There wont be a third date...a FR on a possible BPD chick

[drmeathead]

The back story on this girl is as follows. I slept with her on the first date. She ended up being late for work. She held that against me. We worked that out. She apologized and told me the stress from work plus not having a one night stand since she was 18 or 19 caused her behavior.

Last Wednesday we hung out again. This time she had me sleep on the couch. She didnt just let me pass out. She kept coming out of her room to see me but wouldnt hook up past kissing. She said wanted to but promised herself that she wouldnt. After about the third time I rolled over and went to sleep ignoring her.

Later that morning the front room was cold so I went to go get in bed with her. Her door was LOCKED. She said something about people breaking in and how she always did that. She lives in the high rent district btw. Anyway she still didnt want to hook up and combined with her statement of she was tired for staying up late watching a movie I took the bottom line reality factor of the date as :She rather lock herself in her room and watch a movie than hang out with me.

I treated her as such. I didnt say anything just spaced out my time to her texts and kept them short.

She said whats up and I said hey. I got a response about 2 hours later of "just hey? are we in high school? how are you?" i told her i was doing welll. she told me "thanks alot you are awesome." now at this point in time i was hanging out with my friends. not looking to talk to a girl i went out with twice who locked herself in her room and didnt **** me.
then an hour later she calls. i texted her back and told her i was the bar and asked whats up. she told me she wanted to talk like real people not just a few words here and there. i didnt answer.

an hour later she texted me and told me i was "rude and harsh she gave it a second try but no dice. you act like an 18 year old." i told her i wasnt rude or harsh or immature but i was at the bar hanging out with my friends. she then told me "you are right dont call me again" so i told her she had head problems. she then told me "no i dont have head problems. i just dont deal with distrespectful people. what you just said to me was awful. you smell like a drunk." i told her that i was drinking diet coke all night. (which was the truth as i was on ER call for the hospital). an hour later she texts me that what i was said about her head problems was ridiculous and hurtful. my response to that was "oh" and then she told me i win.


i deleted her number from my phone. i already dated one whack job with BPD. This girl may or may not have BPD but she is either nuts or very high maintence or both. i am not interested in either.

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah it can kind of be hard to break out of the pattern of attracting them if you've been involved with one but definitely dump this b!tch and keep on sarging bro.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Whether she has a psychological disorder or not, I see too much drama with this one. Nexting her was the right choice. Good move Dr M.
KC

 

[Mr. Me]

I wouldn't call her a "whack job", as she doesn't sound loony. What I see is a woman (how old is she?) that isn't honest with you ("I locked the bedroom door because people may break in", and I suspect her excuse of being tired from staying up watching a movie wasn't true either) and as someone who doesn't take responsibility for her behavior ("I was late for work, but it because HE made me late! Well, okay, I only said that because I was stressing plus I haven't had a ONS since I was 18. Even though that doesn't make any sense, that's my excuse rather than admitting responsibility for blaming you.")

That whole "shifting blame" behavior ("Look what you made me do!" and "I only acted that way because of my hormones") is bad news.

That stuff at the end of your story, though, with the texts back and forth, I see as she liked you, but was put off by your curt responses and your insult, so I see fault in the way both of you handled that. I say she liked you, because it wouldn't bother her otherwise as it obviously did.

On her part, she's stewing over your texts, imagining you're getting hammered in a bar like some bar rat, insulted at being told she has "head problems" (who wouldn't be?), and I'll give her that. What I don't appreciate is the way she handled it. But that's the way most women would handle it. They list what's wrong with you. You're rude, you're harsh, blah, blah.

On your part (besides not telling people they have "head problems", I mean, that's only going to make people act defensively and react back - just like you didn't take kindly to her telling you that you're rude and harsh) a good rule is to remember that texts and emails, and even phone calls to a degree, are void of around 90% of what effective communication entails, by way of vocal inflection, tone, body language, etc. Texts aren't the best medium for more than anything involving a quick simple message. Instead of "I'm in a bar", why not respond with "I'm busy, let's speak later" or the next time you're involved with something, make a rule of not returning texts. Make it work for you.

 

[cordoncordon]

Good choice! Wow......psycho.

