Things I wish I had known as a skinny, 135 lb AFC in highschool

[GQ_Confidence_1]

(Long)

Hey guys,

I've experienced a HUGE transformation in the last few years. I'm 26 now, and I've gone from a 6"2 135 lb kid in highschool, shy, no nookie, never even hugged or touched a woman...to a guy that's now 175 lbs with tons more confidence around women and more confidence about life in general. When I think back to highschool....I feel like I made things about 1,000x harder than they actually were.

I had a horrible fear in highschool that I'd be a skinny AFC forever, and I'd only get the ugly/fat/left over girls. It's the most depressing feeling in the world. You guys know what it feels like. That's what drove you to sites like this. It makes you ache. You try to block it out of your mind, but it pops up again.

The woman that you want is a reflection of who you think you are. You know that people attract people like themselves. If the ugly/fat/left over girls are the only girls you can get....its proof of who you are.

If I could go back to highschool, 135 lbs, clothes hanging off my body, no real style, some acne, friday nights spent playing nintendo, my grandparents asking "does he have a gf yet", I'd do a few things.....

-I'd realize that I've made a major transition in my life. Going from a kid playing with toys, dependent upon others, to a young adult that needs to be more independent.

I think alot of "shyness" stems from this transition phase (14-15-16). I would bet that most people here had a tough time making a really decisive transition. And then the problems just built on themselves.

Starting on my 16th birthday, I'd realize that now I have to be "in the game" from this point forward. Focus on a job, a career, extra money. Focus on hobbies and interests of yours (not video games or TV). Develop yourself! Work with kids. Do charitable work. Take pride in your room. You're growing up and you have certain responsibilities regardless of how you look or how many zits are on your face. Things fall into place when you're really engaged in life. My body language, nervousness, style...all of that would have been greatly improved IMO.

I went through a phase a few years ago of self help, tony robbins, saying affirmations to myself. I don't believe any of that will give you the confidence you're looking for. Maybe short term. But you can't say, I'm confident, I'm confident and then have nothing to look forward to in the next 6 months, or your room is a disaster that you're embarrassed about.

-I wouldn't take highschool seriously at all. The school I went to was a joke, and shy/socially anxious people tend to always blame themselves for their problems. Maybe you're not in the right environment. Maybe you haven't developed your interests enough. It's not the end of the world. The amount of time you spend in highschool is an extremely small portion of your life.

-How you make a woman feel is everything. She doesn't care about your car, your muscles, your hot clothes, your 6 pack abs, your chisled jaw line. The only thing she cares about is, what does that mean to me? How are you going to make me feel? What sensations will I get in my body? If you're familiar with advertising/marketing, you know the importance of "what's in it for me." People don't buy products or services. They buy the result, the benefit, the outcome, the feeling that they'll get. It's no different with people.

Make her feel things in her stomach and in her heart. Make her laugh, make her smile, make her intrigued, make her into a better person, make her feel like a woman, send chills up and down her body as you whisper naughty things in her ear. Push her away sometimes if she deserves it. You've got choices in life.

Would you feel great if you were around a woman that had no life? That didn't take care of herself. That had nothing new to say.
That played video games all day. That felt so insecure that she's not even sure if she's allowed to be next to you. That turns me off just typing it! Guess how girls feel....

I don't really care about 9's or 10's. They're too much work. I'm happy with a 7.5 that takes care of herself, respects herself and has direction in her life.

I think the journey though is much more important than worrying about numbers, neg hits, and all these DJ terms. Talking to women on a continuous basis will be much more satisfying than always obsessing over looks.

I've had great conversations with women that I never would have had in HS. On a plane ride two years ago, I sat next to this 15 year old girl and we talked for 5 hours about everything, we played hangman, and laughed.....just had a really neat time.

-Right now I'm completely focused on the journey. There are sunsets, full moons, bright stars, kids growing up, squirrels running along my back fence, songs that send chills through your body, books that are awe inspiring, breakthroughs in science.
There are moments just begging to be shared with someone. Stuff that makes you feel alive.

