This.. F*cking.. Sucks..

[Korrupt]

First off, I got my heart broken by a girl I had been dating for a while. Now I've finally gotten back into the dating scene and I'm having a sh!t time. A REAL sh*t time.

Went out with one girl and it was a really average date. Well, closer to bad. She checked her phone too damn much and we just didn't "click." Hit her up a few days after for the f*ck of it - no response (as expected).

Went on another date and the girl was constantly checking her phone, and even went to the bathroom twice to answer calls (one being from her mother). When the bill came I put $3 down for my drinks and when she realized I wasn't paying for her she got pissed and got up and left without paying. Had to talk to the manager and give him our names and numbers so he could charge her with "theft of service."

Third date I've gone on went well. Really well. Awesome, actually. We connected, shared a lot of laughs, I was attracted to her, and we even kissed/made out at the end of the date. After the date I felt damn good. Didn't last long though. I hit her up a few days after the date about going out again, and received nothing back. This is really the one that f*cked me up (well, other than the whole girl I was in love with crushing me). Mainly because I've never had the situation before. I mean, I've had dates where the girl rejected my kiss and I was just like "well this isn't gonna go anywhere.." But I just don't understand how the f*ck you can have an awesome date, and even kiss at the end of the date, completely sober and willingly, then the girl ignores you.

I was actually starting to date my friends sister too - a beautiful girl with a great head on her shoulders. I was supposed to see her tomorrow, but she literally JUST called me up and told me she isn't ready to date anyone because of a bad break-up (that I wasn't even aware of). Pretty much all I said was "okay, it's cool" and "I understand." But to be honest, that coupled with the other bullsh!t I'm having is really, really disappointing.

On top of all this garbage, school's starting back up so I have THAT added stress as well.

 

[Griever114]

Stop dating, go to the gym to vent your frustrations.. TAKE A BREAK.

if you go into this half c#cked you will just make things worse. work on yourself till the bad juju subsides.

 

[MisterD]

Sorry to hear about the breakup. Good to see it didn't cripple you and you were still able to go on other dates.

Don't underestimate the power of positive energy. A lot of us go through waves, we'll have the attention/interest of tons of chicks, and then go cold. It happens. When you go into dates, don't expect anything to happen. Check your brain at the door. In your logical mind, you think "we had a great date, we made out, surely she's interested and I'll be seeing her again soon".

Doesn't happen bro. Logic is thrown out the door in these cases. Just gotta roll with the punches. Just go into it with a positive, open mind of whatever happens happens.

And don't be down about school, I start up next week as well and can't wait for this vacation to be over. It's a great outlet to meet more girls.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

All about the positive energy and encouragement, but to me its clear that the OP is phucking up somewhere on that first date. The girls are clearly interested prior to that and somewhere between the first date starting and ending, they are losing interest.

Tough to say exactly where the disconnect is happening without more detail from the date.

What did you guys talk about, was there kino, did she seem flirty etc etc. Or perhaps you pushed to fast, didn't escalate enough.... give us more detail about these dates. Seems like going out for drinks is your first date set up. If your not good at leading and directing the conversation, your not going to get anywhere with these girls.

Let us know how these dates unfold and we can give you more specific advice.







PIMP

 

[McMotherLover]

You gave a manager of a place you took the girl on a date to her phone number? Cause you were too cheap to pay her 5 or 10 bucks? What a douche...... Maybe that's your problem......

 

[Korrupt]

All about the positive energy and encouragement, but to me its clear that the OP is phucking up somewhere on that first date. The girls are clearly interested prior to that and somewhere between the first date starting and ending, they are losing interest.

Tough to say exactly where the disconnect is happening without more detail from the date.

What did you guys talk about, was there kino, did she seem flirty etc etc. Or perhaps you pushed to fast, didn't escalate enough.... give us more detail about these dates. Seems like going out for drinks is your first date set up. If your not good at leading and directing the conversation, your not going to get anywhere with these girls.

Let us know how these dates unfold and we can give you more specific advice.







PIMP

Going to be honest.. I met the first three girls on PoF - as well as many others. So whenever I've had a not-so-great date, I've chalked it up as "we just didn't connect," which I DO believe is at least partially true. I also have a severe problem with over-analyzation and if I don't understand something, I get obsessed with it. Just putting that out there.

