The whole attraction process is stupid.

LostAndConfused

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Think about it.

It doesn't matter the situation or the setting. Whether the girl is in your social circle, whether she's the cute brunette in class, whether you met her at a party, whether you had the balls to approach her at the mall, the process is the same:

Approach > Show Value and Attract > Date and Get Laid

Just for this thread's purposes lets call it the cycle of getting laid. or THE process.

Now some people have only one cycle going on, others have multiple cycles going on simultaneously. Those others are affectionately known as players.

Others still have no cycles going on. They are affectionately known as virgins. Their cycle consists of feeling lonely, take out lube, stroke it, go do other stuff. Because of their virginity they are automatically considered socially inept, or a failure at being a man.

But I digress.

It really doesn't matter how you go about doing THE process; you might use direct, natural game, or, you might use PUA strategies such as ****y and funny remarks....negs...DHV stories...push pull...magic tricks which happen to incorporate kino.

It doesn't matter.

Sure, go ahead and illusion yourself. Keep telling yourself the process is fun as you get pounded like a bird in a storm with female mind games, sh1t tests, and for the less experienced DJs: last minute resistance. The whole while the girl keeps thinking she doesn't want to be portrayed as a slüt and to test to see if you are "congruent" and the whole while you try to portray yourself as "the prize," whether it be a facade or not...and its usually a facade...they call it being in "state" for a reason you know.

Why do we do it? For the end result, amirite?

Surely you can get engaged in a completely more entertaining conversation with one 16-24 year old male than you could EVER with multiple females! (If you disagree, you haven't talked to many guys). I've had conversations with groups of guys where some of them would actually throw up in public because we were laughing so hard (and no, we weren't high). In my time trying to be a "don juan," which I feel has been WASTED, I've met some really cool men. Some of these men have never kissed a girl before. Some of them have multiple girls wanting to get with them. I'm in neither camp, I have had a few successes with females, but I've grown dämn tired with THE process, and I haven't even attempted it that much.

Again, why do I bother talking to some generic girl who has been, as one SS user put it, banged, puked on, and speared by multiple guys? Yeah each girl will have her own tastes, but really it's all the same. As I said before in another thread, game is the universal language.

The ONLY reason why I talk to girls at all is because of the pink slit in between their legs. I can learn more from three different men than I could from the entire female population where I live. Yeah, bring up a counterexample of some girl who you know is really interesting, it just doesn't compare.

I can't make any generalizations here, some of you probably LIKE talking to girls, and others SAY you do but you secretly don't. But for alot of guys I've talked to, talking to girls is just stupid. When I was 6 years old, I said the same thing, but for a different reason (girls were yucky back then?)

My best friend who has dated this HB10 italian girl for months told me

Talking to her [his girlfriend] is like talking to a wooden plank. At least she's fun to make out with.
His social life consists of hanging out with friends like me, then going out on dates with his girlfriend.

Most guys would talk to girls because:

I'm a man and men embrace their sexuality!
I say, Who fvcking cares! We are ALL men (well, at least in the process of becoming men) and we ALL are attracted to women. It's what we are biologically designed to do.

Plus, Deny it all you want, you probably secretly like the other girls whispering to each other behind your back looking at you, gossiping about how you are such a player. But when you talk to these girls, unless they're dirty slüts, they're going to put you through the same process which I've talked about multiple times already. You probably like your friends telling stories about how cool you are as a player when you aren't around.

I sure would.

But LostAC, if you want pvssy, and you don't want to go through the whole CLICHED attraction process, why don't you get a hooker?

Because you feel like sh1t afterwards. All my friends who went about doing this just felt depressed the next day. And of course you would, you just bought sex. Sex shouldn't cost money!!! We get ripped off!

But whats the "cheaper" alternative (assuming you play the lover role to women, not the provider role)? The "cheaper" alternative is sacrificing my dignity to a fair amount of small talk to get a number, then small talk more to go out on a date, with flirting throughout, then I can shove my tongue down a girl's throat.

Was it worth it? During the time it feels like it was, but when you have to restart the cycle, it starts to feel monotonous, boring, and banal.

Had to get that off my chest. I'm just thinking 'screw it all' right about now.

