Tired of not closing on the girls I want, need closure!

[Lover_boy]

I met this chick while away on vacation, let’s call her J. J is sister of an old friend from high school who I hooked up with 4 years ago in SF. J, myself and a group of friends went out clubbing one night. The vibe was right and we danced all night and hooked up.


The following day we went on a roadtrip with her and her and 8 other friends. During the trip, J was being friendly, asking questions, and we kissed later that evening. We went out clubbing later that night with her and the entire group but unfortunately I didn’t make any moves, we danced for a bit but that was about it.

When we got back to the hotel (which was a shared air Bnb with several beds in one room) We hung out and drank amongst the group, but again didn’t get a chance to isolate her or connect with her one on one. Once we all decided to go to sleep, she slept in her bed and me in mines. I wanted her to come sleep with me or me sleep in her bed but I had no idea how to go about it. I really hadn’t build up any sexual tension with her throughout the night so if I just laid in her bed, I feel like it would’ve been a “wtf are you doing” ?… So I decided it was best for me to just sleep alone :/

The next day, her vibe changed. She stopped coming up towards me as she would the previous day and didn’t start much conversations, I felt that her attraction dropped. I told her to come out with me later that night so we could get to know each other a little more and she said she had to see her mom for her bday (it really was her bday) and finish off work stuff. I also didn’t make any more moves that day on her as my vibe was off. When she dropped me back off to my place, she said goodbye with a hug and that was it. I texted her later that night saying, it was a pleasure meeting you and didn’t get a response.

It’s insane to me how one bad move can ruin all your chances. How a girls attraction towards you can drop from night to day. How should I have escalated the tension if sleeping together was going to be noticeable by our room mates and possibly embarrassing on her part?

 

[IKO69]

First and foremost don't be too hard on yourself. You have to remember that even the best marksman will miss the target on occasion. Some of what you assumed could very well not be the case but you are blowing it out of proportion because you are disappointed, ie the seeing her mom thing is probably genuine and not a blow off.

I too have been in similar situations and didn't act because I unsure or I did not know how. It happens. You will learn from the experience so as to do better next time, that is #1. You should be glad for that and see this as an opportunity to get back on track.

As far as what to do from what you wrote it sounds like you weren't really aggressive enough. You said you kissed at one point but then for the rest of the time you backed off/were afraid to escalate. There was no need for that - at that point you had it in the bag and there was nothing to fear. I'm not saying stick to her every second the time you were together, but you know, freely flirt and and all that should've been no problem. Why the hesitancy? You should take this opportunity to think about why that happened, where the fear comes from etc. Truthfully it's better it happened this way and you sort this stuff out so that it is not a recurring issue.

There is nothing you have to do except think on the above. The woman obviously liked you so you know your not terrible looking or anything. The other stuff is just minor bull**** --- if she is a friend of a friend you'll see her again/interact with her and you can try again then.

 

[hardboiled85]

She had another chad/tyronne sheduled the next day and used you as her time *****??

I only say this because when you 'make out/hook up' and you know you will be together the whole night, usually A leads to C, B never matters in the end. I can never understand how forking doesnt occur in these situations unless she has a definite plan Z she is priming for.

 

[manfrombelow]

The following day we went on a roadtrip with her and her and 8 other friends. During the trip, J was being friendly, asking questions, and we kissed later that evening.

Very good. Should have grabbed her breasts and continued to escalate to fvck her. Why didn't you?

We went out clubbing later that night with her and the entire group but unfortunately I didn’t make any moves, we danced for a bit but that was about it.

You should have continued to kiss her, and called it a day with a fvck. Why didn't you?

When we got back to the hotel (which was a shared air Bnb with several beds in one room) We hung out and drank amongst the group, but again didn’t get a chance to isolate her or connect with her one on one. Once we all decided to go to sleep, she slept in her bed and me in mines. I wanted her to come sleep with me or me sleep in her bed but I had no idea how to go about it. I really hadn’t build up any sexual tension with her throughout the night so if I just laid in her bed, I feel like it would’ve been a “wtf are you doing” ?… So I decided it was best for me to just sleep alone :/

You guys should have detached yourselves from the group to find a more private place. Going back to the shared room with bunk beds itself already was a bad idea, she would never have had enough comfort to have sex with you even if she wanted to, due to too many people present at the time.

