Thoughts On Intimidation

[5string]

I have something that is bothering me. It's been bothering me for years and seems to be escalating as time goes by. I'm basically a negotiator by occupation. High stakes poker with other peoples money, so I have to be confident and up to the task if you will. I socialize quite a bit. The issue is that people tell me I intimidate them. Both men and women. I'm 5'11" 165lbs so not a real imposing guy physically. They always say it's my eyes. Had a guy tell me the other day that "you could bore holes through steel with those eyes, all the neighbors are intimidated by you, etc". I mean I get these types of comments ALL the freekin time. Even the wife says she doesnt like it when I give her a stare, says it scares her. Now I don't know if this is all bad as it works to my advantage in my job, and socially, works to my advantage, especially with other guys. Heck, I don't even really know what I am asking you guys when it comes right down to it. Just looking for some thoughts I suppose. Anybody else here have this "problem"? I don't know how to post a pic on here. Tell me how, I'll do it. Otherwise, I could email one.

 

[KingofHearts]

I'm less than half your age, so take this with a chunky grain of salt, but I deal with the same kind of issue. This has happened mostly at work, but even in social situations I sometimes give the "don't f with me look" without thinking about it. I'm a little taller than you and weigh more, in my case I think it has something to do with my imposing size. Its relative to the person I'm talking to. A 5 foot nothing chick will be more intimidated by me than a 6 foot 6 inch guy I face playing basketball.

I remember some lady from an elementary school went and told my boss that I gave her an "intimidating look" after receiving some bad news, this was at age 20. I was upset but didn't think I showed it. It was around that time I noticed a trend developing. I work with kids, and they generally like me, but are still cautious not to piss me off. Usually being imposing and intimidating works in my favor, except with my superiors. They think I don't respect them, I just don't like getting jerked around. I've been told many times that in emails I come off as harsh and critical. I don't know why or how that's possible, this comment even comes from people that I haven't met in real life. After time, people find that I'm easy to get along with. I see that I keep people honest though, which I think is a good thing.

I challk it up to people's perceptions more than anything I'm doing. Also, I'd say I'm taller than majority of people that I know at 6 foot something. People assume I'm taller, weigh less and am older than I really am. This has to do with people's perceptions and has a lot to do with their own issues and project those on to me. Somebody that is mad at the world will find a way to accuse me of being unethical. Some people that see themselves as altruistic, see similar traits in me and praise me endlessly.

I'm just approaching my mid twenties, but I've met many people in my line of work. I've been called many things, good and bad. Sometimes people do this just to break you down or get a rise out of you. People tell you that you're intimidating in negative way, so then you soften up to prove them wrong. I hate it when people try that manipulative ****, but Im getting better at spotting it. Its made me simply rely on my own opinion of myself.

In work and most social situations, I've come to the point that I've developed a strong opinion of how things should be done. I base my opinion on previous results that have proven to be effective. I've been in meetings with men twice my age and its a hard pill for them to swallow when I prove them wrong. Its a tough balance between fighting for what I know will work, versus hurting their fragile egos. I honestly don't think I'm better than these guys, I've just been fortunate to learn what I know. I can say the same for what I learned at Sosuave. I'm no better than the typical AFC, I'm just a little more informed. And since I've experienced some things with women, my opinion is going to be more developed than most guys my age.

Anyway my point in all this is that people will say what they want. Usually its nothing more than their own issues and insecurities being projected onto you. All the more reason to be secure in yourself so that no one can effect your self image.

 

[5string]

Thanks King. We'll see if this works. I think you have to double click on the pic to enlarge it. So, here is a pic of me. I think you are right though. It's other peoples insecurities that cause them to be intimidated. For one reason or another, I believe we have become a more "sensitive" society. I sort of think that's a not so good thing. http://cid-5a899e93b5979fed.photos.live.com/self.aspx/5string/lope2.JPG

 

[Allurre]

I don't think you possess any kind of intense gaze lol, or perhaps it's grown into an unwitting habit of yours?

Try to weaken that 'stare' with a more relaxed body language, and try smile more during your interactions to help dilute the intensity.

 

[playerette]

I personally think guys that are intimidating are sexy. Unless you're like one of those bodybuilders, cuz thats just gross. Use it to your advantage.

 

[Warrior74]

Most people don't even look people in the eyes anymore. Most people consider a look, "staring" these days. Most people will drop their eyes first.

I have been told that I look angry, and intimating and scary. My stare can bore holes in people. Mexicans and criminals always think I'm a cop. People are scared of me until they get to know me and then they love me. I think when people say these things, its more of a projection of their fears and thoughts than anything on your part. My ex used to hate for me to look at her, said I was making her feel weird, but turns out she was cheating. I was making her feel guilty. Or I've had guys tell me I look angry, only to find out later they were talking shyt about me or are just punk asses in general. So consider the source when you get those comments. And consider the people who know you and who don't give you those comments, compare the two and see if what traits they all have in common.

 

[r0cky]

I think its your eyebrows, seems you have them positioned in a way that makes you have a serious look. Consider trimming them and working those eyebrow muscles so that you can have a 'nice guy" stare

 

[5string]

I think its your eyebrows, seems you have them positioned in a way that makes you have a serious look. Consider trimming them and working those eyebrow muscles so that you can have a 'nice guy" stare

Thank rocky. They really are not thick though. The guy that sits next to me in my office has the same problem. Irritates him as well. He just responds by....F other people. There is a thin called eye contact as Warrior says. I DO look eveyone in the eyes when I talk with them. That may be part of it. Not alot of people seems to do that. Thanks warrior.

 

[kingsam]

5string:
u look kinda normal...cant really see our eyes well in that pic tho...

warrior:
u should put ur angry look up here

 

[j0n24]

This is very off topic but whatevers

1st- Where are you in that pic? Is this your home or a gamepark since you look like your kneeling down next to a deer of some sort.

2nd- How does one become a high stakes poker player? That sounds awesome....yeah I play high stakes poker with chump change like your monthly paycheck haha.

 

[catman]

I have a look that will send people running expecially when im mad I try really hard not to give my girl friends this look because like warrior said it scares the hell out of them.The positive side is that people i truly cant stand avoid me like the pleage cause its written all over my face.Use it to your advantage to get people to do what you tell them to do! Works great on my daughter when she doesnt want to pull her weight around the house.Also works good at work when they need someone to do a **** job nobody wants to do.Its a good trait if u can control it.

 

[MyTeamSupreme]

that Chuck Norris goatee is a little intimidating...The stare? not so much