I'm not a great talker or story-teller. I used to be REALLY shy and introverted, but eventually broke out of my shell. The thing is, I'm still not a big, charismatic talker. I'm good at adding to conversations, teasing, and throwing jokes around, but I'm not one dominate a conversation.

the first couple girls seemed like b!tches to me anyways. Neither stayed away from their phones, and the first one wouldn't even hold eye contact. Her eyes were constantly darting around the room instead of looking at me. The second girl said "you seem really serious" to me at some point. Yes, I was smiling. Dunno about the conversation. I mean, they weren't only first dates, but also first meets, so I was basically trying to get to know them.

 

[Robert28]

You gave a manager of a place you took the girl on a date to her phone number? Cause you were too cheap to pay her 5 or 10 bucks? What a douche...... Maybe that's your problem......

so what, I would have done the same thing. I even took it one step further. I stuck a girl with a $70 dinner bill because all she talked about was her ex and she let slip that she wasn't interested in me. I excused myself to the bathroom and kept on walking. you think I'm going to pay for her? hell no! you can either be a white knight and kiss every woman's @$$ or you can have respect for yourself and realize there's stuff you'll tolerate and stuff you won't.

 

[Robert28]

First off, I got my heart broken by a girl I had been dating for a while. Now I've finally gotten back into the dating scene and I'm having a sh!t time. A REAL sh*t time.

Went out with one girl and it was a really average date. Well, closer to bad. She checked her phone too damn much and we just didn't "click." Hit her up a few days after for the f*ck of it - no response (as expected).

Went on another date and the girl was constantly checking her phone, and even went to the bathroom twice to answer calls (one being from her mother). When the bill came I put $3 down for my drinks and when she realized I wasn't paying for her she got pissed and got up and left without paying. Had to talk to the manager and give him our names and numbers so he could charge her with "theft of service."

Third date I've gone on went well. Really well. Awesome, actually. We connected, shared a lot of laughs, I was attracted to her, and we even kissed/made out at the end of the date. After the date I felt damn good. Didn't last long though. I hit her up a few days after the date about going out again, and received nothing back. This is really the one that f*cked me up (well, other than the whole girl I was in love with crushing me). Mainly because I've never had the situation before. I mean, I've had dates where the girl rejected my kiss and I was just like "well this isn't gonna go anywhere.." But I just don't understand how the f*ck you can have an awesome date, and even kiss at the end of the date, completely sober and willingly, then the girl ignores you.

I was actually starting to date my friends sister too - a beautiful girl with a great head on her shoulders. I was supposed to see her tomorrow, but she literally JUST called me up and told me she isn't ready to date anyone because of a bad break-up (that I wasn't even aware of). Pretty much all I said was "okay, it's cool" and "I understand." But to be honest, that coupled with the other bullsh!t I'm having is really, really disappointing.

On top of all this garbage, school's starting back up so I have THAT added stress as well.

:rockon: :crackup:

 

[Serg897]

Went on another date and the girl was constantly checking her phone, and even went to the bathroom twice to answer calls (one being from her mother). When the bill came I put $3 down for my drinks and when she realized I wasn't paying for her she got pissed and got up and left without paying. Had to talk to the manager and give him our names and numbers so he could charge her with "theft of service."

This is garbage. Not a woman you want to be with at all - well played.

 

[Jariel]

Part of your problem could be the girls you're meeting via POF. I've always been a big advocate of that site and had some amazing dates from it, but the problem with net dating is that women have guys throwing themselves at them. One girl I dated showed me her POF account and she had literally received 108 messages within 2 hours of us sitting there.

When women have those kinds of options open to them, they start to get very picky. They stop looking for a good guy who they get on with and find attractive, they look for a guy who fits every need...must have a red car, house in x or y area, facial hair, exactly 3 tattoos...ok I'm exaggerating a bit, but these girls will disqualify a guy over the slightest incompatibility.

It's much like the job market during the recession where employers can take their pick and turn away anyone who doesn't match up exactly.

I must admit, I do have a lot of success from POF and when I really think about it, I'm quite amazed at how I've managed to beat those odds. But then I realise that I'm connecting with these women in a unique way and my aim is to make them feel special. Of course, majority of them flake before we even trade numbers and some dates just don't click at all, but then others go just amazingly well.

