this board lost me my girlfriend.

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
What i got about a month ago was "i feel like i don't know the real you" then i was like yeah i did too much of just following "the rules" instead of going with what i really wanted to do... by then i'd already killed her feeling and today she was just like "well we tried and you have been better lately but the feeling i originally had is lost and i can't get through that mental block."

I've been in exactly your position. You should understand that there isn't much good info here on how to keep a girl. There's one post in the bible I think, and the rest are just tips and tactics. Understand that women need emotional support in a LTR and you have to give it to them. That's all they care about. Emotional support, emotional support, emotional support... They couldn't give a sh*t about anything else.

 

[SamMalone]

A lot of these rules aren't universal. I can't believe some don't realise that. If you already have a girlfriend the best thing to do is forget ****y/funny ect and just focus on your inner game.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by frivolousz21


the way i see it is, you need to set the frame and be more challening, basically you know when you're heading down the wrong path if she is handing out the tests and you have to try and pass them, this requires a lot of tact and ultimately experience to deal with these situations

but the thing is if you control the frame and be the one who tests and challenges her, then she'll be too busy trying to deal with the tests that you give her to be sending anything back your way


the best way to do this in my opinion is to always seem like your busy, use time constraints when you speak to her on the phone, set limits to when you are willing to get together and for how long, even if your doing nothing, pretend that you are doing something wickedly fun so she feels like she is missing out, don't always return phone calls straight away, stuff like that, eventually she will get obsessed and be chasing you and that's when you know you are in control of the frame

as far as the text messages go, that was the perfect time to use ****y funny and show her that you're a cool funny busy guy who is unaffected by her tests

Man, listen to yourself. It's not that complicated.

The act of being challenge was a downfall. "You never called me." It translated into something like "you don't care." She literally thought when she started to break up with me that i would shrug it off and not care too much. How do you think that makes me feel? The girl i love thinks i'm a cold hearted bastard? It doesn't make me a "cool collected guy." It makes me a sucker.

I'd be busy naturally and not call. Or not txt back meanwhile she's thinking I don't give a damn enough to make a 5 minute call to say "hey how was your day? sleep well!" That would have meant the world to her and I didn't do it. Sometimes in the name of "hey i see her a lot already. she knows how i feel" or "i don't want to seem like the overbearing burden of a guy. i'll be a bit of a challenge instead." But you know what? She wanted me to be a burden and she didn't know i cared. Assuming things sucks. Being 'challenging' isn't fit for a relationship as well as people make it seem. I WOULDN'T PUT DOWN MY VIDEO GAME LONG ENOUGH TO CALL AND TELL MY GF GOOD NIGHT once in a while. "oh she knows..." No she doesn't.


Doing that kind of stuff on *purpose* just doesn't seem the way to go in a relationship. It's bullsh1t really. It's too much effort and ineffective. It's all well and good the cat and mouse games to start out a light hearted relationship... i was aware of it before i even read this board.

If you're with a woman for almost a year how does desperation come into play? You're so scared of looking desperate that instead you make it seem like you don't care and the whole communication issue slowly destroys the relationship? No thanks. I love my girlfriend and she's going to know. Just being a man and her knowing there's a line she don't dare cross should be enough without you having to actively think about it I think. I've taken being man into the context of being some emotionless statue incapable of being affected. Wrong wrong wrong.

Her big complaint now is "we were just too hot,cold,hot,cold,hot,cold." She was insane about me (her best friend said she raved about me and how i was so different from other guys) and me pulling away and 'playing' the cool guy (aka stop being myself and doing what i naturally do) sometimes made her feel like "wtf?" not "ohhhh he's cool i wanna chase him!" She went from really happy and in love to "oh he doesn't give a damn. i wonder if he's cheating. i'm really sad." You need more of a hot,warm,hot,warm relationship probably... more gentle of a rollercoaster instead of the one with the huge mountains and dips. A little bit of challenge not this elusive rabbit crap.

A little while back i started to realize my mistakes but then if i did or said something nice she said it seemed out of character and insincere... that i was doing it because it's what she wanted not because that's who i am. I was back to doing what i always wanted to do in the first place and i'm being told it's not who i am. It's like i was a big lie.

