This guy is there all the time.

[Canadian Catnip]

I need some advice because I see something happening that goes against the DJ way.

It's all about being too available and giving them the gift of missing you.

I live about a half a block away from a tea shop where a lot of women hang out. There is a girl that works in there that I probably don't have a chance in hell of getting due to the age difference but I have observed another guy trying to get close to her. He is closer to her age.

So I see what this guy is doing and I wonder if it is working for him. I usually need to walk past this tea shop every day and when I do I see this guy in there every day all day.

He seems 20ish, perhaps a college student or something. He goes in there about 2 or 3 in the afternoon and stays until 7 or 8 p.m. at night. He sits at the bar and reads a book and occasionally chats with this girl that works there.

I picked this up because I am aware these days of what other guys are doing to attract women. I pay attention covertly to other guys when they are hitting on girls.

So I go in there about once a week but I walk past the shop several times every day and started to notice him sitting there just about a month ago. So he has been in there every day, sitting there for about 5 hours a day chatting with this girl.

I was wondering if this technique was working for him. I went in there last night and he was sitting at the bar and the girl that usually works there was sitting beside him showing him pictures on her laptop.

Several things crossed my mind.

First, no guy loves tea that much, I am certain the girls know that any guy that is in there that much is trying to pick them up or gain their trust.

Second, he seems kinda AFC to me, AFC body language and always, ALWAYS smiling.

Third, he seems to be getting closer to the girl that works there but I can't see how he is building attraction with her.

I went in there a week ago and there he was sitting at the counter, head down, reading his book and smiling. Who smiles as they read?

Anyway I chatted with the girl and she said the tea shop was having an open mike kind of music thing and told me it was going to be in a few days and that I should come. Then smiley guy says something about the open mike thing, like I'll be here or something stupid. and she replies, your here everyday.

But like I say, last night he is sitting beside her and she is showing him pictures or something on her laptop.

So I know it's none of my business what this guy does, but I was wondering if he is actually making progress with this girl? He is sitting beside her and she is nice to him.

Any opinions on this guys game, has anyone used this kind of approach on a girl and had it work. I call it the wear them down with your presents every day approach.

 

[JDA70]

If he ain't her friend then it sounds like he has
onitis. He's too available and she might not like that.

What you should be doing is not caring about what
he's doing and doing what you want to do and go
get her phone number.

I probably don't have a chance in hell of getting due to the age difference

How do you know if you don't give it a shot?
Don't listen to that voice in the back of your mind that
tells you stuff like" Just walk by, that guy is in there
and you have no chance" or " I'm too old for her,
she wouldn't go for me anyways."

 

[Canadian Catnip]

If he ain't her friend then it sounds like he has
onitis. He's too available and she might not like that.

What you should be doing is not caring about what
he's doing and doing what you want to do and go
get her phone number.



How do you know if you don't give it a shot?
Don't listen to that voice in the back of your mind that
tells you stuff like" Just walk by, that guy is in there
and you have no chance" or " I'm too old for her,
she wouldn't go for me anyways."

I have known this girl for some time now (about a year and a half) and I know I don't have a chance (I have her phone number, she has mine, We also have each others emails as well, nothing has come of it), that statement does not come from any part of me that tells me I can't. It comes from experience and reading people. So don't get me wrong when I say that. That was just an off handed comment on my part. Don't take it as me being negative. But if she gave me some sexual IOI's I would try to hit it.

What I am really interested in is how could this guy even think that going in there every day would lead to attraction.

Anyone else have bad results with being too available? As in seeing her every day.

 

[sav]

you sound like a stalker.. lol... i get freaked out by people like u...

 

[Canadian Catnip]

you sound like a stalker.. lol... i get freaked out by people like u...

WHAT! Me or him?

 

[sav]

WHAT! Me or him?

u.. you know all the times she works there.... all the times the dude is there.. you observe their interactions.. you know so much about him....

here's a tip: stop caring so much, find yourself some other girls... that'll stop you from obsessing.

 

[Midnight Carnival]

That's actually creepy. That other guy, I mean.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

u.. you know all the times she works there.... all the times the dude is there.. you observe their interactions.. you know so much about him....

here's a tip: stop caring so much, find yourself some other girls... that'll stop you from obsessing.

Well the shop is half a block from my apartment, there is a big window there and I look in whenever I walk by.

I am interested in learning about how to attract women. I happen to observe this guy over the last month sitting in there as I walk by the window.

It's not as creepy as you make it out to be. Lots of guys post on here about things they have seen other guys do.

I was just thinking to myself that this guy was so dedicated to sitting in there every day that I had to talk about it to someone. It's not something you can bring up to a coworker or a friend.

 

[fresh_to_death]

First, no guy loves tea that much, I am certain the girls know that any guy that is in there that much is trying to pick them up or gain their trust.

Second, he seems kinda AFC to me, AFC body language and always, ALWAYS smiling.

Third, he seems to be getting closer to the girl that works there but I can't see how he is building attraction with her.

Maybe, just maybe, tea girl likes nice guys and they just click.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

Maybe, just maybe, tea girl likes nice guys and they just click.

Well good for him, I guess he disproved the DJ paradigm.

 

[JDA70]

Ok well I didn't know about all that stuff about you having
the pone number and stuff as you see by my post.
For the record I was not trying to be a jerk or anything.
Just trying to help out.

What I am really interested in is how could this guy even think that going in there every day would lead to attraction.

AFC's are clingy so you draw you own conclusions.
That's all I got bro.

