Tips on spotting the female narcissist...

[jnMissouri]

I'm an empath so I attract narcissistic women. Here are some tips I've noticed from my last few gf's in the last 2 years:


1) Does the think of herself as a Queen or Princess? This should tell you a lot, especially if she calls herself one and demands you treat her like one.
2) Does she have almost all male friends? This is her harem, the backup boyfriends and validation on demand when you are fighting or break up and go no contact.
3) Does she have a trail of people who have blocked her? Family, friends, etc. These are people who wised up to her and her inappropriate behavior and exited.
4) Does she have a picture of herself on her lock screen, home screen laptop, tablet, walls? My recent ex literally had ALL of these after a few months. There were also pictures of us, and the lock screen used to be of us, but slowly after a fight it changed to a picture of herself on her phone...the other pictures showed up when things were fine.
5) Is she the victim in all of her stories, never did anything wrong? All her breakups were the guys fault? The stories you are being told happened, just not the way she says they happened. The truth is the opposite of what they tell you.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Isn't it all a matter of degree?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Believe her when she tells you who she is within the first 3 dates. That's all you need to do, because she WILL tell you.

When a person tells you who they really are, believe them.

 

[jnMissouri]

Believe her when she tells you who she is within the first 3 dates. That's all you need to do, because she WILL tell you.

When a person tells you who they really are, believe them.

Problem is MOST of the time they are on their best behavior for months. Few exceptions. I went out with a chic recently, 11 years younger than me, great job, etc. I noticed she was gawking at hot guys at the venue, not just glances, but like lusting after them for 3-5 seconds at a time. I move us to a different spot, work into conversation, what happened to your last relationship, etc.

She mentioned she ended up with a male friend of 5 years (cough....) and he became "possessive". He questioned her about checking out other guys (I saw this on our first date myself!), why do you dress sexy going out, why do you need to go clubbing.

Basically he had a reasonable issue with her advertising herself to other men and she called that possessive. It's the usual BS we all hear, you're jealous, insecure, blah blah blah. Yet over and over I read guys stories online about being called all that because they don't like the girl having male friends, and in SOME cases, the girl ended up cheating with them all. Now most women don't, I get that. But back to my original point. Most women don't show you who they really are until months into the relationship. Sometimes years....the person you break up with/divorce is not the same person you married. Sometimes they changed over a long period of time, but if it's a short period of time, it's because they were hiding who they really are...

My ex's were experts at this. But I was astute enough to pay attention to things and catch them in little lies about the past. Which unraveled my trust and bam, I started monitoring, and found out they were not who they said they were. Definitely trying to keep options open. Luckily I realized it and exited before it got to that point, but realistically, emotionally healthy women don't have male "friends". Two of my exe's never had male friends, only females, and they were attractive, yet emotionally mature enough to know how not to be...

Sadly even one of those, before she had divorced her husband, started losing weight, got LASIK, got her teeth fixed, basically made herself look hot AF...and I was thinking to myself, yup, her husband probably thought it was for him. I would have suspected it was so she could soon date again...which is what it turned out to be for their divorce....

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Problem is MOST of the time they are on their best behavior for months. Few exceptions. I went out with a chic recently, 11 years younger than me, great job, etc. I noticed she was gawking at hot guys at the venue, not just glances, but like lusting after them for 3-5 seconds at a time. I move us to a different spot, work into conversation, what happened to your last relationship, etc.

She mentioned she ended up with a male friend of 5 years (cough....) and he became "possessive". He questioned her about checking out other guys (I saw this on our first date myself!), why do you dress sexy going out, why do you need to go clubbing.

Basically he had a reasonable issue with her advertising herself to other men and she called that possessive. It's the usual BS we all hear, you're jealous, insecure, blah blah blah. Yet over and over I read guys stories online about being called all that because they don't like the girl having male friends, and in SOME cases, the girl ended up cheating with them all. Now most women don't, I get that. But back to my original point. Most women don't show you who they really are until months into the relationship. Sometimes years....the person you break up with/divorce is not the same person you married. Sometimes they changed over a long period of time, but if it's a short period of time, it's because they were hiding who they really are...

