There's Nothing Wrong with Being a "Nice Guy"

[robrulesyou]

I'm still not feeling great about my break-up, but I'm trying to keep busy with hobbies and other things, so it's not so bad. But thinking back on my relationship - I mean even though I try not to think about it much - thinking back I think i was a very nice guy. (and I was the one to let her go in our breakup, not that it matters though I still feel like ****)

And so I've been reading this site and you guys bash "nice guys." I think I can see why and wanted to give you guys a tip that I think might help.

When you do something nice, you shouldn't be expecting some big favor or sex in return. I do nice thing for girls because I care for them and not because I want sex. If I want sex i'll make it clear.

So basically if you don't have an agenda being nice is okay. YOu'll never be disappointed if you're not expecting the girl to have sex with you in return. And why would you, that would be like prostitution buying her stuff and actually expecting something from it. Go and pay a hooker if you actually think that way.

Okay so I hope that helps some of you. I'm going to keep busy some more and try to get over. Thanks Consent and Delta and the other guys who've given me supportive comments.

 

[(+) Mindset]

I've never been in a relationship (but then again, I'm 17).

I was a nice guy 8+ months ago. Why? Because I actually loved doing nice things for people. I actually loved how nice I was. Secretly though, I always kept questioning why I couldn't attract girls. Being as uneducated as I was on the topic back then, I thought it was something superficial (something you could SEE).
That made me doubt myself. I was thinking in a logical way (and this lead to doubt). I mean, I was NICE and yet I felt as if people didn't see that, so therefore I thought something else was pushing them away.

Anyway, if there's a problem I have, I research it. That's how it has always been. A few months ago I started researching flirting and attraction and stuff. I hit myself on the forehead. The phrase "nice guy" goes way deeper. It's simply not about what it means on the surface. Girls view nice guys as people who don't know what it's really all about. Socially handicapped when it comes to girls. And it is true.
You are right that when I did nice things for them, it wasn't because of sex or a relationship. It was because I cared for them.
However, back then I didn't see it as kissing @$$, which pretty much was yelled out nonverbally each time I did something... "nice." I thought to myself, I'm a good person and I do good things.

Bye-bye to those thoughts. Heh!

To be truthful, again, it's not really about being nice OR a jerk. It is all about sending a clear message that you are socially desirable. When I was a nice guy, I used to think that all girls were attracted to jerks. Again, this comes from my uneducated mind. As I've read up a lot on attraction and such, I came to realize that I was way off, and had a totally different reality. What does that mean? It means that looking back on who I was I can only laugh at myself. Which is okay. We live and learn.

I don't have a mindset of a nice-guy or that of a jerk anymore. To say it simply, I have come to understand what the faults of nice guys and jerks alike are.

With all that I've read, I'm already getting positive results. Something which I wondered why I wasn't getting back 8+ months ago.

 

[(+) Mindset]

I don't see any problem with being "nice." I was brought up to hold doors for people, etc. Not to a crazy amount (i.e.: ALWAYS letting the woman go first), etc. But I have no problem creating attraction, and being "nice".

IMO, just don't let people walk all over you, and you won't be a "nice guy". Nothin wrong with being polite though.

It's how I live life, and it's going well for me. I notice mad attraction from girls, and I'm just being myself.

Well put.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

YOu have to be somewhere in between,with women you have to put your foot down more than once.

Just like with everyone else.

Not nice but gentlemanly,yes.

 

[Sean O]

The problem on this site is that people use the term "Nice Guy" to describe an AFC as if the two terms were interchangable. However, it's possible to be a nice PUA. I've known quite a few of them over the years and they were WAY more successful with women than any jerk PUA ever could be.

So yeah, I definitely agree that being a nice guy in and of itself is not a bad thing. Being SUPPLICATING, however, will always work against you when it comes to getting women.

 

[Hitman10000]

There'll be a day when I take advice from someone under 21, the day I shove a gun in my mouth and blow my brains out after I sliced off my penor.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

What's always worked for me is, when the girl apologizes to you, always make her feel worse, and then she'll be doing anything you want.

