Tip: Women will pick up on your insecurity

[Pandora]

The following is something that I wish I had know in my 20s and early 30s. Women are constantly probing for your insecurities. They are very insecure themselves so they are experts at detecting it in others. This is especially true of toxic women. Women will pick up on subtle behaviors you exhibit due to insecurity so make sure you resolve these issues before you start dating. I will give you a couple examples.

During sophomore year of college I used to look at myself in mirrors a lot. I was a high self monitor and must of been insecure with my looks. I didn't even realize that I was doing it. I always consciously felt confident but I guess subconsciously that was not the case. I was walking back to my dorm with this one cute girl that I really liked. We were going to make out and she made the observation that I keep looking in mirrors. I was surprised and slightly embarrassed. I still ended up getting to 2nd base with her because her interest was so high that she didn't care about my quirk.

When I lived on a island there was this cute black island chick that I was obsessed with. She was very observant. She once noticed that I talk black around my black friends. She said I talk regular around non black people. This was subtle but she noticed it. I was embarrassed but I was glad that she pointed it out. I made out with her once and then she pulled back. I became depressed and simped hard for her. Then I raged out against her via text and needed validation and hooked up with another girl. Needless to say I failed her shyt test because my inner game was bad. I was 25 so I forgive myself lol.

So please do a deep delve into your psyche. Cleanse any self love issues you have because women will pick up on them. They are experts at this.

 

[BPH]

I'd say this boils down to the fact that a lot of little things aren't an issue unless you let them be.

 

[Solomon]

Anytime I have gone through down periods in my life and tried to be "vulnerable" with women my insecurity has seeped through.
The reality is a lot of women will deem it as a redflag. I don't blame them but it is what it is

IMO a lot of men would benefit doing therapy as well

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You should have hit her up with some KRS One lyrics and been like...

"I get a pen, a pencil, a marker...
Mainly what I write is for the average New Yorker..
Some MCs be talkin' and talkin', trying to show how black people are walkin'...
But I don't walk this way to portray...
Or reinforce stereotypes of the day...
Like all my brothers eat Chicken and Watermelon...
Talk broken English and Drug Selling..."

 

[jhonny9546]

Anytime I have gone through down periods in my life and tried to be "vulnerable" with women my insecurity has seeped through.
The reality is a lot of women will deem it as a redflag. I don't blame them but it is what it is

IMO a lot of men would benefit doing therapy as well

Being vulnerable satisfies your need to talk about it.
But it makes you look insecure. It projects an image of yourself as insecure to others.

 

[Solomon]

Being vulnerable satisfies your need to talk about it.
But it makes you look insecure. It projects an image of yourself as insecure to others.

This is why for men we don't open up to women but maybe other men, cause it's a sign of weakness

 

[BeExcellent]

Women can smell insecurity on a man. If she *really* likes you she'll deal with some of it, or even point it out as Pandora's island crush did, but its a hard wired thing to a great degree, but it is not rooted in women's insecurity.

It is rooted in a woman's need for security; for safety and protection. If you are so vain or insecure that you've got to look in the mirror all the time or need to fit in so bad you pick up the group dialect, it suggests subconsciously that you are lacking in confidence and you might run away if facing a real threat.

And that's s big deal because women and children need to feel a man or that dad is capable of physically protecting his family. That is biology at work in modern social dynamics. It is much deeper than she is insecure so she recognizes if you are insecure. It gets to her most basic need for safety/security.

 

[jhonny9546]

One thing that has been brought up to me by you all, which I firmly disagree with, is the notion that you shouldn't set boundaries for a woman, because it might make you appear insecure. In my opinion, this perspective is both disconnected and misguided. A woman is essentially an baby in an adult body, but she benefit from a man who establishes healthy boundaries for her within the context of their shared life.

For instance, if you are in a LTR with children, it's important to communicate to your wife that while she can practice yoga, you will not tolerate her doing so in environments where there are other men, like a gym. Instead, she could practice in a private space or at a facility that caters specifically to women. Similarly, if your wife has a job, it's essential to evaluate the dynamics of that workplace and who she interacts with. (My BIL kept her relationship with my sister because my sister work in a place with only women. My cousing lost his wife because She had a job in a manly environment, a warehouse).

I’m not sure how this perspective translates to women, but in relationships, if you fail to set limits like these, she may act based on her emotions. If she chooses to disregard these boundaries, it's your responsibility to implement appropriate consequences. If she does not accept the boundaries, I tend to become more silent and detached. If she accepts but does not respect the boundaries, I consider walking away.

Rollo Tomassi states that "water takes the shape of the container it's in," and I find this to be profoundly true.
This approach comes naturally to me, not from a place of insecurity, but from a position of assertiveness. Like a father telling to a child.
I believe that if there are boundaries in a relationship and they are crossed (not merely tested or touched), it signifies the end of that relationship. What do you guys consider insecure or feminine about this behavior? I fail to understand; it seems quite safe to me!

It's akin to raising a daughter: you must guide her with clear expectations and boundaries.
The same if you have a male child.

 

[BeExcellent]

Um. Women are not children in adult bodies. Well some in their 20s might be, but you are not going to tell a female physician or nurse or physical therapist for example where she can or cannot work in a gender integrated society. She will work where the jobs are. In a hospital (for example) that is going to be around lots of men, including some very successful male doctors.

I travel for business. It is required in my career. I work with many male executives & physicians and have since age 22. My husband two weeks after he met said, "I don't like that you have children, and I don't like that you travel for work....."

I was not upset. I simply said, "Ok. Then I'm not the girl for you," and I GOT UP to leave the restaurant. He followed me into the parking lot & asked me to stay. I told him "Look. I cannot change the fact that I have children, I cannot change the fact that my work requires business travel. Those are structural elements of my life, and if that doesn't work for you then this cannot go forward. Simple. No big deal....."

He told me "I know. I have to deal with that. I want to keep seeing you."

So my point is to understand that in non Muslim cultures anyway, you as a man are not going to be able to dictate all this stuff you *think* you are. Not if you want a woman with a good head on her shoulders and her act together. She IS in fact an adult, capable of supporting herself, and capable of being a functional member of society. And a quality woman is going to expect a man to understand and respect that.

Your job as a man is to screen for the kind of woman you want. If you want a "child in an adult body" then good luck with that.....there are those women out there and they have issues to deal with too.

My husband does not have to support me, or support my children for example. They are not his responsibility, they are my responsibility as well as their father's. And only the youngest remains at home finishing high school. The older two are launched into adult life already. My husband does not need to rescue me from myself or set boundaries for me. I had a great father who raised me correctly, who did a great job with all four of us daughters.

A woman who has achieved something in her own life (like owning a business or completing medical school) has worked too hard to allow some man to arbitrarily set "boundaries" that preclude her striving toward her goals.

And mature men who are confident do not feel the need to do this. It is immature men who think this is appropriate.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Women can pick up on your insecurities even when you're not around them. I am convinced there is some cosmic force of nature that lets them pick up on it.

That's why I've always thought it was asinine how men try to use certain tactics to appear confident and assured, eg like plate spinning or feigning indifference. You either have it or you don't, and she will know.