This struck me as odd about a 25 year old girl I met last night

[wjh]

Honestly, I don't know what to think of this, and it really could mean nothing, but here it goes.

Some background:

A couple friends and myself threw an event last night at a nice private club in a cool part of town. It was a hit, we had a great draw, and I got to DJ for a good hour. My social proof was high; whether that's relevant or not to this, I do not know. I'd rather give more info than not enough for the most informed opinions.

Anyhow, I see this really attractive girl with a big-girl friend. A friend of mine was playing photographer that night and was taking pics for marketing purposes. I told him that we should take a picture of her because she was markedly pretty. So I went up to her and asked her if we could take her and her friend's pic. Voila I was in. We started talking, kino, dancing, exchanged numbers, kissed, blah blah blah. It was good. The only downside was that I had to engage the ugly friend so as to not come off as a total slvt. Hey, I love a55hole game, it's fun sometimes, but you have to win over the fat girlfriend, otherwise GOOD LUCK.

Here's the weird thing: I don't even remember how the subject came up, but she mentioned that she hadn't been in a relationship in 5 years (since she was 20). Now, I've never heard of a girl THAT attractive being OUT of a relationship for that long. I wasn't going to dig but it struck me as very odd.

Do you guys have any thoughts on this?

My concern was that 1.) she brought up relationships as I'm talking to her and escalating and 2.) that she could be trying to bait me into something I may not want (I barely know her) and/or 3.) that she may have vague/convenient definitions and just be an all-around slut.

I'm definitely going to ask her out for a couple of drinks, maybe a quick bite, not sure exactly. But I just don't generally trust women as a rule (they have to earn it) and I would rather come at her with a more informed idea of what the hell she could have been up to for the past 5 years.

 

[GeorgeStrom]

By all assessments: It was a test.


What she's testing for...well that depends. But it for sure a test.

A little more about the conversation would be needed for a better answer, but from a terse survey, I believe when a girl throws out that she hasn't been in a relationship for a long time, its indicative of a girl who is not extremely trusting.

You were probably making a lot of headway into the conversation. Her alarm went off, and she said it to test you - aka. I don't trust people easy = I haven't been in a relationship for a long time.

 

[STR8UP]

What was she up to for the past 5 years? Does it matter?

I haven't been in a "relationship" for over three years, but a few women may beg to differ....

Maybe she's been a serial dater, going from guy to guy getting a free meal a couple of times per week.

Maybe she's been fukking every guy who said hello to her.

One thing is for sure though. If she's attractive she hasn't been sitting at home 7 nights a week reading books and eating Hagen Das.

Don't make the mistake of judging a woman based upon some ambiguous fantasy of her past. Judge her based upon her behavior TODAY. The way she treats YOU. You will never know her true past, so don't even think about it.

 

[ketostix]

By all assessments: It was a test.


What she's testing for...well that depends. But it for sure a test.

A little more about the conversation would be needed for a better answer, but from a terse survey, I believe when a girl throws out that she hasn't been in a relationship for a long time, its indicative of a girl who is not extremely trusting.

You were probably making a lot of headway into the conversation. Her alarm went off, and she said it to test you - aka. I don't trust people easy = I haven't been in a relationship for a long time.

Yeah I'm inclined to agree that it was a test of some sort. What her motives were is anyone's guess though. I think this would've been the perfect opportunity to turn her test around on her with teasing things like "What you can't get a BF.." and see what she tries to qualify herself with. Maybe she was trying to DHV by insinuating you were trying to get her for a relationship already and no one else has succeed in the last 5 years. Then I would've been like "Well that's good, I'm not looking for a relationship...". I don't like that one really because then you risk walking down the path of ASD. Or you could pace her reality and say you haven't been in a relationship either in x years even if it's not really true. Actually I probably would've just ignored her comment and proceeded. That's what I usually do with tests and is usually the safe bet.

 

[Mr. Me]

My hunch is that's her saying she liked you. A lot.

Why would she be thinking "relationship" and need to mention it? In the context, she's dancing with you, touching you, kissing you. Obviously, she seems to like you. She's attractive, so she evidently can get men, but basically infers to you that she hasn't found a guy with whom she'd like to be in a *relationship* with for the past five years (that doesn't mean she's been sitting home alone or hasn't had dates or ONS). So what I hear is that you triggered some butterflies in her tummy enough that she feels you may be a contender for the position.

 

[ketostix]

My hunch is that's her saying she liked you. A lot.

