This thread is for married men to discuss on

[Josh Davidson]

As a single 33 year old man I am wondering, what made you married men want to marry your wives?

What I mean by that is, what qualities did or does she possess that made you want to give up all other women to be with her exclusively, and potentially harm your financial position in case you have children, or worse, she decides to divorce?

On the subject of having children, what caused you to decide to have them? Dogs take 2 hours a day on average for maintenance, and I can imagine children take up even more time for their care.

Also, I read that in the US, where I live, to raise a child to adulthood costs on average $250,000 per child. How do you afford this?

I met this wonderful woman who wants to get married, which I'm not necessarily opposed to, but she mentioned that she will also want to have at least 2 children. By the way, how much of a time commitment are children, on average, in hours per day?

Please do not just tell me to not get married or not to have children, because I love this woman and: I am willing to change my lifestyle and habits to be with her and to make her happy!

 

[BadBoy89]

Dec 25:

Very attractive woman, mid 20s, longest relationship under 1 year, and religious-based career. What do you think?

Dec 26:

I met this wonderful woman who wants to get married, which I'm not necessarily opposed to, but she mentioned that she will also want to have at least 2 children.

When did you meet her?

 

[Josh Davidson]

When did you meet her?

Fairly recently to be considering marriage but possibly one to marry after a while...I'm asking on here since there must be some happily married men on here who give advice to single men. I can't ask my parents how they know when they found the right one, since they divorced each other and neither re-married. I'd hate to pass up on "the one", and I have a feeling that she might be. Right now I am trying to gather information on the time and money commitment levels, and how to know if you've met "the one".

 

[Plinco]

Fairly recently to be considering marriage but possibly one to marry after a while...I'm asking on here since there must be some happily married men on here who give advice to single men. I can't ask my parents how they know when they found the right one, since they divorced each other and neither re-married. I'd hate to pass up on "the one", and I have a feeling that she might be. Right now I am trying to gather information on the time and money commitment levels, and how to know if you've met "the one".

Keep in mind the different mindsets of abundance vs scarcity.

That said, I would list all of your long term goals, make sure they are all congruent and pass the logic test, then look to see if this girl fits in with that. If you are seriously talking about this to this girl, then make sure she knows exactly what your ambitions are and gauge her reaction.

 

[Josh Davidson]

Keep in mind the different mindsets of abundance vs scarcity.

That said, I would list all of your long term goals, make sure they are all congruent and pass the logic test, then look to see if this girl fits in with that. If you are seriously talking about this to this girl, then make sure she knows exactly what your ambitions are and gauge her reaction.

Right now I live in a small town and don't meet many women of any value. This woman seems different. I think she could fit into my life plans and is congruent with them. I might ask her if it is a deal breaker if we got married but didn't have children, and if that doesn't work say that I would be open to having only 1 or 2 children at most for financial reasons and see what she says. If she is not open to that, I'll ask her, how will we afford to care for many children?

 

[Plinco]

Right now I live in a small town and don't meet many women of any value. This woman seems different. I think she could fit into my life plans and is congruent with them. I might ask her if it is a deal breaker if we got married but didn't have children, and if that doesn't work say that I would be open to having only 1 or 2 children at most for financial reasons and see what she says. If she is not open to that, I'll ask her, how will we afford to care for many children?

How old are you and what kind of work do you do?

 

[Josh Davidson]

How old are you and what kind of work do you do?

I am 33 and make roughly $48,000 (US) a year. I'd rather not mention what I do for a living since I find that personal. My pay is a salary and I work MANY hours a week for it. I like what I do for a living but work a lot.

My potential wife wants to quit working once we marry, should I marry her on the condition that she doesn't quit her job? She makes around $30,000 (US) a year (I asked her).

We could obviously do a lot more financially as a family on $78k versus $48k.

 

[metalwater]

tell us more about the girl, how did you meet her and why do you choose her. obviously don't tell anything that can identify you and her, but tell enough so we understand the dynamics.

 

[Plinco]

How old is she?

 

[Josh Davidson]

How old is she?

She is in her mid 20s

 

[Black Widow Void]

According to you, she wants to quit her job after marrying and have a couple of children.

