This guy's type of girl

[ketostix]

So I know this guy, he's sort of a wing and we just meet up at the bar. I get frustrated with him because he isn't so much trying to PU. He just wants only a girl that he wants, whatever that is exactly and not whatever he could get. Which brings me to my question. He's told me that he likes a girl who is a b!tch to everyone else except him. I can't quiet put my finger on it but this is some kind of AFC convention or buffer I'm sure. Maybe Rollo you could sort this out and break it down?

 

[KontrollerX]

As Rollo might say "every man wants a wh0re, its just that he wants her to be HIS wh0re" and no one else's.

The desire for b!tchiness to everyone else but him is a hidden desire to get a chick who has a personality that is anti "guy friends" and I can't blame your buddy for that if he's trying to find a relationship candidate as those are red flag chicks all the way.

Plus looking for this kind of chick who only treats him well keeps away pesky relationship destroying termite type chick friends of the girl who constantly get in his girl's ear eating away at her feelings for him so that she eventually decides to dump him as they don't like him.

 

[ketostix]

I get the anti-guy friends aspect and the girl only being into you. I like that in a girl myself. But for her to be an outright b!tch to everyone I can't see that being good. The way he made it sound is not just a b!tch to guys hitting on her but a b!tch to everyone for no reason like say even a female waitress. That just seems like some kind of defect on the part of the girl and some kind of AFC convention on the guy's part for wanting a girl like that.

 

[KontrollerX]

Well the guy could be extremely narcissistic.

My uncle is that way and doesn't like anyone taking my aunt's time away from him not even her sister (ie my mom).

Narcissists view themselves as gods or godlike and no non god can impose on their desires and wants without retribution be it a cold stare, physical violence or simply pouting about it.

And people can be narcissistic without having the fullblown personality disorder.

I'm reasonably sure my uncle is a narcissist but not full NPD.

In a narcissistic sense the guy could also get a sick thrill out of his "queen" treating all the common rabble as beneath her and saving the appropriate respect only for himself the king.

 

[jophil28]

As Rollo might say "every man wants a wh0re, its just that he wants her to be HIS wh0re" and no one else's.

The desire for b!tchiness to everyone else but him is a hidden desire to get a chick who has a personality that is anti "guy friends" and I can't blame your buddy for that if he's trying to find a relationship candidate as those are red flag chicks all the way.

Plus looking for this kind of chick who only treats him well keeps away pesky relationship destroying termite type chick friends of the girl who constantly get in his girl's ear eating away at her feelings for him so that she eventually decides to dump him as they don't like him.

Let him go and make his own mistakes Keto. IT is likely that her baitchyness is her dominant style, BUT she is holding up a facade for your friend in order to appeal to him and draw him into her web.
HE probably feels "special" and flattered by her sweet treatment of him alone. Perhaps he even believes that he knows "the REAL girl".

When he is eventually hooked, her facade will drop and she will revert to her default baitchyness. Then he will wonder, in confusion, what happened to the sweet girl he first met, and YOU get to say, "I told you so."

 

[ketostix]

Jophil that's the thing he doesn't even have a girl, yet he doesn't want to mack girls even though he goes to the bar almost every ngiht. He's told me every girl he's had sex with was a GF. I'm not trying to save him from anything, I was just curious where his mentality is coming from.

KX, I think narcissism could be at play. But I'm thinking in this case it's more about insecurity and maybe a dislike for other people. It would be simple to just classify this guy as an AFC, and it does seem like he's been brainwashed in the liberal matrix, but he's also a smart guy and can see things for himself.

It's just aggravating the crap out of me that a guy couold be around 25 and a grad student in college and approach the mating game like a woman. Waiting for the woman to come on to him, wanting a women who is an a-hole to everyone but him. That's kind of like a girl.

 

[Trader]

Well the guy could be extremely narcissistic.

My uncle is that way and doesn't like anyone taking my aunt's time away from him not even her sister (ie my mom).

Narcissists view themselves as gods or godlike and no non god can impose on their desires and wants without retribution be it a cold stare, physical violence or simply pouting about it.

And people can be narcissistic without having the fullblown personality disorder.

I'm reasonably sure my uncle is a narcissist but not full NPD.

In a narcissistic sense the guy could also get a sick thrill out of his "queen" treating all the common rabble as beneath her and saving the appropriate respect only for himself the king.

Ha I am a bit like that. I am just totally attracted to those princess type girls who act snobby. Girls who are stuck up to everyone except me.

For what it's worth, I am somewhat narcissistic I believe.

