This Mental Illness thing with women is SCARY

[STR8UP]

Man, I just see so many posts by guys who have become entangled with bipolar nutjobs and wonder how many of these women are actually out there?

I personally know three women who I have been told are BPD. Never dated one myself, but it seems this is quite an epidemic lately.

I only dated one chick who had some obvious mental issues. This was confirmed by the chick I dated right after her who works in the psych field who met the loony chick. We would go out and all she would do is accuse me of checking out other women and try to pick a fight over it. Strange girl. Good thing it only lasted a few weeks.

Man, take out the fat and fugly women, the princesses, AND the ones with mental issues and what are we left with? Definitely less that 50% of the population, that's for sure.

I feel bad for some of you guys having gone through these experiences.

 

[darkstarrr]

Man, I just see so many posts by guys who have become entangled with bipolar nutjobs and wonder how many of these women are actually out there?

I feel bad for some of you guys having gone through these experiences.

Thank you. Yes it is a true nightmare to become emotionally involved with one of these broads. You try to have a normal relationship with them. They suck you in in certain ways. Reassure you in the beginning that they are safe.

Next thing you know you start ignoring red flags and one thing leads to another and you are emotionally involved with a vampire who will inevitably do something that will threaten your sanity and potentially lead to your destruction unless you are strong minded.

The world is not a safe place.

 

[KontrollerX]

The last official estimate I found about how many HPD's and BPD's are out there lurking in the world was 2 to 3 million in North America alone.

Scary figure.

They victimize absolutely everyone who is not made aware of what to look out for.

They go after guys that were co-dependent with low self esteem like myself, reset and persistant exaction used to be and they also go after total DJ's like jophil and pimpcicle and victimize them too because if you don't know what to look out for and the signs of AW their mirroring and the soulmate perfect girl effect can destroy you.

They also go after convicted felons and out and out losers but these endeavors I'd say are largely experiments or more likely a result of the AW's rapid mood swings and need for variety even if it could kill or degrade her.

 

[SoCalMike]

Personally I think Bi-Polar is just a fake made up thing, like ADHD. It's just another excuse for bad behaviour. "Oh I treated you like ****? Not my fault - I'm bi-polar". STFU with that crap. There is no such thing. People get depressed, and people have mood swings. This is normal, and a result of envioronment mostly. To label it a "disease" or "disorder" is ridiculous, and just another way for the pill/shrink industry to milk suckers out of money.

 

[STR8UP]

Personally I think Bi-Polar is just a fake made up thing, like ADHD. It's just another excuse for bad behaviour. "Oh I treated you like ****? Not my fault - I'm bi-polar". STFU with that crap. There is no such thing. People get depressed, and people have mood swings. This is normal, and a result of envioronment mostly. To label it a "disease" or "disorder" is ridiculous, and just another way for the pill/shrink industry to milk suckers out of money.

I very much disagree.

I have SEEN these women who I know to have this diagnosis when they were both manic and depressive.

I even had a tenant in one of my condos awhile back who I pegged for being a total bipolar WHACKO without even knowing her on a personal level. one day she would call me up with an issue and would be sweet as pie, and not in a fake way at all (that I could tell). the next time she would call me up with an even smaller problem and she was an absolute raging B!TCH. I knew other people who had spent a little time with her and they knew the kind of a headcase she was. The last I heard of her was a voicemail she left me when she moved out of the place calling me a "sh!thead" and telling me that she "hopes I get what I have coming to me". Because she hadn't paid the rent and thought that I had her car towed (which I did not).

Trust me, these women are out there.

 

[poster_guy03]

I know some folks with serious BPD... they are on meds. If they stop taking them they have to be hospitalized Their lives are in constant turmoil. It is real.

On the other hand I'm concerned with the "reported" number of women many posters on this board claim to have experience with. According to research, slightly less than 1% of the populace are BP.

See info here: http://www.emedicinehealth.com/bipolar_disorder/page3_em.htm#Bipolar Disorder Symptoms

Don't let yourself fall in the trap of being paranoid about the number of BPD women. Doing so is just an easy way to pass off behavior which one may not understand and that needs closer inspection and analysis. Of course it may not be worth a man's effort to modify her behavior even if you can figure her out... Just move on to the next woman.

 

[KontrollerX]

"On the other hand I'm concerned with the "reported" number of women many posters on this board claim to have experience with. According to research, slightly less than 1% of the populace are BP."

Most of the posters are reporting experience with Cluster B women.

When we talk of BPD we are speaking of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Not Bipolar Disorder.

A lot of misinformed people on the forum think BPD is an abbreviation for Bipolar Disorder.

It is not.

