Thoughts, Swordsmen..

[BackInTheGame78]

What a joke this thread is...everyone here should slap you out of love so you might have a chance to get it together. You're being played by someone with way less value than yourself.

Men who have real value do not act this way. Your actions display your value

 

[Manure Spherian]

Men who have real value do not act this way. Your actions display your value

I think the guy just loves and cares for this particular woman and messed up any finalization that could have happened if he went for what he wanted, marriage or quasi-marriage, ages ago, instead of going full-tilt red-pill boss.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think the guy just loves and cares for this particular woman and messed up any finalization that could have happened if he went for what he wanted, marriage or quasi-marriage, ages ago, instead of going full-tilt red-pill boss.

You don't break up with a woman multiple times that you care for in that way.

IMO, his ego doesn't want to "lose". If he truly wanted to be with her he would have done so years ago.

 

[Manure Spherian]

IMO, his ego doesn't want to "lose". If he truly wanted to be with her he would have done so years ago.

True.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

The OP is struggling with effects of toxic relationship break up - eventually male and female leaving toxic relationship are often in a spiral of push&pull (constantly getting together and breaking up), eventually one person (usually female which can monkey branch easily) leaves for good.

The OP misses the dopamine runs he got from the relationship dynamics.

The truth is she would not play that hard if three was anything real still on the table/to fix.

Her "rant"/ultimatum is in fact only for self-confirmation that she did well leaving OP. The best response is to let her go/apply "no contact" indefinitely.

My pointy of view is that at this point the LTR is over and it is definitely over to treat her as LTR material as well (alas, this is on her) and OP is free to pursue other females. She might contact the OP in 3-6 months to check if he is hurt (to confirm she is actually above his SMV level at this point) which should also result in no contact from him.

The only solid option is to move on and forget/ignore her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Quick update;

Upon the advice of a trusted friend, I texted her this morning and said there was a few things I need to tell her face to face before we finally close the book on this.

She replied saying she doesn't know what more there is to discuss but "might" be free next weekend but is undecided as to whether to meet or not at the moment.

I said I definitely want to speak in person and she just said ok.

So my plan is to just go through her concerns one by one and see if we can't reach a mutually amicable solution.

I think that the fact that she hasn't just shut me down out of hand is encouraging but I'm certainly not taking it for granted that this is in the bag so to speak

Your trusted friend is setting you up to look like a very weak man.

 

[Ricky]

I don't know. She doesn't seem into this new guy at all and she has some valid concerns about him.

It may not be easy for him to get her back but it seems like there is a path for it at least, and she mentions it in her text.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't know. She doesn't seem into this new guy at all and she has some valid concerns about him.

It may not be easy for him to get her back but it seems like there is a path for it at least, and she mentions it in her text.

For what purpose? All it will do is continue the same toxicity that's been going on for the last 6 years with him in a much weaker position where she holds all the power.

Some people are addicted to this type of toxicity in their life but going cold turkey and removing it would be the best option.

 

[Ricky]

For what purpose? All it will do is continue the same toxicity that's been going on for the last 6 years with him in a much weaker position where she holds all the power.

Some people are addicted to this type of toxicity in their life but going cold turkey and removing it would be the best option.

you are probably right

i have alot of trouble giving up with women when i should. I am not needy and i find other women to meet and date but the strategist in me just cant throw in the towel at times

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

the strategist in me just cant throw in the towel at times

Tell that strategist to read The Art of War, so your Ego learns how to avoid pointless conflicts.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

So Suave

Hi guys, after some independent advice.

Bit of context, I’m a 48 year old guy (she’s 47) and i had been seeing this girl for six years now. The relationship was generally good, she’s hot as hell, kind, loving, sweet, filthy dirty - everything a man could wish for, wife material for sure. We did have several bust ups over the years which would result in us not communicating at all for a few months at a time but we always made it back together.

The main reasons for our bust ups (from my POV at least) would be her insecurities about me around other women; she thinks every woman that lays eyes on me must want me and she was convinced the only reason I spent so much time in the gym was to pull other women. Simply not true as one woman in my life is more than enough drama as I’m sure many of you can relate.

We had another falling out in February and I recently got back in touch to get my keys back and stuff but the old feelings returned and we ended up having a little exchange and banter over a few texts but she said once I’ve got my stuff back then I’m out of her life for good.

A couple of days past and I thought this can’t be the end of it so I put pen to paper (literally) and wrote her a letter explaining my mindset and motivations that informed my behaviour towards her. I tended to kept her at arms length after having had my simp card revoked after my previous relationship went badly wrong. She frequently referred to me as an arsehole but I always smiled and thanked her for it and pointed out that regardless of what she said, she loved me for it and ended up agreeing with me, much to our mutual amusement. I’m much better expressing myself in the written word than spoken I think. I said that if ever she wanted to see me again then I’d welcome her with open arms but until that day I’d respect her wishes.

A day later I got the following text in which she said among other things she’s been seeing someone else which whilst doesn’t turn my stomach, I am a little disappointed as I always thought we’d end up together.