And I'm focusing my whole life on my weight and what some guy said in 5th period...........what?!? The journey is all you've got. With 9/11, terrorism and all these things.....I'm not fooling around.

Carpe Diem guys.

 

[Jay-X]

great inspirational post, man!

 

[DonJuanMonk]

We all gotta come from somewhere, glad you discovered the truth.

 

[diablo]

Moved to HS...

 

[frisco]

very true about the part that it dosent matter how big you are im 6 ft 130 pounds i can eat anything and never gain a pound but i walk with confidence and it really shows i use to get told aout how i needed to gain weight and i was to skinny now im just slightly bigger but i portray myself as though im twice as big and have no problems with girls. Its not how you look but how you portray yourself to the world that will get you laid

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

I'll add a few more things....

-The things you care about in highschool you'll laugh at in 10 years. I remember that the "cool thing" to do was to wear my backpack off of one shoulder. That was a big deal!!

Wearing your backpack on two shoulders was for sissies. That's what you did in elementary school. It had to be a Jansport backpack, and you had to act real cool to slide it over one shoulder.

Little things like that can define your whole existence! To say nothing of girls, acne, fashion, being skinny/fat, changes in your body, peer pressure, bullies, crap on MTV and in the media. And you wonder why there's school shootings!

I’ve seen statistics that 1 in 12 high school students have attempted suicide in the past 12 months. There’s just a hell of a lot of stuff coming at you during this time. If there is a secret to coming out the other side in one piece, with direction, confidence and a clear head on your shoulders….just learn to chill.

It should be the first thing you learn in the 9th grade. Otherwise you’ll torture yourself for nothing.

I can't count the number of times my parents said, "well, he just doesn't fit in." My grandmother would ask on the phone,..."well isn't he into girls yet?" (looking bewildered). And my mom would answer..."well, he just doesn't fit in." Doesn't fit in, doesn't fit in, doesn't fit in.

Of course you fit in.You're a human being among 6 billion other human beings on this planet. Everyone fits in somewhere.

Maybe you're just not in the right environment. Maybe you haven't met the right people. Everything is relative. You can be a nerd in highschool....but you can become a millionaire entrepreneur in college.

The highschool that I went to was depressing. It was dirty, it was ghetto, the street in the back was closed off due to the threat of drive by shootings! A real confidence booster. I'm a kid from a middle class background....this place wasn't ideal.

-My personal hygiene wasn't the greatest (it's embarrassing how bad it got). I'd wear the same shirts alot, I'd wear my shoes until they almost fell apart. Cologne was a foreign language to me, lol.

What's funny is how easily you can make the switch into a normal, stylish, mature young man that takes care of himself. Like turning on a light switch. You wake up one day, and you wear clean clothes, you shave, you try some different deodorants/light colognes, maybe you try a different hair cut or two.

-The need of touch is very underrated. Yeah you want to get in her pants….but touching, holding, caressing, hugging…these are as important as anything else. You’ll never regret touching a woman (in the right way, don’t get arrested!). I kino constantly, and it’s fool proof. I’ve touched women at parties, at restaurants, on airplanes, in college classes.

Touch your female friends. You’re a sexual being! If your friend shows off her new hair color, run your hand in her hair. If she shows you her new earings, hold it in your hand and don’t be afraid to touch her ear. She won’t bite! Get playful. At a christmas party, a very hot friend tried to steal one of my gifts away from a gift exchange, we laughed and I wrestled it back from her, holding her arm, brushing her leg and thigh. Something as simple as that, I wish I had done a 100 times, a 1,000 times before. I see touching as one of the great bonuses in all of this…..just cool stuff.

Much success everyone.

 

[The_Next_Big_Thing]

Originally posted by GQ_Confidence_1
What's funny is how easily you can make the switch into a normal, stylish, mature young man that takes care of himself. Like turning on a light switch. You wake up one day, and you wear clean clothes, you shave, you try some different deodorants/light colognes, maybe you try a different hair cut or two.