Why would she be thinking "relationship" and need to mention it? In the context, she's dancing with you, touching you, kissing you. Obviously, she seems to like you. She's attractive, so she evidently can get men, but basically infers to you that she hasn't found a guy with whom she'd like to be in a *relationship* with for the past five years (that doesn't mean she's been sitting home alone or hasn't had dates or ONS). So what I hear is that you triggered some butterflies in her tummy enough that she feels you may be a contender for the position.

Yeah, when you take it in context, dancing, touching and kissing you, this is the most likely scenario. She has "relationship" on her mind and you have to look at the context to figure out why. If she wasn't dancing and kissing you and said that, then the context would be different and it would mean something different. That's why it would be the safest bet to tease her about it a little or just ignore it and proceed as if you have a green light.

 

[Alexander the Great]

You just met a girl. It was nice. Good contact, kino, kissing.

It means nothing.

Why? Because you just met her. You just met her and because you hit it off, she starts yapping about how she hasn't been in a relationship for five years. When you've just met her.

Not only is her telling you this so quickly a warning sign, so is the lack of a relationship for so long.

Red flag? Maybe.

No matter what the reason, people blurting out such facts about themselves when you've just met them put me on edge and it should do that to you too. Even if you hit it off. Especially if you hit it off.

Is it a sign that she likes you? Why would she say such things if that's the case? Remember that girls who are into you are a little afraid to show themselves. Especially facts that may portray them as... strange. Girls with "special histories" go to great lengths to hide ugly facts about themselves to appear attractive to men they like. I know. I once knew a girl who faked not being depressed for years out of fear of losing the man she thought she loved. What a mess that specimen was.

On the other hand, maybe she doesn't like you. It might just as well be a means to say: "Hey, you're nice, but I've been without a relationship for that long and this isn't going to end that". Of course the trust issue could be the case too. I'll not deny that. Which brings me to the fact that going without a relationship for so long being a possible warning sign again.

Personally I kind of agree that it was a test. A test to see how much you like her perhaps where she doesn't like you all that much other than as a nice diversion right now.

Whatever the case: Tread with caution. If you want to see where this is going, don't let your guard down. As has been said by STR8UP, watch her behaviour towards you. Not for a week or a few months. Half a year at least. Demons come in all sorts of disguises and some demons are extremely patient actors.

I haven't been in a relationship for who knows how long. I never tell that to anyone unless I want to test people, or because I want their sympathy (but not their love) or when I don't really care about what they think about me. But most of the time, I just keep it to myself. Like any sane person would. Why? Because even sane people go without relationships for a long time and to them it's not an issue. Because it isn't an issue for a healthy person. So why bring it up?

If you don't remember how the subject came up, chances are she was looking for an opening to spill her guts (assuming you weren't too alcohol-impaired to remember how it came up). People who spill their intimacies unasked from the get go aren't entirely with the regular, healthy program. Beware. If such people don't sound off any alarm bells in the back of your mind, beware even more. But it did, and that is good.

I find myself agreeing with the others: don't give a flying f*ck about why she said it. It's not my impression that you do, like that of others. It's my impression that you came here to verify your gut feeling that it is odd that a person would do this sort of thing when you've just met them. Well, it is.

Otherwise, like Don said: Be the most kick-ass guy you can be. But beware. In the back of your mind, pay attention to the possible obvious-that-prefers-to-remain-cloaked. Always.

 

[jophil28]

Women are illogical so there is no way to predict what 4 minute rotating massive hormone dump she is currently geeking out on.
.

:crackup:
Priceless.

 

[Jitterbug]

I'm definitely going to ask her out for a couple of drinks, maybe a quick bite, not sure exactly. But I just don't generally trust women as a rule (they have to earn it) and I would rather come at her with a more informed idea of what the hell she could have been up to for the past 5 years.

Why don't you get her out for a drink and ask her what she's been up to? Doubt that if she's been c0ck-hopping, she'd tell you though. She obviously likes you a lot.

Girls with "special histories" go to great lengths to hide ugly facts about themselves to appear attractive to men they like.

Like my recent ex. She hid a history of DV that'd make the news.

I mainly date girls in the age range of 20~25 (I'm 25 turning 26) and it's not unheard of for attractive girls to be single for that long, but yeah usually they're at least a little messed up.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Good one, Alexander.

Most girls that age want nothing more than to have a relationship with a guy to whom they are attracted. Some girls have a more difficult time achieving this because of physical disqualifiers, but a simple glance at your social circle will probably show that even unattractive girls get into relationships. When a girl that attractive is single for 5 years, it's HER fault.

