This is unchartered territory for me; LTR asked me for a two-week break

[Cremasta]

Been there. If the relationship isn't dead now, it will be inside 6 months, don't put yourself through the drama.

Narcissist's post is pretty close to the mark.
Instead of waiting for a while to get back to her if she does contact you, I'd take the call but make her do all the work and do NOT be available straight away if she suggests a meet up. Don't even counteroffer on the spot, tell her you'll get back to her, THEN make her wait for a while.

Here's what you do - you go and fill up your calendar with something every night for the next month. See friends, go out to clubs, visit your grandparents, anything that keeps you occupied and unavailable.
Next thing you do - trade up!

 

[fuzzball]

I have a friend who did this recently....the all mighty woman told him she needed a break for a little while....he agreed. she moved back in with her female friends supposedly during this time.

during this "break"....he was emotionally abused quite a bit(not that she wasnt abusing him beforehand but it got worse).

She'd constantly say she was going to come over so they could hang out but showed up 5% of the time. they owned some pets together of which he was the sole provider for so he was a pet sitter.

He basically needed some sex and she knew it and she barely gave it to him. they got back together a few times within 3 months and kept breaking up.

she'd stop by then unannounced. sometimes they'd have a great night other times it exploded.

by the last month of their relationship of even being friends....hell broke out constantly. by the last week of this friendship they had mended it because she wanted to mend it and she then decided to give him a cat they could own together. he got stuck with the cat but lost the dogs. he gave that cat away eventually.

then there was still another two months of I hate you phone calls and text messages. this friend can count his lucky stars he knows someone like me that didnt abandon his ass through this and help negate some of the damage. I think the final Fvck you was in a drunken rage.

so from June to November 1st.....we covered "the break" that went from friendly to insane to fvck you back to friendly back to insane back to fvck you i hate you. in this time of course also learned she shortly after the break began found a new BF and was only ever with this BF during my friends "break" periods so thus she never technically cheated. so really she was abusive to this new guy too and probably broke up with him on and off during the whole time.

the extent of my friends mental disorder is that he whacks off to pictures of her in the shower because he really thought this "break" was her needing some real space like men do sometimes. to this day he still thinks shes the best he'll ever have.

now yes my friend is a total AFC blue pill beta...Ive tried to awaken him but its been like pulling a teeth. Ive given him pooks book I just dont know if hes read it yet despite my pleas to do so. so yes my friend shoulders some blame but she was an abusive little b!tch too. his AFC behavior doesnt excuse her b!tch behavior although it doesnt help.

i beg you dont become my friend. run from this girl now....run as fast you can...run like shes carrying the black plague. RUN!!!!!

 

[JohnPetrucci]

Hello OP,

Your girlfriend is testing/wants to test out another guy's ****/commitment and does not want to feel guilty about it by being non-monogamous to you, so she decided that you are now "having a break" with her. She wants to keep your commitment on the side because she knows you're not getting any other ass.

So, tell me, how was your sex life before this? Was it frequent? Did she have frequent vaginal orgasm from p in v sex alone? If not, then you're either dating one of those girls in the minority who can't have vaginal orgasms or she's really unsatisfied sexually and with the relationship itself (studies indicate relationship satisfaction and freq. of vaginal orgasms are tightly correlated).

Do not continue talking to her. Move on. Don't even think about this girl - you are sexually nothing to her and will never have her again. There is nothing you can do now but walk away.

 

[Brosy]

Bounce, you're done.

...and don't let her have her cake and eat it by keeping you around during her transition to another castle.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Other peoples post are spot on but I want you to listen to this:

If anyone wants a break from you in a relationship then it's better to end it. In a REAL MATURE relationship two people should be able to talk it out and want to "fight" it out to work it out. She want's a break to mess with other dudes and act all scandalous.

Go ahead and get your credit card out playa. Charge this ShVt to the game.

 

[In2theGame]

Ah, The old "Lets take a break" line, Similar to the "i need space" line... Is a translated phrase to either get busy with another guy or to get to know another guy emotionally and/or physically without feeling guilty. Best thing to do is to consider this a permanent break up and begin to adjust your mind and emotions to getting over her. Its a very difficult situation because she never gives you full closure by saying "its just a break" but the fact and reality of it is that she wants to leave the relationship.

