this is why you don't go after your friend's EX

[backbreaker]

this actually happened last week but the forum was shut down so I could not share this very interesting story.

in our group of associates there is/was this guy who was seeing this chick. she's very cute, nothing spectcular about her. she dated this guy for about 8 months give or take. to make long story short, they broke up or he broke up with her. no real serious reason he was just tired of the relationship I suppose.

anyway, they broke up about a month ago. so last friday I had a little BBQ / cookout for the basketball games, just so we can all get together and chill watch the games or what not. ;

so everything is going normal and one of my other friends, shows up with the girl that got broke up with. he's all over her and petting/hand holding and ****.. i asked my wife did I miss something or what not, and she says no i'm just as confused as you are. so I approach him and ask him man.. WTF is going on. that's our other friends EX. he says he had been talking to her since about a week after they broke up and they started dating. he goes on to say he doesn't see why it's a big deal since the dude broke up with her obviously he did not want to date her anymore and she sent me a text and one thing led to another and we started talking. I'm like whatever man, you don't mess with ex's. i'm not in the mood to argue so I let it be.

so about an hour passes and the ex shows up. he sees this and he's like man WTF are you doing with me ex. he didn't even bother to ask our friend could he talk to her he just did it. he doesn't make a huge deal out of it and the girl is I mean obviously going out of her way to rub it in to the dude that she's "happy" with her new man.

so the friend that b roke up with the girl takes the girl by the arm and says we need to talk. they leave. rotfl they don't come back. to make a very long story very short, he ends up fvckingg her brains out and they are back together. she didn' even bother to break up with the new BF lol.

the sad thing is, he tried to be so secreative he knew he was in the wrong. he he said something my wife would have told him not to waste his time becuase she was still crazy about him. she used him to get back at her EX and the second he showed a sign of interest she dumped him.

so now the dude got embarrassed, he's lost a friend because the other guy doesn't want anything to do with him and honestly i don't blame him, and honestly now that i have seen how he goes about chasing women in the circdle i don't particularly want him around anymore.

he won't even come around anymore because he's too embarrassed as he should be


don't date friend's ex's. 9 out of 10 times she wants to make her EX jealous. you should have more options than your friends ex.

what gets me about the whole thing is that they weren't broke up a week and he was already ready to date her. that makes me think he must have wanted to fvck her the entire time they were dating. i can't trust a gy like that.

 

[zekko]

Well if this guy was looking to bang her, the most obvious mistake he made was bringing her to that party when he knew her original boyfriend might be there.

But with it being a social circle thing, maybe they were both invited seperately? In which case, she knew her original boyfriend would be there, and maybe her plan was to make him jealous all along.

As for the original boyfriend, what the heck is his problem? He made the decision to break up with her, whatever reasons he did this for are still going to be there. Never go backwards, go forwards.

 

[imarockstar]

BB,

Now do you think it's wrong to date your friend's ex or is there a time period to when it is acceptable? Say there are two guys who are friend's who hang out in the same social circle but they don't really call each other, but they always end up seeing each other due to mutual friends. Well even in this case, I think that there should be a period of time that one should wait and let the girl date other guys first. But after a couple years pass and the former couple have both moved on and have been in other relationships, I don't see why it's so terrible to date the girl. Of course, if it was my best friend, my boy who's always there for me, then yeah I would have a serious talk with him about it, even a couple years after. The guy who dated this chick after a week of her breakup reeks of desperation.

I'm wondering the same thing as Zekko, why would they both go to the party knowing the former boyfriend would be there? Obviously the chick insisted to go, her plan of making the former boyfriend jealous was successful, and one guy leaves this whole situation feeling like a jackass and hopefully learning a valuable lesson.

I actually just had this happen in my own life. I break up with my girlfriend, I I go on a date with a girl a week later, doesn't click so I stop talking to her. My best friend then breaks up with his girlfriend, starts talking to the girl I went on a date with two weeks later. Do I get pissed? Hell no, because I was not emotionally invested in her. Had he started trying to talk to the girlfriend I just got out of a relationship with, well that would be a different story ending with him getting knocked the Fvck out.

