I'm probably the biggest underachiever when it comes to women and dating in the entire ****ing world. Not only am I very strong in all the superficial areas (and have been for quite some time) but I'm also very intelligent socially and emotionally - able to read people's moods, know what to say to make them feel comfortable, etc... I've had dozens, maybe hundreds of friends over the years and that's not a coincidence.
the reality of the situation is that I've caused my own downfall in dating. Because of my childhood of growing up fat destroying my confidence with women, I convinced myself that I could not be good enough to get a girl because women only want a man who is impossibly and inhumanly perfect. After high school, I pushed myself sooooooooo hard to strive for greatness in all superficial areas but I never took the time to convince myself that dating is just a normal thing that all men must succeed in (to various degrees). People have passed on their genetics for thousands of years - women are just the same as us - they're trying to get by in life. They have fears, insecurities, self doubts, hopes and dreams just like we do. I think most guys who don't get any dates have a tendency to think of women as a different subspecies of people who have this impenetrable wall of confidence who are totally perfect and only want a man who is perfect
What it comes down to is I've made something that's pretty simple into something that's extraordinarily difficult. There is nothing complicated about getting women or making friends - you see somebody you like, you make small talk about the surroundings, then make more and more personal conversation about them, what they do, what they like. Once you can't push it any further, if you feel any chemistry/rapport, you ask to continue the interaction elsewhere. The problem is the vast majority of us don't give anything close to our best effort. Things that stop you from giving good effort
- being anxious. If you're anxious around a woman, you're barely giving half your best effort
- not being confident. If you don't believe that you're worthy or capable of getting an attractive woman to love you, you can look like a male model, have a 12 inch golden diamond **** and have pickup lines written by Dave Chapelle and she will never like you.
- being desperate. The more you care, the more repulsive you will be. The less you care, the more genuine you will come across. The best social connections happen when you least expect it.
- being negative or low energy. People want to hang out with someone who is naturally positive and vibrant and energetic (not too much of course)
How you feel is very contagious. If you're happy, comfortable with yourself, positive, etc... Women feel the same way around you. If you're miserable, negative, awkward, desperate - women feel that also (the same thing is true with making friends). This is what I mean when I say vast majority of us don't give anywhere near our best effort in socializing. If you're not very confident, positive, etc... you're not giving anywhere near your best effort.
The reason most guys who suck with women can't get any better is because they've convinced themselves they're not good enough. You cannot get any better with dating until you convince yourself that you're worthy and good enough to have a beautiful woman love you and you have to believe it 100%. I'll give you guys an example of what I'm talking about - the reason I'm so good at making friends is because when I see somebody, I don't give a **** if it's a group of models, I automatically know I can make them like me on a platonic level and my success rate is huge. When I saw a hot girl for all these years, I automatically doubted myself because I didn't think I was worthy of them loving me. If I believed that I could make that hot girl like me, my interaction with her would naturally be very positive but I have to believe in myself. Whether you think you can or you think you can't - it's true.
Most of us really need to stop putting the ***** on the pedestal also. You go to a bar and you see a beautiful bartender and you automatically think you need to be a billionaire to make her like you. This is a woman who works at a bar and probably makes 40K a year - she is not curing cancer. There is nothing special about her
Steps to confidence
1)STOP putting the p*ssy on pedestal
2)Work to improve yourself in all areas. If you're already a decent looking dude, in shape, have a decent job, are genuinely a good person, you're in the top 10 percentile of men easily
3)Appreciate your positive traits, stop being so harsh on yourself. We don't have to be perfect to be good enough - most people care more about your character than your body fat percentage.
the reality of the situation is that I've caused my own downfall in dating. Because of my childhood of growing up fat destroying my confidence with women, I convinced myself that I could not be good enough to get a girl because women only want a man who is impossibly and inhumanly perfect. After high school, I pushed myself sooooooooo hard to strive for greatness in all superficial areas but I never took the time to convince myself that dating is just a normal thing that all men must succeed in (to various degrees). People have passed on their genetics for thousands of years - women are just the same as us - they're trying to get by in life. They have fears, insecurities, self doubts, hopes and dreams just like we do. I think most guys who don't get any dates have a tendency to think of women as a different subspecies of people who have this impenetrable wall of confidence who are totally perfect and only want a man who is perfect
What it comes down to is I've made something that's pretty simple into something that's extraordinarily difficult. There is nothing complicated about getting women or making friends - you see somebody you like, you make small talk about the surroundings, then make more and more personal conversation about them, what they do, what they like. Once you can't push it any further, if you feel any chemistry/rapport, you ask to continue the interaction elsewhere. The problem is the vast majority of us don't give anything close to our best effort. Things that stop you from giving good effort
- being anxious. If you're anxious around a woman, you're barely giving half your best effort
- not being confident. If you don't believe that you're worthy or capable of getting an attractive woman to love you, you can look like a male model, have a 12 inch golden diamond **** and have pickup lines written by Dave Chapelle and she will never like you.
- being desperate. The more you care, the more repulsive you will be. The less you care, the more genuine you will come across. The best social connections happen when you least expect it.
- being negative or low energy. People want to hang out with someone who is naturally positive and vibrant and energetic (not too much of course)
How you feel is very contagious. If you're happy, comfortable with yourself, positive, etc... Women feel the same way around you. If you're miserable, negative, awkward, desperate - women feel that also (the same thing is true with making friends). This is what I mean when I say vast majority of us don't give anywhere near our best effort in socializing. If you're not very confident, positive, etc... you're not giving anywhere near your best effort.
The reason most guys who suck with women can't get any better is because they've convinced themselves they're not good enough. You cannot get any better with dating until you convince yourself that you're worthy and good enough to have a beautiful woman love you and you have to believe it 100%. I'll give you guys an example of what I'm talking about - the reason I'm so good at making friends is because when I see somebody, I don't give a **** if it's a group of models, I automatically know I can make them like me on a platonic level and my success rate is huge. When I saw a hot girl for all these years, I automatically doubted myself because I didn't think I was worthy of them loving me. If I believed that I could make that hot girl like me, my interaction with her would naturally be very positive but I have to believe in myself. Whether you think you can or you think you can't - it's true.
Most of us really need to stop putting the ***** on the pedestal also. You go to a bar and you see a beautiful bartender and you automatically think you need to be a billionaire to make her like you. This is a woman who works at a bar and probably makes 40K a year - she is not curing cancer. There is nothing special about her
Steps to confidence
1)STOP putting the p*ssy on pedestal
2)Work to improve yourself in all areas. If you're already a decent looking dude, in shape, have a decent job, are genuinely a good person, you're in the top 10 percentile of men easily
3)Appreciate your positive traits, stop being so harsh on yourself. We don't have to be perfect to be good enough - most people care more about your character than your body fat percentage.
