Thoughts on sleeping with your exes?

[BPH]

Wanted to leave this open-ended, curious what you guys think.

 

[TheManMasenko]

I would, why not? Just don't get attached.

Recognize the relationship and treat it as such. Nothing more or less.

 

[SW15]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

The Iron Rules of Tomassi

One of the most influential books in my life has been The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. It’s a book I wish every man could read, and I…

medium.com

 

[IKO69]

I have done it before in the past, yes. I pretty much always hear from them at some point after breaking things off.

The temporary satisfaction is soon overshadowed by the realization of why you dumped her in the first place. I honestly can't really recall a time that when I bothered to put my dipstick back in, that things changed for the better. Usually the same problems that existed before and lead to the break up manifested themselves again. Despite however many talks and "understandings we had" it felt like I was going around in circles.

It's best not to rummage through trash after you put it outside.

 

[Toddy]

I have oneitish for an ex i dumped years ago, one of the nicest girls I ever dated, but was a bit chunky for me. But since then she’s lost loads of weight and looks amazing.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I wouldn't unless you are exes merely from logistics reasons

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

 

[SW15]

It's best not to rummage through trash after you put it outside.

That's true. Sex with your ex isn't bad if it could be isolated from other factors. It is extremely difficult to isolate it from other factors.

After sex with the ex, if there's an attempt to re-start an actual relationship, then that's a really bad outcome. I know one guy who wasted 10 years of his life trying to make a relationship work with an ex after the 1st go-around of a relationship failed. The first relationship effort failed after 3 years with her breaking up with him. 6+ months later, there was some sex. A few months after that, there was an unintended pregnancy, and then a 10 year effort to raise a family a united front. That relationship was always tenuous and eventually failed when the first child was 9. There was also a second, obviously younger child. I'm amazed the relationship lasted that long.

That whole story above could have been avoided if that guy didn't take his ex back. However, if he didn't take his ex back, he would have started fresh with a different woman, gotten married/gotten her pregnant, and likely gotten divorced from her. He would have ended up in the same place, so it might not matter. The hypothetical divorce with kids situation I mentioned likely would have been better overall than the actual divorce with kids situation.

Never rummage through trash after it is put outside.

 

[Mike32ct]

I always thought of "ex sex" more of a woman thing/preference.

I thought most guys would prefer something new.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Most of the responses confirm what I've always suspected - a lot of forum members recite what they've read (or watched on youtube) and try to pass it off as their own. It also confirms that a lot of these (so-called) "gurus" do not have a clue.

I've recycled plenty of women. And if anyone of you had the opportunity (and did this properly) you would not be b1tchin' against it. The more options a man has, the better. Some ex's were great in bed, but not someone you wanted to keep around. And now you are handed this opportunity.

Although once in a while, an ex-return might get weird on you (develop feelings / attachment... or had motives to begin with) most of the time, they know and accept the score. They now realize that they are an option. If you weren't lazy in bed to begin with and also treated them in a civil manner, then you are going to get your good share of returns. If you aren't, then you might want to reevaluate your approach with women.

If the ex was good in bed and after the fact, calls or sends a text to hang out (and you have no other plans that evening) then you have two options;
1 you turn her down
or
2. you hook up.

It's not a complex situation.

 

[IKO69]

Most of the responses confirm what I've always suspected - a lot of forum members recite what they've read (or watched on youtube) and try to pass it off as their own. It also confirms that a lot of these (so-called) "gurus" do not have a clue.

I've recycled plenty of women. And if anyone of you had the opportunity (and did this properly) you would not be b1tchin' against it. The more options a man has, the better. Some ex's were great in bed, but not someone you wanted to keep around. And now you are handed this opportunity.

Although once in a while, an ex-return might get weird on you (develop feelings / attachment... or had motives to begin with) most of the time, they know and accept the score. They now realize that they are an option. If you weren't lazy in bed to begin with and also treated them in a civil manner, then you are going to get your good share of returns. If you aren't, then you might want to reevaluate your approach with women.

