Tiger Eye journal

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day 6 & 7 - Tue & Wed

Kairos, yes I agree, attitude is THE single most important thing, that’s what I’m changing. And I wish I could flip a switch and make it happen overnight, but it doesn’t seem to work that way. Some days I’m busting with confidence, other days it’s just average -- whatever “average” means. Certainly way more confident than I was a month ago. I’m familiar with the DYD stuff, but more tips and technique isn’t what I need at this point. All I need is the plain ole f#cking GUTS to dive in and start number closing. Which I don’t even know why it’s such a big deal, I’ve asked for numbers before, not a lot but a handful of times over the past couple of years, gotten dates and been rejected.... so what IS the big deal?

I think it’s like Walden said with the martial arts analogy, I’m still in the first phase, still trying to avoid getting hit.

Pushing myself more and more though, Wed night I was SO close, got off work about midnight, and did not want to go home and have to write another journal entry without a number close under my belt. So I swung by a grocery store on my way home with the intention of forcing myself to number close the first decent chick I came across, no matter how flimsy the rapport. In fact my plan was basically to walk up to the first HB I saw, say I’m in a hurry but want to meet her, suggest she give me her number so we can meet for coffee sometime. It would never work in a million years, but at least it would be the start of my rejection collection.

Anyway, the grocery store is a tomb, but on a whim I also hit a 24 hour drug store. And sure enough, there’s an HB actually shopping there at f#cking midnight, about a 6, not bad not great, very nice butt. She’s in the tampon section, talking on her cell phone. The store shelves are shoulder-height so I cruise past her the next aisle over just to scope things out. She sounds irritated on the phone, and given what she’s shopping for, I figure it’s “that time of the month,” and the last thing she wants is some guy hitting on her. So I write her off, and wander the rest of the store just to make sure some other HB isn’t lurking somewhere. Nope. It’s just me, a couple of scruffy-looking guys, and the HB.

By that time the HB’s off the phone and moved to a different section. So what-the-hell, on the rag or not, I move in again just to see what happens. Check out the shaving cream a few feet away, then get an idea and squirt a dab of a couple different ones on my fingers, turn to her and ask which one she thinks smells better. She obliges me, tells me which she prefers.... and then I go blank. I have nothing to follow-up with! So I do the suave thing, and FLEE!

Not the store, but off to another section. Pretend to browse greeting cards for a minute, then go back to her yet again. Well, for all she knew I was heading for the check-out, and she happened to be on the way. I comment about all the stuff she’s buying, and she says she’s spending the next three months in Mexico, she’s with the Cirque du Soleil on a tour down there. So now we’re talking, but she’s leaving in a couple of days, so what’s the point of going for a number close? JUST TO DO IT, of course. And who knows, maybe she lives a lonely life on the road and would love to get laid before she leaves. But I didn’t do it.

Next time.... next time.......... (sigh)

 

[Walden]

Good post. I think consistency is the hardest part of DJing.

Remeber tho' on a good day your DJing at a level that 99.5% of guys will never play at in their lives ever.

When you're Djing badly you're probably still better than most regular guys are day-to-day.

I've tried all manner of DJ mind tricks to improve my consistency , from visualisation to NLP to listening to LLCoolJ CDs before bust CA's and none of it works. The only thing that'll work is you deciding that you're gonna be the money and not acepting anything less from yourself.

Good luck and good hunting.

 

[kairos]

Hi,

Actually changing your attitude doesn't have to take too long - it'll take a little time yes but not too much. Here's why - the most important aspect if changing your attitude, your mental attitude that is, is actually in your body. If you wanna feel different, move different - which is why is said focus on bodylanguage and voicetone.

To really learn this stuff you might wanna look at some basic NLP stuff on physiology. People like Tony Robbins teach it very well. Your attitude will dramatically change if you move "as if", and pretend like you already know this stuff. You kinda have to fake it at first, but you will get used to it and before you know it, you've changed your attitude.

kairos

 

[kyokon]

I'd like to see all this on video...

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day 8 – Thu

Okay, I did it! GOT MY FIRST REJECTION!!

