time waiting between first and 2nd date contact,does it make a diff if low or high IL

[pete101]

how long should u wait before u contact for a 2nd date normally?

and does it make a difference whether her IL is only above average or super high as in should you wait a bit longer if her IL is only above average as to not look like you dont have options?

what is the usual accepted timeframe before contacting again?

 

[pdx1138]

I do hit them up for another date on the 2nd day after the first date.

There's really no good reason not to.

If they are into you, they will accept.

Definitely DO NOT make plans for another date on the day of the first date.

 

[pete101]

I do hit them up for another date on the 2nd day after the first date.

There's really no good reason not to.

If they are into you, they will accept.

Definitely DO NOT make plans for another date on the day of the first date.

do you mean wait 2 days after the 1st date i.e. if it was on a monday contact on the wednesday?

i think mistake i make is on the first date i suggest doing something next time.. when really u need to let them wonder if you'll contact her. rookie mistake.

my reasoning for waiting a bit longer if you guage their interest is above average rather than super high is that you may end up looking like you have no other options.. if she's super into you it doesn't really matter if u hit her up the next day cos she'll accept and want to see you. i think it was more thinking the tactic of waiting a little bit longer might help with girls who aren't super highly interested in you yet. would that make any sense?

 

[thevilittletroll]

i always follow up the next day but be careful with the content of your messages. dont talk about how much fun you had on the date or ask her the same, or how you cant wait to see her again. keep the convo going, make it light and funny for about 5-7 days without asking her out. this will show that you are not needy or desperate. she will also start to wonder why you having asked her out again. then i will ask her out day before or morning of.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

how long should u wait before u contact for a 2nd date normally? and does it make a difference whether her IL is only above average or super high as in should you wait a bit longer if her IL is only above average as to not look like you dont have options? what is the usual accepted timeframe before contacting again?

Let me start by saying: the responses you're going to get on this post are going to range from poster to poster. Each of us has different experiences in the time frames we deal with, so there isn't necessarily a "right" or "wrong" time frame.

With that said, though: while there might not be one correct time frame per se, there IS a success percentage with each one. What I mean is, the girl retention rate for someone who calls his dates the very next day to ask for a date is going to be different that the rate for someone who calls his dates after waiting x-amount of days. There are various psychological reasons that go into this, the majority of which I will have to save for a later post

What I have found to be true in my own testing of various call days (calling the next day, calling after 2 days, after 3 days, etc.) is that my highest girl retention rate - i.e. the girls that would date me for long periods of time - were the girls I'd call FOUR DAYS after a date to set up another date.

It's not about getting the girl to go out with you a 2nd or 3rd time. You need to be thinking about ways to keep her interest over a longer period of time. In order to do that, you need to spread out the dates.

If you go out on a date with a girl, then call her up the next day to ask her out on a date for the next day, then see her again, then ask her out the day after that... by the end of the week you'll have gone out with her 3 times already.

Because of this, you'll only have a day or two between dates for other things in your life to happen. Consequently, when you go out with her you'll have very little to talk about, other than things you've already said to her before. This will make you appear boring to her, and by the 3rd date she'll feel as though she knows everything about you. Now there's nothing new for her to explore, and she's ready to move on to someone else.

Contrast that with a guy who goes on a date with her, then calls her 4 days later to set up for a date 2 days after that. When they meet up, they now have SIX DAYS worth of stuff to talk about. When she hears his stories, she's going to think "Wow, he does a LOT of cool stuff when I'm not around him - he's not boring at all, AND he has a life outside of me!"

I also find that waiting 4 days is a good way to gauge her interest. For any girl that's been REALLY into me, I have yet to go a full 4 days before SHE hits ME up and asks ME if we can get together. And when she does, we make arrangements for the time and place to meet, then I go NC until the date.

So, that's my experience. Like I said, I'm sure others will probably come on here and tell you "you can contact her within a day or two, bro, otherwise she won't know you're interested and bail." I've found the opposite to be true time and time again: when they like you, they'll wait for your call; when they don't like you, they won't care that you called; and if you call too soon, the one that might like you will start to get annoyed by you.