The next day, her vibe changed. She stopped coming up towards me as she would the previous day and didn’t start much conversations, I felt that her attraction dropped

Typical female behaviour here. She was attracted to you sexually, she was horny, she was waiting for you to continue kissing her and fvck her like an animal. But you didn't. So she lost interests in you. The spark was gone.

I told her to come out with me later that night so we could get to know each other a little more

Dude! You kissed her. All you should have done after that point was to continue kissing her and escalate sexually. She wants to be kissed and fvcked, not to "get to know each other a little more". The fvck does that mean anyway???

When she dropped me back off to my place, she said goodbye with a hug and that was it. I texted her later that night saying, it was a pleasure meeting you and didn’t get a response.

Of course she didn't care to response since you made her pvssy so dry. Come on man!

It’s insane to me how one bad move can ruin all your chances. How a girls attraction towards you can drop from night to day. How should I have escalated the tension if sleeping together was going to be noticeable by our room mates and possibly embarrassing on her part?

Like I said: You should have continued to kiss her and escalate sexually before going clubbing, during it, and after it. Going back to the shared room was the end for the both of you for any further sexual escalation.

Don't torture yourself. Learn this lesson well and keep on moving.

 

[kavi]

Tough situation.

The woman will always look for flaws in your game and will punish brutally if found. You may not even have flaws in your game but then it is about percieved flaws.

In her mind your mistake was not giving her the attention when you guys were dancing. You should have been more flirty and showed interest in her and created more tension that time when you were dancing.

In these situations, you have to look forward and note the difficult points. Here, you should have known the living arrangements in advance and known that it would be awkward for you guys to sleep together, but also awkward if you didnt (she might tell herself you are a loser and not 'man' enough to make it happen, dumb btches will tell themselves that). Your solution to that would be to come on stronger when dancing with her and come on strong at all other times you have a chance, basically on this trip you should have taken more chances to flirt and give her that attention and romance and thrill that she wanted. If you had done that on more occasions, then you no sleeping with her is less of an issue because you have already shown you are alpha by the other excitement you have given. Then, she would know that you didnt wanna sleep with her then cos it would be awkward for you guys, and her wanting you that night would make her know she likes you and would be good after the trip.

Your mistake was not being thrilling enough especially when dancing. By the night time, she was already losing interest, had you gone into her bed then it may have helped you but personally at that point I wudnt cos yh like u said it can be weird.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Dtf or next.

 

[Lover_boy]

My reoccurring mistake is that I believe that I need to be gentle with the women I am interested in. With this chick for example, I liked her and in my mind I believed that I needed to be gentle, friendly, nice, build more rapport, say the right things blah blah. My inner hesitation of escalating to more sexual intimacy lead me to get flat out rejected. I didn’t read the situation for what it was. We met and connected through sexual attraction, through dancing and grinding. All I had to was escalate that all the way until wanting to have sex. But In my head I believed that if I behaved sexually that she would reject me. But In reality, the very action of not being sexual, of not embracing my sexuality was what caused her to lose attraction. Women want sex just as much or more than you do. Is ok, live it, love it and embrace it. And most importantly give it to them. That’s the lesson I take from this experience.

 

[Mike32ct]

My reoccurring mistake is that I believe that I need to be gentle with the women I am interested in. With this chick for example, I liked her and in my mind I believed that I needed to be gentle, friendly, nice, build more rapport, say the right things blah blah. My inner hesitation of escalating to more sexual intimacy lead me to get flat out rejected. I didn’t read the situation for what it was. We met and connected through sexual attraction, through dancing and grinding. All I had to was escalate that all the way until wanting to have sex. But In my head I believed that if I behaved sexually that she would reject me. But In reality, the very action of not being sexual, of not embracing my sexuality was what caused her to lose attraction. Women want sex just as much or more than you do. Is ok, live it, love it and embrace it. And most importantly give it to them. That’s the lesson I take from this experience.

Some guys are naturally gentle. I am too. But women find this “gentle first” approach azz-backwards.

The Nice/Gentle Guy Approach:

1. Be gentle/romantic and focus on connection first.

2. Then worry about physical attraction and sex later.

The Approach that Bad Boys Use and Women Typically Prefer

1. Focus on physical attraction/chemistry, then intimacy/sex.

2. Then later, if you officially in a relationship, you can show some of your “gentle” side.

TLDR: She can’t and won’t appreciate your gentle side until after you’ve had sex a few times.