My ex's were experts at this. But I was astute enough to pay attention to things and catch them in little lies about the past. Which unraveled my trust and bam, I started monitoring, and found out they were not who they said they were. Definitely trying to keep options open. Luckily I realized it and exited before it got to that point, but realistically, emotionally healthy women don't have male "friends". Two of my exe's never had male friends, only females, and they were attractive, yet emotionally mature enough to know how not to be...

Sadly even one of those, before she had divorced her husband, started losing weight, got LASIK, got her teeth fixed, basically made herself look hot AF...and I was thinking to myself, yup, her husband probably thought it was for him. I would have suspected it was so she could soon date again...which is what it turned out to be for their divorce....

No bro...that's incorrect. Them being on their best behavior has nothing to do with them letting things slip or them showing the true side of themselves even if it's briefly.

For instance, any woman who treats a waiter or waitress like crap is an automatic dump for me. That's them showing you who they really are. Which is a person who treats others with no respect. That will then trickle down to you, who she will eventually treat with the same no respect. Seems minor, but it's not. It's an insight into the real them.


Little things like that are insights into the person they are. Either you aren't noticing things like that, don't know what to look for or are ignoring them because they always will be there. Nobody can hide things that well so nothing shows through...people usually simply choose to overlook those things.

I'm simply saying don't. That's her telling you who she is. Believe her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Or how she behaves! Covert narcissistic woman are the ones that demonstrate it with their behavior and those woman are the worsest. Woman like this are confidence suckers, your confidence won’t protect you in their presence unless you have guys that can witness their narcissism. If not you are done, walking away completely, NO contact is your only option in this case.

In psychology woman like this are also called female psychopaths

Exactly...either via words or behaviors.

 

[sangheilios]

@jnMissouri

Here is a really obvious one to consider. If she is highly active on social media and has a ton of selfies, thirst trap photos, etc. it is a very bad sign. Some really good examples I can cite are these gym thots girls I see regularly where I workout that post all this **** on their instagram for literally no reason other than to garner attention. Women that constantly need attention fall within the category of what you are discussing.

The good news is that this is something you can filter for very easily.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

NO you can be high in narcissism but it doesn’t mean you are a narcissist.

But it is a gradient. Life isn't black and white.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

No bro...that's incorrect. Them being on their best behavior has nothing to do with them letting things slip or them showing the true side of themselves even if it's briefly.

For instance, any woman who treats a waiter or waitress like crap is an automatic dump for me. That's them showing you who they really are. Which is a person who treats others with no respect. That will then trickle down to you, who she will eventually treat with the same no respect. Seems minor, but it's not. It's an insight into the real them.


Little things like that are insights into the person they are. Either you aren't noticing things like that, don't know what to look for or are ignoring them because they always will be there. Nobody can hide things that well so nothing shows through...people usually simply choose to overlook those things.

I'm simply saying don't. That's her telling you who she is. Believe her.

OP you gotta look for incongruencies, cracks in the mask

 

[jnMissouri]

@jnMissouri

Here is a really obvious one to consider. If she is highly active on social media and has a ton of selfies, thirst trap photos, etc. it is a very bad sign. Some really good examples I can cite are these gym thots girls I see regularly where I workout that post all this **** on their instagram for literally no reason other than to garner attention. Women that constantly need attention fall within the category of what you are discussing.

The good news is that this is something you can filter for very easily.

OH I forgot to add this one in there. But not all of them have this type of stuff. My last gf had nothing but pics of herself on her IG, which she took down for me, permanently deleted. She also had a lot of selfies, though not thirst traps, just pictures of herself on her FB. 99% of them were just of her. This is a very clear sign of an attention ***** and will never change. She even admitted she is a narcissist.

She'd wear booty shorts to the grocery store together (never by herself, boundary...) and guys would gawk. Until I said something about that too. She has some real mental health issues. Her sister is only a few years older than her and is already on her second divorce and did the same s....

Now mind you, a previous ex, also vietnamese, did not post such pictures on SM. She also never dressed sexy. But her FB background was a picture of herself....

These days so many attractive women are narcissists that you are not wrong to assume she is one until proven innocent. As an empath I attract these types all day.