I managed to change my core personality to something worse than i started with. Don't change who you are. I used to be one of those romantics but i don't think i ever overdid it. I went from surprises with exgfs... big talking Tigger dolls seat belted into the front seat of her car when she got in or random notes in her school notebook (things like that) to doing pretty much absolutely nothing romantic. Meh!!! No wonder she would think I didn't give a crap and would go hot-cold-hot-cold on me despite thinking i'm freakin awesome.

Someone asked why i ever read this board in the first place. I wanted to learn why i had 3 girlfriends in a row cheat on me. I learned some decent stuff from here but way too much of it is just fluff I feel.

I've learned from this.

--

This all assumes a well together smart woman... not this "hey she's a hb9 i wanna fuxor her" mentality that prevails here. I'm talking long lasting relationships.

 

[fyrefly]

you missed the point...of my post and what every PUA is about

your gf of seven months broke up with you

WHY THE **** DO YOU CARE

want it more simply

MOVE ON

YOU ARE THE PRIZE IF CHICKS DON'T WANT YOU FIND ONE THAT DOES

THERE IS NO FAILURE, NO LOSS, NO MISTAKES, EVERY FAILURE IS A BUILDING BLOCK OF MY PALACE.

YOU WANT TO BE A PUA, **** THAT, YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY, THEN GET A GRIP AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE BECAUSE WHAT STYLE PREACHES ABOUT MOST AND WHAT PEOPLE DON'T GET IS THAT YOU SHOULDN'T WHINE ABOUT WHATEVER SAD STORY YOU JUST CAME OUT OF, YOU SHOULD GET OFF YOUR WHINY ASS AND MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES, HAPPINESS IS PROGRESS, GO FIND A GIRL THAT WILL GO OUT WITH YOU FOR EIGHT MONTHS, AND THEN IF SHE LEAVES YOU, FIND ONE THAT WILL GO OUT WITH YOU FOR NINE MONTHS, DO YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS. FORGET ABOUT THE SEVEN MONTH GIRL, FORGET ABOUT BLAMING, FORGET ABOUT EXCUSES, FORGET ABOUT ARGUING WITH ME AND ANY OTHER JACKASS ON THIS FORUM, GO OUT AND GET YOURSELF SOME HAPPINESS.

LIFE IS TOO ****ING SHORT FOR THIS CRAP.



poster may be under the influence of booze

edit: hey mods i don't know if this over the line or not, please tell me if it is and i'll edit it.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by fyrefly
you missed the point...of my post and what every PUA is about

your gf of seven months broke up with you

WHY THE **** DO YOU CARE

want it more simply

MOVE ON

Do you really want to be a pick up artist? It just sounds lame.

I never wanted to be. I want relationships. I thought the whole point of this board was bettering yourself, not posting about your learning experience so other people don't have to suffer as you have and then getting some chest pumping guy spouting off.

All the stuff people preach on here hardly applies to relationships beyond the beginning.

I like how whenever someone disagrees with you you're labeled as missing the point or there's something wrong with you. I won't be sucked into your "omg AFC!!11!!" bull.

I haven't whined a bit. I'm not like boo hoo i lost my girlfriend. I'm taking it as a learning experience. Sure i'm hurt. Sure i'm sad. But i'm not all fallen to pieces. "why the fcuk do you care" is just insulting. I'm sure you're some robot that just follows his penis around to the next vagina without any feelings. We don't need lessons of "not giving a damn." I firmly believe that's never been the point of this site. There's other sites for that. Some of us have bigger goals.

And frivolous, best of luck to you. I just want to help. I've read what you've said about your current girlfriend since you started seeing her. Now's a good time to step back and examine what you're doing and learn from my mistakes. I wish I had done that a couple months ago.

 

[fyrefly]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
I used DJ principles and lost my 7 month girlfriend because of them.

WHINING.

the "not giving a damn part" is 100% true when dealing with somebody who won't love you for you, why accept second best?"

you can better yourself by stop blaming other things for a girl leaving you and find a girl that is less likely to leave you, it's not about pua, i thought i said that, it's about being happy, read my post properly before u reply again.

 

[Hanzo]

If you're with a girl in a happy LTR, i don't understand why you would change anything in the first place. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

It isn't the -site-.

The site itself purports nothing for nobody. And to each individual, it means something different. Even the variety of posters have different goals in mind, so you can't paint a broad stroke and say it was "the site" or a "philosophy."

