Thoughts, Swordsmen..

[Orbitron]

I think this is a very sad story, for both of you.

Amen to that!

 

[Sega Genesis]

I see her message as somewhat of a guilt-trip disguised as honesty. A bit of a manipulation actually to get you to cap without directly demanding it or presenting a direct ultimatum.

If she were truly serious that it's over, she would have just said the relationship no longer works for her and wish you well. DONE. The End.

The irony is IF you DID give her what she "says" she wants, her attraction for you might eventually die even if she doesn't recognize that herself.

Meaning, she stayed in this uncertain ambiguous situation with you for SIX years which tells me she was drawn to it, attracted to it AND you despite her protestations that she wants "more."

What's also clear is that she is still madly in love with you after six years of this uncertainty and off/on chaos so what does this tell you?

@BackInTheGame78 posted recently what women "say" they want and what they actually "respond" to are often two different things.

Heed those words and proceed with extreme caution.

Something else to consider. She may have passive commitment issues herself which is why she was drawn to the uncertainty and chaos and why she stayed. For SIX years!

Like attracts like after all. Your commitment issues are active, you're the runner.

At the end of the day, this relationship might have just run its course and best to simply move on.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There is no healthy relationship where people get together and then break up repeatedly.

This is a toxic relationship. She even TOLD YOU AS MUCH. Walk away. For your own sanity and so you stop wasting your time waiting for something that is never going to exist with her.

You had your chances, whatever the reason it didn't work. Maybe neither one of you understand how to compromise properly in relarionships long-term for them to work, who knows.

In the future when you date someone and one of you decides to break up the first time, ensure it is the last time as well. One chance per lifetime per woman. This on/off nonsense is simply a time and energy suck that drains your lifeforce.

Also her reasoning for being with this guy is going to lead to problems within a few months, IMO...the dude is acting like a chump and she doesn't respect him. Obvious by the stuff she is saying.

Either she will start cheating on him or will end up treating him like a doormat or dumping him. She is trying to convince herself she actually is into this guy when she knows deep down she isn't. He sounds like the prototypical "nice guy" from the way she describes him. He is a placeholder guy for someone she actually wants to be with.

 

[Manure Spherian]

This is a toxic relationship. She even TOLD YOU AS MUCH.

I agree with this and what @The Duke wrote.
An on-and-off relationship of six years, especially in people’s forties seems like sheer torture, and although I don’t want to bash the OP, I cannot fathom why people would partake in such a situation.

Also, routinely accusing someone of actions not done is emotionally abusive.

If the woman is wife material, to be lived with happily ever after, why was this not established at the two-year mark instead of what turned out to be six tumultuous years.

I don’t know this woman, but are we to believe a beautiful woman was staying alone all the times such a relationship is on hold, generally speaking?

 

[Orbitron]

Quick update;

Upon the advice of a trusted friend, I texted her this morning and said there was a few things I need to tell her face to face before we finally close the book on this.

She replied saying she doesn't know what more there is to discuss but "might" be free next weekend but is undecided as to whether to meet or not at the moment.

I said I definitely want to speak in person and she just said ok.

So my plan is to just go through her concerns one by one and see if we can't reach a mutually amicable solution.

I think that the fact that she hasn't just shut me down out of hand is encouraging but I'm certainly not taking it for granted that this is in the bag so to speak

 

[Orbitron]

I agree with this and what @The Duke wrote.
An on-and-off relationship of six years, especially in people’s forties seems like sheer torture, and although I don’t want to bash the OP, I cannot fathom why people would partake in such a situation.

Also, routinely accusing someone of actions not done is emotionally abusive.

If the woman is wife material, to be lived with happily ever after, why was this not established at the two-year mark instead of what turned out to be six tumultuous years.

I don’t know this woman, but are we to believe a beautiful woman was staying alone all the times such a relationship is on hold, generally speaking?

Absolutely yes, she's Georgian and was brought up in the former Soviet Union with very traditional values.

I'm of the opinion that it's just my aloofness with her that drives her frustration and upset at me as I'm a divorcee and have found it difficult to really let myself go again in a relationship.

 

[Orbitron]

I see her message as somewhat of a guilt-trip disguised as honesty. A bit of a manipulation actually to get you to cap without directly demanding it or presenting a direct ultimatum.

If she were truly serious that it's over, she would have just said the relationship no longer works for her and wish you well. DONE. The End.

The irony is IF you DID give her what she "says" she wants, her attraction for you might eventually die even if she doesn't recognize that herself.

Meaning, she stayed in this uncertain ambiguous situation with you for SIX years which tells me she was drawn to it, attracted to it AND you despite her protestations that she wants "more."

What's also clear is that she is still madly in love with you after six years of this uncertainty and off/on chaos so what does this tell you?

@BackInTheGame78 posted recently what women "say" they want and what they actually "respond" to are often two different things.

Heed those words and proceed with extreme caution.

Something else to consider. She may have passive commitment issues herself which is why she was drawn to the uncertainty and chaos and why she stayed. For SIX years!