So what do you all make of it? Given that women are generally incapable of saying what they mean and think and whatever that may be can change upon a whim, it feels like on one hand she’s done but on the other she’s handing out a lifeline.

I haven’t replied and nor do I intend to; as far as I’m concerned I’ve put my cards on the table, thrown the dice etc and will just accept whatever may be.

I’m not completely hung up on this girl but I do love her. I was seeing someone else for a month or so recently until I binned her for being a bit unstable and might have something lined up for next week but I’d value the opinions and advice of other swordsmen out there.

Here’s her text minus irrelevant stuff about her work etc;


Hi Mike

I received your letter, though it took me some time to read due to the handwriting I understand what you’re trying to say, but unfortunately, I believe it is too late

I am carrying a lot of pain and frustration from the relationship with you Mike

You say you never cheated and don’t look at other women, but your ongoing "friendship" with someone who was once a fling is, for me, a form of betrayal. Especially when you knew how I felt about it. She’s always in your life, commenting on your photos and acting comfortably with you, as if she knows she has a place that makes me uncomfortable. It hurts me to see you continually reconnect with her every time we break up.

If she’s truly out of your life, why does she keep appearing in your messages and on your page? It feels like you both are waiting for the right moment, keeping the door open to each other. That’s not something I can accept.

You say you think of me every day, but your actions don’t align with that. Whether it’s reconnecting with your past fling or pursuing other women, it seems like I’m an afterthought, and you only turn back to me when other options don’t work out.

I’m tired of this on-and-off cycle. It’s toxic and unhealthy, and your letter doesn’t change that for me.

It frustrated me how freely she shows up in your comments, as if she were a close relative or girlfriend. I don’t remember ever feeling that comfortable on your page when I was with you. If she’s that bold on your social media, I can only imagine how cozy and familiar your conversations are behind the scenes.

To be clear, I unfollowed you and moved on after seeing her back in your life. That’s the day I said yes to a date with someone else. While I may not love him, and he might not be you, he gives me the care, attention, and love I always wanted from you. He makes me feel safe and valued, things I never felt with you.

I wish you had treated me that way, but you didn’t. I was often left feeling ignored, neglected, and disrespected, especially when I saw how other women used to feel comfortable flirting with you. This is what happens when you randomly compliment women on their smile or outfit, or keep chatting them up. You say it's just being polite, but we women often see it as flirting. When a man in a relationship compliments me, I feel sorry for his partner. You’ve put me in that position many times, You were giving them the time and attention that should have been invested in me, and it felt like you were always more concerned about not hurting them than caring about how I felt.

Your friendship with your past fling, and you knowing how much it hurt me, is what finally broke me. You didn’t prioritize me, and I can’t trust someone who continuously put me in that position.

While you say you’re waiting with open arms, I no longer believe that you can give me the love and respect I deserve.

I still think of you, even when I’m on a date. Sometimes I look at him and wish it were you instead, but I hope that will change with time. My heart may not fully be with him yet, but my mind is telling me to enjoy the attention and care he’s giving me, something I didn’t have with you.

I’m out of your life now, and you should thank that old woman for it. You two can never seem to stay away from each other and always find ways to reconnect. You clearly enjoy it, and I know you’ll never change. That’s why I need to stay out.

I’m not sure if I’ll end up with J… in the long run, but he has big plans for me, and for now, I’m going with it.

I might say no to him this week, I might say no next month, or I might even fall in love with him…I don’t know what will happen, I really don’t… But for now, I’m just going with the flow and seeing where it leads.

I'm sorry if this hurts, but I can’t be with you anymore. After 6 years, we were still at the beginning, and I never truly felt comfortable with you. I can’t handle that stress any longer; it’s taking a toll on my health and nerves.

For us to ever be together again, it would take miracle changes, and I doubt that’s possible. We view relationships differently and want different things.

He’s been trying to ask me out for a few years now—this is the guy from the gym. He treats me like a queen and is already talking about a wedding ring. He’s always positive, and I can tell he’s madly in love with me, at least that’s what he says, and he backs it up with actions—unlike you. He’s asking me to give him a chance to make me feel happy the way I deserve…

Mike, what would you do if you were in my shoes?

What exactly are you offering? You didn’t mention any real changes in your letter. It feels like you’re asking me to return to the same situation I was in when I was with you—and I wasn’t happy at all.

How do you plan to reverse the hurt you caused me? How can you possibly make me trust you again?

I’m tired, and I want to settle down. I want to live with my partner, be together every day, enjoy life, and take holidays together. After 6 years, we were still in the same place, and you’ve shown me that full commitment and love and care is something you can’t give.

Yours truly

Nat

It’s over man, you need to let it go. She’s basically giving you an ultimatum and asking that you beg to take her back under her terms.

Try to stop thinking about what you once had with her and the good times you had together. It was a time in your life that came and went and will never come back again.

On the upside, based on your picture, you should have no problem attracting younger (15 years or more) good looking women.

Do yourself a favor and drop all contact with her.

-Augustus-