This is what not escalating leads too...

[DonGorgon]

lol females know you want to F them and they will give you attention or hang around you based on how much they want to F you too...lol if you fail to escalate or try to F them they consider you lame and a waste of time and move on to the next dude who will probably F them fast

 

[JaegerPilot217]

You really dropped the ball multiple times on this one... She was STILL giving you plenty of chances to escalate...you could have easily hit it man trust me....told her you would like to see her new place and then bring some wine over and bang the hell out of her....man some of you are just so incredibly passive on here...don't ever lose sight of the goal...and do it with zero attachments...if you have zero emotional investment then you would have invited yourself over to her place because you wouldn't haven't even thought about the possibility of rejection one way or the other..

Instead you called her dumb when she non directly invited you to see her new place....let this serve as a huge learning experience...me thinks you have some big fears of rejection due to not escalating earlier and now this...

The hardest part is not overly escalating because that can come across as needy and desperate

 

[mbas44]

This is exactly what I made a thread about yesterday. Of course this guy got multiple chances, I think because it wasnt right off the bat where he got a chance to be REAL intimate. Ive had experiences including most recently where girls have basically invited themselves to my place, and in the most recent case all I did was cuddle her and massage her, and kiss her neck a little. But never once did I go for an actual kiss. I think this type of thing is basically the ultimate rejection to a girl(in HER mind, even tho the guy may have a million legit "excuses") and is very hard to come back from. If shes trusted you enough to come back to your or her place(especially on a first date which was the case for me), then you better at least show her you can escalate, or she pretty much just feels rejected, or that your a big homo.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

one thing I don't get is that, why do people make it out to be that us guys enjoy taking initiative, enjoy doing the pursuing, chasing, approaching and asking out?

 

[JohnChops]

one thing I don't get is that, why do people make it out to be that us guys enjoy taking initiative, enjoy doing the pursuing, chasing, approaching and asking out?

I think its fun but opinions man.Anyway she didn't hit me up last night nor did I feel like hitting her up so I called up a different girl and the night went from there. This is the first Friday( last3 in a row) where she didn't text me to ask what I was doing. No matter, not every battle can be scraped up and be won. Keep sarging SS.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I think its fun but opinions man.Anyway she didn't hit me up last night nor did I feel like hitting her up so I called up a different girl and the night went from there. This is the first Friday( last3 in a row) where she didn't text me to ask what I was doing. No matter, not every battle can be scraped up and be won. Keep sarging SS.

Yeah because one ******* I was arguing with on Plentyoffish said to me, that most guys enjoy taking initiative and do it automatically, its not a matter of have to, makes it out to be as if us guys are hard-wired to do that

 

[JohnChops]

Yeah because one ******* I was arguing with on Plentyoffish said to me, that most guys enjoy taking initiative and do it automatically, its not a matter of have to, makes it out to be as if us guys are hard-wired to do that

Not to go into the deep works of our neurobiology but in our ancient parts of our brain technically we are. But obviously that has changed with social norms. But if you don't take the wheel you will be seen as passive, women hate passive guys.

 

[Bizzle13]

I've done the exact same thing on no less than 3 occasions! It's lazy to try and do it all over text and you end up giving too much away, especially if you use her to vent or feel you can share secrets etc while it may be 'alpha' to deal with your own problems internally blah blah blah everyone should have someone they can vent at/moan to/get sh!t off their chest so you don't end up making a potential fvck/ltr in to your surrogate.

Anyway this one time I thought the text game was going well, constant texting at first them gradually less, she arranged to come see me (lived a while away) and as soon as she got here I could tell things weren't the same. We'd already fvcked so no big drama there and we did semi-regularly have sex but I was totally her beta-orbiter; yes babe, no babe, I got you 20 of those chocolate bars you like, can I have a cuddle. Makes me sick thinking about it haha

Anyway we both knew sh!t weren't gonna work and I tried to make a change but it was too late. About a week after she got home she was telling me about guys she liked and asking for advice! **** that!!!

From now on either we're ****ing or you're cooking or we're done. I don't need any more friends and I don't wanna hear about your day. Get to work or get to walking.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Not to go into the deep works of our neurobiology but in our ancient parts of our brain technically we are. But obviously that has changed with social norms. But if you don't take the wheel you will be seen as passive, women hate passive guys.

Well don't get me wrong, I don't play the passive role, but I do take initiative because I have to, not because I want to, I do it because I know its something I have to accept and deal with if I want to get a girlfriend or have success with women

 

[JohnChops]

Just another update: haven't been focused on this girl for reasons that should be obvious. Walked past her after class and she grabbed me and left her friends to hangout with me. She was doing her version of kino on me, saying some bs of how when in a doctor she wants to marry me, john why dontnyou love me? Etc.

Girl is a complete and utter nutcase. All ties must be lost here lol. I think I'm just going to keep not intitating things and just let em ride out.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I remember arguing with one ******* on Plentyoffish, the way he preached and argued about how he says most guys enjoy taking initiative and do it automatically, boy I hate him with a huge passion:

"Man......this is what I'm talking about! You act like taking the initiative is some kind of burden or drudgery. Most normal, red-blooded guys enjoy taking the initiative and do it automatically. It's not a matter of "have to". A normal testosterone level and, at least, average intelligence, should ensure that a guy has more than enough assertiveness and initiative to get and maintain a relationship.