Frankly I've made it my goal to keep building a life where I am happy WITHOUT women. Just use them for sex, that's all.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP you gotta look for incongruencies, cracks in the mask

In a nutshell yes...and behaviors like how they treat waiters/waitresses, etc.

 

[Epimanes]

I'm an empath also... and was married to a Narcissist for 25yrs... was hard to see the forest when your standing in the trees.

I'm in the clearing now.... jaded af... but I still want a woman in my life. Date world sucks... lol... o well... one day. Work in progress..

 

[TheEveningChronograph]

I'm an empath but I have firm boundaries established these days. I hope you move on and find happiness overall. The only cure for these narcissists and gaslighting POS's is a bullet to the brain. Good luck.

 

[LTG71]

I'm an empath so I attract narcissistic women. Here are some tips I've noticed from my last few gf's in the last 2 years:


1) Does the think of herself as a Queen or Princess? This should tell you a lot, especially if she calls herself one and demands you treat her like one.

2) Does she have almost all male friends? This is her harem, the backup boyfriends and validation on demand when you are fighting or break up and go no contact. She uses her sex appeal to use men. This doesn’t work on women so she doesn’t waste her time on them.

3) Does she have a trail of people who have blocked her? Family, friends, etc. These are people who wised up to her and her inappropriate behavior and exited. She is constantly needing to meet new people because she burns up friendships on a regular basis.

4) Does she have a picture of herself on her lock screen, home screen laptop, tablet, walls? My recent ex literally had ALL of these after a few months. There were also pictures of us, and the lock screen used to be of us, but slowly after a fight it changed to a picture of herself on her phone...the other pictures showed up when things were fine. These types of people attract each other. The woman I’m mentioning has a guy friend where his entire Facebook is nothing but selfies of himself.

5) Is she the victim in all of her stories, never did anything wrong? All her breakups were the guys fault? The stories you are being told happened, just not the way she says they happened. The truth is the opposite of what they tell you. This is a hallmark of a covert narcissist. They portray themselves like the biggest victims to get attention from people feeling sorry for them.

This sounds like a covert narcissist female that I know. She also hates to celebrate anyone else’s successes or milestones. Weddings, birthdays, baby showers, fitness accomplishments, job promotion, you name it. She always has an excuse to not be able to participate.

Also late to arrangements or completely flakes and then plays the victim as an excuse.

Reaches out to talk/text but once the subject is not on her, she’ll stop responding.

This woman is attractive so she gets away with it with new people. Once she removes her mask and people realize how toxic she is, they walk away.

Good to be aware for these patterns, then cut and run if you see them.

 

[jnMissouri]

No bro...that's incorrect. Them being on their best behavior has nothing to do with them letting things slip or them showing the true side of themselves even if it's briefly.

For instance, any woman who treats a waiter or waitress like crap is an automatic dump for me. That's them showing you who they really are. Which is a person who treats others with no respect. That will then trickle down to you, who she will eventually treat with the same no respect. Seems minor, but it's not. It's an insight into the real them.


Little things like that are insights into the person they are. Either you aren't noticing things like that, don't know what to look for or are ignoring them because they always will be there. Nobody can hide things that well so nothing shows through...people usually simply choose to overlook those things.

I'm simply saying don't. That's her telling you who she is. Believe her.

Ummmm...it is true. People are on their best behavior in the beginning, google it, it's called a social mask. Eventually gf's fart, pee, etc. in front of me no problem. Their true self comes out.

But your point about staff is true. My ex pissed off EVERYONE. Her brother in law and sister blocked her (at his direction supposedly), her best friend (of four months) blocked her. She'd ask me why the waiter was so rude to her, and I told her why. Flight attendants, EVERYONE she managed to piss off. She was raised in a rich family who had live in nanny's and she apparently treated them like **** too. She claimed she USED to be a *****, but she still is I told her. She doesn't seem to realize she is the problem in all her relationships.

 

[jnMissouri]

This sounds like a covert narcissist female that I know. She also hates to celebrate anyone else’s successes or milestones. Weddings, birthdays, baby showers, fitness accomplishments, job promotion, you name it. She always has an excuse to not be able to participate.

