Thinking of dumping her

[Fireballs]

Have been with gf for a year and we live together in her work supplied accomodation (cheap rent). She is low maintenance and treats me well but there's a few things bothering me.

A couple of months into our relationship (I know it wasn't ideal this late) I brought up the subject of hanging 1 on 1 with other men/me with women, she was really naive about it not really realising it wasn't appropriate but we agreed that we were on the same page.

Before we met she had booked an overseas trip and so she went away for a few months and when she came back we picked up where we left off.

She mentioned at the time she was meeting up with friends in some parts but I went through some of her photos and it turns out she met up with a male 'friend' in South America and they spent a day together (just the two of them) including a tourist boat trip, a hike etc. The guy looks beta/ugly as fvck and I'm pretty sure nothing happened but that's not the point. Anyway this gave me grounds to investigate further so I went through her facebook messages to see any convos of them and I found one but there was nothing in there to suggest anything happened...Maybe she thought that because she was by herself in a semi dangerous part of the country that it was ok?..Who knows..

This was months ago but I have only just found this out now. I'm not sure where to go from here. I need to dump her right? Such a shame.. she ticks all the boxes otherwise..

How do I go about this? I'm not sure what to say to her or whether I can give her another go depending on her reaction to this.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Oh sh*t here we go another boundary debate.

Wow that sucks man, I mean if you think you can easily replace her then do it. Damn this is a tuff call, you did tell her no 1on1s. She obviously forgot & thought the guy was an exception to the rule? That's the first thing she is going to say: You don't trust me?!?! I can't even see OLD friends?!

For me it's alway been a case by case scenario, I've never told my gf's hey you can no longer be friends with your old male 'acquaintances', what ever you want to call them. If they are that kool, I'll meet them & decide for myself if it's acceptable.

Now if new guys are popping that's when you have issues.

Has she changed at all, anything else that's bothering you? Did an ex cheat on you in the past? If this is the only red flag then sh*t man you are pretty damn lucky, ride the wave!

You've investigated it and from what you've found it seems innocent. I get why you are mad and want to dump. This is your call man, investigate it some more and if your gut says it's time to move on then do it.

Once I hit five days in my head of thinking about dumping that's usually a good indicator, sometimes longer or shorter. I don't remember. But again you live with her so completely different scenario.

 

[Fireballs]

On the boundary side of things, I never said she couldn't hang with other men. I said something like "I wouldn't hang out with other girls and I expect the same in return, however, you are free to do whatever you want."

There have been a couple of other red flags that I have stupidly ignored but nothing major. Really not sure what to do. All this might sound silly but it's easier being on the outside looking in rather than being the one in the situation.

 

[sodbuster]

They are ALL f'ing crazy... is it a crazy you can live with or not? What are the other "red flags"? This one isn't a huge one.... unless you check her text messages from before the trip and she was planning this whole deal

 

[Fireballs]

A mutual friend of theirs told her that he was going to be in the same place around the same time as her, so they organized to meet up for the day and go sight seeing.

Other red flags - she was raped when she was younger (although I don't see anything bad in her personality from it and our sex life is great)

She has put on a few kilos in the last 6 months but she is trying to lose it in the gym and eating well.

I feel like saying to her "If I went on a boat cruise with 'Nikki' from work, would you think that's appropriate?"
If she says no then ask her why she thought it was ok to do it? I understand she was by herself in a dodgy part of South America, but still..

 

[sodbuster]

The rape is an issue. So is the weight, but since she's working on it, I'd maybe give that a pass for now. What do her PARENT'S look like? Fat? Thin? How is the family interaction? The way mom treats dad is YOUR future..... THOSE are some issues you need to see before you get in too deep....

 

[Fireballs]

Her mum is thin and her dad is ok weight wise. Her family are close and quiet normal. She gets on well with her mum dad and brothers. A very loving family.

They both have high status jobs.. Doctors etc.. Her mum isn't very feminine (does a lot of fix it work around the house but she cooks and cleans). My gf wouldn't know the first thing about fixing anything.

I haven't paid much attention as to how dad is treated but he is hard to read. He oozes Alpha yet he's with a women who isn't very feminine.

My gf isn't as feminine as I would like but she has other qualities that I look for. She lets me do my thing and lead the relationship although she challenges it sometimes.. Testing me I guess..

 

[sodbuster]

Well, someone has to be the leader, if it isn't you, it will be her by default

 

[YawataNoKami]

Have been with gf for a year and we live together in her work supplied accomodation (cheap rent). She is low maintenance and treats me well but there's a few things bothering me.

A couple of months into our relationship (I know it wasn't ideal this late) I brought up the subject of hanging 1 on 1 with other men/me with women, she was really naive about it not really realising it wasn't appropriate but we agreed that we were on the same page.

Before we met she had booked an overseas trip and so she went away for a few months and when she came back we picked up where we left off. Eat,Prey,Love. She want Jose Thundercock

She mentioned at the time she was meeting up with friends in some parts but I went through some of her photos and it turns out she met up with a male 'friend' in South America and they spent a day together (just the two of them) including a tourist boat trip, a hike etc. The guy looks beta/ugly as fvck and I'm pretty sure nothing happened but that's not the point (SHE FVCK HIM). Anyway this gave me grounds to investigate further so I went through her facebook messages to see any convos of them and I found one but there was nothing in there to suggest anything happened...Maybe she thought that because she was by herself in a semi dangerous part of the country that it was ok?..Who knows..

This was months ago but I have only just found this out now. I'm not sure where to go from here. I need to dump her right? Such a shame.. she ticks all the boxes otherwise..

How do I go about this? I'm not sure what to say to her or whether I can give her another go depending on her reaction to this.

Read the red part carefully.

 

[Fireballs]

Read the red part carefully.

I understand the nature of women and that she could have fvcked him. The thing is that women are masters at covering their tracks so I will probably never know.

 

[Kailex]

Been with your girlfriend for a year and you two are already living together?

 

[Fireballs]

Been with your girlfriend for a year and you two are already living together?

We moved to a new town together and it is basically free rent in her work supplied house so it made logistical sense. I also work away for 1 week then in town for a week.

I'm in the middle of reading MMSL..