Hope this helps!

 

[pete101]

Let me start by saying: the responses you're going to get on this post are going to range from poster to poster. Each of us has different experiences in the time frames we deal with, so there isn't necessarily a "right" or "wrong" time frame.

With that said, though: while there might not be one correct time frame per se, there IS a success percentage with each one. What I mean is, the girl retention rate for someone who calls his dates the very next day to ask for a date is going to be different that the rate for someone who calls his dates after waiting x-amount of days. There are various psychological reasons that go into this, the majority of which I will have to save for a later post

What I have found to be true in my own testing of various call days (calling the next day, calling after 2 days, after 3 days, etc.) is that my highest girl retention rate - i.e. the girls that would date me for long periods of time - were the girls I'd call FOUR DAYS after a date to set up another date.

It's not about getting the girl to go out with you a 2nd or 3rd time. You need to be thinking about ways to keep her interest over a longer period of time. In order to do that, you need to spread out the dates.

If you go out on a date with a girl, then call her up the next day to ask her out on a date for the next day, then see her again, then ask her out the day after that... by the end of the week you'll have gone out with her 3 times already.

Because of this, you'll only have a day or two between dates for other things in your life to happen. Consequently, when you go out with her you'll have very little to talk about, other than things you've already said to her before. This will make you appear boring to her, and by the 3rd date she'll feel as though she knows everything about you. Now there's nothing new for her to explore, and she's ready to move on to someone else.

Contrast that with a guy who goes on a date with her, then calls her 4 days later to set up for a date 2 days after that. When they meet up, they now have SIX DAYS worth of stuff to talk about. When she hears his stories, she's going to think "Wow, he does a LOT of cool stuff when I'm not around him - he's not boring at all, AND he has a life outside of me!"

I also find that waiting 4 days is a good way to gauge her interest. For any girl that's been REALLY into me, I have yet to go a full 4 days before SHE hits ME up and asks ME if we can get together. And when she does, we make arrangements for the time and place to meet, then I go NC until the date.

So, that's my experience. Like I said, I'm sure others will probably come on here and tell you "you can contact her within a day or two, bro, otherwise she won't know you're interested and bail." I've found the opposite to be true time and time again: when they like you, they'll wait for your call; when they don't like you, they won't care that you called; and if you call too soon, the one that might like you will start to get annoyed by you.

Hope this helps!

yeah this makes sense.. my only issue if her interest isn't super high.. like she's interested but at the same time not so interested that she'd drop everything to see u.. not yet anyway. i always wondered whether if i waited a bit longer to contact again i.e. 1 or 2 more days than normal it may make her wonder why i haven't contacted her yet.

like right now, this girl i went on a date with that didn't go that amazingly but i think she's interested but not enough yet (more my fault that my game isn't good enough yet) so if i were to call her tomorrow to meet up there n then that night or the next day would that be too soon and she'll think i have no other options?

we only went out last night.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

We can't give you a clear-cut answer because there are only guidelines. Take a situation for example:

You go on a first date with a girl, her interest level isn't super high, but it's there. Now two possibilities:

1) You wait 2 days before setting up another date with you. You appear clingy to her, and the fact that the interest wasn't real high has just trumped the clingy aspect, and she will flake. If you had waited longer, she might have wondered just once why you haven't called, and boom, you're in for a second date.

2) You wait 4 days before setting up another date with you. In four days she may have met another guy, and all of a sudden her interest isn't there anymore. If you had contacted sooner, she may have accepted to give this a second chance.

See what I mean? It's best you develop your own style, and adapt when a situation needs you to do so.