I sense that she's a serial dater, ESPECIALLY since she brought up this fact when first meeting you. Lots of attractive girls that age are, because they can generate so many options. A relationship is NOT something that she's truly interested in--although rest assured, she'll make it seem as though deep down, it's all she wants.

It sounds like you are approaching this with the right mindset--but be careful for the trap this kind of girl sets. It is likely that she is going to behave as though she has EXTREMELY high interest in you initially--i.e. making plans for the future with you, agreeing with you on everything, calling or texting you often. Then, as soon as you start pushing for more (believing that it's what SHE wants), she'll back off and claim that you're moving too fast for her and that she needs space. Her behavior so far is pretty consistent with this--a super hot girl really doesn't fall in love with a complete stranger upon first meeting.

Don't do traditional dating with this one. You've already kissed her and kino'd past what you would do on a traditional date, and doing something like dinner will just set you back. Ideally, I would just try to get her to come hang out at your place, but it might be too soon for that, so just do something fun that doesn't scream, "I want you to be my girlfriend!" Make it seem as though your interest in her is not all the way there yet and make her EARN it, as you said.

Good luck

 

[wjh]

i appreciate everything everyone said. i gave her a ring last night, didnt leave a voicemail, and hung up. a few minutes later she texts me and asks who it is (we disnt exchange numbers, i just got hers). now off the bat i didnt want to text, im fully aware of that trap. so i quickly respond that it's wjh and to pick up. i call again and no pickup. so, then she txts me back seemingly happy asking me what im up to etc. i basically ignored that and ask her if she's some super txter to kind of let her know its lame to which she replies with she's watching a dvd. im thinking to myself... ok she has low interest so i just drop it. i didnt even get the chance to ask her out and she's damn near forcing a texting precedent. im wondering if its even worth it. she has my number.

 

[Drewskie]

i appreciate everything everyone said. i gave her a ring last night, didnt leave a voicemail, and hung up. a few minutes later she texts me and asks who it is (we disnt exchange numbers, i just got hers). now off the bat i didnt want to text, im fully aware of that trap. so i quickly respond that it's wjh and to pick up. i call again and no pickup. so, then she txts me back seemingly happy asking me what im up to etc. i basically ignored that and ask her if she's some super txter to kind of let her know its lame to which she replies with she's watching a dvd. im thinking to myself... ok she has low interest so i just drop it. i didnt even get the chance to ask her out and she's damn near forcing a texting precedent. im wondering if its even worth it. she has my number.

I swear, in 3 years girls won't even have earpieces on their phones, just be able to send texts. That's all they do. It's a very easy way out of any uncomfortable situation for them. IMO, you should text her next time you are going out to meet you wherever it is you're going. If she shows, you know she's interested, if not without valid reason, delete the number. As far a her telling you she's not been in a relationship for 5 years, sounds like she was either ultra-sh!t testing, or really liked you and was overthinking the whole thing, jumping to crazy conclusions that you'd be her bf. Maybe she was drunk, and really emotional, and was saying whatever crazy chick nonsense that was on her mind. (Good possibility). You're in the SFV? I'm in Burbank, if you're down to head out hit me up.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

i appreciate everything everyone said. i gave her a ring last night, didnt leave a voicemail, and hung up. a few minutes later she texts me and asks who it is (we disnt exchange numbers, i just got hers). now off the bat i didnt want to text, im fully aware of that trap. so i quickly respond that it's wjh and to pick up. i call again and no pickup. so, then she txts me back seemingly happy asking me what im up to etc. i basically ignored that and ask her if she's some super txter to kind of let her know its lame to which she replies with she's watching a dvd. im thinking to myself... ok she has low interest so i just drop it. i didnt even get the chance to ask her out and she's damn near forcing a texting precedent. im wondering if its even worth it. she has my number.

WJH:

Word up dude....looks like you've been having fun. All women who are 25 and under primarily communicate through text. This isn't to say that they don't talk on the phone, because they obviously do, but point is don't be afraid to text thinking it makes you look like a chump....it doesn't.


What you want to avoid is getting caught up in a long-@ss text conversation. She's interested, otherwise she wouldn't have text back after you told her who you were. Don't assume this girl has low interest based on a preference in communication, instead be consistent with her. If she text you, text back. If she calls you, call back, if she emails you, email her back etc. Once you get that one on one, you can elevate the attraction you created and she'll be calling you.


I do like text, but I also think its slowly stunting the social skills of the new generation.