Noon, and I’m out cruising yet another grocery store (I am so sick of grocery stores) with the intention of making that first number close. Slim pickings, but I spot a 30-something blonde down one aisle, so I walk past her and say “hi” and she says “hi,” and that’s that. I check out the rest of the store and she’s the only thing going on. But I’ve already been down that aisle once, and it seems too weird to go back and start browsing the shelves next to her. I mean, god forbid she suspect I’m trying to hit on her. So I just blow it off and head for the exit. But right when the automatic doors slide open to allow me to escape.... I stop. I stop and realize this is the perfect time to use that spiel about “I’m in a hurry but want to meet you...” For gods sake, I tell myself, go back there right now and get that first rejection over with.

So I turn around and go back. Never falter once, just walk right up and lay it on her. She looks at me a little puzzled and says, “Why do you want to take me out for coffee?” Which is a damn good question, actually, why DO I want to take this complete stranger out? I have no idea, but I look her straight in the eye and say the first thing that pops into my head, “I like your accent.” Then add, “Are you new in town?” Turns out she is, her second day here, visiting for two weeks. I kinda shrug and say, “So let me take you out for coffee.” And that’s when she says, “I don’t think my husband would approve.”

So that’s the end of that encounter, but as I’m walking out the store my confidence just shoots right through the roof! Feels so great to finally make that breakthrough. And I could tell she was somewhat flattered, so really, my hitting on her made her day a little brighter, too. Maybe I’m actually doing women a favor when I approach them and ask for their number.

 

[bp1974]

Nice going bro. You felt the fear, started to walk out, and stopped yourself so you could do something new. Good stuff.

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day 9 - Fri

Been going out specifically to DJ for at least a couple of hours almost every day the past four weeks, on top of staying in DJ mode during my day-to-day affairs. And frankly I’m feeling a little burnt out at the moment. So I’m taking a break today, to give myself a chance to catch my breath. See where I’m at and what I need to improve.

Well, I’ve lost track of how many different HBs I’ve actually approached the past month, but it’s way over what I ever expected to contact in an entire lifetime. For every encounter I’ve taken the time to write about, there’s probably another 2-3 that just weren’t significant enough to mention. But the world of women has been cracked wide open, and suddenly the possibilities are limitless. All thoughts of settling for less than what I truly want in a mate have been annihilated. This alone is HUGE.

Confidence fluctuates within a certain range, but that range is much higher than it was a month ago, and I expect it to increase as time goes on. I look in the mirror these days, and I like what I see.

The main thing I need to work on right now is staying with the conversation once I make the approach and open. Too many times I open with some comment or snappy remark, but don’t follow through. Still struggling to keep the conversation going long enough to establish rapport -- not even struggling, it's more like avoiding. Still in “hi” mode, I think –- greet the HB and move on quick. Not always, but a lot of the time. Now I’m in a completely different stage of the boot camp, and once I get an HB’s attention I need to SLOOOOOW DOWNNNNN....

And what’s the belief behind this? Beautiful women don’t like to be approached, don’t like to be bothered, don’t like their personal space intruded upon.

Well, that could be true, but only if we add the phase, “by desperate, boring AFCs.”

So the flip side of this belief is:
Beautiful women are strutting around in their curvaceous plumage desperately trying to grab the attention of confident, dynamic, interesting men. And since I AM one of those rare male creatures, all those beautiful women out there actually want me to approach them, interrupt them, and invade their personal space.

Naturally they have their little tests to make sure I’m the real deal:
1. Do I have the guts to break the ice and approach?
2. Can I maintain lively, witty conversation for two minutes?
3. Do I have the guts to ask for their number?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Nothing here is beyond my capability.

So...... should be a piece of cake.

 

[kairos]

Ok Tiger Eye, let me see if I can help you. I think there are couple of things you might want to keep in mind.

Starting converstations at random in the street/malls etc. is difficult if it has to be context specific every single time i.e. make sure you have a standard opener you can use always. David D says have a default opener for any situation - I use the "Are you single?" approach and it's really simple, direct and once you get used to it - it works like rocket fuel. So try something like this...

"Excuse me, can i ask you a quick question?"
"yea?"
"are you single?"
"yea" (or no)
"i just had this funny intuition you might be single, so I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes?"
<introduce yourself and continue converstation> - eventually use some ****y/funny and ask for the number.