It's even better when you are actually leading a busy enough lifestyle to prevent you from being free to date 3x a week, because like a previous poster mentioned, it will automatically give you a higher value, and you will make a much better impression on the first date, and even if you will be forced to wait the 4 days, she will remember you (and wait) longer. Again, this isn't universal.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

yeah this makes sense.. my only issue if her interest isn't super high.. like she's interested but at the same time not so interested that she'd drop everything to see u.. not yet anyway. i always wondered whether if i waited a bit longer to contact again i.e. 1 or 2 more days than normal it may make her wonder why i haven't contacted her yet.

like right now, this girl i went on a date with that didn't go that amazingly but i think she's interested but not enough yet (more my fault that my game isn't good enough yet) so if i were to call her tomorrow to meet up there n then that night or the next day would that be too soon and she'll think i have no other options?

we only went out last night.

For girls that aren't super-interested... to be honest, I find if they're not super-interested, they're not usually worth my time to continue dating.

However - again, from personal experience - I find it's usually best to wait LONGER for girls that only have medium interest. If you feel her interest could be built up (which it can), you have to get her wondering from time to time if you're still interested.

The best way to do this is to wait a few days; then, when you call her, she'll be happy she hasn't "lost" you yet (despite the fact that you're not even a couple yet) and will usually be more apt to make a date with you (i.e. to prove that she's worthy of being called for a date sooner). At this point, you set up a date 4 days from your call date.

Now, you may be thinking, "but what if she forgets the day of our date?" Answer: then she's not as interested in you as you think, and you've just saved yourself some money. Think about it this way: in all your years of dating, how often have YOU forgotten a date with somebody you REALLY liked, regardless of how far in advanced it was planned?

Real talk: I once met a girl at a party who seemed to just have okay interest in me. I got her info and told her I'd be in touch. 3 weeks later I called her on a Thursday and asked her out for a movie on Tuesday. She was so excited, she hit me up on Monday just to make sure we were still going to go through with it. The next day, we went to the movie, and SHE paid for it!

So, if you want to build up their interest, wait at least 4 days then call. Otherwise, if they haven't made a decision about you yet, you calling/texting them every day is going to turn them off. Hope this helps!

 

[SgtSplacker]

2-3 days for me. As a general rule I try to ask a girl out no later than Tuesday for the coming weekend.

 

[pete101]

For girls that aren't super-interested... to be honest, I find if they're not super-interested, they're not usually worth my time to continue dating.

However - again, from personal experience - I find it's usually best to wait LONGER for girls that only have medium interest. If you feel her interest could be built up (which it can), you have to get her wondering from time to time if you're still interested.

The best way to do this is to wait a few days; then, when you call her, she'll be happy she hasn't "lost" you yet (despite the fact that you're not even a couple yet) and will usually be more apt to make a date with you (i.e. to prove that she's worthy of being called for a date sooner). At this point, you set up a date 4 days from your call date.

Now, you may be thinking, "but what if she forgets the day of our date?" Answer: then she's not as interested in you as you think, and you've just saved yourself some money. Think about it this way: in all your years of dating, how often have YOU forgotten a date with somebody you REALLY liked, regardless of how far in advanced it was planned?

Real talk: I once met a girl at a party who seemed to just have okay interest in me. I got her info and told her I'd be in touch. 3 weeks later I called her on a Thursday and asked her out for a movie on Tuesday. She was so excited, she hit me up on Monday just to make sure we were still going to go through with it. The next day, we went to the movie, and SHE paid for it!

So, if you want to build up their interest, wait at least 4 days then call. Otherwise, if they haven't made a decision about you yet, you calling/texting them every day is going to turn them off. Hope this helps!

i think you've answered my question. in this case i need to wait more than 2 days even though it's nearly the weekend

her interest is medium so i'm likely to appear clingy with no options. i feel like i need to make up for a bad first date which i could have done better. 3 days will be friday and 4 days will be saturday so realistically i'd have to wait either till friday or sunday to arrange a date or i risk it and do it tomorrow as an instant date thing.

maybe if i call her and she picks up i can run some game to get the IL up a bit and take her for a drink that night. we'll see. i want to call tomorrow but then again i'll look like i have no options and will have met her twice in four days if she agrees. she doesn't seem like the type to set up plans 2-3 days in advance without flaking so im better off doing what someone else said either day before or morning of.

thanks for the advice anyway.

maybe 3 days seems the best bet.