Also, if the girl asks you uneasy questions, and make you really nervous, its these types of questions that are the PERFECT OPPORTUNITY to show who you are, when this happens its a test to see who you really are on the inside, so just keep this in mind

 

[ElChoclo]

You're right Robrulesyou. I suppose after you've blown off down your next GFs throat you could offer her a tissue, as a nice guy gesture.

You should just do nice things for no reason and expect nothing in return, and when someone does something very nasty to you (usually a woman) you should just take it, good and hard.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

What's always worked for me is, when the girl apologizes to you, always make her feel worse, and then she'll be doing anything you want.

Good stuff man.

 

[\O/]

There's nothing wrong with being nice. It's a good thing. Just don't be a supplicating wuss!! :nono: A lot of people are misunderstanding the concept of the "nice guy"...

I'm a nice guy and all, but there are certain behaviours I don't accept. Stand your ground, do what YOU want, grab your balls and be a man. When doing so you will not be considered a wuss or a pushover. Be nice but don't accept rude behaviour or take **** from chicks. If she does something you don't approve off, punish her (not physically, morons ).Don't be nice to get approval, be nice because you are. Be nice and sneaky..that's a great combo

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I dont think you need this site...

 

[Delta]

nice is frequently a subterfuge though....

you're nice because you want to be liked - that's a huge one.

USUALLY with afcs, their niceness comes from a place of WEAKNESS, not of STRENGTH.

that is the ESSENTIAL, CRITICAL difference.

some guys cannot say anything contrary to a girl (or anyone) because they are terrified of being rejected. at the core of every decision to speak or act, is THEMSELVES and FEAR.

in such a manner, niceness is MANIPULATIVE and seeks to exert control instead of discuss, address or even sway.

also, it must be said that most "niceness" comes from a place of WORSHIP... where a guy has pedestalized a girl high high above himself and he has prostrated himself in adoration and service.

in this case, niceness is a manifestation of an incorrect picture of both himself and the girl.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

in so MANY ways, niceness can be ignoble and REPULSIVE.

and in this community, it is better to exhort toward less nice than more.

delta

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Nothing wrong with being "nice", in fact, you have to be to a certain extent to attract chicks.

When we say "nice guy" this is someone who has no backbone, and lets girls walk all over them. That is what turns them off plenty quick. I know, cuz I used to be one of them.

Now, I have a backbone and am sticking up for myself. When someone pi$$es me off, I call them on it. Not in an angry way of course, just in a way that shows you are perturbed.

You can be nice and have a backbone. The "nice guy" is nice, but has no backbone.

 

[Wee]

Saying "nice guys finish last" is just a good way to turn the backward thinking of guys that are just being introduced to the game. If you really want to look at the phrase and analyze it though, change the word "nice" to "supplicating" and that is what we are really trying to say.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

I don't see any problem with being "nice." I was brought up to hold doors for people, etc. Not to a crazy amount (i.e.: ALWAYS letting the woman go first), etc. But I have no problem creating attraction, and being "nice".

IMO, just don't let people walk all over you, and you won't be a "nice guy". Nothin wrong with being polite though.

It's how I live life, and it's going well for me. I notice mad attraction from girls, and I'm just being myself.

You see, this is the type of advice that is what I would call USEFUL.
Yes, boys... believe it or not. POLITENESS GETS YOU PLACES.

Now before you threaten me with :box: like wee did, try being NICE TO SOMEBODY. YES. try it! I think what I am about to say is going to piss a LOT of DUMBASSES OFF...........

FVCKING SMILE AT A GIRL! NO REALLY! TRY IT!

 

[hope7]

I think nice guy should be a term of the past. I've seen plenty of sucessful nice guys. The type of afc nice guys should be called pushovers or suckups.

