This forum needs a reality check

[Maxtro]

It's the same threads over and over and over again. And of course that one topic people like to talk about that will also never end. So to the guys that are resigned to their fate of failing with women, fine. Go to a WoW forum or collect marbles. Don't come here.

I mean, when are we going to see threads like "Man, I accidently double booked two dates for the same night, what should I do?" Or "She's suspicious because girls keep calling my phone."

This very thread gets made every six months.

"The forum quality is going down. It was so much better in the past."

No it was like this a year ago, two years ago etc.

 

[Kal0051]

And it should be noted that I think it is healthy for men who have struggled with women in their past to go through a women hating phase before becoming a respectable man.

I'll say that it's quite understandable that if a guy struggled with women all his life that he'd carry some form of resentment towards them. I know most of you guys had some success with women before coming here, maybe a couple of girlfriends, some ONS, etc. You just felt you should be having more success and came here to try and find out how to make that happen. However some of us (like myself) have never had any kind of success with women. At least you myself I know that I resent women, it's mostly just a result of my past experiences. It's very difficult to just give up this deep seated resentment, which is why I think it's disrespectful when some guys ***** about other guys resenting women. Put yourselves in our shoes, would you like some guy coming up to you and *****ing that you hate women and that all your failures with women were solely your fault. The best way to make guys improve their outlook is to help them build up their confidence, self-esteem, and to help them put the past behind them (which ever their problem is, I will admit the last one is the hardest). Insulting guys, telling them that they are the problem, that they are the reason women treat them badly does not help, it actually does more harm than good. That sort of "tough love" is fine if your there to pick them back up, to get them to go out and get back on that horse. But how are you gonna do that on a message board? Guys aren't gonna just go out in their own and continue to try after you've successfully destroyed any self esteem they had. It's just something to think about. If you don't have anything constructive to say don't say anything at all.

 

[SandHawk]

I'll say that it's quite understandable that if a guy struggled with women all his life that he'd carry some form of resentment towards them... However some of us (like myself) have never had any kind of success with women.

You see, this is exactly where the fault lies. You blame the women for your own inadequacies. You(or the guys we're talking about in general) hate women, because they do not accept you for you who are, what you represent. You act in a certain way around other human beings and DEMAND that these people accept you for it.

And that is exactly where it goes wrong. Human society is built around tribalism, with various social interaction and behavioral patterns that all members must follow. Just like we shake hands in western society, it is accepted to bow in eastern culture as a greet. People who deviate from these social patterns are not immediately placed outside the tribe because that would stagnate development but will be perceived differently. Sometimes, this gains them extra status or makes them more interesting/valuable to the tribe. Example: In Dutch culture it is the norm to kiss (females) three times on the cheeks when greeting them. I only give one, which makes all the girls look weird and want more. It places me outside the accepted norm in a positive way, because I jump out, but this is only temporary.

However, more often this behavior will negate their position in the tribe because their behavior isn't slightly deviant from the accepted norm but intensely deviant or goes completely against the norm. People who cling to other people by being creepy touchy, giving them weird looks from a distance without approaching and greeting, make strange remarks and the like. Example: I was drinking a beer in a student bar I used to be barkeeper, and one of the guys who hung out there regularly saw the girl, gave her this rapist look(really, there is no other way to describe it) and the moment he saw me leave the bar for a toilet break, he just RAN up to her and attempted fluff talk and touch her. Everyone thinks he's odd and avoids him, and girls even more so because he constantly tries to kiss them.

The guys who blame ALL their mistakes on the women don't really get that they're behaving differently than ALL the other men around them. It may be subtle body language, or it may be creepy remarks or the way they kino. I used to be one of them, until I had the balls to look at myself and accept that I was socially inept and change my ways.

If you place yourself outside society by behaving creepy or strangely compared to the rest of the people around you, do not blame society but yourself. The moment you blame the girls or everyone around you, you might as well join the "True Forced Loneliness" movement, a bunch of social rejects who demand that they be accepted for who they are. If you don't want to, you'll have to start *all* over. Get a friend to get a hidden camera and film whatever you're doing. Make sure that it's possible to hear both the girl and yourself in the conversation too, and then afterward, watch it and see what happens. Compare your video to other people who might have success. Learn to understand what you are doing. Become aware of what you are doing while you're doing it and what impact it has on the person you're speaking with. And start with small steps.

Weird idea, never tried it: You could approach a girl, do your thing, and halfway through, whip out a note block, say you're doing a little research on human behavior and ask if she thought the behavior was odd or deviant. Make sure your introduction is something along the lines of "We came up with a certain character that I am roleplaying", make notes about what she says, and use that to improve yourself. However, I have no clue how that comes off, and I'd probably be creeped out

 

[HeyPachuco!]

Morale is extremely low around here! We need Victory Unlimited's higher headquarters commands LOL.

No, but seriously morale is low, it has to happen every so often. This is a battle to see who actually goes out and is persistant and those that never take advice and are defeated. Before I knew anything about "Game", there were phases on this forum of low and high morale, High morale, I believe vets call it the "Golden Age".

Just another re-run, an on-and-off campaign of AFCism/Defeatism Vs Don Juanism/Potential - Phase 1 of 2010.

 

[Farfetched]

Also there are a lot of guys who are in the 20% who just lurk and pick up good tips, read the DJ bible ...etc without having to ask questions at all, theres probably more than we think

Exactly.

A point in case: myself. I found this site around 6 weeks ago and didn't make an account on the forums until recently since I could access the Bible without getting involved in measly forum fights. The only reason I did make an account was so I could subscribe (-->bookmark) good threads in case I need them for reference.

At the end of the day, the stuff in the bible is not rocket science. In fact, steps are spelled out clearly, we're only asked to act. At the end of the day, the only problems related to theory are variations of more general problems, problems to which we already have answers in the bible/tips.

 

[tincanman99]

Look it basically comes down to this, you can choose to view an event, whatever in a positive way or a negative way. The proverbial glass is 1/2 full or 1/2 empty.

Sure, I am not a star towards women but I dont hate them. I dont blame them for what I am. Do I get in a funk every now and than and dislike what goes on, sure everyone does. But I also remember nothing is permanent.

But that being said I do believe that you can make changes in your life and grow from it. If there is something that isnt working its up to you to step to it and fix it. Nobody can do it for you.

You ever heard this: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I have been through some bad sh*t in my life like multiple layoffs, people that are close to me dying, offshoring my job to Asia. Did I crawl up into a ball and sit in a corner saying woe is me? Heck no.

There are a lot of negative threads at times. Change your attitude and you will change you.

 

[bugboy]

I'm heavyly agreeing with the original poster...

There loads of it going on. I think the 20% should start their own blogs and invite friends, it's a good way to start and drive out the 80% to another part of the Internet.