If the ex was good in bed and after the fact, calls or sends a text to hang out (and you have no other plans that evening) then you have two options;
1 you turn her down
or
2. you hook up.

It's not a complex situation.

Not sure about your age, but judging by your join date you can't be a younger guy, most likely you are around my age. I did like this post but let's not mislead the younger fellas. You are able to get good sex out of it but a lot of times the juice won't be worth the squeeze. It all comes down how the relationship ended: Were you the one who got dumped or did you dump her.

If you were the one dumped and you hear from her it is very likely she just came out of a failed relationship, likely had a string of failed relationships and is an emotional wreck. She views getting attention from you again as a way to restore her ego. This is not flattering in my opinion since you were basically treated as 3rd class before - she is only doing it out of desperation.

If you dumped her, then you have the upper hand. Most of the time they will be very bitter and hateful initially. Once they settle down they are often very easy to sleep with again because their ego took a hit and will do just about anything to get back in your good graces, they are very willing to "prove themselves". Problem is they usually didn't learn anything from getting dumped like most people. Many people unfortunately have to go through the same experience 100x times before they finally learn their lesson...so what happens is if you do take them back it is not long before they repeat the behavior that drove you up the wall in the first place.

Most guys won't just keep it strictly about sex - which will result in a whole new set of drama --- and the women will look to progress things in time. For this reason it's better to leave things alone, but if a guy does decide to go there, smash away and don't be a sucker.

 

[member160292]

Although once in a while, an ex-return might get weird on you (develop feelings / attachment... or had motives to begin with) most of the time, they know and accept the score. They now realize that they are an option. If you weren't lazy in bed to begin with and also treated them in a civil manner, then you are going to get your good share of returns. If you aren't, then you might want to reevaluate your approach with women.

The bold is key, which is what I'm doing right now. Not to brag, but my ex is hotter than the chicks I have been dating. I take her to bars that I frequently take my first dates and it's pretty good social proof with the staff. She helps me get into places that have a long wait, but those places want to promote hot chicks.

It's also very helpful in calibrating my 'game' she's a good test subject for when I attempt some things when going on other dates. We see each other every week for a whole day and just have fun. Always sex. It has helped so much in keeping my patience with the other options. It's a good situation to have IF you can keep your emotions in check.

 

[SW15]

Most guys won't just keep it strictly about sex - which will result in a whole new set of drama --- and the women will look to progress things in time. For this reason it's better to leave things alone, but if a guy does decide to go there, smash away and don't be a sucker.

Sex with your ex isn't bad if it could be isolated from other factors. It is extremely difficult to isolate it from other factors.

We agree. If you can keep it strictly about sex, then it's possible. I don't think most men can keep it about sex.

If you were the one dumped and you hear from her it is very likely she just came out of a failed relationship, likely had a string of failed relationships and is an emotional wreck. She views getting attention from you again as a way to restore her ego. This is not flattering in my opinion since you were basically treated as 3rd class before - she is only doing it out of desperation.

That's a bad situation. Re-engaging in sex won't end well for this guy.

If you dumped her, then you have the upper hand. Most of the time they will be very bitter and hateful initially. Once they settle down they are often very easy to sleep with again because their ego took a hit and will do just about anything to get back in your good graces, they are very willing to "prove themselves". Problem is they usually didn't learn anything from getting dumped like most people. Many people unfortunately have to go through the same experience 100x times before they finally learn their lesson...so what happens is if you do take them back it is not long before they repeat the behavior that drove you up the wall in the first place.

This also won't end well either. If it could be kept strictly about sex, this has a better chance of being able to be recycled decently.

I always thought of "ex sex" more of a woman thing/preference.

Women do prefer that. However, most men are thirsty. Men will do it in many cases if they aren't having sex.