You at least know up front what she wants. Even if she agrees to your conditions, once married, she has the power to change things to her terms. And she likely will. Is that the sort of gamble that you want to take?

 

[Konada]

I'm getting married soon, so here are my factors.

1. Being able to effectively communicate. No throwing fits or acting like a baby.

2. Being able to own her sh!t, self aware

3. Sexy

4. Loves me

5. Able to partner you in growth, this means calling you out when you're acting like a dumbass

6. Ability to provide you a safe space to rest when you're done from a day of work.

Those are the things that tick the boxes for me to consider marriage.

Of course, there are other stuff like religion, kids, living habits, travel plans, goals that have to be discussed about. However, those stuff will come later once you have vetted her to be marriage material.

Also, if you are actively weighing the pros and cons of having children, you're not ready. If you can't love your children the way you love your wife (which is going the extra mile sometimes even if you are lazy), you're not ready to have children.

 

[The Duke]

I got married because I was with a girl that i got a long with very well, and had been with for several years. After a few years she told me she was leaving if we didn't have plans to marry. I drug it out 2-3 years longer and finally caved. Dont regret it but I will never do it again and its not that I didn't chose the right person and vice versa. That relationship ended in divorce after almost 15yrs together.

There is no way I would marry. Don't see the point especially if you aren't wanting kids.

My current girl I have been with for 3yrs. We live together. It's a serious committed relationship. Basically marriage, but neither of us want that. I picked her because She checked all the boxes that mattered. And it was the first girl I ever met that I was more interested in hearing her story than getting in her pants. She intrigued me, and that's rare. She didn't want marriage. She was independent somewhat. Makes her own money. She has a serious hobby that I enjoy as well. And when I told her I had been with a lot of girls she didn't get insecure and has never as me anymore.

If this LTR ever fails, I will just go back to dating girls with little commitment.

The constantly changing out girls every few months gets old, but so does putting up with the same one no matter how great she is. And nothing beats new pu$$y. Pick your poison.

The most important thing I would tell a guy considering marriage is, only do so if you have been with a lot of women and know what you are dealing with. It's hard with even the greatest girl. And until you have been with multiple women, you have no perspective to compare to.

 

[Josh Davidson]

I got married because I was with a girl that i got a long with very well, and had been with for several years. After a few years she told me she was leaving if we didn't have plans to marry. I drug it out 2-3 years longer and finally caved. Dont regret it but I will never do it again and its not that I didn't chose the right person and vice versa. That relationship ended in divorce after almost 15yrs together.

There is no way I would marry. Don't see the point especially if you aren't wanting kids.

My current girl I have been with for 3yrs. We live together. It's a serious committed relationship. Basically marriage, but neither of us want that. I picked her because She checked all the boxes that mattered. And it was the first girl I ever met that I was more interested in hearing her story than getting in her pants. She intrigued me, and that's rare. She didn't want marriage. She was independent somewhat. Makes her own money. She has a serious hobby that I enjoy as well. And when I told her I had been with a lot of girls she didn't get insecure and has never as me anymore.

If this LTR ever fails, I will just go back to dating girls with little commitment.

The constantly changing out girls every few months gets old, but so does putting up with the same one no matter how great she is. And nothing beats new pu$$y. Pick your poison.

The most important thing I would tell a guy considering marriage is, only do so if you have been with a lot of women and know what you are dealing with. It's hard with even the greatest girl. And until you have been with multiple women, you have no perspective to compare to.

I have not been with many women yet, but she seems the best so far. Should I tell her now that I don't want to have any children?

 

[manfrombelow]

Well as a single guy who definitely has no need for any kind of LTR at least in years to come due to bad dating experience with past LTRs, I think one of the most important factors you need to take into account is that, she should (and must) give you a sense of peace and relax when you go home to her after a full day at work.

I mean, I used to sit for at least 1 hour in the park and smoke before I went home because I felt stressed and drained there with her presence (for whatever the fvck reasons), so... Hope you know what I mean. G'luck brother!

 

[Bingo-Player]

As others have asked when did you meet her ?