It isn't.

MOST, of the posts, hail from different 'categories' of guys. Some are guys in HS looking to lay "little girls" who respond to trifling and weak tactics. Other's HOPE to tag a model, a real or fake 1.

Bottom line...it's all theory. Really. You can't explain why 1 thing works for 1 guy, and not the other; the world doesn't work that way.

There's a MORE basic underlying theme, and doing what it is that makes you happy, owning your own life, and being in a relationship that you're excited and interested in being in.

AFC.
PUA.
DJ.

...Are all B.S labels. To 1 guy, someone might be a PUA or DJ, to another, a DJ. Who cares? I don't care what anyone here thinks of my successes or failures, of the girls I date, or the life I live. I don't. I take what I like from the site, add what I feel and move on. Same as any guy should do. You don't want to get so wrapped up in this, or any site for that matter.

IN FACT, if there's 1 thing this site highlights, it's that NO RULES EXIST.

If you were happy in a relationship, why employ ANY tactic or rule?

If you weren't, talk to her. If she won't talk, walk. Why devote your time, caring, attention, resources, and life, to someone who should hold a lofty position, only to ACT like a total first class HOE.

To me, it's common sense, but if you warp it, and don't maintain the GUY SIDE equation, a woman will win. They use EMOTIONAL tactics, and in that realm nobody wins; don't let it go there.

Again, this isn't about GAINING anything. It's about your happiness and what you want. No man was born unto slavery under a woman, unless he chooses such a life. There's wisdom to be gained, but shame on you for falling for this as if it's word. And bond. I can't verify the guys on here, so I can't qualify their info. I like alot of the postings, and some of it's very inspiring. But don't ever do anything unless it's what you want to do.


A-Unit

 

[Tazman]

To me, it's common sense, but if you warp it, and don't maintain the GUY SIDE equation, a woman will win. They use EMOTIONAL tactics, and in that realm nobody wins; don't let it go there.

Fully agree. You say she was crazy about you and in love, so why did she lose interest after 7 months? Did you start out one way and change your behavior after 1 month, 2 days, 1 week, 3 months, etc? Don't let one girl's assessment of you make you totally change yourself to better suit her personality.

If your so-called "coldness" was that much of a turn off she wouldn't have been with you for as long as she was. Not only that, but after she told you what she thought about you, you went and changed for HER and she STILL wasn't satisfied, it was a big shot to your pride/ego/self-esteem.

I don't remember reading any rule or article that stated you shouldn't be romantic towards any woman, but do you really think that would've mattered?

 

[frivolousz21]

Fully agree. You say she was crazy about you and in love, so why did she lose interest after 7 months? Did you start out one way and change your behavior after 1 month, 2 days, 1 week, 3 months, etc? Don't let one girl's assessment of you make you totally change yourself to better suit her personality.

If your so-called "coldness" was that much of a turn off she wouldn't have been with you for as long as she was. Not only that, but after she told you what she thought about you, you went and changed for HER and she STILL wasn't satisfied, it was a big shot to your pride/ego/self-esteem.

I don't remember reading any rule or article that stated you shouldn't be romantic towards any woman, but do you really think that would've mattered?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I do agree with this....ive been with my girl for 7 months now.I can tell she is crazy in love with me...and ive pulled some stupid **** more then 1 time..and she didnt lose her feeelings..love doesnt dissapear..it takes yrs to break down that mental barrier.

this girl loved u on a conditional basis..not unconditional

 

[frivolousz21]

the worst I do..is if there is any HINT OF DIS respect..because of this site..I have been eager to call her out..and hurt her feelings..when she wasnt doing anything wrong..and It makes me forget to give 120 percent to her...

I will say that about this place..when I give her everything and she gives back..its amazing love..that I cant begin say how great it makes my life.

the key is to make it even.

 

[StringShredder]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
I used DJ principles and lost my 7 month girlfriend because of them.

...

Being yourself works for me. What i got about a month ago was "i feel like i don't know the real you" then i was like yeah i did too much of just following "the rules" instead of going with what i really wanted to do... by then i'd already killed her feeling and today she was just like "well we tried and you have been better lately but the feeling i originally had is lost and i can't get through that mental block."