A girl opened me today, I got into some small talk, and the spark for this thread flickered in my head and I ejected from the conversation. I'm dead tired of asking "What school are you from?" "What are you interested in?" etc etc. ad nauseum.

Flame me all you want, ignore the thread, its true though.
 

Maxtro

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Just wanted to rant?

I think it's stupid that I have to work and then get money in order to buy things. I just can't walk into a store and say I want that TV and then walk home with it.

So yes I think it's absolutely ridiculous that I have to get to know and attract a girl to get between her legs. I would love to be able to go up to a girl, say, "Lets screw" she says OK and then we do it. Unfortunately that's not life.
 

I.A.F.Y.B.

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What is your point?
 

swifTy

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the whole attraction process is stupid
from a womans pov she needs to witness/experience/see if you can actually do it. if you can't go through the attraction process then what good are you? think of it like a skill, and its a skill that she needs to see. she wants to see if your smooth. she wants to see if you can go from meeting her to sex and the onus is always on you. asking, "so what school do you go to" thats allright, but the smoother you are, the quicker you can make things happen. everyone has to do the process. no dodging. its hard in the beginning tho. i know i sucked. once your smooth you'll have a different outlook on it.
 

James45

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So basically, you feel girls have nothing to offer you but sex.

But you wish you could also get companionship, connection and great friendship from girls where you can just relax and have laughs.

Although - you don't get that from girls, do you? which is why you say you like hanging out with guys and you can learn more from them then a stupid girl, because they offer you want you want most - connection and friendship.

So, you place connection/friendship and companionship well above mindless sex.

The thing is, you've let a few experiences with girls taint your overall perspective of them. You think they're all dumb and bland and no matter what they do that is exactly how you'll perceive them. You are your beliefs.

I can't make any generalizations here...
Quite ironic, don't you think? Your whole view of girls is one massive generalization.

There are girls out there that can make you *** with laughter. There are girls out there that can show you the most fun and memorable experiences of your life. There are girls out there that you can just kick back and say whats on your mind and they'll fully understand and just be there to share with.

And equally, there are girls out there who are dumb and might as well be wooden planks. Do these girls seem familiar?

You need to open your eyes to the wider picture, with all respect, you're 18. Your experience may be limited and your perceptions of the world somewhat primitive and/or blurred by obscure limiting beliefs, but its absolutely fantastic your questioning everything you learn and the point of its implementation. Its the only way to understand and grow.

My advice would be to shift your thinking, there are amazing people out there with so much to offer, so much fun and joy to experience with them, girls and guys. When you think to yourself, don't repeat useless statements such as: "girls are stupid and boring, theres no point. " Instead, use the power of questions, "Are all girls REALLY stupid and boring?" "why do I think that?" "is my mom stupid, boring and a wood plank?" ;P

Go meet some new people, get out of your current environment for a day or two and just explore your surroundings. :up:
 

LostAndConfused

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James45 said:
So basically, you feel girls have nothing to offer you but sex.

But you wish you could also get companionship, connection and great friendship from girls where you can just relax and have laughs.
Yes. The Greeks have names for the "different types" of love: eros, philia, agape, storge, and thelema. Eros (romantic love), and Thelema (desire) are what we have for girls. While on the other hand, agape can be for family members and just general companionship, and philia is a friendship type of love.

My idea is that you can't get that "philia" from girls.

James45 said:
Although - you don't get that from girls, do you? which is why you say you like hanging out with guys and you can learn more from them then a stupid girl, because they offer you want you want most - connection and friendship.

So, you place connection/friendship and companionship well above mindless sex.
Yes, you can share stories get wisdom, and you can learn alot better from them what you learn from the sh1t society and the media fills your mind with.

James45 said:
The thing is, you've let a few experiences with girls taint your overall perspective of them. You think they're all dumb and bland and no matter what they do that is exactly how you'll perceive them. You are your beliefs.

Quite ironic, don't you think? Your whole view of girls is one massive generalization.
The best looking girls, the ones I desire the most, are dumb and bland. You might have experienced something different, but from what I've seen, the hottest girls, if you desire them for sex, are going to be lame as fvck, and the only reason why they ever get seen as "cool" is because they are put on a pedestal by every other man. As generalistic as it seems, every time I try to keep my mind open when I talk to another attractive girl, it just provides more and more evidence. Of course I'll never get enough evidence to prove anyone wrong (because its an opinion), but as far as I'm concerned its true.