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder which is a disorder that involves pathological lying, depressive feelings, intense fear of abandonment, rapid wild changes in feeling from intense anger to deep sadness, self injury, mirroring others to make them fall in love with the BPD mimicking the soulmate myth, substance abuse, death defying lifestyle to serve as a distraction from their mental turmoil, hyper sexual interaction with both males and females and the official numbers for Cluster B Borderlines and Histrionics was indeed at 2 to 3 million in the last official document I checked.

And no one has to be paranoid about anything to avoid Cluster B women.

Just know the signs of what to look out for and you should be alright.

In fact most "red flag" lists on this site prepare most guys to avoid these women just fine.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder which is a disorder that involves pathological lying

How do you measure pathological lying? How is it different from normal lying?

intense fear of abandonment,

intense according to what scale? Whose criteria?

rapid wild changes in feeling from intense anger to deep sadness,

rapid? how fast? is there a specific cut off? How intense is the anger? How deep is the sadness? How exactly do you measure this, is it a blood test?

self injury,

ok, here is something you can actually measure and observe

mirroring others to make them fall in love with the BPD mimicking the soulmate myth,

make somebody else fall in love with you? how do you MAKE somebody else fall in love with you? How exactly can you mimick a myth?

substance abuse,

ok, another measurable thing.

death defying lifestyle to serve as a distraction from their mental turmoil,

death defying? like Evil Keneival death defying? Mental Turmoil?

hyper sexual interaction with both males and females

hyper according to who? More than 5 partners in a lifetime is hyper to many people. More than 5 in a month is normal to some people

and the official numbers for Cluster B Borderlines and Histrionics was indeed at 2 to 3 million in the last official document I checked.

offical according to who?

The only two things that are not subjective in the above is self mutilation and substance abuse. And if that is not a deal breaker right off the bat, well, God help you.

 

[KontrollerX]

"How do you measure pathological lying? How is it different from normal lying?"

Pathological is a word that means disease or sickness.

Hence the mind of a pathological liar is diseased or sick and in the case of Cluster B's their minds are so warped they think their irrational beliefs that they hold are true despite any evidence to the contrary.

The mind being diseased causes them to lie about issues most people would consider insignificant that they should have no reason to lie about to issues that are very significant that anyone would understand a person lying about.

The difference between this and normal lying is normal lying done by a rational mentally healthy mind is usually a result of a calculated decision.

Not a result of impairment as seen in Cluster B lying.

"intense according to what scale? Whose criteria?"

The DSM's.

"rapid? how fast? is there a specific cut off? How intense is the anger? How deep is the sadness? How exactly do you measure this, is it a blood test?"

Who says anyone here needs to measure it precisely? Using the words "intense" and "deep" are just general descriptive terms to give the reader an idea of comparison. In that the reader understands how deep or intense their own particular feelings are in any certain situation and all they have to do from there is understand that the Borderline's are worse. Specific measurement is irrelevant.

"make somebody else fall in love with you? how do you MAKE somebody else fall in love with you?"

I'll be a d!ck like you're being and answer your question directly since you didn't specify...

Go read the DJ Bible for that answer.

Now if you want to know how Cluster B women do it I'd be more than happy to answer if you ask that question directly next time.

"How exactly can you mimick a myth?"

Ever hear of the acting profession? Cluster B's have a natural gift for it.

"death defying? like Evil Keneival death defying? Mental Turmoil?"

Somewhat like Evil Knevial or exactly like him. It all depends on what amount of rush a BPD needs to get their minds off its own internal troubles.

"hyper according to who? More than 5 partners in a lifetime is hyper to many people. More than 5 in a month is normal to some people"

What I was trying to convey with the word is something you obviously didn't consider and that is the hypersexuality can take many forms from being an outright slvt, to being overly flirtacious to the point you are practically throwing yourself on people, to obsession with p0rnography, to constantly talking about sex, to having phone sex, etc, etc. BPD's tend to do most or all of this.

"offical according to who?"

Christopher Bollas and James F. Masterson who are experts on the conditions who know the statistics.

"The only two things that are not subjective in the above is self mutilation and substance abuse. And if that is not a deal breaker right off the bat, well, God help you."

A lot of things concerning mental health are subjective and the Cluster B disorders don't all have a standardized test to go through for a psych doc to officially give a person the label of being this or that. Usually what needs to happen for a patient to get the label is for them to go in and want help and then the doc interviews friends and family as well if they are willing to participate and then he gets information from all sides about the behaviors exhibited and then he talks to the person and makes a judgement call.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Had my share of run-ins with less than well adjusted women. The clues are there early if you sift for them. In every case I saw this type of woman, it was due to developmental stage issues. Family abuse/ neglect/ alcoholism/ etc. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it isn't. There are plenty of women that will use shame, guilt, acting, false intimacy, etc to lull you in, all the while HIDING their dirty laundry. There are plenty of us that have been AFC to let them.
When people on the board say that it's all a woman issue, I disagree. It's a societal issue. There are just as many low self esteem, narcisistic, whack jobs of men out there. Again, often it goes back to their upbringing.

