Thoughts on pursuing the woman...

[edger]

Some here will say, you as the guy should call her first after meeting her, that it's not "natural" for the woman to call you. But think about it for a second. If it is unnatural for women to pursue men, then why do we see loads of women pursuing musicians, loads of women pursuing athletes, actors, etc. etc.?

I never "pursue" women. I may cold-approach, but that's as far as I'll go. Upon meeting them, I'll say exactly this, "we'll exchange numbers", where most of the time she'll get mine and I'll get hers. I try to leave the ball in her court and see if she calls. The way I see it is, if you call(pursue), it reduces your "prize" value. Right?, it's important we always carry ourselves as the prize, not them as a prize. Sounds sensible to me. If a woman really wants to get in your pants, she will call.

 

[guru1000]

Some here will say, you as the guy should call her first after meeting her, that it's not "natural" for the woman to call you. But think about it for a second. If it is unnatural for women to pursue men, then why do we see loads of women pursuing musicians, loads of women pursuing athletes, actors, etc. etc.?

1) There is Real Value and Perceived Value. You can Perceive your value as a Celebrity, however, the woman sees your Real Value. That being said, you are not a Perceived Celebrity YET in her eyes.

For this reason alone, she will not call. There is no Action in Stagnation. You both lose.

2) A woman will call a Celebrity but not call the Prize. A Celebrity is a fantasy, so there is no ego-investment in rejection.

With the Prize, on the other hand, there is a huge ego-investment in rejection. A women will not risk rejection initially without Rapport. A woman's livelihood is attracting MEN. If she cannot Attract, she has NO worth.

I never "pursue" women. I may cold-approach, but that's as far as I'll go. Upon meeting them, I'll say exactly this, "we'll exchange numbers", where most of the time she'll get mine and I'll get hers. I try to leave the ball in her court and see if she calls. The way I see it is, if you call(pursue), it reduces your "prize" value. Right?, it's important we always carry ourselves as the prize, not them as a prize. Sounds sensible to me. If a woman really wants to get in your pants, she will call.

I am very successful with woman. More often than not, a girl will not call prior to the first date. Many women believe in COURTING. In other words if you do not call initially, she might feel you are not into her (especially if you are the Prize).

You need to BUILD Rapport first. After the first couple dates, you can then expect the girl to initiate contact. By then if enough Rapport is in place, she will feel comfortable showing her Interest.

Remember , woman hide their Interest. Your JOB is to crack them OPEN like a walnut. This is the difference between the Novice and Skilled Don Juans.

 

[edger]

I shouldn't have said I don't call after exchanging numbers(should've said as of lately I haven't been calling), I most of the time do, but I've always felt it reduced my prize value.

Guru1000, I've also had a handful of women over the yrs call me first.

 

[The Bat]

I see initiating contact first as action. As a Man, I am to act, to choose, to lead. If I can't even do a simple thing as calling her first in the begining, then how am I supposed to lead her and be in charge? I don't see it as a reduction in prize. In retrorespect, I let her indirectly know that she's lucky that I'm calling her to plan to spend some time with her.

Your value only goes down when you show neediness, desperation, and pedestalishness. This would include calling her excessively, leaving tons of voicemails, calling her immediately when she doesn't return your calls, etc...

You are confusing the prize mentality with god mentality. You are expecting people to drop out of the sky and worship at your feet since you are god. This is foolish. But at least, you're learning now.

 

[Scaramouche]

No Brother....You have it wrong,having asked for the numbers it is YOU who must ring her....Women just won't ring you it is CARVED INTO the Stone tablet of womens Dating etiquette in Roman Numerals one inch high THOUGH SHALT NEVER BE THE FIRST TO RESPOND.....

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I think you'll be waiting by the phone for a long time using this approach. I got lazy and was going to use this approach. I was then reminded by my friend Francisco that the woman wants to be controlled, dominated and told what to do.

So I had to call her and tell her where, when, what time and place to meet me. The result? A hot date coming up. I think she liked that I was being the boss leading her around making all the plans just telling her to "be there". She wasn't about to chase me like the OP is saying that's for sure.

 

[Scaramouche]

No Brother....You have it wrong,having asked for the numbers it is YOU who must ring her....Women just won't ring you it is carved into the Stone tablet of womens Dating etiquette in Roman Numerals one inch high THOUGH SHALT NEVER BE THE FIRST TO RESPOND.....

 

[reset]

So the basic idea is, approach, exchange numbers, show her a good time, let her pursue you from then on out.

 

[STR8UP]

Most women expect the man to be the aggressor in the beginning, and you're gonna miss a lot of opportunities sitting around waiting for women to call.

The exception is as stated above, if you have VERY high social standing or if you managed to get her interest level sky-high from the very beginning.

If you don't have high social status or super high interest, you're gonna have to put in some effort, that's all there is to it.

 

[edger]

The exception is as stated above, if you have VERY high social standing or if you managed to get her interest level sky-high from the very beginning.

If you don't have high social status or super high interest, you're gonna have to put in some effort, that's all there is to it.