The best attitude is to go into each encounter with a plan to enjoy it as a one off experience. If it clicks or you get laid, then that's great. If not, then put it down to a learning experience. Even though it sucks to be rejected, it will toughen you up.

Just last week I went on a date with a hot girl from POF. I thought it was going well, but when I went to kiss her at the end of the night she turned her cheek at the last minute. A year ago I would've been gutted and really down about it, but that night it didn't faze me. I just shrugged my shoulders and headed home to play some video games.

I've had amazing dates where we've had sex and spent the night cuddled up together in a warm and fuzzy daze, only to be rejected a day or two later. That hurts and confuses me like crazy, but I no longer get caught in that web of begging or strategising to win her back because my experience tells me to just let it go and move on.

Just keep going, keep learning and keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Enjoy the good times and suck up the rejections and you'll be a sucessful player in no time.

This is garbage. Not a woman you want to be with at all - well played.

I echo this! I'm glad to see you stood your ground!

 

[MM92]

Agree about the positive energy thing. Just relax and enjoy dating, it should be fun and more learning experience. Plus, you can't win them all.

 

[topcat2001]

Happens all the time even after they sleep with you. She probably had other options. Check out this post
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=191182

 

[floydb25]

Sounds like they're not that into you. Sorry, it hurts, its not fair... But that's the way it is. Gotta just keep dating more and more people until you find an actual match. It's by no means easy, and can frustrate you / make you feel not good enough, but you gotta keep pushing forward with your head up high. Don't become insecure and bitter, or you will fail even more, and become even more frustrated / angry. Just keep trying, but not too hard (in the pushy / desperation sense).

Think about all the people out there... How many are you good friends with? Exactly... Finding a good match in dating is just as hard as finding a really great friend that you like. Theres a lot of people you aren't compatible with. Looks alone doesn't determine much.

Also, just because someone has fun on a date - doesn't mean they're interested in more. One date means nothing whatsoever. People lose interest all the time - even when things seem to be going well. Remember: you are not them; your feelings aren't the same. Never assume anything, and don't have any expectations. Don't try too hard to find someone, either. It shows when you do.

Stop using POF, too. Don't go to clubs. If you dig in a garbage can - all you will find is trash. Look for quality women, and your chances will improve greatly.

 

[In10se]

I definitely would not tolerate the texting thing, as soon as I noticed it I would say, hey listen I'm here to get to know you, lets put the texting on hold for an hour.

If she can't do that then there is a severe lapse in interest to begin with...some girls are addicted to their phones especially here on long island, but even they stop when I tell them they are being rude...I would've walked away if she continued with that nonsense.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Korrupt,

I have had three or four dates (each with different girls) over the last few months where the entire date is laughter, fun, insightful at times -- basically a very, very good date where you can't ask for more. In each one I went for the kiss close and it was reciprocated. And yet, surprisingly, they were all one and done. What the ****, right?

Here is the deal: it is up to you to lead the date -- to make it full of fun and laughter, banter, etc. If you do that the girl will most likely kiss you if you are a man and go for the kiss (she will NOT initiate it). Keep in mind that many, maybe most, guys are wusses on a first date and don't go for the kiss close. They come up with all sorts of excuses but no matter -- they FAIL. If a girl had a good time on a first date but isn't sexually attracted to you during it she will use the kiss to determine whether there is a physical spark. She knows you are funny and that she had fun -- which she absolutely wants in a guy who is also good looking to her -- but she doesn't know if she wants to get naked with you. She's getting the personality part of the equation from you and is trying to figure out, maybe hoping, that she doesn't need the physical attraction. With the kiss she will know. Unfortunately, in most cases, if she wasn't sexually aroused by you during the date, the kiss is unlikely to do so. She isn't into you physically. It doesn't matter why, it simply is what it is. And all that crap that women say about wanting a guy who makes her laugh -- well, they mean they want a guy who they find physically attractive that can make them laugh...

Yes, it sucks to have a great date with a kiss close and then get excuses or silence afterwards. All you can do is move on to the next one. I've been there and am there right now too, unfortunately. It's demoralizing but you'll get over it.

DJbe

 

[drak_ool]

I think your main problem here is overanalyzing. I've seen a few guys with great approach game completely FVCK UP the later stages because they second-guess their every move.