 

[Vidar]

Sorry OP, sounds like it's over.

Haven't been in your exact shoes, but last year I was seeing a girl for a few months, who I admittedly had Oneitis for. One day she called up and said she wasn't sure of things and didn't want to lead me on any further. But didn't want to break up either.

As much as I dug the hell out of this girl, on the phone I told her fine, said goodbye and intended to go NC. She texted me the next day about her long work day/ horrible boss - essentially looking to chat. I ignored it. Got a few texts that night. Ignored. The next day same thing, she texted me about her run. I ignored that too. At midnight she texted to see if we were going to meet up on Saturday night like planned. She mentioned how me not responding to her texts that night and the one prior made her feel nervous. I told her that I was just busy w some late work. She asked me if we were still going out on Saturday. I said sure we can do that. Saturdays date was great, she paid for dinner!!, we had sex, she left the next day. And then four days later she called up saying it was over. I let her speak her mind and said K, bye. As soon as the phone call ended, I went full NC, and enjoyed the summer. (Even better: 3 months later, after full and complete NC she started trying to text me again)

Point is, I pretty much knew from that first moment it was over.

Don't contact this girl at all. I know it's hard, cuz you feel like you still have a shot. Girls always make "a break" seem like a simple evaluation period is about to take place. As if she's doing some complicated arithmetic, giant abacus set up in her room, figuring things out logically and she just needs peace and quiet.

Like other said: She's out testing the waters from the moat of another castle. If this guy's water taste good, she's gone. If it's sewer water, she may come crawling back. Feeling guilt free I might add - because you guys agreed "we're on a break". Our love had a time-out. (Do you see how silly that sounds?)

In either case, ignore her first attempts at calling you. She's going to think you're waiting by the phone for her call. When you don't pick up and don't return the call she'll begin to wonder. Not telling you to play games here, but just be smart and protect yourself first.

If and when you and her do talk, be nonchalant. Agree that breaking up is for the best. Almost like it's your idea, and now you're free. Try to let her down gently,

After you hang up you can deal with the emotions. But not with her.

 

[MikeOck]

It's already been said, but you've been given excellent advice in this thread. Harsh, but reality.

Now, if I found myself in your shoes today, I would wait a week, then send her a short text message, something along the lines of, "Hey, over the past week I've realized just how much I missed being single. I think it's best if we go our separate ways from this point forward. You've been amazing and I've really enjoyed our time together, but this isn't about you, it's just what I need for me right now. " Once the message is sent, go ghost forever.

Trust me, she is gone, and waiting for her to "decide" is just drawing out the inevitable. If you send a message like the one above, you will turn the tables on her, damage her ego, and make her question everything she has done. It may sound petty, and you too will wonder if you made the right choice, but I promise you, years from now you will look back with pride instead of embarrassment.

 

[fuzzball]

It's already been said, but you've been given excellent advice in this thread. Harsh, but reality.

Now, if I found myself in your shoes today, I would wait a week, then send her a short text message, something along the lines of, "Hey, over the past week I've realized just how much I missed being single. I think it's best if we go our separate ways from this point forward. You've been amazing and I've really enjoyed our time together, but this isn't about you, it's just what I need for me right now. " Once the message is sent, go ghost forever.

Trust me, she is gone, and waiting for her to "decide" is just drawing out the inevitable. If you send a message like the one above, you will turn the tables on her, damage her ego, and make her question everything she has done. It may sound petty, and you too will wonder if you made the right choice, but I promise you, years from now you will look back with pride instead of embarrassment.

I dont know. I really hate the idea of a text break up. sounds cheesy and unmanly. this seems like something that should at least be done over the phone or really even in person since it clearly has been officially finalized in TC's head. I think he needs to do it in person and walk away that way.

a text is about as bad as a facebook message break up or email. its just not right.

 

[Vidar]

It's already been said, but you've been given excellent advice in this thread. Harsh, but reality.