Anyone else have bad results with being too available? As in seeing her every day.

Tons of people.

============================
I got this off the web.

What Single Women Hate
Giving Up Your Status In Exchange For Her Attention And Approval.
Being Needy, Clingy, And Insecure.
Not Leading - And Even Worse, Trying To Get Her To Lead.
Using Insecure, Approval-Seeking, Low-Status Posture, Gestures, Voice Tone, And Body Language.
Not Understanding That She's A Woman And You're A Man.
Not Being Interesting To Be Around.
Not Understanding Attraction.
============================

So is she single?

 

[Canadian Catnip]

Ok well I didn't know about all that stuff about you having
the pone number and stuff as you see by my post.
For the record I was not trying to be a jerk or anything.
Just trying to help out.


So is she single?

No problem there man.

As for her, she has a boyfriend.

That post was not so much about her or me as about that guys behavior. I get the impression from the responses I have gotten so far that people are maybe missing the point.


Well I'm 44 and she is 22 and the fact that she has a boyfriend I don't in any way try to hit on her. I do try to test out my DJ skills on her and see what works.

So far I found that she loves the following, C&F, Humor, active disinterest, non-neediness, interesting stories, interesting hobbies and activities, travel stories. etc.

So I consider her a good friend that works in my neighborhood that I sometimes talk to. You know she asked me for my email and my number, I never asked her. Apparently one day she wanted my email because she wanted to send me something and another time she asked me for my cell number in case she wanted to call me sometime about something. We sometime email each other stuff.

The closest analogy I can think of for my post is if anyone say goes into a coffee shop every morning and gets a coffee and says hi to the girl in there. Maybe gets to talking to her and she calls you by name or whatever. ( I don't interact with her every day, I see her through the glass when I walk past, I only actually go in about once a week) Then one day you notice a guy sitting in there all day, then after about a month of noticing the guy in there all the time you start to wonder what he is up too.

It ain't obsession over her on my part, more of a friendly concern and curiosity over what this guy is up to. More of a thought experiment on my part. What's this guy up to? I wonder? Hmmmm?

I know she doesn't have a choice of who goes in the shop or how often.

Perhaps I should ask her whats up with that guy? But you know it's really none of my business except for being curious.

 

[Hero]

maybe that guy is her bf; have you meet her bf before?

 

[JDA70]

Only he truely knows why.

Perhaps I should ask her whats up with that guy? But you know it's really none of my business except for being curious.

It's a coffee shop right?

Say something like...Hey I'm curious about something.
What's up with that dude that's in here all the time?
Is he addicted to coffee or something?

If she say" why do you ask?"

Say simple your looking out for her as a friend.

I really don't know what else to tell you.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

maybe that guy is her bf; have you meet her bf before?

Good one, I never thought of that!!!

Yes I have met her boyfriend and it's not the same guy.

 

[jesusrules]

Go one, I never thought of that!!!

Yes I have met her boyfriend and it's not the same guy.

so then she is taken? move on man, she might be hot but you said she has a b/f if im reading that right.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

so then she is taken? move on man, she might be hot but you said she has a b/f if im reading that right.

WOW, Don't you people even read what these posts are about before you reply to them.

 

[Interceptor]

I think He is HER male "girl" friend.


It's so fvcking sad, man.

I know guys like that.
Wasting their lives "befriending" "girls". Hoping, wishing, praying that she'll "like him".
And he doesn't want to "offend" her, by being masculine and sexual, and flirtatious. He 'respects" her too much for any of that "nonsense".
They guy is alwasy there, hoping that she'll one day miraculously say" Oh , you're my Prince Charming!"



Jesus, this guy has no clue. Man, seriously, I don't even want to think about this anymore.....

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I think He is HER male "girl" friend.


It's so fvcking sad, man.

I know guys like that.
Wasting their lives "befriending" "girls". Hoping, wishing, praying that she'll "like him".
And he doesn't want to "offend" her, by being masculine and sexual, and flirtatious. He 'respects" her too much for any of that "nonsense".
They guy is alwasy there, hoping that she'll one day miraculously say" Oh , you're my Prince Charming!"



Jesus, this guy has no clue. Man, seriously, I don't even want to think about this anymore.....

I know a guy like that. The most sad part is that she makes fun of him behind his back but to his face she is very nice. The poor fool is in love with her but never has balls to make a move. And if he somehow did make a move he would be rejected harshly. Wasting his life being her "friend" probably loses sleep every night over her.

 

[Dongfu]

First of all, alot of you guys ae making assumptions about the guy in the tea shop, his connection to the girl, and his purpose for being there, including the thread started.

He could be gay, he could have a gf, they could be cousins, whatever. Maybe he already tried to game her, and she said no, so they decided to be freinds anyway. Hmmm, that would be strange. I could go on.

Poster, firstly I didnt get a strong stalker vibe from you. As long as you are really just looking in as you pass by fo a reason. If you're reason fo passing by is to check in, that's another thing.

What you are doing, according to my book is what I call a P.A.P.I (pro-active perferal investigation) It seems like stalking, but it is used for the purpose of gatheing intellegence. The important thing for you to do now is analyze the data you have collected, and make a descision if you will persue her.

Otherwise, forget about her and the guy. He is not preoceeding very well if he is tying to get her. So dont follow his example. That's all you really need to know.

Lastly, my feeling is that may be a little obsessed with this girl, and if so, you are creating a whole story about this guy in your head, because he stands between you and her. Bypass this goon make a move or move on.