Also late to arrangements or completely flakes and then plays the victim as an excuse.

Reaches out to talk/text but once the subject is not on her, she’ll stop responding.

This woman is attractive so she gets away with it with new people. Once she removes her mask and people realize how toxic she is, they walk away.

Good to be aware for these patterns, then cut and run if you see them.

Narcissists like to ruin special occasions, look it up. It forever cements them in your mind and focuses attention back on them instead of someone else. My recent ex spent THOUSANDS, like several thousand on my birthday...probably only because she wanted to be better than a previous ex a few exes ago last year (I had a lot of relationships I cut loose in the last year) who royally screwed me on my birthday.

But here's the thing...right after my pet of nearly two decades died, she chose that day to leave and try to regain control of having male friends. I was like nope. She conceded, but we are still not together, we can't have a conversation without fighting because of her mouth and BS. Point is, she chose to give me a great b day only to outdo my ex who she knew I loved like none else. Then she chose to ruin the pet loss within hours to cement herself in my brain. Luckily I know what she is trying to do, and it doesn't get to me.

 

[LTG71]

Narcissists like to ruin special occasions, look it up. It forever cements them in your mind and focuses attention back on them instead of someone else. My recent ex spent THOUSANDS, like several thousand on my birthday...probably only because she wanted to be better than a previous ex a few exes ago last year (I had a lot of relationships I cut loose in the last year) who royally screwed me on my birthday.

But here's the thing...right after my pet of nearly two decades died, she chose that day to leave and try to regain control of having male friends. I was like nope. She conceded, but we are still not together, we can't have a conversation without fighting because of her mouth and BS. Point is, she chose to give me a great b day only to outdo my ex who she knew I loved like none else. Then she chose to ruin the pet loss within hours to cement herself in my brain. Luckily I know what she is trying to do, and it doesn't get to me.

What a cvnt. Like pouring alcohol on an open wound. She picked a time when you were most vulnerable to stab you in the back. When you call them out on it, they’re like “what what did I do?” These types of people are pure evil.

 

[jnMissouri]

What a cvnt. Like pouring alcohol on an open wound. She picked a time when you were most vulnerable to stab you in the back. When you call them out on it, they’re like “what what did I do?” These types of people are pure evil.

Exactly! A lot of people told me that she'd be dead to them and not even consider taking her back. She did it to manipulate me in a moment of weakness to accepting her having/bringing back male friends and I was like NOPE. She conceded but still has some major behavioral issues and we are currently almost a week into a new no contact period. Last one she caved and indirectly contacted me by sending me a package from Amazon after 3 days...I'm basically just going to use her for sex and spin plates. I already have a second date lined up with a chic I went out with Tuesday. She's not as young or as hot but SEEMS stable so far....although she has some weird **** too (ex husband stayed the night at her house once, they wouldn't touch each other with a 10 foot pole though, etc. Or so she says. Just a piece of ass to me. No quality women left.

 

[TheEveningChronograph]

Unfortunately setting boundaries with them dont work. I know many Psychologist advocate establishing them with Narcissist, but the simply truth is they dont care and will keep trying and trying until they get what they want. Its an endless game with them.
Narcissist are the game, playing woman or men is narcissistic in itself.
They dont care and still violate them until to a point where you get angry and are seen as the bad guy, especially because many People are blind in seeing the truth behind it

By established boundaries I meant not putting up with that bullsh!t up front. I find out you are one of those, I walk away instantly. Too easy.

 

[Bokanovsky]

2) Does she have almost all male friends? This is her harem, the backup boyfriends and validation on demand when you are fighting or break up and go no contact.

She can have a lot of female friends AND a harem of backup boyfriends. The two are not mutually exclusive.

5) Is she the victim in all of her stories, never did anything wrong? All her breakups were the guys fault?

This describes practically every woman. Victim mentality is deeply ingrained. From personal experience, I can think of only one or two instances where a woman actually admitted that failed relationship with an ex was her fault.

Good list otherwise. I would add that if a woman says (unprompted) that she's not a narcissist, she is most definitely a narcissist.