Time disrespect...what to do?

[Mxrider01]

Hey guys, I have recently started dating a great girl that could easily turn into a LTR. She has a really high Interest level and her actions lead me to believe she is totally into me.

But....the only issue I have right now with her, is that when we talk or make arrangements to hang out ahead of time, she has taken forever to get ready and has made me wait for her atleast 10-15 minutes at her house to pick her up. This "running late" thing has only happened twice in maybe 15 dates or so. I could potentially see it getting worse or becoming a problem in the future. I realize that this may be a deal breaker for some of you guys out there, but for me right now, it's not. I don't really believe that she is purposely disrespecting my time...but my time is valuable. So...

What can I do or say in a tactfull way to let her know that I don't like when she is late or makes me wait?

Thanks....

 

[DJDamage]

Arrive 20 mins late so she will HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU.

 

[Mxrider01]

DJDamage Arrive 20 mins late so she will HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU.

How often would i do that? Should I just do that a few times until she maybe says something?

 

[synergy1]

most women i know have no sense of time. they are late to everything.

 

[jophil28]

But....the only issue I have right now with her, is that when we talk or make arrangements to hang out ahead of time, she has taken forever to get ready and has made me wait for her atleast 10-15 minutes at her house to pick her up. This "running late" thing has only happened twice in maybe 15 dates or so. I could potentially see it getting worse or becoming a problem in the future.

Does she apologize for making you wait? Does she make an attempt to hurry herself while you are standing around waiting or does she just go at her own speed ?
You say that she has takes "forever to get ready" , that does not translate into a wait of 10-15 mins?
I agree that she needs to lift her behavior and be ready and be ready to head out when you arrive.
This is a universal problem, and women feel "entitled " to be late in the belief that it is "what women do." They also believe that you are lucky to be dating them and that you, therefor, will just suck this up.
I have had this problem and I asked her 'directly' to be ready when I arrived at the agreed time. A quality woman will respect your wishes.
IF she does not, arrive 20 -30 minutes late next time and make HER wait - a little of her own medicine perhaps.

 

[Colossus]

Twice in 15 dates? I wouldnt sweat it.

She probably thinks she doesnt really have to get serious until you arrive.

You could always make her wait, which is very gratifying, but in my experience the 'tit-for-tat' approach doesnt really change anything. If it really bugs you say something to her, tactfully, and leave it at that.

And, I know this is off-topic, but please tell me you are "established" with her after 15 dates.

 

[Mxrider01]

Twice in 15 dates? I wouldnt sweat it.

She probably thinks she doesnt really have to get serious until you arrive.

You could always make her wait, which is very gratifying, but in my experience the 'tit-for-tat' approach doesnt really change anything. If it really bugs you say something to her, tactfully, and leave it at that.

And, I know this is off-topic, but please tell me you are "established" with her after 15 dates.

Yes, I am "established" with her.

The only other time she made me wait other than 10-15 at her house was when I had asked her to come over at like 6:30 -7:00 she shows at 8:30 and aplogized. But still it pisses me off that I sat around and didn't do much while waiting on her...that won't happen again. In the future if she shows up, she shows up, and if im in the middle of something she can wait.

 

[wjh]

if it's only 10-15 minutes, 1 out of every 10 dates - i say accept it.

that's something i can deal with considering all the other crap women can put you through.

 

[STR8UP]

if it's only 10-15 minutes, 1 out of every 10 dates - i say accept it.

that's something i can deal with considering all the other crap women can put you through.

If this is the worst of it i wouldn't complain.

 

[guru1000]

Hey guys, I have recently started dating a great girl that could easily turn into a LTR. She has a really high Interest level and her actions lead me to believe she is totally into me.

But....the only issue I have right now with her, is that when we talk or make arrangements to hang out ahead of time, she has taken forever to get ready and has made me wait for her atleast 10-15 minutes at her house to pick her up. This "running late" thing has only happened twice in maybe 15 dates or so. I could potentially see it getting worse or becoming a problem in the future. I realize that this may be a deal breaker for some of you guys out there, but for me right now, it's not. I don't really believe that she is purposely disrespecting my time...but my time is valuable. So...

What can I do or say in a tactfull way to let her know that I don't like when she is late or makes me wait?

Thanks....

Late 15 min in 2 dates. And?

I am late to every date.

 

[joekerr31]

ya, i'd let it slide. if it starts happening more often then you have a problem, but right now you don't.

does she apologize when she is late?

by NO MEANS am i excusing women who are late, but i can understand how it can happen now and then, it takes them a while to get ready and sometimes its harder than normal to get ready.

most of the time when im putting on my tie its no problem. it hangs to just wear i like it (just at my belt buckle).... but some times, i don't know why, i have to put the thing on 15 f*cking times to get it the right length!!!!

so if she's late once every 10 dates, its probably because normally her hair falls a certain way and for some reason that time it took 15 minutes longer than usual to get it to fall right.

 

[iqqi]

...most of the time when im putting on my tie its no problem. it hangs to just wear i like it (just at my belt buckle).... but some times, i don't know why, i have to put the thing on 15 f*cking times to get it the right length!!!!

so if she's late once every 10 dates, its probably because normally her hair falls a certain way and for some reason that time it took 15 minutes longer than usual to get it to fall right.

I agree. Instead of being negative and paranoid about respect issues, you should realize she really cares about what you think (in her own mind), and if she is having a bad hair day or something, she could be trying to make it better... FOR YOU. To impress you.

It is a good thing.

 

[Mr. Me]

Women are usually late because they have more to do to get prepared. The Queen of England was recently photographed by Annie Lebowitz and could only allow half an hour for the shoot, and she was late by 15 minutes because of the complexity of getting the traditional royal garb on. They never factor enough time to get ready, no matter who they are. To her credit, Annie was on time, though.

I like the idea offered of being late yourself. That's using "solution oriented" principles wherein you affect others' behavior by changing yours first, theirs then changes because the pattern has been altered.

In response, you asked, "Should I just do that a few times until she maybe says something?" and the answer is: You're not looking for her to say anything. You do it for a few weeks and observe to see if her habit improves.

If her lateness becomes problematic, then you have a problem. For example, if she's habitually late and you suffer damages, such as, you're closed out of the event you wished to attend; the show started a half hour before you got there; you can't get the spot you wanted; you missed the train you needed, etc., then her habit impacts the quality of life and something needs to be done. She's not late for work every day, is she?

Otherwise, if it's that you feel slighted by her lateness, cultivate a little more patience and tolerance. Women will be late, even after your time on earth is over, so unless you wish to be irked until the day you die (and comer to think of it, she may be late for your funeral too), let it go. It's not a deal breaker.

Yet if you must address it, do it calmly, with a smile, in the form of a side question/comment, rather than confront, as confrontations will put her on the defensive and not typically resolve anything. "You know, if I knew you were going to run late, I could've finished that report I was writing! It's insulting to me to that you think so little of my time!" will most likely get you "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going as fast as I can!" and she's thinking "lighten up, a$$hole!" Not good.

Given all that, I'd still say let it slide. You have to pick your battles wisely, save it for the more important matters. There will always be something that bothers you, and you have to decide if you can live with it or not.