I am fortunate enough to have a stable LTR. Its been 6 months now, and at this point in time, my gf is making plans for the future, and she wants to stay with me for the long haul.
this are some key elements I believe MUST be present for you to be satisfied in a LTR.
1) partner selection skills
- you will never be happy if you cannot choose as best to your abilities a partner who has your same core values and aspirations. who treats you the way you believe you should be treated.
2) your ability to communicate
- your ability to say what you like and what don't like. to CLEARLY state what you are not willing to put up with, set up rules and boundaries clearly from the beginning of the relationship, and mean it. this includes things like respect, honesty, trust, loyalty, and communication.
3) Learning to maintain the Dominant frame
- doesnt mean you will dominate her, but that you will remain in control of yourself, and your emotions. the moment you feel you are slipping away (wussiness) then you catch yourself and get back in line. That you put your foot down everytime your girl tries to test you, where you clearly communicate your values and your command for respect. I try to please her, and do what she wants as well, but within the big picture, she knows that if she crosses the line, she is gone.
4) she must have some fear that you could walk away from her life if she tried to willingly disrespect you. meaning lying, being dishonest, manipulating you, making you feel inferior, or any kind of B.S, naggs at you for no reason. that no matter how much you love her, you will never be treated as anything less than a king in her life. Always keep yourself ready to walk out of the relationship no matter how long you been together or how much you love her!!!
5) This is really important, SPEED OF COMMUNICATION, if something bothers you, if she said something to upset you, anything that you feel she should know, that you communicate this AS SOON AS YOU CAN, the earlier the better, don't let those feelings of resentment accumulate because they will come out at some point, and its going to end up in an argument. it is always good to be able to clearly communicate what you like and dont like and what you want in a given situation. dont wait!! NEVER WHINE, never complain about something you dont like, you communicate directly that you dont like something with power, not whinning like a boy. you look at her directly in the eye, and mean what you say.
7) keep improving yourself and working on yourself, even if you are in a relationship, keep going to the gym, dont stop and take the relatinoship for granted, keep learning, keep socializing, keep expanding yourself and your comfort zone, and she will always be happy to be there with you. dont become boring, predictable, always put the gas to the car same way always put the effort to move the relationship forward (if she is worth it).
8) Rollo's rule, never give more than what she herself is offering you. WORST case scenario should be equals, best case, you maintain upper hand. this means, you dont text her more times than she does, you dont call more times than she does, you dont say I love you I like you more times than she does (some guys say dont say it at all), you go where she wants, and go to her friends or whatever as long as she respects and wants to go along where you want and with your friends, learn to negotiate. you don't give her kisses, hug her all the time, if she is not at least eagerly happy to return those kisses and give you some of hers. if it feels like you are pushing her into it, then STOP, and lay back, give her space. dont initiate kino until she does.
9) NEVER EVER EVER EVER, ask her why she is going somewhere (as long as its respectful) like to a friends house, dinner whatever non threatening situation. never ask her why she is going to the mall, or whatever or why she didn't tell you, dont try to control what she does. (you should have screen her enough that you know she can make respectful decisions of where she is at at all times). the only questions I ask my girl when she tells me she went to her friend's house or whatever is, what you up to? and who else is there with you? nothing else. let her be free in her decisions to go where she wants. AS LONG AS ITS RESPECTFUL. my girl knows she cannot go clubbing without me, that is a rule we set up at beginning of relationship.
10) be the man.
act like a man, make decision, make plans, let her make plans as well, but you be the one who carries the relationship where you want to. and if she doesnt want to go with you, YOU GO YOURSELF!, dont stop doing something you like because your girl doesnt feel like joining you. be a man, lead her by the hand, plan whats gonna happen and how its gonna happen. plan the dates. never stop making plans, be a leader not a follower!!. dont get boring boyfriend who just likes to stay home with her and watch movies then sleep.
be action oriented!
11) keep believing you are the prize, the king, and that you could have any girl if you wanted to. subcommunicate this with your actions, if u remain attractive to women in general, other girls will always send IL signals to you, and your girl will pick up on these signals and be happy, emotional, that she's got you!.
12) surprise her, do something nice for her every once in a moon, reward her for good behaviors as soon as they happen (could be a smile all the way to a nice dinner) and punish inmediately those behaviors that you dont like (retreating attention, kino, or going NC).
13) have her miss you, dont see her every day, have things going on in your life, dont stay in her house stuck like gum 24/7, and when you see her, have something in mind, have a plan, do something fun together. dont just stay there bored with her. give her space to miss you, for that reason, dont text call her all the time, give her space, so she can think of what you are up to so she can initiate texts, calls.
14) win her friends and family, if you do that, you are in, and you will have allies everywhere who will support the relationship, make friends with her sister, brother, mom, dad, friends. just do it, its worth a million dollars.
15)every now and then plan some nice trips or outings where you guys can spend time together, the reasoning for this is that you can then test her, and realize if you guys can stand each other for a whole weekend together. or a week like going on a cruise. if the relationship is strong, then you guys will have a blast together during that week/weekend, and relationship will grow stronger. if not, then you know this person is not for you. (if she can't stand you for a week, she will never put up with you in 2, 5 ,10 plus years).
these are some ideas that I use in my current relationship, and they WORK!
thoughts?
this are some key elements I believe MUST be present for you to be satisfied in a LTR.