It's sad that any guy would see simple initiative in meeting and dating women as a chore.

I don't know if it's due to hormones/pesticides in foods; or faulty gender-bender conditioning; or simply evolution (which isn't always "progressive"), but there seems to be somewhat of a trend where guys in each successive generation are increasingly being feminized to the point of total inability."

"Men have, on average, 10 times the testosterone levels that women do. All of our social arrangements have been shaped by that fact for millennia. Even in today's cultures, men are generally expected to take the lead in initiating and maintaining relationships with women. That is what most commonly works. There are exceptions; but the exceptions are much more rare."

Yeah so ****in' what about Testosterone? I feel like using my testosterone and balls to make that guy squeal like a Dog as I break his ****in' neck, after all, fighting involves balls because it is aggression, and aggression involves testosterone, so basically that is a masculine thing. The part about making him squeal, I got that part from one of my all-time favorite movies, from my favorite fight scene in it, the first Die Hard movie with Bruce Willis, where he fights that German Blonde terrorist Karl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wykwob6IL-Y

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Overall, just deep inside I have this rage inside of me that makes me want to pound somebody because of gender roles

 

[LandingWood]

I can't praise OP enough. ALWAYS escalate ASAP. Otherwise you're wasting your time. I didn't escalate so I'm trying NC to gauge interest, which is probably 0-none since I didn't escalate and probably got friend zoned.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

that ******* on Plentyoffish also said, unforuneately he is right but that doesn't mean I have to like it or enjoy it:


"Somehow, your thought process is telling you that men's naturally greater assertiveness and initiative capacity lead to dating efforts which don't pay off---in other words, fraudulent hopes leading to disappointing results. Nothing could be further from the truth. The assertive guys actually get the women. Period. There's nothing frustrating about us guys taking the initiative at all. It's the passive guys whom are often frustrated. Remember that an occasional rejection is not frustration. If a woman turns down your advances, it's merely a confirmation that she's not a good match. There are always more women than men everywhere in almost every context, so there are plenty more prospects to reach out to. You merely move on to the next prospect."

Somewhere along the way, you conditioned yourself to believe that guys shoulder some kind of burden in having to initiate relationships with women. Being assertive, for dudes, is not a burden at all. The burden comes in having, as a male, all the genetic and biochemical resources to be assertive and not being assertive because your thinking is messed up. I would think that would be a huge burden. Your thinking needs to change if you want to develop successful relationships.

Agreed. But now there are huge numbers of available women contrasted with guys almost everywhere on earth. Men are actually the rarer commodity today, so simple assertiveness should guarantee a woman for every guy who pursues it. Don't count on women initiating relationships, even when a woman wants a certain guy. They are simply less likely to pursue it, given their biochemistry and, to a lesser extent, their conditioning."

yeah just because it's the way it is doesn't mean I have to like it or enjoy it, man would love to make that mother****er squeal like a dog as I break his ****in' neck!, sometimes sexual frustration can just make you filled with rage

 

[JaegerPilot217]

so yeah, so why is meeting women, initiating, approaching, leading not supposed or not meant to be a chore or burden? and why is that guy, the one who I argued with on POF, saying that most guys enjoy taking the initiating, approaching and initiating and do it automatically, that it is not a matter of have to? don't get me wrong, I don't play the timid or passive role when meeting women, I approach obviously, but I do it because I have to, I do it because I know they won't do it themselves

 

[JohnChops]

so yeah, so why is meeting women, initiating, approaching, leading not supposed or not meant to be a chore or burden? and why is that guy, the one who I argued with on POF, saying that most guys enjoy taking the initiating, approaching and initiating and do it automatically, that it is not a matter of have to? don't get me wrong, I don't play the timid or passive role when meeting women, I approach obviously, but I do it because I have to, I do it because I know they won't do it themselves

simple solution, dont argue and just do your own thing brotha. thats the best path.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

simple solution, dont argue and just do your own thing brotha. thats the best path.

Still I don't get the logic as to why people argue and think we guys supposedly enjoy doing the approaching, initiating?

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I will admit, I would not be as bitter and resentful about having to do the approaching and asking out if girls did not care about our financial situation, occupation, where we are at in life, living situation and did not mind us guys being somewhat needy and desperate in the sense us guys desire sex too!, unfortunately neediness and desperation dries up ***** too fast, c'mon humans desire sex just like they desire food and water

 

[JaegerPilot217]

"As for jumping in a relationship, try to get to the point where you don't validate yourself through a girlfriend, they kick ass, but you have all you need to be happy in yourself man."

The fact that us guys are not supposed to validate ourselves through women is another thing that makes me raging mad so much it makes me want to violently explode sometimes, like beat up a girls boyfriend out of jealousy, punch his lights out

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Seriously basically I just hate, despise, loathe on how life and society expects us guys to toughen it up all the damn time, to be strong all the damn time, I don't see the logic as to why being assertive, taking charge, initiative, making things happen, being a leader, are all masculine things, does it say in the Bible or what? Did God say so? Any evidence of anyone speaking to God and did God make those rules? Basically I'm just sick and tired of always hearing Man Up, Be a Man, Grow a Pair, Grow some Balls, tired of hearing those phrases so much it makes me want to make some mother****(a another man) squel like a dog as I break his ****in neck, pound his ass to a bloody pulp, its like us guys were dealt with the card of responsibility for everything in life