 

[VladPatton]

Forget about interest for now, because you need some more time with her to accurately gauge that. Also, her acceptance/refusal of your dates will give you that said gauge. Wait 4, ask for the date 2 days later. In short, see her once a week, on weekdays.

You'll have time for some planning, stuff to talk about, and a significant amount of wait on her part (and yours too, actually). Her attraction forms in your absence. Also, keep texting at a minimum. Use it to blip her radar every so often, and for setting up dates ONLY. Don't get all yappy via text, you'll shoot yourself in the foot.

Side note: 2 date refusals without counteroffers = dead situation = NEXT

Good luck.

 

[pdx1138]

2) You wait 4 days before setting up another date with you. In four days she may have met another guy, and all of a sudden her interest isn't there anymore. If you had contacted sooner, she may have accepted to give this a second chance.

That's EXACTLY what I did and what happened a month ago.

Was a bit bummed out when it happened, she was really good looking too and had a great personality.

 

[pete101]

We can't give you a clear-cut answer because there are only guidelines. Take a situation for example:

You go on a first date with a girl, her interest level isn't super high, but it's there. Now two possibilities:

1) You wait 2 days before setting up another date with you. You appear clingy to her, and the fact that the interest wasn't real high has just trumped the clingy aspect, and she will flake. If you had waited longer, she might have wondered just once why you haven't called, and boom, you're in for a second date.

2) You wait 4 days before setting up another date with you. In four days she may have met another guy, and all of a sudden her interest isn't there anymore. If you had contacted sooner, she may have accepted to give this a second chance.

See what I mean? It's best you develop your own style, and adapt when a situation needs you to do so.

It's even better when you are actually leading a busy enough lifestyle to prevent you from being free to date 3x a week, because like a previous poster mentioned, it will automatically give you a higher value, and you will make a much better impression on the first date, and even if you will be forced to wait the 4 days, she will remember you (and wait) longer. Again, this isn't universal.

well i did the 2 days thing but she was busy and didn't counter offer so i then waited 4 days today she didn't answer my call (shes always next to her phone) or call me back so i just sent her the text of meeting up tonight.. she immediately texts me: 'sorry busy today x ' screening my call.

number 2) scenario is what seems to appeared AND also low interest.

so i guess in the early stages of dating if her interest is only average or above average it very quickly can fall to zero with another guy in the picture and you're done. but surely wouldn't they want to keep you around for attention?

why is it that none of these women ever contact me again even to see if they still have me or i'm interested?

i know what to do if they do contact.. i.e. ignore ignore.. but they never contact. surely i thought for attention wh0ring sakes they'd contact me askign me somethign BS like 'how are you?'

 

[pete101]

Forget about interest for now, because you need some more time with her to accurately gauge that. Also, her acceptance/refusal of your dates will give you that said gauge. Wait 4, ask for the date 2 days later. In short, see her once a week, on weekdays.

You'll have time for some planning, stuff to talk about, and a significant amount of wait on her part (and yours too, actually). Her attraction forms in your absence. Also, keep texting at a minimum. Use it to blip her radar every so often, and for setting up dates ONLY. Don't get all yappy via text, you'll shoot yourself in the foot.

Side note: 2 date refusals without counteroffers = dead situation = NEXT

Good luck.

yes, 2 date refusals no counter offer = next. that's what has happened.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I never assume a girl is all the way in with me until we hit at least 10 dates or 3 months of consistent dating behavior (i.e. never flaking, always answer calls or text, is giving her own date ideas, etc.). Until then, for all I know she could be seeing me and 5 other dudes at the same time. This is why it's a good idea to be PATIENT and hold off on being too invested feelings-wise in the beginning - she's still making up her mind, and you should be as well.