1) partner selection skills
- you will never be happy if you cannot choose as best to your abilities a partner who has your same core values and aspirations. who treats you the way you believe you should be treated.
2) your ability to communicate
- your ability to say what you like and what don't like. to CLEARLY state what you are not willing to put up with, set up rules and boundaries clearly from the beginning of the relationship, and mean it. this includes things like respect, honesty, trust, loyalty, and communication.
3) Learning to maintain the Dominant frame
- doesnt mean you will dominate her, but that you will remain in control of yourself, and your emotions. the moment you feel you are slipping away (wussiness) then you catch yourself and get back in line. That you put your foot down everytime your girl tries to test you, where you clearly communicate your values and your command for respect. I try to please her, and do what she wants as well, but within the big picture, she knows that if she crosses the line, she is gone.
4) she must have some fear that you could walk away from her life if she tried to willingly disrespect you. meaning lying, being dishonest, manipulating you, making you feel inferior, or any kind of B.S, naggs at you for no reason. that no matter how much you love her, you will never be treated as anything less than a king in her life. Always keep yourself ready to walk out of the relationship no matter how long you been together or how much you love her!!!
5) This is really important, SPEED OF COMMUNICATION, if something bothers you, if she said something to upset you, anything that you feel she should know, that you communicate this AS SOON AS YOU CAN, the earlier the better, don't let those feelings of resentment accumulate because they will come out at some point, and its going to end up in an argument. it is always good to be able to clearly communicate what you like and dont like and what you want in a given situation. dont wait!! NEVER WHINE, never complain about something you dont like, you communicate directly that you dont like something with power, not whinning like a boy. you look at her directly in the eye, and mean what you say.
7) keep improving yourself and working on yourself, even if you are in a relationship, keep going to the gym, dont stop and take the relatinoship for granted, keep learning, keep socializing, keep expanding yourself and your comfort zone, and she will always be happy to be there with you. dont become boring, predictable, always put the gas to the car same way always put the effort to move the relationship forward (if she is worth it).
8) Rollo's rule, never give more than what she herself is offering you. WORST case scenario should be equals, best case, you maintain upper hand. this means, you dont text her more times than she does, you dont call more times than she does, you dont say I love you I like you more times than she does (some guys say dont say it at all), you go where she wants, and go to her friends or whatever as long as she respects and wants to go along where you want and with your friends, learn to negotiate. you don't give her kisses, hug her all the time, if she is not at least eagerly happy to return those kisses and give you some of hers. if it feels like you are pushing her into it, then STOP, and lay back, give her space. dont initiate kino until she does.
9) NEVER EVER EVER EVER, ask her why she is going somewhere (as long as its respectful) like to a friends house, dinner whatever non threatening situation. never ask her why she is going to the mall, or whatever or why she didn't tell you, dont try to control what she does. (you should have screen her enough that you know she can make respectful decisions of where she is at at all times). the only questions I ask my girl when she tells me she went to her friend's house or whatever is, what you up to? and who else is there with you? nothing else. let her be free in her decisions to go where she wants. AS LONG AS ITS RESPECTFUL. my girl knows she cannot go clubbing without me, that is a rule we set up at beginning of relationship.
10) be the man.
act like a man, make decision, make plans, let her make plans as well, but you be the one who carries the relationship where you want to. and if she doesnt want to go with you, YOU GO YOURSELF!, dont stop doing something you like because your girl doesnt feel like joining you. be a man, lead her by the hand, plan whats gonna happen and how its gonna happen. plan the dates. never stop making plans, be a leader not a follower!!. dont get boring boyfriend who just likes to stay home with her and watch movies then sleep.
be action oriented!
11) keep believing you are the prize, the king, and that you could have any girl if you wanted to. subcommunicate this with your actions, if u remain attractive to women in general, other girls will always send IL signals to you, and your girl will pick up on these signals and be happy, emotional, that she's got you!.
12) surprise her, do something nice for her every once in a moon, reward her for good behaviors as soon as they happen (could be a smile all the way to a nice dinner) and punish inmediately those behaviors that you dont like (retreating attention, kino, or going NC).
13) have her miss you, dont see her every day, have things going on in your life, dont stay in her house stuck like gum 24/7, and when you see her, have something in mind, have a plan, do something fun together. dont just stay there bored with her. give her space to miss you, for that reason, dont text call her all the time, give her space, so she can think of what you are up to so she can initiate texts, calls.
14) win her friends and family, if you do that, you are in, and you will have allies everywhere who will support the relationship, make friends with her sister, brother, mom, dad, friends. just do it, its worth a million dollars.
15)every now and then plan some nice trips or outings where you guys can spend time together, the reasoning for this is that you can then test her, and realize if you guys can stand each other for a whole weekend together. or a week like going on a cruise. if the relationship is strong, then you guys will have a blast together during that week/weekend, and relationship will grow stronger. if not, then you know this person is not for you. (if she can't stand you for a week, she will never put up with you in 2, 5 ,10 plus years).
these are some ideas that I use in my current relationship, and they WORK!
thoughts?
