Tips on confidence...

[JoeWhoa]

How do some of you guys get up the confidence to do some of this stuff? Sure its easy to say "just do it", but for some it's just not that easy. Whenever I am in a business situation, I'm in charge and confident as hell, but when I'm actually being "me" in a club, I'm like a different person. Hell, I don't studder, but in that situation I actually catch myself doing that sometimes... its weird. Man, I think I need to take a few shots of something to get me going, what do ya think?

 

[Mr. Fingers]

Welcome to the board Joe!

Man I feel your pain. I was once real skittish about these things too. My pops was never around and I have no older brothers, so I pretty much had to figure this stuff out on my own. This site has helped tremendously. If you haven't already done so, check out the DJ Bible. Read that sucker over the next few weeks and absorb it. Also, if you go into the Tips forum, I have written posts on Authentic Confidence and Social Phobias that I hope will give you a boost. (there is also an excellent post by Brazilian Blues Boy on Happiness in there that will put you in a great state of mind!)

Best of luck to you my friend!

 

[jbbrain]

read mr. fingers, but keep in mind that confidence is something that grows inside you. Its a relaization of your self worth and happiness. IMprove yurself, focus on your dreams and goals, and confidence will come..

but

If were talking about confidence with women (which i note as a diffeent type altogether) it works much the same eway. You MUST practise. Confront your fears, do some approaches, get rejected and in time you will realize that everything you do is truly only for you.

 

[Harry Cash]

Hey jbbrain!

Once you realize that there's no need to fear rejection you'll automatically get a confidence boost-up.

Important: not just know that's no reason to fear rejection, but having the FEEL that the only possible harm happens if you don't try.

That is all.

 

[jbbrain]

exactly, but talk is cheap, and getting out there and actually DOING will get your confidence up where it should be

 

[krd]

Originally posted by JoeWhoa
Man, I think I need to take a few shots of something to get me going, what do ya think?

Believe me, I've considered that too. It often takes me a couple of hours before I start having a good time. I'd almost think you need to go out nearly every night in order to get used to it and feel comfortable. For me at least, once or twice a week isn't really enough (and I'm lucky if I ever get to do it that often). It's like working out--you're going to make little progress if you only go to the gym once a week. However, I know that going out every night isn't always an option.

 

[TesuqueRed]

I know about that business personality/private personality dichotomy. Amazing how much discrepancy there is and it's all in the same person!

So you've developed a confident, take-charge "I know this" personality while at work but don't have that in the club? Somehow you need to build up the civilian side (so to speak) to match the business side.

With most things, start small and in controlled situations, get a lot of reps in, and slowly escalate (got this from Steele, btw..)

Only you know where your weak points are. Is it in approaching women above a 6 rating or above an 8 rating? Is it making conversation with anyone without handling business for them? Or can you handle most of that but find it hard to approach women in a club setting where they are at the top of their game with bytch shields on full and laser tongues set for full laceration?

Pick what you want to improve and start comfortable, get in a lot of practice reps and begin to escalate the challenge. Work up the ladder (my guess is you're probably several rungs up the ladder already and can begin work from the middle....)

For example:

Talking with people.
--1st rung: engage everyone you meet in a normal situation (clerks, people at a bus stop, people asking for directions...) with a single comment. Engage anyone and everyone regardless of gender or age. Just make a comment.
--2nd rung: escalate---make sure you have a simple, non-DJ comment or conversation with a clerk you find somewhat attractive.
--3rd rung: escalate--same as #2 but do it with an attractive one...

Move up to the next floor: respond to or initiate a comment or conversation with someone who isn't engaged in an everyday--just make any dumb@ss comment with anyone of any age or gender.
---next rung: do it with a female who you are not attracted to.
---next rung: do it with a female who you find "not bad".
---etc.

KEY: after each encounter, go over the encounter and replay it in your mind. Ask:
--what happened?
--what did I wish happened?
--how would I do it differently?
This is best done if you do it in 3 columns and WRITE it out. This absolutely drills it into your subconscios and stops all the mental mind-fvcking you do to yourself when you don't do as well as you intended.

It's a lot of work but unearths pure gold.

Pretty soon (weeks? months?) you're in a club practicing and using this learned behavior.