DJ nice guys knows that people are generally good but have flaws like everyone else. He knows not to take crap from anyone.
DJ nice guys is equally nice to guys, cute girls and ugly girls.
Dj nice guys are nice because seeing other people happy makes them happy, not cuz they want anything in return.
Dj nice guys don't flatter anyone, all their niceness is genuine.
Dj nice guys act on their romantic/sexual desires.

i could go on. . . .

 

[dynamicallyidle]

I'm still not feeling great about my break-up, but I'm trying to keep busy with hobbies and other things, so it's not so bad. But thinking back on my relationship - I mean even though I try not to think about it much - thinking back I think i was a very nice guy. (and I was the one to let her go in our breakup, not that it matters though I still feel like ****)

And so I've been reading this site and you guys bash "nice guys." I think I can see why and wanted to give you guys a tip that I think might help.

When you do something nice, you shouldn't be expecting some big favor or sex in return. I do nice thing for girls because I care for them and not because I want sex. If I want sex i'll make it clear.

So basically if you don't have an agenda being nice is okay. YOu'll never be disappointed if you're not expecting the girl to have sex with you in return. And why would you, that would be like prostitution buying her stuff and actually expecting something from it. Go and pay a hooker if you actually think that way.

Okay so I hope that helps some of you. I'm going to keep busy some more and try to get over. Thanks Consent and Delta and the other guys who've given me supportive comments.

What's needed, first, is your definition of a "nice guy." In your mind, what does a "nice guy" do for a girl? What is his mentality? We need more material to work with!

But generally, nice guys do NOT get the girl.

 

[Magnatolia]

I completely disagree with the whole 'nice guy' syndrome. The reason why women go for 'bad boy's and the like is because the bad boys have no problem going up to a women and showing their interest. Unfortunately, for nice guys and women, the women are held back from asking the nice guys out because of societies rules so basically she doesn't have much else to choose other than the bad boys.

Just my opinion anyway.

 

[Tomatoes]

I'm still not feeling great about my break-up, but I'm trying to keep busy with hobbies and other things, so it's not so bad. But thinking back on my relationship - I mean even though I try not to think about it much - thinking back I think i was a very nice guy. (and I was the one to let her go in our breakup, not that it matters though I still feel like ****)

And so I've been reading this site and you guys bash "nice guys." I think I can see why and wanted to give you guys a tip that I think might help.

When you do something nice, you shouldn't be expecting some big favor or sex in return. I do nice thing for girls because I care for them and not because I want sex. If I want sex i'll make it clear.

So basically if you don't have an agenda being nice is okay. YOu'll never be disappointed if you're not expecting the girl to have sex with you in return. And why would you, that would be like prostitution buying her stuff and actually expecting something from it. Go and pay a hooker if you actually think that way.

Okay so I hope that helps some of you. I'm going to keep busy some more and try to get over. Thanks Consent and Delta and the other guys who've given me supportive comments.

:crackup: I couldnt disagree with you more!

NOTE: Just because your not a nice guy doesnt mean you should be a total evil meglomanical bastard. It just means you shouldnt put up with any ****. Im no nice guy yet i am still always truthful to friends and family and am willing to help them out if they need it.

An example of not being a nice guy....First that came to head is that I would shag a girl with a boyfriend in a heartbeat (Aslong as the bf was not a mate of mine). A nice guy would see this as "wrong" and miss out on a joy of life because of petty moral social conditioning.

I see it all the time. A nice guy on the preverbal lease jumping threw some average HBs hoops. What a chump! No self respect.

1. We live in a capitalist society. Nothing is free in this world and you will normally expect something if you do something for someone.

2. Tell me how many jerks jump threw hoops for HBs looking like a loser to the rest of the world but is too blinded by his own beliff of love to see it.

3. Girls are attracted to Jerks over nice guys. They are more adventurous and dangerous. Its the thrill...

4. Nice guys are generally boring or fully pvssy wiped.

5. IM SORRY. ITS TRUE. NICE GUYS REALLY DO FINISH LAST.

Its a nasty world but thats the way it is...

 

[Method Boy]

I thought they always finished last...