This question caught me offguard

[1utfan1]

I # closed a girl in a club this past friday and as I was reading another post "43 year old needs advice" something mentioned there reminded me of something this girl said to me while we were talking. In the post I mentioned above this particular women asked this guy "How many prior serious relationships have you had?" and one of the reply's was "First of all, anyone (man or woman) who would ask that question has some type of insecurity hidden somewhere. Either that or they have this major need to compare notes for some morality BS. Plus a lot of women seem to enjoy catching a guy off guard."

Now, while I was talking to this girl she asked me "so ever been married or have any kids"? Now this is the first time I have ever been asked this during a first approach. Now normally I wouldn't overanalyze something like this but the post i referenced earlier made me reflect on it. Anyone ever experience this?

 

[squirrels]

"I've had two wives...it was great until they found out about each other. "

Just crack a joke about it.

 

[seulaxplaya]

yeah man that is a bizarre question. she may have been trying to see if your quick to test and on your toes and paying attention. with those types of questions just answer back something funny or you could have said "havent met the right woman and kids are a huge responsibilty." something like that

 

[ProQD]

I was on a first date with a girl and she came right out and blurted, "Have you ever been married?... Do you have any kids?.... Do you have a criminal record?" I answered with a truthful "No" to the questions. She then explained that prior experience has taught her to get that information as soon as possible. There are times when trying to be funny and evasive is good, but unless you have something to hide you are just being annoying. I doubt she's going to be turned off by the fact you have no baggage. I asked her the same questions right back in which she truthfully answered. However, this one also taught me another question that I wish I asked from the start rather than finding out a few months down the road..."Are you a lesbian?"

 

[1utfan1]

Originally posted by ProQD
I was on a first date with a girl and she came right out and blurted, "Have you ever been married?... Do you have any kids?.... Do you have a criminal record?" I answered with a truthful "No" to the questions. She then explained that prior experience has taught her to get that information as soon as possible. There are times when trying to be funny and evasive is good, but unless you have something to hide you are just being annoying. I doubt she's going to be turned off by the fact you have no baggage. I asked her the same questions right back in which she truthfully answered. However, this one also taught me another question that I wish I asked from the start rather than finding out a few months down the road..."Are you a lesbian?"

Thanks to all that replied. I hear ya about the past experience thing but this was about 10 minutes into the approach. Oh well, just thought this was odd. Again, thanks to all for responding. I'll have to remember that lesbian question.....

 

[Bud Wiser]

Field Tested and Proven

I get questions like this, or at least close variants, all the time and my answer is pretty well fine-tuned.

Married, divorced, never married, whatever, my answer is always:

"It's not what I was, or how long I was it, what I am now is single. And you know what? I like being single. I figure if anyone can't like being single, then maybe they ought to get warmed up to it. Because people who hate single life will almost always be desperate to get married. And desperation is never a smart reason to get hitched. So I'm making the most of being single for now and having a blast. That said, if the woman comes along who is so great that marrying her is better than being single, perfect. Then I'll know I'll enjoy being married and never have any regrets."

This answer works for me. No matter what your age, it'll probably have similar results for you.

Why? First off, any questions about marriage, committed relationships, etc. are tests. Hemming and hawing and being a compliant supplicating bozo won't cut it! An answer like this is honest, direct, puts a value on you and your life, and poses a strong challenge to the woman.

Put it in your own words, but use something like this and you'll probably do just fine when the time comes.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I posted the reply that 1utfan1 had referenced. As for the 'marriage question' this is what I think she is trying to evaluate:

1. Are you capable of having a serious/committed relationship?
2. Are you interesting enough to marry?
3. Do you have any baggage?
4. Am I (your date) your rebound relationship/date.
5. Have you been broken in (trained).

You get the idea.

These questions seem taboo but I enjoyed being asked these questions. It makes it easy to determine what the woman wants in a relationship and whether or not it is worth the time and effort to pursue.

Cutting to the chase can make things much easier.

 

[32swf]

I agree

It's not necessarily that she's testing you with these questions, she doesn't know or like you enough to be testing you yet.

What she's doing is QUALIFYING you to see if you meet her criteria. She's trying to find out upfront if you've been married and divorced 3x before you're thirty, or if you're a player, or if you're paying child support for 5 kids with 4 different mothers.

Yes, she wants to know if you're on the rebound upfront instead of a month later when she's starting to develop feelings for you.

It's a good thing, rather than a bad thing, really, if she and you are on the same page.

 

[1utfan1]

Re: I agree

Originally posted by 32swf
It's not necessarily that she's testing you with these questions, she doesn't know or like you enough to be testing you yet.

What she's doing is QUALIFYING you to see if you meet her criteria. She's trying to find out upfront if you've been married and divorced 3x before you're thirty, or if you're a player, or if you're paying child support for 5 kids with 4 different mothers.

Yes, she wants to know if you're on the rebound upfront instead of a month later when she's starting to develop feelings for you.

It's a good thing, rather than a bad thing, really, if she and you are on the same page.

All very interesting replies. Wish I could've used the " 2 wives till they found out one another" instead of just no. HAHA. Thanks to all.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

I have to say, I'm *much* less inclined to use those evasive answers than you guys seem to be (I consider the C&F ones to be evasive). Reason being, it doesn't really bother me to be asked those things[1], I'm agreeing with 32swf there. Mind you, the 2 wives one is good but I'd probably just follow it up with the truth.

Maybe in future when I'm more cynical and have something to hide

1. I have been asked these questions recently.

Oscar.