I've met some cool girls in the past but I've had no attraction towards them whatsoever.

I see where this is all going, its going to end up being MY fault because the girls I think look good are just dumb as doornails, amirite? Attraction can't be explained.

Its like a reverse LJBF. And as interesting as those girls seem, they really can't compare to some of my friends' insights.

James45 said:
There are girls out there that can make you *** with laughter. There are girls out there that can show you the most fun and memorable experiences of your life. There are girls out there that you can just kick back and say whats on your mind and they'll fully understand and just be there to share with.
"We're just friends."

James45 said:
its absolutely fantastic your questioning everything you learn and the point of its implementation. Its the only way to understand and grow.
It's a curse too.

It's why I've had to pay a therapist money to listen to me talk.
It's why I've read and watched countless hours of seduction material.
It's why I'm on this forum on the first place.

James45 said:
My advice would be to shift your thinking, there are amazing people out there with so much to offer, so much fun and joy to experience with them, girls and guys. When you think to yourself, don't repeat useless statements such as: "girls are stupid and boring, theres no point. " Instead, use the power of questions, "Are all girls REALLY stupid and boring?" "why do I think that?" "is my mom stupid, boring and a wood plank?" ;P
Because of my experience. Every time I try to open up my perceptions it just gets shut down and I get angrier and angrier. According to some I guess it puts me in "the matrix." But this matrix is unfortunately true.

And yes, my mom is like that. (Nothing nasty here, don't take it the wrong way) she's attractive to alot of people and she's just stupid. And my dad is b1tchmade I've actually fought him before. When you are 14 and you beat your dad in a fight, something is wrong. Part of the problem I have now is my terrible upbringing. I probably wouldn't need to be here if it were better.

I thank you james for your input.

I.A.F.Y.B. said:
What is your point?
See thread title. :crackup:


I guess one thing I can learn from here is that no matter how sh1tty this process is, I"m stuck doing it. I'm biologically designed to do[fail] this process. And I shouldn't have listed my age either >_<
 

James45

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LostAndConfused said:
Yes. The Greeks have names for the "different types" of love: eros, philia, agape, storge, and thelema. Eros (romantic love), and Thelema (desire) are what we have for girls. While on the other hand, agape can be for family members and just general companionship, and philia is a friendship type of love.
disregard the Greeks. I don't think its wise to rely on centuries of outdated psychology ;)

LostAndConfused said:
My idea is that you can't get that "philia" from girls.
This is the very idea that is filtering everything you perceive, it becomes self-fulfilling.


LostAndConfused said:
The best looking girls, the ones I desire the most, are dumb and bland. You might have experienced something different...
well well, you accept a shift in perception must occur to experience 'something different'. and with your inquisitive nature, don't you think its a worth while pursuit to find out what that 'something different' experience is?

You put so much focus on how ****ty all girls are, that even when you do accept/notice an alternate reality (a 'matrix' as you call it), it seems you unconsciously choose to ignore it.

You have a great need for certainty, your reply depicts a person who is comfortable believing what you believe even if it is distorted and far from a reality that you want- and you probably know this. As long as your comfortable.

You went through my reply looking for things that don't work and how they don't apply to you and how everything falls into your belief that girls are dumb. It explains the nature of your reply :p

Change your focus.



LostAndConfused said:
It's a curse too.

It's why I've had to pay a therapist money to listen to me talk.
It's why I've read and watched countless hours of seduction material.
It's why I'm on this forum on the first place.
Had to? Thats bull. You've made the choice. You're seeking happiness and fulfillment outside of yourself which never leaves you satisfied.

What you need is connection. Its a natural human need, your turmoil erupts because you feel you cannot get this from the opposite sex.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

Everything comes from within.

You go into relationships looking to get something out of it, when you are empty. It seems your in a place of scarcity and in that mindset, you cannot attract someone who is full- with the 'philia' attributes you want. Like attracts like.

What do you think being a DJ is about? I believe its the abundance of emotions, happiness, fulfillment, joy, excitement etc Its the passion you have for life, the need for challenges, the pursuit for personal growth. Once you reach this mindset of abundance, you don't need women, yet you offer them your abundance/value and share your fun/reality with them with the option of intimacy.