But then am I wrong in the first place? My ex girlfriend and I dated for about a year. She dated a friend of mine back in high school for 4 years. He is much like I described in the first paragraph. Me and him hung out a lot, but never really called and made plans with each other, but our social circles were very similar so we always saw each other. I'll admit, I had a small crush on her back then, but I was way too into my GF at the time, and so were they. Is it wrong to act on those feelings several years later? After the couple has had adequate time to move on, get over one another, date other people? I honestly don't think it is.

I think it depends on the particular situation and the circumstances involved, don't you agree?

 

[Robert28]

Well if this guy was looking to bang her, the most obvious mistake he made was bringing her to that party when he knew her original boyfriend might be there.

But with it being a social circle thing, maybe they were both invited seperately? In which case, she knew her original boyfriend would be there, and maybe her plan was to make him jealous all along.

As for the original boyfriend, what the heck is his problem? He made the decision to break up with her, whatever reasons he did this for are still going to be there. Never go backwards, go forwards.

^^^this. sounds like you hang around a group of people I wouldn't waste 5 seconds of my precious time associating with. too much soap opera drama in that group for me.

I don't condone dating friend's exe's. however, if you're the dude that dumped the girl and then want to act all posessive about a girl you aren't even dating, don't piss and cry when someone pulls the same thing on you and takes YOUR new girl in the woods for some outdoors humping. it WILL happen and he WILL want to fight because he sounds like a big baby and most likely he WILL end up getting his @$$ kicked and then HE will be the one who's too embarrassed to come around.

 

[backbreaker]

^^^this. sounds like you hang around a group of people I wouldn't waste 5 seconds of my precious time associating with. too much soap opera drama in that group for me.

i would not go so far as to say we are friends. theyne z are people we know and we do **** together and have things in common. the girl is a friend of my wife's and the guy is just a guy we know fromm the horse track. we are all horse track people.

we don't not invite or invite pepole i just cook **** and people show up to eat lol. not like it was a n organized party or anything, i just decided to cook and my wife told everyone to come eat.

ihad a good idea what was going o n within 5 minutes, she used him and the event as a purpose to get back at her EX.

As for the original boyfriend, what the heck is his problem? He made the decision to break up with her, whatever reasons he did this for are still going to be there. Never go backwards, go forwards.

you have to ask him that. I mean he likes the girl alo and theyu make a good couple, they didn'tj really get into a fight as much as Ithink he just got bored and wanted to try other things (date other women). he's the most DJish of all the guys I know and he has no problem getting ass and i think he wanted to persue other ass getting activities. but at the same time he really does like the girl and i'm not really suprised they got back together.

I don't condone dating friend's exe's. however, if you're the dude that dumped the girl and then want to act all posessive about a girl you aren't even dating, don't piss and cry when someone pulls the same thing on you and takes YOUR new girl in the woods for some outdoors humping. it WILL happen and he WILL want to fight because he sounds like a big baby and most likely he WILL end up getting his @$$ kicked and then HE will be the one who's too embarrassed to come around.

you have the wrong read on the situation.

this girl is dead crazy about this guy. which is why I was really shocked that the dude even tried to date her. it was clear as day everything she did was with the dude that broke up with her in mind.

even if he wouldn't have left with her he would have cal;led her and she would ohave picked up t he phone. there was not a situtation i don't see where the dude was nt going to get his girl back if he wanted her. she was no where close to being over him.

I think it depends on the particular situation and the circumstances involved, don't you agree?

i agree. my dad's best friend married a girl my dad dated for like a month. they were married for 15 years, and their kids are like cousins to me.

but this wasn't that situation. like, everytime my wife talks to the chick on the phone 90% of the conversation last 2-3 weeks was what was adam (the ex) doing and how he was such a jerk, about the new pictures on his facebook page, etc. that's ALL she wanted to talk about. and at the same time talking to this guy (hoping it gets back to adam and he gets jealous). she never had any intention of actually staying with him and it was clear to any one who watches that any guy at least now is going to be second fiddle to adam. it's the classic alpha male ex thing.

they dated for almost 9 months. this guy wants ONE week to start talking to her. that's way too soon. that's common sense that this is way too soon. and I mean he walks in thinking he's hot **** all over his ex's friends. i don't like the guy anyway lol serves him right.

the dude was so horny / hard up that when she said she wanted to come to my h ouse with him he thought it was a good time to show off his new prize not knowing that the only reason that she wanted to come was to rub it in his facethat she has "moved on"

i just have a hard time trusting a guy like that.