Now, if I found myself in your shoes today, I would wait a week, then send her a short text message, something along the lines of, "Hey, over the past week I've realized just how much I missed being single. I think it's best if we go our separate ways from this point forward. You've been amazing and I've really enjoyed our time together, but this isn't about you, it's just what I need for me right now. " Once the message is sent, go ghost forever.

Trust me, she is gone, and waiting for her to "decide" is just drawing out the inevitable. If you send a message like the one above, you will turn the tables on her, damage her ego, and make her question everything she has done. It may sound petty, and you too will wonder if you made the right choice, but I promise you, years from now you will look back with pride instead of embarrassment.

I disagree.

I think that sounds a little needy. He basically agreed to a break, and if he tries to communicate with her in any way now, he's basically ignoring that agreement. Even if it's to "officially break up". The message that gets communicated is; I NEED to talk now.

What she'll think to herself is:
1: This guy can't even go a week without needing to talk to me. I win.
2: A Break up? Ha That's Bull****. He's trying to goad me into talking. Doesn't he get I'm not interested.
3: Who's he trying to kid? "Enjoying your freedom" He doesn't know any other girls. I know he's single.
4: She'll shrug her shoulders and say 'okay'.
5: I could care less, because I'm ****ing this new guy ten ways to Sunday.

And what will happen is:
1: She'll never respond. (because in her mind she's already gone and because, you know, she's ****ing the new guy 10 times a day)
2: She'll respond weeks later, at her convenience. All the while you'll stew wondering where she is and who's she's with. Your insecurities and fantasies will take over, causing you to feel like you need to talk to her even more. You send off another text, and then another. And finally she'll respond, angrily, telling you to go sod off.

It's better to hold to your word. You agreed to a break. As silly and stupid as that is, hold to it. Disappear. Be an effing mystery. You're life moves on. She's the one who decided to jump out of the speeding car that is your life.

Make her do the wondering. Make her choice be final. Make her feel like she's the one who made the mistake.

And only when SHE contacts you, then you can respond. If want to.

 

[Desdinova]

I adopted a "no break" policy when it comes to relationships. It's either all or nothing. I suggest you do the same

 

[Bible_Belt]

I agree, Des. I think all of us with this experience do.

A "break" is a frame. As soon as you allow that frame to be set, you're done, no matter what the terms. Guys get fixated on the break agreement itself and the BS words used, but they don't matter. What matters is that you allow yourself to get put on the shelf like a old toy to be played with at her changing whims. She might even think she wants that, because she doesn't know yet that she can't respect a man who allows himself to be treated that way.

 

[Don_Dom]

Before I ever started dating as a kid, somebody told me what Woody Allen once said: "Relationships are like sharks, they move forward or die."

I first came here about 7 years ago after reading The Game and have been progressing since. Still have plenty of progress to make and I'm far from where I would like to be. But I can't imagine, on my worst most AFC day, EVER falling for the BS of a "break.". It's just so obvious what's going on not to mention blatantly disrespectful.

Any woman who proposes such a thing truly thinks you are just stupid and easily manipulated. As low of an opinion as I may have for women who cheat, at least they, by virtue of sneaking around, acknowledge that you aren't going to sit still for such a thing. But proposing a "break" while looking you in the eye with a straight face....That's just next level balls right there. Literally challenging your manhood and self respect right to your face.

 

[Poop1337]

Treat her like a fbuddy if you can still screw her regularly is my opinion. Obviously go NC if she's not going to screw or she's annoying you. She probably has another guy. So nc unless she's throwing vag at you and she is no longer your gf no matter what. Hope you've been spinning plates.

 

[Turuwal]

You held on too tightly and didn't give her enough room to move. Now you are paying the price.

If she comes back, you should use her as a f*ck buddy for the purposes of removing any desperation while you shop for other girls who are better. Do not tell her this.

Source: see my post at http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2114000#post2114000

 

[mikey2012]

Its finished. Move on. Even if you get back she will probably cheat on you and leave when she finds another guy. A girl that is into you will NEVER take a break because she doesn't want to lose you.

 

[the_great_gaia]

I think you did the right thing by giving her this "break".