Like in life, when you're financially broke, no one wants to lend you any money. However, when you're rich and abundant in money you get people coming to you from every direction wanting to invest in you and offering you free sh1t just to keep them in mind!





LostAndConfused said:
Because of my experience. Every time I try to open up my perceptions it just gets shut down and I get angrier and angrier...
Why and how does it get 'shut down'?


LostAndConfused said:
I guess one thing I can learn from here is that no matter how sh1tty this process is, I"m stuck doing it. I'm biologically designed to do[fail] this process. And I shouldn't have listed my age either >_<
What process? Define it.

If you didn't list your age then the advice you would have received would not have been the most helpful. Again, it ties in with my belief that you are comfortable believing what your believing and you don't want, deep inside, anyone to come along and tell you what to do to get out of it because you are confortable in this sh1t.

Go through these few audio programs, it will make things very clear for you - and you'll no longer have to pay a therapist to listen to you talk. :p

http://www.johndoe.tv/AnthonyRobbins/

Go through them, from top to bottom and get back to me with your thoughts. :up:
 
Last edited:

Warrior74

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you should stop posting for the next month. Seriously. You should read a chapter in the DJ bible, write a report on it and go out in the field and write a field report. You need to reprogram your brain.
 

Playboy

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LostAndConfused said:
Think about it.

It doesn't matter the situation or the setting. Whether the girl is in your social circle, whether she's the cute brunette in class, whether you met her at a party, whether you had the balls to approach her at the mall, the process is the same:

Approach > Show Value and Attract > Date and Get Laid

Just for this thread's purposes lets call it the cycle of getting laid. or THE process.

Now some people have only one cycle going on, others have multiple cycles going on simultaneously. Those others are affectionately known as players.

Others still have no cycles going on. They are affectionately known as virgins. Their cycle consists of feeling lonely, take out lube, stroke it, go do other stuff. Because of their virginity they are automatically considered socially inept, or a failure at being a man.

But I digress.

It really doesn't matter how you go about doing THE process; you might use direct, natural game, or, you might use PUA strategies such as ****y and funny remarks....negs...DHV stories...push pull...magic tricks which happen to incorporate kino.

It doesn't matter.

Sure, go ahead and illusion yourself. Keep telling yourself the process is fun as you get pounded like a bird in a storm with female mind games, sh1t tests, and for the less experienced DJs: last minute resistance. The whole while the girl keeps thinking she doesn't want to be portrayed as a slüt and to test to see if you are "congruent" and the whole while you try to portray yourself as "the prize," whether it be a facade or not...and its usually a facade...they call it being in "state" for a reason you know.

Why do we do it? For the end result, amirite?

Surely you can get engaged in a completely more entertaining conversation with one 16-24 year old male than you could EVER with multiple females! (If you disagree, you haven't talked to many guys). I've had conversations with groups of guys where some of them would actually throw up in public because we were laughing so hard (and no, we weren't high). In my time trying to be a "don juan," which I feel has been WASTED, I've met some really cool men. Some of these men have never kissed a girl before. Some of them have multiple girls wanting to get with them. I'm in neither camp, I have had a few successes with females, but I've grown dämn tired with THE process, and I haven't even attempted it that much.

Again, why do I bother talking to some generic girl who has been, as one SS user put it, banged, puked on, and speared by multiple guys? Yeah each girl will have her own tastes, but really it's all the same. As I said before in another thread, game is the universal language.

The ONLY reason why I talk to girls at all is because of the pink slit in between their legs. I can learn more from three different men than I could from the entire female population where I live. Yeah, bring up a counterexample of some girl who you know is really interesting, it just doesn't compare.

I can't make any generalizations here, some of you probably LIKE talking to girls, and others SAY you do but you secretly don't. But for alot of guys I've talked to, talking to girls is just stupid. When I was 6 years old, I said the same thing, but for a different reason (girls were yucky back then?)

My best friend who has dated this HB10 italian girl for months told me



His social life consists of hanging out with friends like me, then going out on dates with his girlfriend.

Most guys would talk to girls because:



I say, Who fvcking cares! We are ALL men (well, at least in the process of becoming men) and we ALL are attracted to women. It's what we are biologically designed to do.