One standard ****y/funny line i use after a couple of minutes of fluff talk is "so anyways X, let me cut to the chase here, when are you going to take me out for drinks?" - that takes them by surprise because they are normally used to have the normal AFC ask, "can I take you out to coffee sometime?" in some begging way. Here you are demonstrating selectiveness and confidence, real attractive qualities.

This type of approach might be easier than coming up with interesting things to say while you are talking to her, some spontaneity will be needed but make sure you have stuff prepared so the whole thing is a cakewalk. When you know what to expect, you will be very relaxed. So just take one type of approach like this and beat the **** out of it - ask like 20 women and you should get quite a lot of numbers/emails.

Hope this helps...kairos

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day 10, 11, 12 – Sat, Sun, Mon

Still here. Still struggling with the rejection thing, but I’m still here.

Saturday:

Went to this outdoor festival that was totally lame. Families and kids, not an HB hotspot. One HB, in fact, is all I recall seeing there who wasn’t obviously bf’d or pushing a baby-stroller, and she was running one of the booths. Didn’t approach. Should’ve, but didn’t.

Sunday:

Another bright and beautiful autumn afternoon, and I decide f#ck trolling for HBs, I’m doing what I feel like doing, which is going for a bike ride. And the exercise of course gets me energized and in the mood for females. End up swinging through Gasworks Park where a little outdoor concert is going on. No HBs in the rather thin audience, but the lead singer of the band catches my eye. 30-something, about a 6 looks-wise, but she’s got this sultry blues vibe going on, something naturally sexy about a female singer. Decide I’m going to approach her after the set -- until between numbers she mentions how it’s good to be out of the house, what with the new baby and all....

From there I hit the Sunday open-air market, and manage to hold my own with three women browsing a rack of used t-shirts, making fun of the screen-prints. No number close, the one HB out of the three had a NY accent -- too loud and obnoxious for a Zen-dude like myself. Approach a handful of other women, engage in brief convos, but finally realize it’s just too damn crowded for me to number close, at this point I’m only comfortable doing it without an audience.

Monday:

A long day of DJing, but I finally get somewhere....

First hit the mall. I figure it’ll be slow, and my plan is to approach and number close bored sales clerks. I’m on a mission to collect some rejections today, at least one, I figure I can surely get one lousy rejection today. Except I get there right about noon, so it’s actually pretty busy. But I chat up the HB7 in Nordstrom’s menswear while looking at belts, spend several minutes working on that before I notice the big shiny rock on her finger. D’oh!

From there I manage to choke on three (count ‘em, THREE) promising number closes.

1.
Blonde hottie at the cell phone booth changing her service. I step up beside her as the sales-guy is trying to get her to add features she doesn’t want. So I make a comment about that in a way that gets her attention. A little more fluff, then the salesman moves her to a different part of the counter to fill out paperwork and I’m left standing there wondering what to do next. Out of the corner of my eye I think I see her glance over at me again, but that could’ve been my imagination. Felt too AFC to just hang around and wait for her to get done, so I bailed.

Solution: Should’ve just moved right back in and said, “Hey, you’re busy here and I gotta go, but I really want to talk to you some more. Let me give you a call, what’s your number?” Ballsy, but just might’ve worked on a top-shelf HB like her.

2.
From a distance in a dept store I spot an HB7 browsing greeting cards. Move in and comment on the goofy cards she’s looking at, a soft neg hit. Convo stalls out, she leaves, and I stand there like a dork browsing cards I have no interest in buying. Then maybe a minute later she cruises past the end of the aisle again, makes EC and smiles at me, (!) and continues on. Yes, obvious interest, but what am I supposed to do now? Chase her down, tackle her and ask for her number? Maybe not, but going numb and doing nothing really isn’t any better.