BTW I am getting really good at this grilling thing. i made some damn good ribs and corn on the cob that day.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You got to think with the third eye. When the girl started choosing up on him he should have asked himself "Why is this girl choosing up on me." It was obvious she just wanted revenge. From what I heard there is too many girls in Los Angeles to be doing some raggedy sh*t like that.

Props to the girl though, She got what she wanted. She planned it and she got her result.

 

[Robert28]

i would not go so far as to say we are friends. theyne z are people we know and we do **** together and have things in common. the girl is a friend of my wife's and the guy is just a guy we know fromm the horse track. we are all horse track people.

we don't not invite or invite pepole i just cook **** and people show up to eat lol. not like it was a n organized party or anything, i just decided to cook and my wife told everyone to come eat.

ihad a good idea what was going o n within 5 minutes, she used him and the event as a purpose to get back at her EX.

you have to ask him that. I mean he likes the girl alo and theyu make a good couple, they didn'tj really get into a fight as much as Ithink he just got bored and wanted to try other things (date other women). he's the most DJish of all the guys I know and he has no problem getting ass and i think he wanted to persue other ass getting activities. but at the same time he really does like the girl and i'm not really suprised they got back together.

you have the wrong read on the situation.

this girl is dead crazy about this guy. which is why I was really shocked that the dude even tried to date her. it was clear as day everything she did was with the dude that broke up with her in mind.

even if he wouldn't have left with her he would have cal;led her and she would ohave picked up t he phone. there was not a situtation i don't see where the dude was nt going to get his girl back if he wanted her. she was no where close to being over him.
i agree. my dad's best friend married a girl my dad dated for like a month. they were married for 15 years, and their kids are like cousins to me.

but this wasn't that situation. like, everytime my wife talks to the chick on the phone 90% of the conversation last 2-3 weeks was what was adam (the ex) doing and how he was such a jerk, about the new pictures on his facebook page, etc. that's ALL she wanted to talk about. and at the same time talking to this guy (hoping it gets back to adam and he gets jealous). she never had any intention of actually staying with him and it was clear to any one who watches that any guy at least now is going to be second fiddle to adam. it's the classic alpha male ex thing.

they dated for almost 9 months. this guy wants ONE week to start talking to her. that's way too soon. that's common sense that this is way too soon. and I mean he walks in thinking he's hot **** all over his ex's friends. i don't like the guy anyway lol serves him right.

the dude was so horny / hard up that when she said she wanted to come to my h ouse with him he thought it was a good time to show off his new prize not knowing that the only reason that she wanted to come was to rub it in his facethat she has "moved on"

i just have a hard time trusting a guy like that.

BTW I am getting really good at this grilling thing. i made some damn good ribs and corn on the cob that day.

ohhh ok, well my bad then. my email was never directed at you personally anyways, it just sounded like one big ol drama filled situation that I wouldn't want taking place at MY house. my best friends ex tried to hook up with me a few months after they brokeup few years back, as tempting as it was and as hot as she was, the cons just outweighed the pros and I wasn't going to salvage a good friendship over some @$$. haven't regretted my decision a day since.

 

[Warrior74]

My friends could never pull chics, they always used to pick up my left overs. It started in high school. The difference? They would ask me. "Hey Warrior, you still seeing X? No? You mind if I ask her out?". At that point I had to look at myself and see if I really still wanted anything to do with the girl, and usually I didn't and would give my blessing. The one time I did, I told my friend, listen man, me and her still have somethings to work out. But the fact that she was talking to one of my friends meant that she was playing games anyway so I ended up dropping her.

If you are going to date a friends ex, at least have the balls to be a man and do it out in the open and get the okay. If you can't do that, don't do it.

 

[cordoncordon]

BB check your PMs.

 

[Zarky]

heh, that's why I never date within my social circle at all. If a girl knows anybody I know, have known, or someday might know, I won't go out with her. I keep three circles: friendship/family circle, work circle, and dating circle. I never let any of them overlap.

 

[Warrior74]

heh, that's why I never date within my social circle at all. If a girl knows anybody I know, have known, or someday might know, I won't go out with her. I keep three circles: friendship/family circle, work circle, and dating circle. I never let any of them overlap.

