time is runnin out

[VinnyPants]

HEY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I have a large issue. I have fallen in love with a awesome girl and I think I should ask her to marry me. I will not get into all the particulars but if you have questions please feel free to post and I will reply. Well here comes the complicated part, I am a union worked and have been called to do a job in Albany NY. Now we both come with a lot of "drama" but we recognize and deal with that. When I asked her to come with me she told me that she cannot run from her problems and smiled. She doesn't know that I would like to marry her and just so everyone knows, the job is slated to last any where between 7 to 11 years. I will not be able to return to my home very often because the commute is to great and I do not feel or believe the long distance thing will work out all too well. So if anyone has a good idea I would be greatfull to hear it. Also just to make it a little more complicated I am leaving to go to Albany on 11-11-05 (Friday)

 

[VinnyPants]

I am not sure if she thought I was for real when I asked her to come with me, I lightly asked and when she made the comment I droped it and moved on to another topic. I did not want to force the issue at the time. Also as far as finding another job goes THAT IS JUST NOT POSSIBLE. It is not that I love what I am doing so much that I cannot quit but I have too much vested with the union and I cannot loose all the time money and savings that I plan to retire with.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Dood, we're a bunch of pickup artists (or DJ's for those who follow that path). Either way, we come here to learn how to manipulate and decipher women primarily for sexual gain and conquest.

I really think you're asking the wrong crowd.

Seek wiser counsel and meditate on it.

 

[VinnyPants]

And I came here for advice from a bunch of my peers, people who have had all different types of experiences and issues and who have learned from their mistakes. So if YOU believe that my question is "OFF" or do not know how to answer it then I will thank you NOT TO WASTE MY TIME POSTING A REPLY.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Seek wiser counsel and meditate on it.

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Vinnypants,

Look Bud, relationships are built on risk and trust. You take the first risk by asking her out and she takes the next risk by accepting, and so on and so on...until there are literally thousands of risks over time. This sharing of risks builds trust.

Now I would think that asking a woman to move to a place with you is a pretty big risk. And she didn't accept by taking the risk with you. So be really careful about the marriage thing Vinny.

The way I see it, you have two choices:

-Give up the job and stay with the girl until you've worked on taking smaller risks to build up enough trust for marriage.

-Take the job and forget about the girl.

Remember, she said 'no' to moving with you. Maybe she'll say 'yes' to marriage with you, but keep in mind moving with you would be a considerably smaller risk, and she didn't want to do that.

 

[VinnyPants]

Awesome way to look at it. Thanx for the advice

 

[Ricky]

Wow sounds painfully like me and my ex.

Ask her to marry you. It's funny what a thing like that can do.

But can you come up with a rock in time? That would help your case LOL!

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Ask her first if you are going to ask. Then if she says 'yes', take her to choose the rock. Women like to be able to choose the ring, or so I've heard (from my ex after I chose the f*ckin' ring!):kick:

 

[NewMan]

You have not asked her for "Real" yet...

If your going to ask her, her her properly - don't try and cover it up by jokingly asking her. If you put no effort forward, don't expect her to jump.

So ask her if you want her to go with you.

 

[Squid]

I agree with newman, if you let her know how committed you are to the relationship by asking her to marry you, then maybe she will be more willing to take the risk of moving.

Just casually asking her to move does not build up alot of confidence in the relationship.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

While you do not state how old both of you are, it will definitely play a big role in your decisions. What are the chances that either of you will run into somebody you actually want to be with long term, again?

Chose your path, course in life, and the woman will follow. It is by far the most attractive option. Choose your carreer, if that is what you really want to do for a job, for now at least. If you are on your path, and invite her to come along, it will be much better for you in the long run.

Doesn't sound like she would drop and leave her life behind; at least based on how you asked. If you stay just for her, will she respect you in the long run for not choosing your path?

If you decide to follow your dreams and go for sure and then, and only thenk, invite her over, don't you think she will know you are serious enough to make you an attractive option?

 

[Slickster]

I agree!

If you REALLY are that serious about this woman then don't piss around. Tell her how you feel and tell her you want her to come with you, otherwise the relationship will end.

If she feels the same way about you then she'll do anything to keep you together.

If not, then its better you find out now.

Good luck.

 

[MacAvoy]

My question for you is are you asking her to marry you because you see it as the only possible solution as a result of your job? How long have you two been together, are you ready? Everyone seems to be focussed on you asking, maybe rightfully so. However, as soon as I read your post, it seemed like your love / marriage feelings are being forced to the forefront because of your job.

A LD may not be workable in the long term but if your not at the marriage point yet, maybe thats what you need to grow.

 

[VinnyPants]

Hey everyone thanx for all the advice,opinions and outlooks I found all of it real helpful and just to let everyone kno, I decieded to ask her to marry me. I will post Friday and let you all kno how it went. Thanx


VinnyPants

 

[WestCoaster]

How old are you Vinny?

If you're near the age of 20 or 21, I'd definitely opt out of the marriage deal ... you'll be 30 and bored as sh-t with her. You do most of your emotional changing from 20 to 30.

 

[WestCoaster]

Yes, I'm sure ...

... if you don't grow the most from 20-30, you're just sitting on the couch watching the world go by. Get back to me in a few years. It will be a roller coaster, but one of incredible growth.

We had a 17-year old here a couple years ago saying he knew all there was about life and he was done growing and we didn't know sh-t ... trust me, he's wrong; and get back to me in a few years.

Vinny still hasn't told us how old he is ... my guess is he's a young AFC with oneitis.

 

[VinnyPants]

sorry about the age thing i must have missed that question (I do have a lot on my mind these changes are goin on really quick) but just to let you all know I am 28 and my girl is 27. so i f you wanna know anything else just ask...

 

[WestCoaster]

That would be it's as in a contraction and RIGHT, not write.

Write is what you do with pad and pen or computer. You really need to mellow out.

 

[WestCoaster]

Actually, you'd be wrong

But I do see three immediate problems if your writing reflects your life:

1. Quick to judge.

2. Quick temper.

3. Must be right all the time.

... A recipe for marriage/fatherhood disaster. I do truly hope it works out for you, and I hope you're not the person that you're portraying on this board. If you are, you have a long, painful life ahead of you, full of divorce and child support. Please, don't be another statistic. Listen to people and be more understanding. If you're the opposite of what you portray on this board, then you're a good human being.