Women break up with us in their minds LOOONG before they attempt to do so in person, and they don't want to feel bad about "hurting our feelings", so they hit us with that "I think we should take a break..", or "I think we should just be friends..", or "It's not you, it's me..." crap.

My ex told me once before that she's honestly never cheated on me in the times we were together, because she'd always tell me she needed a "break", and then she'd go f*ck other guys. Ok, if that's how it works.

Her interest level dropped somewhere along the lines if she asked for a break, and I know for a fact that a woman always has another guy lined up for when she gets out of a relationship. But all women view their ex boyfriends or guys they've f*cked as their "landmarks", and she will get p!ssed if she finds out that you moved on. She's watching the clock. She's gonna see if you call or text. She's looking to see if you're gonna beg for her to take you back; basically sh!t test you. But you already knew this is coming, so I believe you did the right thing by going no contact, because she is going to feel empty as sh!t when she doesn't have her "landmark" anymore.

The only thing I would have done differently is.. I would not have unfriended her on facebook or even told her that I would not contact her for 2 weeks. I would've let it hit her as a surprise that I haven't contacted her, and I would've used facebook to my advantage, and displayed the fact that NOT ONLY do I have a life without her, but hell... LIFE IS BETTER WITHOUT HER, without being too obvious about it.

But I think you did the right thing. Ganji game her @ss, and she may come back begging.

 

[Mr_Stinky]

I agree with Malice.

Just go No Contact from here on out.

In fact when the two weeks is up do not contact her or try to initiate any form of communication. You should just have the mind state that this relationship is over.

If BY CHANCE the relationship is not over and she really does want you back AND she did not sleep around on this break (which I believe she probably will) go an extra week or two no contact if you MUST get back with her.

To me personally, she is showing us that she is not really interested in you anymore. No girl who is interested in someone asks to go on a break.

Realistically she probably is in contact with her ex of 2.5 years and is getting railed by him right now, and seeing which one she likes more.

If it was me, I would not settle for a girl who is keeping me on the back burner so she can find out if she has potential with either her ex or some new guy. That shows major lack of respect.

Sorry to say it man, but cut your loses and move on.

Start sleeping with other women.

And if BY CHANCE she really does want to get back with you, do it on these conditions and only these conditions.

1. You can sleep with other girls
2. She cannot sleep with other guys

And DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT initiate contact for at least 3.5 weeks.

In fact I wouldn't initiate contact at all. And if she does contact you at the two week mark, wait it out. Let her grovel.

Personally I doubt she'll contact you, and if she does it will be to end things. Otherwise she'll contact you WAY sooner then 2 weeks if she wants to be with you.

Good luck man.

Some golden advice in this! I came in to say pretty much the same thing. Sorry to hear but no girl wants a break to think about things if they really like the guy. Never speak to her again.

Sometimes the truth hurts...

 

[GotED?]

When a woman talks to me about having a 'relationship' and getting possessive, I ALWAYS tell her my Policy of Truth (yeah yeah, Depeche Mode, so I am an old phuck here) before getting in a relationship:

(phuck PlayHerMan's red crayons! I'm takin' them muthaphuccka!!)

"You are welcome to come and go in my life as a partner, but you only get one chance to come and one chance to leave. You should be with me by 'Free Will' and share the path of life together with me, and I will never ask you to stay together if you don't want to any longer. you have the freedom to leave the relationship at anytime, and myself as well if the end result is less happiness than before when we were together. In the end, what is the point of having a relationship with anyone when they don't want to be with you by their own will? Oh yeah, if we break up one day, I will disappear from this Universe and you will never hear from me, nor do I want to know of your existance. I leave no backdoors open. "

So I feed this and brainwash every one of my ex-gf's in the beginning. She KNOWS I will never chase her, and she doesn't have to chase me. When the time comes, she morphs into a serious b!tch after 6-12 months, I tell her to take a hike and move on. Therefore she has no surprise of me going NC, and I have no guilt doing so.

ALWAYS HAVE THE POWER TO WALK AWAY FROM WOMEN, own your own power as a man.

Be well.

Exodus