It sounds like she challenged you and you caved in. "I feel like I don't know the real you" sounds very much like some kind of test. You caved in to her. That's what "You have been better lately" means.

You didn't actually tell her that you have been following rules??? You never reveal to a woman the inner system that you are following. You are just you. The source of your behavior is a mystery even to yourself; it's natural.

Don't blame the system for your own screwup here, man.

In all likelihood, you can thank the principles that you had her for a whole seven months.

 

[msg]

i've never really been in a long term relationship but i have definitely found this discussion to be worthwhile

nobody is going to know what really happened except for mrRuckus, all we can do is give our opinions based on our own experiences of what we think happened

sounds like a case of doing too much push and not enough pull, i would say that it's an issue of callibration, having enough of a connection with the girl to know when you should be pushing her away and when you should be pulling her in

anyways good luck with that, it's something i'm still trying to figure out for myself as well

 

[Tyron]

Most of the stuff posted here applies (most of the time) to the pick ups and first couple months. After that, when you're exclusive it's a different ball game although you should never be a wuss. Fall in love lightly, let go lightly.

 

[laffytaffygirl]

Apparently you folks are not listening to what he says nor yourselves. She fell inlove with him for who he was then when he started using these "dj" techniques on her it's obvious it's NOT him and his own gf could see it. She knew that it wasn't him hence why she said that she feels like it's not the real him. so he WAS himself and that's what she loved about him so she DID like him for the real him.

I totally agree with Tyron. These are used for single guys looking to get involved with a girl (mostly not entirely).

 

[Page]

Truly unfortunate. Perhaps you overdid all the DJ stuff.


You should start with it in full force and then gradually taper off as the relationship gets more serious. You should still keep some elements of being a challenge, but in tight moderation. Being too much of a challenge comes off as impartiality, which is what caused all of your problems.

 

[IS|Reinhart]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
I used DJ principles and lost my 7 month girlfriend because of them.

They don't always work is my lesson. They'll land you a smart girl to begin with but they surely don't keep her. I know you'll say I used them wrong but i'm sure if i didn't employ them at all i'd still have her. Being yourself works for me. What i got about a month ago was "i feel like i don't know the real you" then i was like yeah i did too much of just following "the rules" instead of going with what i really wanted to do... by then i'd already killed her feeling and today she was just like "well we tried and you have been better lately but the feeling i originally had is lost and i can't get through that mental block." The main mental block? Me being "mean" (really wasn't) when i thought she was being disrespectful towards me. She wouldn't get over that fact even though i hadn't done anything like that in months.

Trying my damn best not to be AFC over the break up.

I believe in just be yourself as long as you're not a complete chump now. Two girls in a row now i lost over almost the same reason when i had no trouble keeping them before. My main goal was help getting them in the first place but once they're interested and involved i think a lot of this is crap.

REREAD IT!!! It says ALL HERE well we tried and you have been better lately but the feeling i originally had is lost and i can't get through that mental block

She was implying that u were bbecoming better and she was losing control over u. THATS GOOD. now THINK! she was losing control over u because u were less AFC and AFC! SHE doesn;t need a MAN she needs a PUS SIE/WUSSIE that follows her around and does "nice" things, mean while she can cheat on u and fk other guys.
SHE IS A CHEATER man and not worth it FK HER!

 

[nonstop]

Someone asked why i ever read this board in the first place. I wanted to learn why i had 3 girlfriends in a row cheat on me. I learned some decent stuff from here but way too much of it is just fluff I feel.

if you are AFC in a relationship she will lose interest in you sexually. She probably wants a guy who's going to push her up against a wall and fcuk her brains out, not a guy with teddies.

BUT she'll also want a guy who's gunna stick around afterwards....and not make her feel like a slut, or will look after her if she gets pregnant. she'll want a guy who is totally obsessed with her.

but not so obsessed that he's AFC, she still wants that dominant guy in her life.

the trick is to know when to be dominant and when to be less dominant. early on in a relationship and before you have fcuked her it is best to be more dominant than AFC because the AFCness makes you look weak and is a total turn off for her.

also who cares if she goes to the club and cheats on you? NEXT her and get someone better. you can't stop her cheating and it makes you look really neady and insecure. It also destroys the trust which is why your relationship has fallen apart.

either start building some trust or go fcuk some more girls.

you didn't lose her, she lost you.