I completely agree. When I had a band going, it was a lot easier attracting women..and that included attracting women on MySpace as well. And my band wasn't even well-known. Now they're supposedly touring the states, I can imagine how much tail I'd be pulling right now had I still been in the band. All that these women had to know, was that I was in a friggin' band. Crazy right? That's how I met my groupie ex.

That's why I need a f*ckin' band badly right now. The "musician" status alone just ain't cutting it right now it seems..neither is the "look"(I have the complete musician look. Most people when they see me, the first thing they ask is, "Are you in a band"?). The women wanna know that I'm IN A BAND. It's sooo tough finding the right people to collaborate and form a band with though. Most musicians aren't dedicated to their craft the way I'm dedicated and a few others are. And since I do extreme METAL, it's even tougher to find people, because most musicians wanna do something other, so I'm limited. I've gone through just about every musician in Long Island and NYC, but it just hasn't worked out. And the other guys I know in the METAL scene, are already in bands playing shows, and of course getting women..HOT women.

It goes this way: If you choose to live a lifestyle within the Metal or Goth scenes, or any of the alternative scenes, to pull tail, you either have to be:

1. In a band(it doesn't have to be well-known band though)

or

2. Be a popular figure in the scene; popular Promoter, DJ.


That's the harsh reality of life for a man.

It's tough out there, it ain't easy.

Oh well, what can ya do? Just have to live it the best that you can.

 

[Warrior74]

Women choose men. The fact that she gave your her number and her time proves that she has chosen you for an opportunity. Now you just have to follow up and close the sale. So call your client...er girl...and seal the deal. (damn, these sales books have been getting to me)

 

[BadsnakeUK]

I'm interested to know how much success rate you have with waiting for women to call?

I don't think of it as pursuing. In the early stages I see myself as a promoter - I'm showing her what she could be having. If she's smart enough to take it up then she has to start making the effort - then it becomes 50/50 in the effort stakes or she's nexted. But that decision has to come first. Remember you could be anything from a serial killer to prince charming when she first meets you and she has no reason to find out more unless you give her a reason.

 

[Mr. Me]

edger, you don't have to be with one heavy metal band. You could fill in and gig with different bands and groupings. Go to open jams/open mics, they're all around town just about every night of the week.

 

[edger]

Guys, you have to remember also, that when you don't call, you stand out from the rest of the guys out there. She thinks to herself, "Why isn't he calling me? Every other guy calls me, but this guy isn't. Hmmm." It should amplify her attraction towards you if anything. Isn't this the kinda stuff we always preach around here? She's so used to having all these guys call her, that when you don't, it automatically sets you apart, and sets a bell off in her head that you don't need her, that you have other hot women, that you've got sex available to you whenever you want it.

Guru1000, I don't find credibility in your stance that part of the reason for women not calling is because they're afraid of rejection. How many hot women experience rejection for sex? Think about it. Most guys when they're being pursued by a hot chick, almost never turn her down. Ask any guy on this board if he'd turn down a hot chick, and most of them will say NO. I mean, really. No guy in his right mind will turn down a hot chick who wants to get in his pants, unless he's gay. It doesn't work that way. It's never worked that way. We take the opportunity whenever it presents itself.

And even if the hot chick does get rejected, wow, that's like maybe 2-3 times that's ever happened to her. 98% of the time, hot women won't get rejected. The only time I can see it happening is if the guy's really committed to his significant other.

 

[The Bat]

Guys, you have to remember also, that when you don't call, you stand out from the rest of the guys out there. She thinks to herself, "Why isn't he calling me? Every other guy calls me, but this guy isn't. Hmmm. Wow, it's really making me become more attracted to him." Isn't this the kinda stuff we always preach around here? She's so used to having all these guys call her, that when you don't, it automatically sets you apart, and sets a bell off in her head that you don't need her, that you have other hot women, that you've got sex available to you whenever you want it.

I'm curious just as Badsnake. How much success have you had with this mindset of "do not call initially"?

The stuff we preach is that you don't call AFTER you have established rapport including couple of dates. Her interest in you will increase and she will say to herself, "Why isn't he calling me?" ONLY AFTER you have shown her the prize, the catch that you really are.

Let's use an analogy. If you had $100,000 and you were out shopping for cars. Five car salesmen show up with beautiful cars that all look different from each other yet are still beautiful and exotic. All they do is say "Hi, I'm ____, you have lot of money and I want it. Here is what I have to offer, and here is my card. Give me a call when you want to spend your money on my car."

Now, let's say that one of those car salesman approaches you, talks to you a little bit, asks you of your interests, etc. He then says, "Oh hey you know, it sounds like your money would be well spent in the car that I have to offer because what I have to offer meets your expectations/ideals. Here is my number, and I will call you so we can meet up again and discuss more of our interests, and see what happens."

Which one do you, honestly, have more interest in? The one salesman who established rapport and discussed shared, mutual interests OR the other four salesmen who just gave you their number expecting you to call them?

Now in that analogy, replace you the customer with woman, your money with her vagina, salesmen with other guys, cars with their personality/looks/prize/catch.

Like I said before, you're confusing prize mentality with "I'm as unique as a Greek God and expect women to come to me".

