striving to be Alpha to the higher level of achieving Kingship in my life. That includes not giving a sh!t about what others think (and yet always watching out for their well-being), providing value in my interactions (instead of taking value from others), accepting my frame as fact and ultimate reality (others are guests within my frame), and assuming authority.

Being "Alpha" turned out to be nothing more than a step on my ladder, though a necessary one. I wouldn't have been able to become King had I not stepped on the concept in order to propel me to the next level.

[Ding..... "Ooh! My cocoa"!]

^^ Who gets that? ^^

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

If your happy being beta then be beta.

As for me I am happy becoming an Alpha and I will continue to do so.

 

[Mr_Stinky]

I wrote 600 pages on this and spilled it onto my own forum, so maybe they won't mind since I'm trying to truly help men out here without charging them thousands, or anything at all. I make my living at the racetrack, so I don't need to prey on desperate men. or sell "bootcamps.

Where is your forum and how can I read some of this 600+ pages of material?