The Monsignor of my church has a great phrase that captures this," What we live with we learn, what we learn we become, and what we become has consequences". People should only raise children if they are truly prepared for the job. Many are having children that are just going thru the motions. Sort of a everyone else has them so why don't we! That's the issue. Until that is fixed, you will constantly see people that are undeveloped children living in adult bodies.

KC

 

[KontrollerX]

"When people on the board say that it's all a woman issue, I disagree. It's a societal issue. There are just as many low self esteem, narcisistic, whack jobs of men out there."

Agreed but you must realize people on this board don't talk specifically about women with these conditions due to anti female bias rather women with these conditions are talked about so much in a one sided manner here because this is a forum for men to talk about women in.

Its not a regular all purpose forum where one sided speech would be seen as an indicator of negative bias.

So yeah its understandable here as this is a forum for men to talk about and learn about women.

Its like if you were on a chocolate chip cookie forum and everyone was talking about them and someone cries unfairness because no one is bringing up the merits of peanut butter cookies.

Duh, its not a forum about peanut butter cookies.

 

[decades]

I know some folks with serious BPD... they are on meds. If they stop taking them they have to be hospitalized Their lives are in constant turmoil. It is real.

On the other hand I'm concerned with the "reported" number of women many posters on this board claim to have experience with. According to research, slightly less than 1% of the populace are BP.

See info here: http://www.emedicinehealth.com/bipolar_disorder/page3_em.htm#Bipolar Disorder Symptoms

Don't let yourself fall in the trap of being paranoid about the number of BPD women. Doing so is just an easy way to pass off behavior which one may not understand and that needs closer inspection and analysis. Of course it may not be worth a man's effort to modify her behavior even if you can figure her out... Just move on to the next woman.

that's because the vast majority of them are not diagnosed, for a variety of reasons. One, they aren't introspective and the last thing they want to do is go to some Psych and get diagnosed. Second, when they do happen to go, they are more than likely able to fool or con therapsists or tell them exactly what they want to hear. Most therapsists are no match for BPD people and get very little training in diagnosing them. In fact I am quite sure there are at least four or five people here that are way more adept at diagnosing them than the average therapist is. Finally, most therapists don't want to label and stigmatize a woman with the BPD imprimatur. They are loathe to brand someone with an illness with such a hopeless outlook and poor recovery rate, and they may not get insurance plans to cover treatment if they label a person with a PD because if they do the insurance company would want a specialist to treat her. The doctor could lose a patient simply because of the label. It's much more common to just roll along the lazy river just listening to the sob story for an hour once a week. I know this because I had a GF who would go and "toy" with her therapist once a week, mostly figuring out "together" how to make me the bad guy.

 

[jophil28]

that's because the vast majority of them are not diagnosed, for a variety of reasons. One, they aren't introspective and the last thing they want to do is go to some Psych and get diagnosed. Second, when they do happen to go, they are more than likely able to fool or con therapsists or tell them exactly what they want to hear. Most therapsists are no match for BPD people and get very little training in diagnosing them. In fact I am quite sure there are at least four or five people here that are way more adept at diagnosing them than the average therapist is. Finally, most therapists don't want to label and stigmatize a woman with the BPD imprimatur. They are loathe to brand someone with an illness with such a hopeless outlook and poor recovery rate, and they may not get insurance plans to cover treatment if they label a person with a PD because if they do the insurance company would want a specialist to treat her. The doctor could lose a patient simply because of the label. It's much more common to just roll along the lazy river just listening to the sob story for an hour once a week. I know this because I had a GF who would go and "toy" with her therapist once a week, mostly figuring out "together" how to make me the bad guy.

That is how it is.

Therapists, clinical psychologists and counselors have been raised and trained with the "don't label the poor patient" mentality. OF course this is the opposite of basic scientific practice.
So instead, these practicioners talk about a client having merely " difficulty with living" or some such nonsense.
As a consequence ,serious disorders like BPD go undiagnosed and poorly treated and the emotional vampires continue to suck their victims dry.

 

[darkstarrr]

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder which is a disorder that involves pathological lying, depressive feelings, intense fear of abandonment, rapid wild changes in feeling from intense anger to deep sadness, self injury, mirroring others to make them fall in love with the BPD mimicking the soulmate myth, substance abuse, death defying lifestyle to serve as a distraction from their mental turmoil, hyper sexual interaction with both males and females and the official numbers for Cluster B Borderlines and Histrionics was indeed at 2 to 3 million in the last official document I checked.