You have to take charge and lead. One way you do this is by calling her and telling her when and where you are meeting up with her. After couple of dates, if you established good rapport and high interest, she will be the one calling you constantly. Make no mistake about it.

 

[guru1000]

Guru1000, I don't find credibility in your stance that part of the reason for women not calling is because they're afraid of rejection. How many hot women experience rejection for sex? Think about it. Most guys when they're being pursued by a hot chick, almost never turn her down. Ask any guy on this board if he'd turn down a hot chick, and most of them will say NO. I mean, really. No guy in his right mind will turn down a hot chick who wants to get in his pants, unless he's gay. It doesn't work that way. It's never worked that way. We take the opportunity whenever it presents itself.
And even if the hot chick does get rejected, wow, that's like maybe 2-3 times that's ever happened to her. 98% of the time, hot women won't get rejected. The only time I can see it happening is if the guy's really committed to his significant other.

This is the Scarcity Mindset.

I turn down MANY hot women by not pursuing them after the first date. A matter of fact, the woman I am now exclusive with mentioned she has a hard time developing Rapport with me because she felt I wasn't that into her.

Here is a little wake up call. Hot women are more insecure about their looks than average woman. Their lives revolve around Looks and not their intellect thus creating an insecurity based on false value. Most models I have dated were the most insecure women I knew, which also led to their eating disorders.

Your assumption is wrong. I cannot speak for everyone else on this board but I can tell you that one with ABUNDANCE rejects most women, hot or average.

I have NEXTed the majority of women throughout my life only because I have so many others to choose from. This goes with the 80/20 rule. 20% of men attract 80% of women and 80% of men attract 20% of women. If you are part of that 20%, it is only natural to reject more and accept less.

Most women cannot handle REJECTION. After all, their livelihood is in attracting a Great Man. A Woman who fails to attract is as a Man who fails to provide.

 

[reset]

Guys, you have to remember also, that when you don't call, you stand out from the rest of the guys out there. She thinks to herself, "Why isn't he calling me? Every other guy calls me, but this guy isn't. Hmmm." It should amplify her attraction towards you if anything. Isn't this the kinda stuff we always preach around here? ...

Observation. I've been at so suave so long now that at this point I assume all guys DON'T call, are a challenge, and don't supplicate to women.

Of course, I see men do that and act AFC. Maybe this is an example of too much so suave influence. I can't imagine guys doing different, even though that's what we talk about.

Possibly a pointless post but to me it means something. :crazy:

 

[edger]

Guru1000, and everyone else, I've got an example for you..it's the example that put the icing on the cake and prompted me to create this thread. I met this hot 20 yr old on this website. She's been sending me winks for a while now. She's also added me to her "favorites". She finally splurged for gold-membership and emailed me. She told me she became a gold-member just for ME, because she wanted to talk to me. By the way, I'm not a gold-member(I vowed a while ago not to ever pay for a dating website again). The website only requires one person be a gold-member to communicate. For instance, if she's a paying gold-member, she can still email me, eventhough I'm not a paying gold-member. Anyhow, I spoke to her on messenger for the first time last week. After the convo., we exchanged #'s. She sends me an email 4 days later saying, "Still never on", meaning I'm never online, on messenger. Now point is, if this chick was so worried about her ego being damaged, then why would she email me? She knows I am still able to reject her. I ignored it, so haven't I rejected her? And my reason for ignoring her was because I felt she was "attention wh*ring"; attention wh*ring because she emailed me and didn't call. I felt that if she wanted to get in my pants bad enough, she would've phoned me. So I tossed her to the curb.

 

[guru1000]

Guru1000, and everyone else, I've got an example for you..it's the example that put the icing on the cake and prompted me to create this thread. I met this hot 20 yr old on this website. She's been sending me winks for a while now. She's also added me to her "favorites". She finally splurged for gold-membership and emailed me. She told me she became a gold-member just for ME, because she wanted to talk to me. By the way, I'm not a gold-member(I vowed not to ever pay for a dating website again). The website only requires one person be a gold-member to communicate, For instance, if she's a paying gold-member, she can still email me, eventhough I'm not a paying gold-member. Anyhow, I spoke to her on meesenger for the first time last week. After the convo., we exchanged #'s. She sends me an email 4 days later saying, "Still never on", meaning I'm never online, on messenger. Now point is, if this chick was so worried about her ego being damaged, then why would she email me? She knows I am still able to reject her. I ignored it, so haven't I rejected her? And my reason for ignoring her was because I felt she was "attention wh*ring". I felt that if she wanted to get in my pants bad enough, she would've phoned me.

I HOPE you are not speaking of FLING.com. If you are, get yourself off that site NOW.

I assume you are speaking of a normal dating site. Rejection on the internet is hardly a rejection. With only pictures and a voice, women have no problems expressing their interest in you via Internet. I get 10 new emails a day from women.

We are speaking of a Cold Approach and the girl calling you first. Whole new dynamic.

 

[edger]

I HOPE you are not speaking of FLING.com.

Lol, no. I'm smarter than that, although I will admit, back in my AFC days, I signed up for AdultFriendFinder thinking, "Yeah, I'm gonna meet some hot chix and get laid", only to be disappointed..lol.