This has been THE WORSE I've felt in a long time

[TakenDirectly]

I've never known I could feel this bad about something like this.

This girl at work was a girl I flirted, hung out with, even dated and got somewhat intimate wit. I never took it completely "for real" because she was either pushing me away or pulling me in all the time.

Guys, she played me.
She played me HARD.

She would talk to my friends and say stuff like "I like him", "I like him as more than a friend", etc. She would say things that would lead me to believe she wanted something serious and real with me. Now these "I like him a lot and more than a friend" happened about 2 weeks ago (friend that talks to her told me this). So ok, I decide I'm going to try and give it a shot and try and see her as more than just a friend thats a girl.

Fast forward 1 week, she's out of town she tells me. I ask her where she is she says "It's private". (NOT A ****ING GOOD SIGN). OK, I talk to one of her friends:

SHE'S ON A ****ING VACATION WITH HER EX.
YES A ****ING VA-****ING-CATION WITH HER EX.

I txt her and ask her what the **** is up. She tells me not to text her because she's with her ex. So I didn't know she was taking this vacation with her ex, but I knew of a vacation she's taking with classmates to Vegas. As soon as she comes back from the vacation with her Ex she's out to Vegas. Now, I talk to her friends about her. I ask what is her ****ing deal going on vacation with her ex. Why would she says things about "caring" about me "trusting" me, etc. and go away with her ex? Her friend basically breaks down and tells me all sorts of things. That she would tell her i was ok, that I wasn't someone she would take a real relationship with, that she would flirt with a lot of other guys, tell her friends to tell other guys "she's avaliable", all this WHILE speaking to me like I could be someone she'd be with.

SO i'm pissed, pissed, pissed. Of course, one more thing pops up. On her Vegas trip, her friend tells me that there is this guy going that talks to her and that "once they were in vegas alone, they'd see what happens".

Guys, I cannot explain how broken and shattered I feel. I've had my trust betrayed by family, mother, father, friends, etc. I have trust issues because I can't see people as worth trusting. It isn't the fact if I can find another girl, etc. It's the fact that ONE ****ING WEEK BEFORE LEAVING WITH HER EX SHE STRAIGHT UP LIES AND SAYS SHE WANTS SOMETHING WITH ME ONLY TO FIND OUT THE NEXT WEEKS SHES GONE WITH HER EX.

I txt her and final result, for now, is that were gonna talk when she gets back. She's pretty much begged me to stop contacting her (the whole time I was telling her what a cold hearted ***** she is for playing me like that)

I don't get it. I had nothing but the best intentions with this girl. She looked like she could genuinely see that. Then this happens. Like if anytime I try to be there, to help, to really care about someone (anyone) they decide to screw me over. I feel like crying. I feel like just moving so far away from anyone and anything. God it just feels like I can't trust anyone or anything. The answer is obvious to leave her. But what do I do about all the pain and misery I'm feeling? I feel so out of it. Please guys please any any any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Warrior74]

I think the best thing for you to do is to sit down and look at all the rules you broke with this one.

1. dating a girl at work. Obvious pitfalls there.

2. Listening to what she says, not what she does.

3. ***** on a pedestal.

4. Talking/listening to her friends trying to get info about her.

5. Trust? Why are you trusting someone with you emotional well being that you have nothing with. Trust your gut.

6. Being needy and constantly contacting this woman.

7. Not spinning other plates??? If you had 4-5 women on your team you wouldn't be so concerned over this one.

Like if anytime I try to be there, to help, to really care about someone (anyone) they decide to screw me over.

What does that even mean? You don't care about this girl. You said yourself...

I never took it completely "for real" because she was either pushing me away or pulling me in all the time.

. The answer is obvious to leave her. But what do I do about all the pain and misery I'm feeling? I feel so out of it. Please guys please any any any advice would be appreciated.

Leave her? She's not yours to leave. Your just embarrassed. My advice, continue to be your normal outgoing fun self and just ignore this girl from now on. Go out and meet some more women asap and spend time with your boys or doing things you like to do. She didn't hurt you, you let yourself be hurt. There is a difference. Don't go getting all emotional, just swallow this loss and move forward. Running away won't change who you are. Doing the work to change who you are is the only way forward. Give it time. Things get better eventually bro. Good luck.

 

[Vader]

I txt her and final result, for now, is that were gonna talk when she gets back.

You got to be kidding me!!!!

 

[TakenDirectly]

You got to be kidding me!!!!

She wouldn't pick up her phone or anything! She kept avoiding me and I wanted to know wtf was her problem.

 

[Alle_Gory]

She wouldn't pick up her phone or anything! She kept avoiding me and I wanted to know wtf was her problem.