Yes, the change can be what you make of it.
If you have the right mindset and want to make the change for yourself. The change will be like a snap of the fingers like it was for me.
If you have the wrong mindset on it and don't want to do it for yourself but to please other people. Then the change will take weeks, months, or even years (gulp).

Some things that I learned that I wish I would have known back then was to realize that happiness should be placed only in your hands. That people come and go but you are forever so why place your happiness in the hands of another individual whether it be a teacher, parent, friend, girlfriend, or anybody other then your own.

I did that in church and when that person left. I was devestated and it made me very mad because he was part of the church. I then went through a long period of disunity between the church and I which I am finally recovering from.

- Smile for no friggen reason at all. Just smile and make people wonder about you. You will become more popular then you were before because who likes a pessimist. Not many. But everyone runs for an optimist (look at the high school quarterback who says that we are going to win every game).

- Be courteous but not a doormat. Don't be a pr!ck about things because that sorta goes with the next bullet. Most people run to be with the good people. Not many run to be with the pr!cks and they are usually made fun of but everyone gets that from time to time.

- Become more friendly with everyone including teachers and students. I know someone that did this and got a lot of heat for it but you know what. The teachers that he befriended ended up giving him an amazing recommendation and the teachers invited him to go out on vacations with them.

Just be a good person and people will flock to you.

About what you want as a woman is what you see in yourself. Then I must see myself in a good light because of how picky I am with my LTR woman. I made a list as directed by the site on what I wanted and it had high self-esteem, good looks, good eating habits, fun, outgoing, and above all must be nice (i.e. not whorish). It is a hard process that I finally think that I might have found one but it was hard as hell to get.

Just advice from a older guy to the younger generation

The_Next_Big_Thing

 

[dadmonson]

Originally posted by GQ_Confidence_1
(Long)

Hey guys,

I've experienced a HUGE transformation in the last few years. I'm 26 now, and I've gone from a 6"2 135 lb kid in highschool, shy, no nookie, never even hugged or touched a woman...to a guy that's now 175 lbs with tons more confidence around women and more confidence about life in general. When I think back to highschool....I feel like I made things about 1,000x harder than they actually were.

I had a horrible fear in highschool that I'd be a skinny AFC forever, and I'd only get the ugly/fat/left over girls. It's the most depressing feeling in the world. You guys know what it feels like. That's what drove you to sites like this. It makes you ache. You try to block it out of your mind, but it pops up again.

The woman that you want is a reflection of who you think you are. You know that people attract people like themselves. If the ugly/fat/left over girls are the only girls you can get....its proof of who you are.

If I could go back to highschool, 135 lbs, clothes hanging off my body, no real style, some acne, friday nights spent playing nintendo, my grandparents asking "does he have a gf yet", I'd do a few things.....

-I'd realize that I've made a major transition in my life. Going from a kid playing with toys, dependent upon others, to a young adult that needs to be more independent.

I think alot of "shyness" stems from this transition phase (14-15-16). I would bet that most people here had a tough time making a really decisive transition. And then the problems just built on themselves.

Starting on my 16th birthday, I'd realize that now I have to be "in the game" from this point forward. Focus on a job, a career, extra money. Focus on hobbies and interests of yours (not video games or TV). Develop yourself! Work with kids. Do charitable work. Take pride in your room. You're growing up and you have certain responsibilities regardless of how you look or how many zits are on your face. Things fall into place when you're really engaged in life. My body language, nervousness, style...all of that would have been greatly improved IMO.

I went through a phase a few years ago of self help, tony robbins, saying affirmations to myself. I don't believe any of that will give you the confidence you're looking for. Maybe short term. But you can't say, I'm confident, I'm confident and then have nothing to look forward to in the next 6 months, or your room is a disaster that you're embarrassed about.