Solution: Okay, first let me state that I really, really, really hate the idea of DJing from a script. I’m sure lots of guys use scripts successfully, but the whole mechanical nature of this method goes against the grain of who I am as a person. For better or worse, I’m destined to live or die as a “free-stylin” DJ. However, having said that, I’m beginning to see kairo’s wisdom in having some default stuff to fall back on. Some kind of opening, and some kind of close. I like Mr. Finger’s Instant Date for a close, seems useful in a lot of situations. In this case I could’ve went after the girl, stopped her, asked for her name, then said, “what do ya say we go on an Instant Date.” I like the way it immediately shifts the whole context of the encounter and destroys any ambiguity as to why I’m talking to her. If she balks at the date, then shrug and go for her number. So I’m going to play with this one for a while. When in doubt... Instant Date!

3.
Thrift Store: 20-something Mom with her cute 2 yo daughter, browsing toys. Mom’s kinda cute, too, a blonde in blue jeans with an earthy down-home look that works for me. And no ring. (I checked!) Just as she pulls this big dorky stuffed doll thing off the shelf, I walk up and say, “Aw man, I wanted that one!” She laughs, and I’m in. I browse housewares (pretend to) across the aisle from her, and this convo is different than most others, more relaxed and less in her face. Nice feel to it, it’s like we’re both doing our own thing in the same space, and chat back and forth very casual and unhurried. Lots of silence between comments, but it feels normal, like how two friends would converse while shopping. So do I number close this one served up on a silver platter? HELL NO!

Solution: Stop being such a F#CKING P#SSY!!!

Monday Night. Pay dirt!

Go to a lecture at UW (Univ. of Washington). Found out about it at the last minute and all the tickets are gone, so I arrive with a book about an hour and a half early and hope to get in via stand-by. As I’m walking across campus this 30ish HB6 and her friend end up walking next to me, so I ask them where Kane Hall is. They’re not quite sure, but that’s where they’re headed, too -- to the same lecture. I ask if they go to school here, and yes, they’re both grad students, so I tease them a bit about not knowing where Kane Hall is. Also turns out they don’t have tickets either, so we’re all competing for the same limited seating, and the HB threatens to break into a sprint so she can beat me to the door (a sense of humor, cool!)

But as we get into the stand-by line it dawns on me that we’re destined to spend the next hour and a half in each other’s company, which seems like a hell of a long time to maintain DJ status with her. So I kinda excuse myself from them and sit down on the floor and read my book, basically ignoring them for the next hour. (Actually I read while also monitoring their conversation and learning more about them, but they don’t know that.)

When the line starts moving I stand up and rejoin them. The conversation here went really well, found out she’s a scientist, climbs mountains and rides a bike. I kept it light and amusing for the most part, but also dipped into more serious issues when she brought them up (it was a political lecture), which of course showed there was depth and intelligence behind my c/f, and I paid attention to her friend as well as her. Basically, I did everything right, and it was easy and effortless.

We finally get into the auditorium, and I had one weak moment here when I wasn’t sure if they were expecting the three of us to sit together or not. I didn’t really want to, but kinda acted like I did, which could’ve started to look a little clingy. But even though there were plenty of seats for us to sit together, the HB goes for a pair of seats with her friend and cuts me out. For a brief moment I feel a twinge of rejection, but decide everything’s fine, I need a break and maybe she feels the same way. I find a spot across the aisle several seats away, and settle in.

I want her number, and I’m pretty sure she’ll give it to me, but I’m worried about waiting till after the lecture. Might be awkward trying to get it with the crowd leaving, so why not get it right now while everyone’s seated? So I pull out my pen and a card, go over and hand them to her and tell her to give me her number, we can go biking sometime. And she complies without any hesitation. I read it, and now know what her name is, and also realize she doesn’t know my name. So I point to myself and tell her, then go back to my seat.

And now that I think about it, what the hell must that have looked like to the people sitting behind her who had no idea we’d been talking earlier. To them this guy is so money that he just walks up to this girl out of nowhere with pen and paper and tells her to give him her number, and she writes it down without thinking twice. Then he introduces himself! LOL....

So once I get her number I make a point to avoid EC with her. We do make EC once towards the end of the lecture, but that feels fine, like we were just touching base. When it’s over I make sure I beat her to the aisle so I don’t have to follow her out or get through some awkward good-bye thing. Our eyes meet one last time, with several people between us, and I just give her a little good-bye wave, then turn and walk up the aisle and out the door. But I don’t know, maybe it would’ve been better to talk briefly one last time, just didn’t want to seem the least bit over-interested in her.