To the OP - I'm not sure why he likes girls who act b1tchy. That is just annoying. And also, where does he get the idea of waiting for girls to approach him? He will be waiting forever - well except for those fat ugly girls who will actively pursue him

 

[jophil28]

It's just aggravating the crap out of me that a guy couold be around 25 and a grad student in college and approach the mating game like a woman. Waiting for the woman to come on to him, wanting a women who is an a-hole to everyone but him. That's kind of like a girl.

MY guess is that he is drawn to her BECAUSE she is a baitch to everyone else. That way, he can imagine that he can snare her without having to actively compete with others for her affection. After all she dislikes everyone else . So in his mind she has no other attachments, and he can win almost by default.

Maybe ?

 

[Sinistar]

Maybe mommy was *****y to everyone but him?

 

[Mr. Me]

>> He's told me that he likes a girl who is a b!tch to everyone else except him. I can't quiet put my finger on it but this is some kind of AFC convention or buffer I'm sure. >>

I think you're making a connection that most probably hasn't anything to do with why he's attracted to her. People are complex and do things for reasons that aren't obvious or don't make sense to others, and I think you're making a causal connection here.

I would think the fact that she's nice to him plays a much bigger factor in his liking her, as we tend to favor people who like us. I don't think the factor has anything much to do with the fact that she's b!tchy to everyone else, outside of perhaps stroking his ego that he must be something special to have her act differently toward him. In fact, he's probably put blinders on about her behavior toward others (I hope not) and it doesn't bother him as much as it really should.

Sounds to me like he doesn't "need" women and if sufficient amounts come to him, then he doesn't have need to initiate. He has in mind what he likes and accepts nothing less, and I can't see anything wrong with that either unless he never lands anyone at all because of it, but that doesn't sound like what's happening at all.

So the real question for me would be, why do YOU get frustrated about what HE'S doing when it apparently doesn't bother him in the least and he's getting women?

 

[ketostix]

My guess is he is a Cluster C - Avoidant. I've seen this exact buffer before.

I think you are on to something here.

To add to this avoidant, I called him at 11pm to see if he was going out tonight. I got voicemail and leave him a message. I was planning on going to the same bar I've posted on about the d!ckhead manager and so don't want to be seen there alone. He calls me at 12:30 wondering if I'm out.

>> He's told me that he likes a girl who is a b!tch to everyone else except him. I can't quiet put my finger on it but this is some kind of AFC convention or buffer I'm sure. >>

Maybe I didn't make this clear at first but I did clear it up later in thsi thread. He doesn't like a particular girl, I meant he likes this type of girls. You are totally miscomprehending this situation.

I think you're making a connection that most probably hasn't anything to do with why he's attracted to her. People are complex and do things for reasons that aren't obvious or don't make sense to others, and I think you're making a causal connection here.

I would think the fact that she's nice to him plays a much bigger factor in his liking her, as we tend to favor people who like us. I don't think the factor has anything much to do with the fact that she's b!tchy to everyone else, outside of perhaps stroking his ego that he must be something special to have her act differently toward him. In fact, he's probably put blinders on about her behavior toward others (I hope not) and it doesn't bother him as much as it really should.

No there is no actual girl. He told me his type of girl, "Is a girl who is a b1tch to everyone else but me.". I thought I made this all clear by now that this thread was about his type. so your analysis here is way off.

Sounds to me like he doesn't "need" women and if sufficient amounts come to him, then he doesn't have need to initiate. He has in mind what he likes and accepts nothing less, and I can't see anything wrong with that either unless he never lands anyone at all because of it, but that doesn't sound like what's happening at all.

Assumptions. As I said before he doesn't have any girls. He goes to the bar almost every night and does nothing.

So the real question for me would be, why do YOU get frustrated about what HE'S doing when it apparently doesn't bother him in the least and he's getting women?

why do you keep assuming he gets women? I thought I made it clear in this thread he goes out every night and doesn't do anything. Why do I care? Because what he does drags me down as a wing and makes no sense for him either to go out and accomplish nothing.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Your friend suffers from a very common AFC malady; he's what I call "pre-whipped". One unfortunate result of the constant feminization conditioning over the course of an AFC's life is that they tend to retain idealizations of what their "dream girl" should be and how she will be treated before they even encounter a girl that marginally fits the description. Think of it in terms of preemptively "pedestaling" a girl that an AFC has yet to meet.

This is one of the more insidious AFC mental schemas. It predisposes a guy to think that a woman will expect to be, and rightfully should be, in control of the frame from the outset of any LTR. Of course it's ultimately self-defeating, but the idea behind "pre-whipping" convention is to make the AFC expect to be whipped by any prospective GF he engages with before they meet.