Plus, Deny it all you want, you probably secretly like the other girls whispering to each other behind your back looking at you, gossiping about how you are such a player. But when you talk to these girls, unless they're dirty slüts, they're going to put you through the same process which I've talked about multiple times already. You probably like your friends telling stories about how cool you are as a player when you aren't around.

I sure would.

But LostAC, if you want pvssy, and you don't want to go through the whole CLICHED attraction process, why don't you get a hooker?

Because you feel like sh1t afterwards. All my friends who went about doing this just felt depressed the next day. And of course you would, you just bought sex. Sex shouldn't cost money!!! We get ripped off!

But whats the "cheaper" alternative (assuming you play the lover role to women, not the provider role)? The "cheaper" alternative is sacrificing my dignity to a fair amount of small talk to get a number, then small talk more to go out on a date, with flirting throughout, then I can shove my tongue down a girl's throat.

Was it worth it? During the time it feels like it was, but when you have to restart the cycle, it starts to feel monotonous, boring, and banal.

Had to get that off my chest. I'm just thinking 'screw it all' right about now.

A girl opened me today, I got into some small talk, and the spark for this thread flickered in my head and I ejected from the conversation. I'm dead tired of asking "What school are you from?" "What are you interested in?" etc etc. ad nauseum.

Flame me all you want, ignore the thread, its true though.
Is there any point to this ramble of yours other than the fact you might be a closet homo? :crazy:
 

oakraiderz2

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What negative experience was the catalyst to this post?
 
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LostAndConfused said:
Think about it.

It doesn't matter the situation or the setting. Whether the girl is in your social circle, whether she's the cute brunette in class, whether you met her at a party, whether you had the balls to approach her at the mall, the process is the same:

Approach > Show Value and Attract > Date and Get Laid

Just for this thread's purposes lets call it the cycle of getting laid. or THE process.

Now some people have only one cycle going on, others have multiple cycles going on simultaneously. Those others are affectionately known as players.

Others still have no cycles going on. They are affectionately known as virgins. Their cycle consists of feeling lonely, take out lube, stroke it, go do other stuff. Because of their virginity they are automatically considered socially inept, or a failure at being a man.

But I digress.

It really doesn't matter how you go about doing THE process; you might use direct, natural game, or, you might use PUA strategies such as ****y and funny remarks....negs...DHV stories...push pull...magic tricks which happen to incorporate kino.

It doesn't matter.

Sure, go ahead and illusion yourself. Keep telling yourself the process is fun as you get pounded like a bird in a storm with female mind games, sh1t tests, and for the less experienced DJs: last minute resistance. The whole while the girl keeps thinking she doesn't want to be portrayed as a slüt and to test to see if you are "congruent" and the whole while you try to portray yourself as "the prize," whether it be a facade or not...and its usually a facade...they call it being in "state" for a reason you know.

Why do we do it? For the end result, amirite?

Surely you can get engaged in a completely more entertaining conversation with one 16-24 year old male than you could EVER with multiple females! (If you disagree, you haven't talked to many guys). I've had conversations with groups of guys where some of them would actually throw up in public because we were laughing so hard (and no, we weren't high). In my time trying to be a "don juan," which I feel has been WASTED, I've met some really cool men. Some of these men have never kissed a girl before. Some of them have multiple girls wanting to get with them. I'm in neither camp, I have had a few successes with females, but I've grown dämn tired with THE process, and I haven't even attempted it that much.

Again, why do I bother talking to some generic girl who has been, as one SS user put it, banged, puked on, and speared by multiple guys? Yeah each girl will have her own tastes, but really it's all the same. As I said before in another thread, game is the universal language.

The ONLY reason why I talk to girls at all is because of the pink slit in between their legs. I can learn more from three different men than I could from the entire female population where I live. Yeah, bring up a counterexample of some girl who you know is really interesting, it just doesn't compare.

I can't make any generalizations here, some of you probably LIKE talking to girls, and others SAY you do but you secretly don't. But for alot of guys I've talked to, talking to girls is just stupid. When I was 6 years old, I said the same thing, but for a different reason (girls were yucky back then?)

My best friend who has dated this HB10 italian girl for months told me



His social life consists of hanging out with friends like me, then going out on dates with his girlfriend.