Who cares? Move on man.

 

[Hughman]

Dude, you've got some pretty classic one-itis by the sounds of it.

As Warrior74 said, judge her on her actions, not on her bs words.

Did it occur to you that a) her friends you have talked to are ****-stirrers?
and/or b)she was saying such things as not to loose face with her friends?
and/or c)she's actually a ***** and gets a kick out of hurting you?

Try not to think about c), I certainly don't as like being optimistic, but there are enough tales out there to suggest that c) does very well exist.

Also, you called her on her crap. Not a good move. You look like the bad guy and insecure chump for spying on her and trying to get an answer. Learn from other guys examples, and now your own, don't call women out on that sort of ****, it's not worth the effort. Better to cut contact if you can, and simply treat her like you would treat a stranger if she contacts you.

 

[TakenDirectly]

Leave her? She's not yours to leave. Your just embarrassed. My advice, continue to be your normal outgoing fun self and just ignore this girl from now on. Go out and meet some more women asap and spend time with your boys or doing things you like to do. She didn't hurt you, you let yourself be hurt. There is a difference. Don't go getting all emotional, just swallow this loss and move forward. Running away won't change who you are. Doing the work to change who you are is the only way forward. Give it time. Things get better eventually bro. Good luck.

Wow, your really don't know how much that has helped me right now. Thank You Thank You Thank You. I think you're dead on about it. She was never mine, it's not a loss, it's just an embarrassment. My embarrassment. You're right, I let myself be hurt. Thank You.

 

[TakenDirectly]

Also, you called her on her crap. Not a good move. You look like the bad guy and insecure chump for spying on her and trying to get an answer. Learn from other guys examples, and now your own, don't call women out on that sort of ****, it's not worth the effort. Better to cut contact if you can, and simply treat her like you would treat a stranger if she contacts you.

I thought that was the ONLY time you should call them on something. When you really suspect them playing you.

 

[Hughman]

I thought that was the ONLY time you should call them on something. When you really suspect them playing you.

Yeah, but you messed up by showing you are emotionally attached and spying. You could have at least been cool about it and made sure she was in a position that made her appear bad.

 

[Vader]

She wasn't tring to make you jealous. That you could call her on.

Wow, your really don't know how much that has helped me right now. Thank You Thank You Thank You. I think you're dead on about it. She was never mine, it's not a loss, it's just an embarrassment. My embarrassment. You're right, I let myself be hurt. Thank You

Good for you. What did you learn?

 

[Warrior74]

Wow, your really don't know how much that has helped me right now. Thank You Thank You Thank You. I think you're dead on about it. She was never mine, it's not a loss, it's just an embarrassment. My embarrassment. You're right, I let myself be hurt. Thank You.

No prob. We've all been there man. You have to try to keep your ego in check, it will run amok and get you into unpleasant situations. Go have some fun and forget about this one.

 

[TakenDirectly]

She wasn't tring to make you jealous. That you could call her on.



Good for you. What did you learn?

She was never mine to lose. Her actions (this one especially) speak volumes over her words and when it comes down to it, she's just not mine. I shouldn't of been so attached and let myself get so emotional and especially ACT on my emotions. It made me look weak, stupid and like a complete tool. It's not worth pursuing her mostly because she's just a slut. I let myself get emotionally attached to her, someone who's actions show she wasn't that into me, and in turn I ALLOWED myself to get hurt for doing so.

 

[Vader]

Yup, now when you see her at work smile like you too have a sercet. Never let them see you sweat.

 

[TakenDirectly]

I think it's important I work on my trust issues and emotional issues. I let myself get way to attached this time. Yeah, I plan on just seeing her as nothing more than a co-worker. It's best I just forget about her. I think just being put in my place with "it's not a loss, its just embarrassment", really let me see the truth.

 

[DonGorgon]

Dont hold this against her personally.. she is just behaving like a normal human female.. Your purpose with her was to F and for as long as you can for as cheap as possible them move on..

Expecting anything else from her like commitment , respect , love caring is all setting yourself up for pain and being played.. So learn from this, move on to the next woman and dont expect anything more than what she is..

IS THERE NO HOPE??

Yes!!
when you are both old sick broken and hopelessly unattractive. when viagra no longer works fro you and her vagina is dryer than the desert.. only then can you try to have commitment and love and dedication..

 

[TakenDirectly]

so whats the best thing to do to keep it out of mind? Is going out and finding another women really it? Cuz I don't want to hook up with anyone right now. I just wonder about it, but I don't want to wonder. I wanna use this time that she's away to basically learn to forget or not see her as anything good. Whats the best thing to do?