Like attracts like after all. Your commitment issues are active, you're the runner.

At the end of the day, this relationship might have just run its course and best to simply move on.

Totally agree about what women saying the want and what they respond to often being at odds, Corey Wayne also says as much in his book.

She used to call me an arsehole and I thanked her for it and told her that she loves me for it to which she agreed much to our mutual amusement.

The thing is though I should really tone it down a bit and stop holding her at arms length - not become a total simp but just be a bit more considerate of her feelings day to day whilst still being the alpha she desires.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Quick update;

Upon the advice of a trusted friend, I texted her this morning and said there was a few things I need to tell her face to face before we finally close the book on this.

She replied saying she doesn't know what more there is to discuss but "might" be free next weekend but is undecided as to whether to meet or not at the moment.

I said I definitely want to speak in person and she just said ok.

So my plan is to just go through her concerns one by one and see if we can't reach a mutually amicable solution.

I think that the fact that she hasn't just shut me down out of hand is encouraging but I'm certainly not taking it for granted that this is in the bag so to speak

Honestly this is really sad that you simply want to put your self thru more pain and toxicity.

It's a shame there isn't a 12 step addiction program for people who are addicted to toxic relationships because you definitely need to enter that program.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Absolutely yes, she's Georgian and was brought up in the former Soviet Union with very traditional values.

I'm of the opinion that it's just my aloofness with her that drives her frustration and upset at me as I'm a divorcee and have found it difficult to really let myself go again in a relationship.

She is traditional but unmarried and childless (?) at her age?

What exactly do you want to do with this woman? What is the long-term aim?

 

[Orbitron]

She is traditional but unmarried and childless (?) at her age?

What exactly do you want to do with this woman? What is the long-term aim?

No, she has a grown daughter of 21 or so. The father of whom is a bit of a waster from what I gather and has no interest in either their daughter or her.

I want to be with her for the long term.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

No, she has a grown daughter of 21 or so. The father of whom is a bit of a waster from what I gather and has no interest in either their daughter or her.

I want to be with her for the long term.

Unfortunately that ship has sailed.

You practically BEG her to take you back while she is fvcking another guy.
Not to bash on you but it doesnt get more needy then that.

She lost her respect for you and nothing will bring that back.

If she actually would take you back, she would be in a position of power over you and would make your life miserable with even more disrespect.

Stop it bro, just delete all lines of contact and move on.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I want to be with her for the long term.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What a joke this thread is...everyone here should slap you out of love so you might have a chance to get it together. You're being played by someone with way less value than yourself.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I'm of the opinion that it's just my aloofness with her

Have you reflected on why you are like that with her?

 

[Orbitron]

She is traditional but unmarried and childless (?) at her age?

What exactly do you want to do with this woman? What is the long-term aim?

Have you reflected on why you are like that with her?

yeah it’s because (I think anyway) after a relationship went down the pan back in 2016 I was left with no clue as to why so I hit the books and read everything I could about dating/game/relationships and arrived at the conclusion that I’d just been a total blue pill simp with this girl and inevitably she lost respect for me and ended it.

I believe this is why this woman I’m now dealing with is so attracted to me as it’s the old cliche of “treat them mean, keep them keen” which isn’t what I have intentionally done but I guess I’m just over cautious about letting my guard down.

The push/pull dynamic has likely cemented this too.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What a joke this thread is...everyone here should slap you out of love so you might have a chance to get it together. You're being played by someone with way less value than yourself.

Men who have real value do not act this way. Your actions display your value

 

[Manure Spherian]

Men who have real value do not act this way. Your actions display your value

I think the guy just loves and cares for this particular woman and messed up any finalization that could have happened if he went for what he wanted, marriage or quasi-marriage, ages ago, instead of going full-tilt red-pill boss.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think the guy just loves and cares for this particular woman and messed up any finalization that could have happened if he went for what he wanted, marriage or quasi-marriage, ages ago, instead of going full-tilt red-pill boss.

You don't break up with a woman multiple times that you care for in that way.

IMO, his ego doesn't want to "lose". If he truly wanted to be with her he would have done so years ago.

 

[Manure Spherian]

IMO, his ego doesn't want to "lose". If he truly wanted to be with her he would have done so years ago.

True.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

The OP is struggling with effects of toxic relationship break up - eventually male and female leaving toxic relationship are often in a spiral of push&pull (constantly getting together and breaking up), eventually one person (usually female which can monkey branch easily) leaves for good.

The OP misses the dopamine runs he got from the relationship dynamics.

The truth is she would not play that hard if three was anything real still on the table/to fix.

Her "rant"/ultimatum is in fact only for self-confirmation that she did well leaving OP. The best response is to let her go/apply "no contact" indefinitely.

My pointy of view is that at this point the LTR is over and it is definitely over to treat her as LTR material as well (alas, this is on her) and OP is free to pursue other females. She might contact the OP in 3-6 months to check if he is hurt (to confirm she is actually above his SMV level at this point) which should also result in no contact from him.

The only solid option is to move on and forget/ignore her.