The BPD I as with was a death trap. She was so cute and smiley and happy to see me early in the relationship. It made me feel so good. Then as time passed she revealed more and more about herself to me. She became less happy and gitty around me. I could tell something was wrong but I figured it was because of the depression she was going throughLooking back I remain very confused about whether that person was actually normal and just had BPD traits when she was losing interest in me. Its easy to doubt oneself when in this sort of sick twisted situation. The BPD cheated on me one night when she was drunk and from then on she treated me differently. Ever since then she had been finding herself interested in hooking up with other guys. She got irritated very easily and looked to pick fights almost. I'm very confused as to whether she is really BPD or not sometimes. She wasn't all that good for anything other than sex and company. I feel like she will find someone better than me or better looking than me and be happy and possibly not display the traits she did with me. Having gone through that with someone who I wonder if they are truly a BPD has been one of the scariest times of my life.

 

[Mr. Me]

take out the fat and fugly women, the princesses, AND the ones with mental issues and what are we left with?

I was going to say Mother Teresa, but she's fugly. And dead. And come to think of it, she probably did have some mental issues, what with wanting to hang around impoverished, diseased people and never getting laid. Plus, she dressed funny.

 

[jophil28]

I feel like she will find someone better than me or better looking than me and be happy and possibly not display the traits she did with me. Having gone through that with someone who I wonder if they are truly a BPD has been one of the scariest times of my life.

She will always 'reveal' her true evil self after a month or two. The 'facade' becomes too heavy to hold up for long.

Read all the BPD threads on this forum..

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Now if you want to know how Cluster B women do it I'd be more than happy to answer if you ask that question directly next time.

Ok, I'll ask directly. How exactly do "Cluster B" women MAKE somebody fall in love with them?

What is the process? How long does it take? How exactly does she manage to MAKE you relinquish your control of your emotions and your responses the the world? Is there ANY voluntary involvement on the part of the victim?

Or is like those Derren Brown street hypnosis videos where he walks up to some guy and makes him give up his watch without noticing anything?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-TURhK90_8

And if so, when you Fall out of love, or recover (as you obviously have done) is it because you get hold of your senses, or her power over you weakens for some reason, or both?

 

[grinder]

Kontroller X is correct. BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder. I used to work in the psych field and have much experience with them.

The overall point is not to argue whether or not this is a label for “bad behavior”.

Like so many other things on the mature forum you can learn from our experience. If you have the capacity and experience to recognize certain patterns of behavior in women, you will know to avoid them.

A woman with BPD will NEVER recover. This is an ingrained personality trait that absolutely used to drive us nuts in the psych field. You can’t FIX them, you can’t alter their behavior, and you sure as hell can never save them.

Just be smart enough to recognize the pattern and eject asap.

 

[Tazman]

Interesting thing about people who have BPD is that they're able to control it, which makes it hard for me to believe that so many people are simply mentally ill, and not just clever at taking advantage of people. I can believe that it exists, but far too many people are quick to label someone as BP simply because of bad behavior.

How do you separate bad behavior from psychotic behavior when they're often both the same, as far as BPD is concerned?

Like taiyuu_otoko was saying, how can you quantify the things that define this disease?

 

[darkstarrr]

Interesting thing about people who have BPD is that they're able to control it, which makes it hard for me to believe that so many people are simply mentally ill, and not just clever at taking advantage of people. I can believe that it exists, but far too many people are quick to label someone as BP simply because of bad behavior.

How do you separate bad behavior from psychotic behavior when they're often both the same, as far as BPD is concerned?

Like taiyuu_otoko was saying, how can you quantify the things that define this disease?

good point. what is sickening for those who experience certain things with someone who is potential bpd or hpd is that you're left wondering: did she do this or that because she has an illness or was it because she just wasnt into me anymore. its this type of thing that can really mess up your mind because it leads you to question who you are as a man. for example, if i was a better man, beter looking etc - would it be enough for her to "control" it and not cheat and pick fights, etc.. ?

sometimes i wonder how i would act if i was with someone and i didnt want to be with them anymore.. i'm not sure if i would pick fights and cheat. i think that if my behavior was clearly causing the other person distress that i would cool it, discuss with the person what is bothering me, and see where it goes instead of acting like a fvucking retarded 3 year old in an adult body.

one of the fundamental associations between what we either define as or wonder as being bpd or hpd is this: regardless of whether we are right or wrong about our prognosis, that these people often have a lack of values, coupled with an inability to understand and in turn communicate what is going on in their minds.

i don't want to be that fvucking chump who has to label his ex gf an hpd or borderline just so i can feel better about my ego, but i do believe in my situation the other person was not virtuous, lacked values, and had a terrible upbringing.