Now, granted this may not exactly be where your friend is now, but he most certainly has idealization about "his kinda girl" and is displaying signs of being pre-whipped. He's already prepared to abdicate authority to this type of woman. I can think of at least 4 AFCs I've known who's wives domineer them and scold them worse than their children privately. However, since a woman's husband is a reflection on her character by association, these women were always ready to defend their husbands (often with open hostility) at the sign of the slightest insult.

You see, AFCism has two phases - the single AFC, and then the AFC in an LTR. Both share common characteristics and mental states, but each is facilitated differently. The single AFC prepares himself to be the LTR AFC.

 

[Aenigma]

Your friend suffers from a very common AFC malady; he's what I call "pre-whipped". One unfortunate result of the constant feminization conditioning over the course of an AFC's life is that they tend to retain idealizations of what their "dream girl" should be and how she will be treated before they even encounter a girl that marginally fits the description. Think of it in terms of preemptively "pedestaling" a girl that an AFC has yet to meet.

This is one of the more insidious AFC mental schemas. It predisposes a guy to think that a woman will expect to be, and rightfully should be, in control of the frame from the outset of any LTR. Of course it's ultimately self-defeating, but the idea behind "pre-whipping" convention is to make the AFC expect to be whipped by any prospective GF he engages with before they meet.

Now, granted this may not exactly be where your friend is now, but he most certainly has idealization about "his kinda girl" and is displaying signs of being pre-whipped. He's already prepared to abdicate authority to this type of woman. I can think of at least 4 AFCs I've known who's wives domineer them and scold them worse than their children privately. However, since a woman's husband is a reflection on her character by association, these women were always ready to defend their husbands (often with open hostility) at the sign of the slightest insult.

You see, AFCism has two phases - the single AFC, and then the AFC in an LTR. Both share common characteristics and mental states, but each is facilitated differently. The single AFC prepares himself to be the LTR AFC.

You're breaking this into two distinct phases of AFC Rollo- I'm going to have to disagree with you on that. The "phases" are not a progression of the AFC condition, in the sense of a pathological disease progressing in a diseased patient, rather they're the manifestation that the underlying psycho-philosophical mental foundations of the individual in question given the proper environmental stimuli.

The AFC hasn't signifigantly changed the psycho-philosophical foundations of his personality before and after meeting his "dream girl"- rather becoming whipped is the the exact behavior we would expect from an AFC upon meeting the "dream girl"- its the logical consequence of his psycho-philosophical programming.

Entering a "pre-whipped" or "whipped" mental state isn't what occurs to the the AFC- he is simultaneously both of these things because these mental states are not independent states- but the end result of the AFC program running its course. The state is caused by the environmental stiumli (having a girl or not) interacting with their base programming to produce that mental state and its accompanying behavior. To change the behavior one must change the underlying psycho-philosophical programming, which is a very difficult and time consuming task.

To put it simply- all AFC behavior is caused by the AFCs philosophical premises/programming and his individual psychological nature interacting with a given environmental stimuli. The AFC changing his behavior pre/post relationship is just the same programming running in a different situation- and it produces exactly the logical outcome that we would expect for that situation.

 

[penkitten]

i thought people were either a b itch or not a b itch.
sorta like all or nothing...

 

[ketostix]

Now, granted this may not exactly be where your friend is now, but he most certainly has idealization about "his kinda girl" and is displaying signs of being pre-whipped. He's already prepared to abdicate authority to this type of woman. I can think of at least 4 AFCs I've known who's wives domineer them and scold them worse than their children privately. However, since a woman's husband is a reflection on her character by association, these women were always ready to defend their husbands (often with open hostility) at the sign of the slightest insult.

Well I do find him sort of submissive towards women to a degree, but he also seems to see poor female behavior clearly and opposes it. I think he might be pre-whipped though. Although he says he wants a girl to be a b1tch to everyone but him, I think he wants a domineering woman and doesn't even realize she's being a b!tch to him as well.

 

[DJeasy]

I think that not enough is known about your friend to interpret his specific context.

For example, he might be attracted to assertiveness, with bítchiness being one class of such expression. He could certainly be a passive guy that has a need for dominant leadership. He could also be an assertive guy himself and have an unfulfilled need for companionship (though I doubt this from reading your other posts). He might even have adopted the image of bítchiness as an ideal character trait from some external source. He could be a recovering AFC.

Based on the other things he's attracted to, you can probably get some sense on why he finds bítchiness attractive. If he likes assertiveness, he'll probably like other expressions of it such as girls that can easily make up their mind when ordering and girls that aren't flaky. If he especially fears girls cheating on him, he'll probably like displays such as honesty and responsibility.