-I wouldn't take highschool seriously at all. The school I went to was a joke, and shy/socially anxious people tend to always blame themselves for their problems. Maybe you're not in the right environment. Maybe you haven't developed your interests enough. It's not the end of the world. The amount of time you spend in highschool is an extremely small portion of your life.

-How you make a woman feel is everything. She doesn't care about your car, your muscles, your hot clothes, your 6 pack abs, your chisled jaw line. The only thing she cares about is, what does that mean to me? How are you going to make me feel? What sensations will I get in my body? If you're familiar with advertising/marketing, you know the importance of "what's in it for me." People don't buy products or services. They buy the result, the benefit, the outcome, the feeling that they'll get. It's no different with people.

Make her feel things in her stomach and in her heart. Make her laugh, make her smile, make her intrigued, make her into a better person, make her feel like a woman, send chills up and down her body as you whisper naughty things in her ear. Push her away sometimes if she deserves it. You've got choices in life.

Would you feel great if you were around a woman that had no life? That didn't take care of herself. That had nothing new to say.
That played video games all day. That felt so insecure that she's not even sure if she's allowed to be next to you. That turns me off just typing it! Guess how girls feel....

I don't really care about 9's or 10's. They're too much work. I'm happy with a 7.5 that takes care of herself, respects herself and has direction in her life.

I think the journey though is much more important than worrying about numbers, neg hits, and all these DJ terms. Talking to women on a continuous basis will be much more satisfying than always obsessing over looks.

I've had great conversations with women that I never would have had in HS. On a plane ride two years ago, I sat next to this 15 year old girl and we talked for 5 hours about everything, we played hangman, and laughed.....just had a really neat time.

-Right now I'm completely focused on the journey. There are sunsets, full moons, bright stars, kids growing up, squirrels running along my back fence, songs that send chills through your body, books that are awe inspiring, breakthroughs in science.
There are moments just begging to be shared with someone. Stuff that makes you feel alive.

And I'm focusing my whole life on my weight and what some guy said in 5th period...........what?!? The journey is all you've got. With 9/11, terrorism and all these things.....I'm not fooling around.

Carpe Diem guys.

AYe, when did your acne start goin away? How long did u have it for?

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

I think a few years. It's wasn't disfiguring, just typical.

Cutting out soda, chocolate and fried foods helped the most.

 

[TheNewGuy]

Out of curiousity, are you still skinny? If you are, how has being skinny affected your DJ life from high school to where you are now? If not, did you notice an increase in girls interested you after you've gained some weight?

I'm pretty skinny myself, 5'7" and 115lbs. I'm only 15, so I really haven't hit my second growth spurt yet. I do get some comments about my weight, but I try to not let it get to me. I'm still a RAFC, but nowadays I can actually hold a conversation with a girl and I have friends that are girls. They don't run off saying "ewww" anymore... but I digress.

Basically, I do think (know?) that if I were to gain weight I would probably get a lot more (at least initial) attention from girls. I would probably get more respect from the guys, but whatever. I'm having fun in life, and I've come to realize that's all that really matters

 

[phatboi408]

Thankfully for me I learned and found this site last year when I was at the end of my freshman year. I would be very very shy but now I am really sociable.

During my freshman year it was different, I was in marching band and my section leader, the coolest guy ever he was outgoing he knew everyone cant hard to miss 6'4 or something and he broke me out of my shell and he thinks that i am the coolest kid ever.
Wow coming from a guy who everyone likes and he thinks Im cool now thats something.

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

In college I started to get better with girls. I was about 150, kinoing hot girls, EC, EV, CF, etc and my results went up alot. I joined Toastmasters, the public speaking group, at 145, or 150 and I got a good boost in confidence from that. I'm 175 right now and am happy with my weight.

If you're really thin, you gotta find clothes that are comfortable. I think it was David Denagelo, or one of the "gurus" that said, if you're skinny, go for more form fitting clothes instead of stuff that' too big. I'd agree.

 

[PEACEDJ]

AMEN.