 

[DonJuan11]

This girl at work was a girl I flirted, hung out with, even dated and got somewhat intimate wit. I never took it completely "for real" because she was either pushing me away or pulling me in all the time.

She played me HARD.

Because you let her. You absorbed, absorbed and absorbed so she kept playing you.

So ok, I decide I'm going to try and give it a shot and try and see her as more than just a friend thats a girl. Fast forward 1 week, she's out of town she tells me. I ask her where she is she says "It's private". (NOT A ****ING GOOD SIGN). OK, I talk to one of her friends:

SHE'S ON A ****ING VACATION WITH HER EX.
YES A ****ING VA-****ING-CATION WITH HER EX.
I txt her and ask her what the **** is up. She tells me not to text her because she's with her ex. So I didn't know she was taking this vacation with her ex, but I knew of a vacation she's taking with classmates to Vegas. As soon as she comes back from the vacation with her Ex she's out to Vegas. Now, I talk to her friends about her. I ask what is her ****ing deal going on vacation with her ex. Why would she says things about "caring" about me "trusting" me, etc. and go away with her ex?

Because words are cheap, actions matter and her ex made her feel things that you couldn't.

Her friend basically breaks down and tells me all sorts of things. That she would tell her i was ok, that I wasn't someone she would take a real relationship with, that she would flirt with a lot of other guys, tell her friends to tell other guys "she's avaliable", all this WHILE speaking to me like I could be someone she'd be with.

Dude, you shouldn't be talking to ANYONE, let alone her friend, about your relationship with her. It is ridiculous.

SO i'm pissed, pissed, pissed. Of course, one more thing pops up. On her Vegas trip, her friend tells me that there is this guy going that talks to her and that "once they were in vegas alone, they'd see what happens".

Guys, I cannot explain how broken and shattered I feel. I've had my trust betrayed by family, mother, father, friends, etc. I have trust issues because I can't see people as worth trusting. It isn't the fact if I can find another girl, etc.

This is EXACTLY why you feel shattered. You feel like you put all this time and effort into being this girl's steady boyfriend, and since she just told you where to go, you feel like you wasted your time. It's like studying 2 months for a test and then failing because you studied the wrong thing.

It's the fact that ONE ****ING WEEK BEFORE LEAVING WITH HER EX SHE STRAIGHT UP LIES AND SAYS SHE WANTS SOMETHING WITH ME ONLY TO FIND OUT THE NEXT WEEKS SHES GONE WITH HER EX.

If you were sleeping with 2 other girls at the same time when she told you this, you wouldn't care. It's called oneitis as they say so amply on here.

I txt her and final result, for now, is that were gonna talk when she gets back. She's pretty much begged me to stop contacting her (the whole time I was telling her what a cold hearted ***** she is for playing me like that)
I don't get it.

Yes, you really don't get it. You don't text a girl her saying "Listen bvtch, you can't touch me, kiss me, and be intimate with me and then not be with me forever. My ego can't handle such a thing. If you are physical with me and say you love me at one point when we are dating, I expect you to feel this way at all times, no matter what or when an EX comes into picture." That does not sound very sexy, romantic or James Bond like.

AND You don't contact a girl after she BEGS you to stop contacting her, thinking she'll magically she the light and come and sleep with you. If I was her I would probably call the police and file a harassment complaint.

I had nothing but the best intentions with this girl. She looked like she could genuinely see that. Then this happens. Like if anytime I try to be there, to help, to really care about someone (anyone) they decide to screw me over. I feel like crying. I feel like just moving so far away from anyone and anything. God it just feels like I can't trust anyone or anything. The answer is obvious to leave her. But what do I do about all the pain and misery I'm feeling? I feel so out of it. Please guys please any any any advice would be appreciated.

You have some learning to do. As mentioned a million times on here over and over and over and over again, your best bet would be to try to improve yourself and focus on things in life that make you happy, make you a better man, make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

 

[nismo-4]

Wow, your really don't know how much that has helped me right now. Thank You Thank You Thank You. I think you're dead on about it. She was never mine, it's not a loss, it's just an embarrassment. My embarrassment. You're right, I let myself be hurt. Thank You.

In English: Yes, Sir!

In Spanish: Si, Senor!

In French: Oui, Mosieur!

Now move on, there's pu$$y with your name on it! Go get it tiger!

 

[nismo-4]

You have some learning to do. As mentioned a million times on here over and over and over and over again, your best bet would be to try to improve yourself and focus on things in life that make you happy, make you a better man, make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

Damn! I was gonna do a read-between-the-lines explanation but you did that already, and very well! And I benefitted from this as well!