PIMP

 

[Jitterbug]

wjh, pretty much every girl our age or younger is a TXT machine, regardless of whether they have high IL in you or not. If you don't like TXTing (neither do I) you'll need to train them out of that habit while communicating with you. In that process, their IL will be revealed. Some of the girls I dated were trained by me to always call me or pick up the phone when I call and never TXT, unless a phone call is absolutely not possible, and only when it's urgent.

How do you train them?

1. Never tell them that it's lame or childish or as if you're all up yourself about TXTing.
2. Simply communicate that you prefer phone calls as your time is limited and you're slow at TXT, or you prefer hearing her voice to a TXT message.
3. If she doesn't get it at first - like in your situation - just say that you'll call her back later when she's free to talk on the phone.

If she still persists doing things her way then her IL is low.

 

[squirrels]

If she was "markedly pretty", it's very possible that she was in one of those long-running high-school relationships since like 15-16. You know, the ones when you think you'll get married and be together forever. Then college came and by the time she was 20 she was just starting to feel her sexual power and see the plethora of options before her.

That's when her HS sweetheart starts getting scared, possessive, tries to buy the ring to force her hand. Scares some women off of the relationship idea for a good long time.

Then every guy she shows interest in from there on out immediately wants to girlfriend her because she's so attractive. Those kinds of girls stay away from relationships for a good long time until they can find a man that they're not only compatible with, but who is also a man who can control himself.

 

[Mr. Me]

to which she replies with she's watching a dvd. im thinking to myself... ok she has low interest so I just drop it. I

I'm thinking, the girl has to divert her eyes and attention away from the DVD, or pause it, to text. Same could be said if she answered a call. So I think you're right, she had two choices and purposefully chose the one that didn't require actual contact.

Even though the trend now is for women to text, actions still are very telling to what's going on inside. To those guys who grew up in this digital age thinking this is the norm for women and we should just roll with it, in effect, excusing away their behavior, understand that women USE texting to AVOID speaking with you while maintaining an ILLUSION of communicating with you. It's a buffer. We, as men, can't really be purposeful in our communications via their buffers, as they will use them to impede us from our intended goal.

She didn't NOT pick up the phone because texting is the trend.

Keep that in mind next time a woman doesn't return a text, email or voice mail.
Keep that in mind next time a woman says to you "What text? I didn't got a text" "What email? I never got your email"
Keep that in mind next time you do get a text from her, then try to contact her but she doesn't ever pick up.

Jitterbug's recommendations about how to handle this make a lot of sense.

Squirrels, you're rationalizing her behavior with a scenario that you don't know if it applies to her or not. We could spend all day conjecturing up hundreds of such scenarios for every interaction we have with a woman. In the long run, it doesn't matter WHY, what matters more is in dealing with the actual behavior.

Imagine if your premise was correct. We would then have a basic understanding as to WHY she may have acted the way she did, but it doesn't change the reality that she did act the way she did. The man still has to deal with that, regardless of it's cause. And since we can't go back in time and correct the problems that may have contributed to her psyche today, it becomes a moot point. And to speculate about it makes it even less a worthwhile venture.

whj, I'd say have her wait a week before you grace her with your call again. Maybe in the meantime she'll regret that she didn't bother picking up the phone to speak and will call you, or at least, be receptive to your call next time or risk you never calling again.

 

[STR8UP]

WJH:

Word up dude....looks like you've been having fun. All women who are 25 and under primarily communicate through text. This isn't to say that they don't talk on the phone, because they obviously do, but point is don't be afraid to text thinking it makes you look like a chump....it doesn't.

Nailed it.

Women today, even the 30 something chicks I know are more and more into texting as a form of communication. Hell, one chick I was with awhile back was 33 and she would CONSTANTLY text her best friend a play by play of the entire night. She didn't like it so much when I responded to my buddy's g/f's texts. "Oh, it's different....you're texting a girl!" Bullsh!t....it's rude to do that when you are out with someone either way. I think she got the picture after that.

Seriously though....I was out the last few weekends with a bunch of people for brunch, usually several women in the group. A couple of these chicks couldn't keep their hands off their phones. one is almost 27, the other is like 33.

You just have to get used to the fact that this is an increasingly more prevalent form of communication, especially for women.

 

[Colossus]

One thing is for sure though. If she's attractive she hasn't been sitting at home 7 nights a week reading books and eating Hagen Das.

Don't make the mistake of judging a woman based upon some ambiguous fantasy of her past. Judge her based upon her behavior TODAY. The way she treats YOU. You will never know her true past, so don't even think about it.

Wise words from Str8up.

Everyone knows this, but if she is even a 7 on the 10 scale you can rest assured she hasnt been d!ckless for 5 years.