Otherwise she'll be killing independent george yah?
http://youtu.be/3afZip4BTRc

Seriously though, at some point a chic is gonna meet your friends if she's more than just a hook up, and if she's just a hook up, you should be prepared for the "why don't I ever meet your friends" business.

 

[backbreaker]

to me I believe you can draw a direct line between the guy's dating pool and how much game/ how desirable a man is. the bigger the pool the more describable he is, the further he goes from home to look for women.

guys who have to scrap by like this guy.. they will justify this **** all day long. this is how they get down, they don't have a choice.

when i was talking to the dude i was like dude, lthis is adams ex and hew as like but I mean she's a good catch, she's smart, she's hot, she's nice, I was like yes that is true.. lol ut that doesn't mean that you must fvck her or try to fvck her. there are other hot,smart cute women out there.

what that tells me is that hot, smart, funny women don't show this guy attention normally.

if i were to ever separate from my wife i wouldn't even consider messing with anyone in our little circle of friends. first that would not be fair to my wife i respect her too much to throw my love life in her face and doing things knowing everything i do will get back to her. I'm bigger than that and I believe she is as well. we both are deseriable enough to not have to stoop that low.

 

[st_99]

That happened to me back in the day. I had gotten tired of my girlfriend and started treating her like crap and so she dumped me and hooked up with my friend who was happy to have a cute girlfriend, so he thought.

Soon after she was in my bed f*cking me again and my 'friend' felt pretty damn stupid.

 

[5string]

BB

You should be a writer for Jersey Shore. You'd make millions brother.

 

[MasterFuu]

My last ex is pretty hot (8.5-9) and although our relationship ended over three months ago there are still two guys I know trying to talk to me about her whenever they can. It's annoying and I told them to switch topic .
Long story short for every hot girl there are at least three guys trying to hook up with even when you are dating her. These guys will try to sabotage when they can behind your back the relationship out of jealousy. Of course they are not my friends and never can be but somehow they are always orbiting around.

The good thing is if you have these orbiters flying around trying to talk to your ex you should feel damn good about yourself. It proves that YOU are the man. That you are the alpha and that you are being looked upon jealousy by other man. That makes me feel great inside. That's the positive aspect of things.

 

[Iceberg]

For some reason the AFC behavior of the Ex jumped out at me...

Never underestimate the power of a person wanting what they can't have.

He sees his girl acting happy with her new boyfriend. All of a sudden he forgets what an annoying, boring, person she was during their relationship.

Gotta love human nature.

 

[backbreaker]

BB

You should be a writer for Jersey Shore. You'd make millions brother.

ALL my wife's friends are either in LTR's or single. i get to sit back and see things but at the same time have it not effect me. my wife and i have an understanding where she gets to blab to me about what's going on with all. her friends under the condition i don't tell anyone what she tells me. from cheating on BF's and not thinking twice about it to routinely choosing the wrong of 2 options time and time again and wondering why the girl can't find a good man I've seen just about all of it in the last 3 years.

my wife has this one friend, i've spoken about her before, who is just, constitutionally incapable of choosing a suitable man. she's pretty, pretty enough where she keeps getting chances with guys and she will always chose the guy who is dead end. time and time and time again. it really hits home the alpha / beta theme we preach about here. she will meet a guy who likes her and just be like meh whatever and some dude wil come along who has no intntions of settling down with her and she will try to fixx him or try to prove herself to him and she does this **** time and time again.

 

[drak_ool]

don't date friend's ex's. 9 out of 10 times she wants to make her EX jealous.

ESPECIALLY if she was dumped, she'll do anything to get back to her ex and this is the best way to do it.

you should have more options than your friends ex.

AMEN! This really closes out the whole conversation. If you are willing to risk a friendship in order to get a piece of ass, that means you are beyond desperate, therefore even if you get the girl you will not keep her, just like in your story! Girls can smell desperation from miles away...

 

[Juan Don]

heh, that's why I never date within my social circle at all. If a girl knows anybody I know, have known, or someday might know, I won't go out with her. I keep three circles: friendship/family circle, work circle, and dating circle. I never let any of them overlap.

that's very interesting. lol i made a thread something along the lines of dating and introducing a girl to friends. definitely not going to happen at least for awhile

 

[FLGuy]

What I think is really funny is the " ol' dirty basterd" of a friend, thought he was being slick and ended up being the one who got played.