Disclaimer: I am not a dating coach nor am I selling any dating products or services this blog is really for recreational usage to reflect on my previous experiences in daygame and to share my insi…
mindful-masculinity.org
When characterising the “abundance mindset” in dating I began to think overtime that this theory was largely false and didn’t really live up to the longterm acid test. The reality was that dating was brutal and competitive more so than I’d have myself believe. Living in London I was acutely aware of the brutality of the sexual market place. In a rich city things were competitive , women hiring model shots to give themselves the edge over one another, when I was in my early teens I wouldn’t understand this. Now that I’m in 30s I realised how competitive the game was when I’d speak to women living in London how they’d have Saudi men flying them out across the world, lavishing them with gifts and sending them money I realised then that dating was more brutal and competitive that I made it out to be. I perhaps took my life for granted in my early 20s thinking I had all the time in the world to make mistakes , be lazy and not really that dedicated to the craft of cold approaching but as time passed and I watched a lot of men in my social circle not really achieving their dating goals. I realised that every aspect of dating is scarce, from the time you have to approach , the time it takes to find “truly girlfriend” worthy women and the time you have to build your smv. I wrote this blog post to show some examples of set scarcity in the dating world in hopes that we as men become a little more cognisant of it.
Theoretically we can’t all make it
If every man and woman aspires to date a 10 we can’t all date 10s as beauty in of itself is a highly scare asset . That’s what makes beauty special and banging a hot chick in of itself as a special moment. We value beauty because it’s scarce .The same way in which women value six pack abs because having a good body in of itself is scarce, women value resources and wealth because being wealthy in of itself is scarce and the majority of men – particularly in the developing world are not wealthy. Not every woman can dating a millionaire or a financially secure men- statistically the majority simply can’t -scarcity is an attractive concept and not every woman and man can attract the high tier. Not every man can date a high value woman who’s kind and down to earth either – good women are as scarce as good men in the modern world based on my experiences approaching for 4 years out of roughly 800 approaches I’d say only around 5-6 of women I dated were true “wifey” material.
In the self-help industry many men and women are bombarded with the “abundance mentality” that there are good women and men everywhere- I’d argue there isn’t , finding value and truly compatibility from high value people that can elevate your life to the next level is really rare and hard to do .
Your Time Is scarce in the dating world
You only have so much time to date the people you want and for most men it will take a lot of time- hence why I recommend men to cold approach and increase options as early as possible in life. You only have so much time to create options for yourself and cold approach in of itself is time consuming – finding a good fit for your long term life takes time , hard work and dedication especially if you want a wife and family then you really have to put the numbers in and approach . Even if you’re getting hot women consistently finding the ones with positive attributes and those who are worthy of being the wives to your children are rare- so time is of the essence if you want to build a family – especially if you’re a man. Women too need to spend a long about of time making decisions between **** boys and men who can genuinely provide for their children if they don’t theres a risk of being a single mum and future struggling in the dating world further down the line. So for both genders time is limited , the risks are always high but for men I’d argue the maturity phase takes a lot longer time and mental investment which most aren’t ready for given the high drop out rate in the Pua community .
Opportunities to Find High Quality wingmen are rare
With the rise of online dating the pua community simply got obliterated – PUA forums have diminished in popularity and simply don’t have as many people participating as in thte early 2010s. Finding good quality wingmen again is a numbers game which requires a lot of work and discipline , you simply have to put the work in as the majority either won’t be compatible or will will have neurodevelopment disorders like Aspergers or more severe autism that will make it difficult for them to improve their dating life ( not saying its impossible but it’s a low probability outcome and makes them more incompetent as wingmen)
Of course its also apparent that the best quality men usually leave the pua space the quickest as they usually are the ones to gleen a ltr the quickest from doing it. High quality wingmen tend to retire earlier from the game as they have more opportunities to settle down. So if you do find a good quality wingman respect your time with them- they might not be around a long time in the PUA space.
Time is scarce to improve your SMV
You can only travel to so many places to become a more adventurous person – you can only pick up so many skills – Time is definitely a scarce commodity in these regards. Achieving mastery in a skillset takes around 10,000 hours – there’s not really a lot of time in ones life to achieve mastery so regular discipline really is important in a lot of aspects. SMV improvement is probably even more important for men than it is for women and requires serious time investment – so the younger you start and outline your plans for value improvement the more time you have to cold approach with high smv and increase your options .
Only a small portion of people make it out of daygame with even a single lay
Daygame success in of itself is scarce- most men don’t have the mental attributes to survive doing it for the longterm so success in this aspect is rare in of itself. Despite the optimism I had when I started daygaming in late 2017 I found that the majority of men in the daygame scene really struggled even garner a single date . I also became disillusioned with how many people seemingly “hid behind” marketing ahead of taking actual action. Such things would include: taking pictures of attractive women they weren’t actually dating or boasting online with exaggerated stories of their love lives. Soon I was realising that a lot of the coaches I admired and respect weren’t actually approaching or having the success that I thought they did.
This was surprising to me but it became self-evident once I did daygame for myself that speaking to strangers is difficult and has a huge adjustment process, beginners need to give it time – minimum 3-6 months to really adjust and to build discipline in this area of their lives.
Conclusion
No doubt this blog post sucks, it’s written in poor prose and pretty basic language with maybe an overly simplistic view on the world but I wanted to drive home the point that scarcity is no doubt something that effects everyone whether it be a female 10 deciding which man is husband material or the male 1 who is in his mid 30s who really needs to drop weight and put in serious time and dedication into approaching women – the reason I wrote this blog was to showcase the importance for men to really utilise their time well, increase smv and cold approach often and understand that time is scarce and we really only have so much to give towards achieving our relationship goals. This viewpoint maybe ultimately a bit nihilistic and written in a “Rollo Tomassi” fashion but I guess it’s important to take things seriously and be aware we probably take the time we have now for granted when it comes to trying to achieve our relationship goals.