It cant have been more than a couple of weeks because i can remember you making threads about OLD dates about a fortnight ago

You need to be very very careful discussing or even contemplating marriage with a woman at such an early phase of a relationship

You are both in lust phase ..... in this phase you both sh1t rainbows and can do no wrong to one another

Lust phase depending on your connection and circumstances can last anything from 3 - 12 months

Enjoy it because it is generally the best part of a relationship the sex is fresh and exciting , arguments are far and few between and opinions are harmonized

My friend has just jumped head first into a roller-coaster relationship with a girl he met in july, by october he had given her a key to his place , by November she was living with him

So to go from strangers to living together in the space of 4 months is pretty crazy when you think about it , he is an extremely needy guy and i know this chick has not been afforded more than a second to think about wtf is going on

He is already talking about kids and marriage

IMO i have seen a lot of these 0-100 relationships burn out fast really fast because once that novelty wears off you start seeing true colours from both parties and they aren't always how they were first painted

I'm not saying don't marry this chick but imo you need at least a year of life with her to start asking the type of questions you are after a few weeks

 

[Glassguy]

Fellas I see a lot of your prerequisites on marrying a woman, but one thing that is not mentioned is the most important:

She must have the utmost RESPECT for you.

Without that respect, nothing......and I mean NOTHING will fall into place.

 

[Knight of Roses]

Damn homie. It’s gona be hard being single household earner on 48K a year.

 

[Josh Davidson]

As a single 33 year old man I am wondering, what made you married men want to marry your wives?

What I mean by that is, what qualities did or does she possess that made you want to give up all other women to be with her exclusively, and potentially harm your financial position in case you have children, or worse, she decides to divorce?

On the subject of having children, what caused you to decide to have them? Dogs take 2 hours a day on average for maintenance, and I can imagine children take up even more time for their care.

Also, I read that in the US, where I live, to raise a child to adulthood costs on average $250,000 per child. How do you afford this?

I met this wonderful woman who wants to get married, which I'm not necessarily opposed to, but she mentioned that she will also want to have at least 2 children. By the way, how much of a time commitment are children, on average, in hours per day?

Please do not just tell me to not get married or not to have children, because I love this woman and: I am willing to change my lifestyle and habits to be with her and to make her happy!

In response to my own question

As others have asked when did you meet her ?

It cant have been more than a couple of weeks because i can remember you making threads about OLD dates about a fortnight ago

You need to be very very careful discussing or even contemplating marriage with a woman at such an early phase of a relationship

You are both in lust phase ..... in this phase you both sh1t rainbows and can do no wrong to one another

Lust phase depending on your connection and circumstances can last anything from 3 - 12 months

Enjoy it because it is generally the best part of a relationship the sex is fresh and exciting , arguments are far and few between and opinions are harmonized

My friend has just jumped head first into a roller-coaster relationship with a girl he met in july, by october he had given her a key to his place , by November she was living with him

So to go from strangers to living together in the space of 4 months is pretty crazy when you think about it , he is an extremely needy guy and i know this chick has not been afforded more than a second to think about wtf is going on

He is already talking about kids and marriage

IMO i have seen a lot of these 0-100 relationships burn out fast really fast because once that novelty wears off you start seeing true colours from both parties and they aren't always how they were first painted

I'm not saying don't marry this chick but imo you need at least a year of life with her to start asking the type of questions you are after a few weeks

Ok. I'll give it at least a year.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

As a single 33 year old man I am wondering, what made you married men want to marry your wives?

What I mean by that is, what qualities did or does she possess that made you want to give up all other women to be with her exclusively, and potentially harm your financial position in case you have children, or worse, she decides to divorce?

On the subject of having children, what caused you to decide to have them? Dogs take 2 hours a day on average for maintenance, and I can imagine children take up even more time for their care.

Also, I read that in the US, where I live, to raise a child to adulthood costs on average $250,000 per child. How do you afford this?

I met this wonderful woman who wants to get married, which I'm not necessarily opposed to, but she mentioned that she will also want to have at least 2 children. By the way, how much of a time commitment are children, on average, in hours per day?

Please do not just tell me to not get married or not to have children, because I love this woman and: I am willing to change my lifestyle and habits to be with her and to make her happy!

I was married.(I would consider it again). I wanted to marry her as we had fun together. Got along well. Although we don’t have that many interests in common. I Loved her. I found her sexy and beautiful. As for children. We wanted them, but we were unable to conceive, despite seeking medical help.