You just gotta take a big step backward and look at the bigger picture. What are you trying to accomplish? get another gf right away (big mistake in my view) or fvck as many women as you can? If you go with option 2, it's a numbers' game. 4 failed dates is not nearly enough. Come back here after 40. Of course, what you do during the date could also be a problem, but you said at least one of them went well. So don't overanalyze it! The 2 txting bytches seemed like a lost cause from the beginning so what are you worrying about?

The other thing is that you need to take girls' flakiness into account. My approach is to treat any future date as "tentative", and have something planned out in case the girl pulls a last minute flake. In the past, even in situations where I would have bet my house a girl would show up, because we had great connection, etc., I've been disappointed again and again. No big deal, lesson learned. Nowadays, until I see the girl right there in front of me, I keep my plan B open. Whether it's watching a movie I've meant to see for a while, hanging out with the boys at a bar for a ball game or, the best of the best, another date!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Going to be honest.. I met the first three girls on PoF - as well as many others. So whenever I've had a not-so-great date, I've chalked it up as "we just didn't connect," which I DO believe is at least partially true. I also have a severe problem with over-analyzation and if I don't understand something, I get obsessed with it. Just putting that out there.

I'm not a great talker or story-teller. I used to be REALLY shy and introverted, but eventually broke out of my shell. The thing is, I'm still not a big, charismatic talker. I'm good at adding to conversations, teasing, and throwing jokes around, but I'm not one dominate a conversation.

the first couple girls seemed like b!tches to me anyways. Neither stayed away from their phones, and the first one wouldn't even hold eye contact. Her eyes were constantly darting around the room instead of looking at me. The second girl said "you seem really serious" to me at some point. Yes, I was smiling. Dunno about the conversation. I mean, they weren't only first dates, but also first meets, so I was basically trying to get to know them.

Ahhh now the picture is getting a bit clearer. Why would you take these girls out for drinks when you know your not great at conversing? I'd fall back to something more activity driven. That way you two are both focused on the activity and you can add in a witty statement here and there while having fun and getting to know her at the same time.

You can look the part, but if you bore a girl you won't be getting anywhere. Couple that with the fact your meeting them off a dating site, and its easy to see why your getting blown out sometimes. How much rapport are you building with these girls before meeting up?







PIMP

 

[Korrupt]

I think your main problem here is overanalyzing.

Yyyyyyep.

You just gotta take a big step backward and look at the bigger picture. What are you trying to accomplish? get another gf right away (big mistake in my view) or fvck as many women as you can? If you go with option 2, it's a numbers' game. 4 failed dates is not nearly enough. Come back here after 40. Of course, what you do during the date could also be a problem, but you said at least one of them went well. So don't overanalyze it! The 2 txting bytches seemed like a lost cause from the beginning so what are you worrying about?

I'm not actively seeking anything in particular to be honest.

The other thing is that you need to take girls' flakiness into account. My approach is to treat any future date as "tentative", and have something planned out in case the girl pulls a last minute flake. In the past, even in situations where I would have bet my house a girl would show up, because we had great connection, etc., I've been disappointed again and again. No big deal, lesson learned. Nowadays, until I see the girl right there in front of me, I keep my plan B open. Whether it's watching a movie I've meant to see for a while, hanging out with the boys at a bar for a ball game or, the best of the best, another date!

Yeah, after I schedule a date I usually go into it with the attitude of "it's not gonna happen till it's happening."

How much rapport are you building with these girls before meeting up?

Ha.. Hardly any. I try to get them from the site to in-person ASAP.

Also, friends sister ended up calling me again yesterday morning saying she had thought about it and still wanted us to hang out, but take it slow. Had nothing else planned for the night so I saw her and had a good time. Spent the night last night and then most of the day today at her place due to snow. Slightly awkward because her entire family was at the house - including her brother, a good friend of mine. Couldn't even kiss her till like 7pm tonight because they were literally constantly around us.

 

[Korrupt]

Double post.

 

[runner83]

I don't use it at the moment, but a couple of years back, the chicks I had the best success with online dating (including POF) were those who added me (excluding the fat / ugly ones who I didn't want anything to do with).

At times, I'd have quite literally 10 chicks within a week contact me.

I know this doesn't happen for all guys, but all I can suggest is to improve your profile and pics as best as you can, so that chicks want to contact you.

And focus your efforts on other avenues where you can judge interest from the get go.