 

[cordoncordon]

I wouldn't call her a "whack job", as she doesn't sound loony. What I see is a woman (how old is she?) that isn't honest with you ("I locked the bedroom door because people may break in", and I suspect her excuse of being tired from staying up watching a movie wasn't true either) and as someone who doesn't take responsibility for her behavior ("I was late for work, but it because HE made me late! Well, okay, I only said that because I was stressing plus I haven't had a ONS since I was 18. Even though that doesn't make any sense, that's my excuse rather than admitting responsibility for blaming you.")

That whole "shifting blame" behavior ("Look what you made me do!" and "I only acted that way because of my hormones") is bad news.

That stuff at the end of your story, though, with the texts back and forth, I see as she liked you, but was put off by your curt responses and your insult, so I see fault in the way both of you handled that. I say she liked you, because it wouldn't bother her otherwise as it obviously did.

On her part, she's stewing over your texts, imagining you're getting hammered in a bar like some bar rat, insulted at being told she has "head problems" (who wouldn't be?), and I'll give her that. What I don't appreciate is the way she handled it. But that's the way most women would handle it. They list what's wrong with you. You're rude, you're harsh, blah, blah.

On your part (besides not telling people they have "head problems", I mean, that's only going to make people act defensively and react back - just like you didn't take kindly to her telling you that you're rude and harsh) a good rule is to remember that texts and emails, and even phone calls to a degree, are void of around 90% of what effective communication entails, by way of vocal inflection, tone, body language, etc. Texts aren't the best medium for more than anything involving a quick simple message. Instead of "I'm in a bar", why not respond with "I'm busy, let's speak later" or the next time you're involved with something, make a rule of not returning texts. Make it work for you.

Normally I agree with you but I can tell you you are way off here. A normal person does not act this way, especially so soon into dating. I dated a girl who acted the same way as this one and turns out she had severe bi-polarism. It brought back so not very nice memories reading that.

Stay away.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

CordonX2 is right.

Be glad she decided to not speak with you again. Maybe she's use to having guys put up with her b.s. and you struck a cord. She didn't get her way and now she's lost interest. Good. Doesn't sound like a girl that you could even casually date anyways.

She's going to try to shift the immaturity blame on you by you not speaking to her. Again, good. Just ignore her.

Locking herself in her room watching a movie rather than spending time with you? Guh. I would have left.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I love bpd girls. I have one now. They are crazy slvtty b!tches who are usually good in bed and a lot of fun. Just don't be serious about one, or her drama will suck your life away into the vortex of her insanity.

 

[Mr. Me]

Normally I agree with you but I can tell you you are way off here. A normal person does not act this way

Way off what? I said that she acted badly, she lied, she's immature and bad news.

But BPD? That's a diagnosis that can't be made based on an internet post. Besides, who cares what it is, the bottom line is she's not behaving acceptably.

And, not that I wish to beat up on drmeathead, far from it, yet shall we only see where she wasn't her best and simply blame it all on her? Let's not. There's more to learn here since everything is a learning experience, and it's not just to chime in with the rudimentary cries of "She's a whacko!". There's certainly room for improvement in the way he handled things, and that's imperative to note, unless you want to end up handling things the same way everytime, never changing, having the same experiences again, and someday perhaps even losing a great girl because of it, and that's when you'll say, "I regret what I did and should've handled myself better".

Well, a great artist doesn't wait until he paints a great painting to become a better artist. He's always becoming a great artist. So it is with the Don Juan, no?

 

[drmeathead]

UPDATE...i was at work today and in between patients i see that she texted me "you apologize for what you said!" i didnt answer that as i was with patients and ten minutes later i had another text "i apoligize for what i said last night. it was a miscommunication." i thanked her for the apology and said we were cool. she told me to have a great day.


as far using texts go...i didnt care to speak to her period. so when she texted me i texted back. i realize it was a minimal level of communication but that is all she was getting from me on a friday night after not sexing me on wednesday. i was purposefully being distant as i intend to be with every girl from now on that doesnt sex me the way i want ESPECIALLY AFTER WE HAVE ALREADY HAD SEX. (i realize that sex on the first date doesnt always happen).

as far as telling her she had head problems. i only told her that after she told me to never speak to her again. her reasons for wanting me to never speak to her again were because i didnt leave my friends at the bar and run outside in 20 degree weather to talk on the phone with her. to me that is indicative of a head problem. maybe i should have kept my thoughts to myself.

 

[iqqi]

UPDATE...i was at work today and in between patients i see that she texted me "you apologize for what you said!"

She's fvcking NUTS. What a whacko!