Anyway.... all that for one freakin number. Sheesh!

 

[MrNiceGuy]

good stuff spotting what you're doing wrong.. and good job getting that number.. seems promising..

keep it up! these journals are an inspiration to us all!

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day 13, 14, 15 – Tue, Wed, Thu

Tuesday:

No DJing, too busy with other stuff. Feel guilty when I don’t make time to DJ every single day, but I really was busy.

Wednesday:

Downtown for a couple of hours. Several opps, made a couple of approaches, no number closes. GRRR....

Well, I’m sure as hell stuck at this point of the boot camp. I knew this part would be hard, BUT NOT THIS HARD!

What can I say? It’s all about the Fear of Rejection. It’s okay to approach the HBs (sometimes) and try to make them laugh, but it sure is difficult to believe they’d actually be interested enough in me to go out on a date. Despite mounting evidence to the contrary I still don’t believe it. I can’t risk it, can’t risk being rejected. And I don’t really understand why....

It’s a numbers thing, I keep forgetting that. Some women won’t be attracted to me, but some will. What’s the percentage? 50%? 20%? 10%? I have no idea, cause I’m too damn chicken to go for the number. That’s how I should approach this exercise. It’s an experiment to find out what percentage of women I’m attracted to also find me attractive.

Thursday:

Rejection #2 at the bookstore. HB at a table of books, I move in and browse across from her and try and get some EC and feel things out. No EC, but she gradually browses her way around the table to end up beside me, so I ask if she’s found anything good. She turns friendly and starts talking about religion and mysticism, tells me she immigrated from some middle-east country. After a few minutes she says, “Well, nice talking to you...” and without even thinking about it I tell her to give me her number. She says, “No, not interested.” She’s nice about it, got the feeling she only dates guys from her culture.

So... it’s taken me two weeks to get two rejections. This is starting to get ridiculous. And embarrassing.

You know what I’m really afraid of? That I hit the streets with my best game and really do get 10 rejections. I mean, I know how to rack up the rejections, no problem. Just approach HBs and act like a f#cking idiot.

 

[Golden Arms]

Phukkkin BUMP

What's up, man - too busy banging chicks to keep us updated ?

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day.... 26?

Thanks for the bump, Golden Arms, been off the board lately. Bought a little beater pickup and I’ve been preoccupied with getting it up and running the past week or so.

And frankly it’s been nice to take a break from pressuring myself to be in constant DJ mode. But it’s time to regroup and continue on with this. We’ll see if this time off has been a refreshing change of pace, or if now I’m f#cking stone cold.

 

[Tiger Eye]

The end of the beginning...

Well, I’ve still got too many things going on right now to put the kind of continuous daily effort into DJing that I’ve tried to maintain the past couple of months. I do strike up convos with the HBs that cross my path, just not going out and hitting the streets day after day. Something in my gut tells me to slow down for a while and let things assimilate, so that’s what I’m doing. My intuition has proven itself to be quite trustworthy over the years, so I pay attention to it.

What I most need to improve at this point is my convo skills, focussing on controlling the convo with HBs rather than worrying about numbers and rejection. So that’s what I’m working on right now, which seems kinda boring to write about (and read) day in and day out, but if anything interesting happens I’ll certainly let you guys know.

So I’m going to wrap up this thread and start up a new one a little later, maybe an approach journal, or rejection journal, or something.... but I WILL BE BACK!

And my advice to those out there who haven’t taken the plunge with the Boot Camp because it looks too difficult... well, IT IS! But so what? You’ll probably fail to get all the way through it at first -- just like me. So what! Even getting this far has changed my whole perspective on women. Or... I would say that before Boot Camp reading the DJ ideas changed my perspective intellectually, but putting the ideas into practice out here in the real world of concrete and sunshine has convinced me EMOTIONALLY. And I believe that any lasting behavior change has to have some kind of emotional confirmation to it, and you just don’t get that by reading about it. SO GET OUT THERE AND FAIL!

 

[BMW]

tiger

excellent work.