This will fix your approach anxiety, I promiss

devamper

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this works, trust me, I`m serious and if you are too, you should read it, you owe it to yourself

I was constantly afraid of being judged by the women or the people who see me do the approach. The general advice for it is to get out of your head and just go with the flow, take things as they arise aka "be present", you know it`s easy to recommend this, but without finding some training wheels first is hard to apply, yes, meditation is good, becoming physically active also helps and you should do these activities, but there`s something even better, you can`t fail with it, you don`t need to memorize stuff or do some "mind magic" on you or other people, making you feel that you somehow cheat and of course you won`t find this in a stupid ebook

are you ready? here is it


JUST TAKE DANCING LESSONS


well let`s see, twice a week for 2 hours for 3,5 months, you are put to be in close physical contact with at least 20 to 40 different women, you have to look into their eyes, you have to lead them, you must interact with them as a men to a woman, you are basically learning to escalate the natural a way and there`s no pressure from the environment

relax, 70% of people suck at dancing, 20% are average and 10% are really-really good, so most of the people there are going to suck it, or probably be even worse than you and nobody is watching, because everybody is busy not to step on the other persons toes


what I`ve learned there:

1. lots of women are not that good at dancing, they just shake their asses in the clubs and we are horny

2. women don`t bite and if you aren`t afraid to take the first step (and you can let go of the bull**** society given you), they are going to help you, they also want you to succeed, they want you to be a man

3. there`s no such thing as a perfect woman, a perfect 10, you think you like the big breasted tall blonde and are intimidated by her at the same time, just wait until you see her without makeup and smell her unwashed teeth, yes that happened a few times

4. what you see the first 5 seconds, is what you get, the girls that are *****y are actually single, frustrated and have more emotional issues than you do, only talk to them if you want to punish yourself, the male counterpart of them would be an overly fashion conscious, airheaded guy, who drives a car he can`t really afford, brags about everything and poses on fb like a prince, posts regularly which clubs does he attend on which day, these type of people belong together, let them have each other

5. you don`t need to be imposing, you don`t need a lions confidence, you can have simple clothes, you can be unshawen (just don`t smell) a girl can still like you, if you can be genuine, if you accept yourself first as you are, than just keep building on that

6. no matter wtf you do, people don`t see you and even if they look at you, they don`t care, they are busy enough doing their own stuff, just like you

you do this, you`ll actually have something to do with women socially, something that they like, no more butterflies in the stomach if you see someone in the mall or the street or the club

and how much did this cost me? 14 weeks and 20% of the purchase price of the cheapest iphone 4S, but if you think that saving up for an iphone to impress others with it, while you feel miserable is worth for you, just go with it, who am I to stop you

yes, a bonus lesson

7. nobody is going to stop you, ever, nobody cares that much about you, to be so envious of you or what other bs you are thinking before initiating anything, do wtf you want to do, do whatever makes you happy, just don`t break the law

if you still don`t like this "solution", let me remind you of Einstein`s quote, that the problem can`t be solved, by the same mind or way of thinking that has concieved it, this means, ask yourself, would a frustrated, nerdy guy do this? no?! than just do it
 

Gro0ver

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It depends on the circumstances but it's a very useful social skill and is extremely fun.

There are 2 types of dance - solo and partner. Gro0ver is adept at both :rockon: but not yet a master.

Within this you have choreograph and freestyle. People are normally better at one or the other.

I am a hiphop/breakdancer and I'm also pretty good at some partner dancing (salsa/jive). It certainly makes me stand out in some situations, as most guys can't dance at all (especially here in the UK).

What it will do

- Make you stand out in a club situation, increase your market value at that moment. The good thing is, when you can dance well then girls are just drawn to you, you don't need to go out and hunt them as much. They will dance around you and accidently bump into you :) (applies mainly to solo dance)

- Put you in contact with more single women via dance classes (applies mainly to partner dance but can with solo as well). More practice, more plate spinning, generally i've found most of the girls are single and there are enough of reasonable quality around

- Girls get curious about your moves and ask you to teach them (solo) or dance with them (partner) - giving you more opportunity to game them

What it won't do

- Solve your AA in a non-dance situation
- Help you actually talk to women at clubs or classes although they might be more curious about you

Dancing only helps in certain situations. However it's hella fun and really a great way of expressing yourself (movements of the soul and all that jazz).
There's a saying - dance to express, not to impress. Do it out of love for the music, not for the girls. The girls are just a nice biproduct.

I actually get very impressed when I see a woman who can dance well and am inclined to investigate, most of them dance so generic and aren't really expressing themselves. They may dance better then guys in general but that's only because they're good at copying others and faking it.
 

devamper

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thanks for the reply

my general idea was this:
some people recommend you to just go berserk in the nightclubs to gain experience, which can in some cases stress the hell out of you, not to mention nightlife is full with social conditioning bs, it takes people out of their natural personality, everybody`s trying to impress, it`s to hectic, you have competition

asking a newbie to just "hit it" is like asking someone who hasn`t seen a bicycle to drive a 180hp motorcycle
 

devamper

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Mike32ct said:
Devamper: What kind of dance classes did you take or recommend, e.g. ballroom, salsa, etc.?
this is basic salsa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amO1sDZlrkI

because you asked me this, I can safely conclude, that you aren`t that flexible (neither am I), so stick with ballroom, there are more types of dances there, some of them you can combine and work well even with modern songs

like here`s this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5-z46w7Nuo

you can dance both cha-cha-cha or swedish boogie to it or combine it with a 3rd one, it`s name skips my mind, but whatever

now my special insight, just for you:
it`s not about impressing the women, it`s not "pls like me because I can dance", it`s not a "new tehnique" it`s about you learning to get out of your head and start relating to women the proper way

girls just want to have fun, you provide it, they`ll be around you, you are no fun, they are going to pick someone else; and not every type of girl likes the same stuff

most orthodox religions banned dancing in the past because it`s sexual foreplay, the good thing that if you learn to be comfortable with that energy in your body, you can take that vibe out the streets, you will be able to maintain eye contact, be playfull and confident, women will smile back when you are smiling at them, etc.

but !!!

excuse me for being upfront, it says you are 36 years old and you still have approach anxiety? are you sure you are fine? you might have other emotional issues that you are projecting on women
 
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