Most guys would talk to girls because:



I say, Who fvcking cares! We are ALL men (well, at least in the process of becoming men) and we ALL are attracted to women. It's what we are biologically designed to do.

Plus, Deny it all you want, you probably secretly like the other girls whispering to each other behind your back looking at you, gossiping about how you are such a player. But when you talk to these girls, unless they're dirty slüts, they're going to put you through the same process which I've talked about multiple times already. You probably like your friends telling stories about how cool you are as a player when you aren't around.

I sure would.

But LostAC, if you want pvssy, and you don't want to go through the whole CLICHED attraction process, why don't you get a hooker?

Because you feel like sh1t afterwards. All my friends who went about doing this just felt depressed the next day. And of course you would, you just bought sex. Sex shouldn't cost money!!! We get ripped off!

But whats the "cheaper" alternative (assuming you play the lover role to women, not the provider role)? The "cheaper" alternative is sacrificing my dignity to a fair amount of small talk to get a number, then small talk more to go out on a date, with flirting throughout, then I can shove my tongue down a girl's throat.

Was it worth it? During the time it feels like it was, but when you have to restart the cycle, it starts to feel monotonous, boring, and banal.

Had to get that off my chest. I'm just thinking 'screw it all' right about now.

A girl opened me today, I got into some small talk, and the spark for this thread flickered in my head and I ejected from the conversation. I'm dead tired of asking "What school are you from?" "What are you interested in?" etc etc. ad nauseum.

Flame me all you want, ignore the thread, its true though.





Although you have a fair point, just whining about something does nothing. It only appears to make you seem weak. Now, instead of whining/ranting, although it helps, you need to help yourself by DOING something. Make it easier for yourself. Have FUN. The focus is on yourself, not the woman. You should not be running around, seeking out women. Rather, let the women seek you and discover what a fun, lovable guy you are.
The process is meant to be fun, and the work should seem like something you'd want to do time and time again. Your obviously either making a big deal of it, or your not looking at the right women.
Try again, soldier.

Confuzion
 

LostAndConfused

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oakraiderz2 said:
What negative experience was the catalyst to this post?
Well, there was this girl I was obsessed with in middle school (pretty much oneitis). I never had the balls to approach her, and I was upset for a while but I finally got over it.

A couple of weeks ago I saw her again and noticed that she's developed and now she's extremely good looking so I talked to her and got her # then took her out to a lunch date.

I would have gotten a better conversation out of my medium-well cooked steak.

I realized, why had I agonized over a stupid girl like that in middle school when she was lame as fvck?

Then I considered the recent dates I had been on. Most of them had been negative experiences, even though they had been kiss closes. Mainly just blablablablabla touch feel blablablablabla touch her leg blablablablabla kiss blabbla make out, then a bit of texting and calling game.

Could something be wrong with my perception? Yeah, its d@mn well possible.

Playboy said:
Is there any point to this ramble of yours other than the fact you might be a closet homo? :crazy:
DonGorgon said:
OP, Your argument sounds gay.
krazyboy99 said:
you're 18 and inexperienced, you don't know sh1t yet. i am too. stop acting like you know sh1t and making these dumb philosophies that are based on limited observations and just keep focusing on improving and growing. you were on the right path.
Yeah man i definitely don't know everything. But its easy to call my observations limited when you haven't seen things from my perspective. But thanks for the insight.

Organized Confusion said:
Although you have a fair point, just whining about something does nothing. It only appears to make you seem weak. Now, instead of whining/ranting, although it helps, you need to help yourself by DOING something. Make it easier for yourself. Have FUN. The focus is on yourself, not the woman. You should not be running around, seeking out women. Rather, let the women seek you and discover what a fun, lovable guy you are.
The process is meant to be fun, and the work should seem like something you'd want to do time and time again. Your obviously either making a big deal of it, or your not looking at the right women.
Try again, soldier.

Confuzion
Thats the whole problem. When I pursue activities that I like (Basketball, mixed martial arts, lifting weights, photography), I seem to get in a whole different world than females. They stop "seeking" me, if you will. How can they discover what a great guy I am when they don't make the attempt to do so? And by "they" I mean the girls I'm attracted to.

There really isn't anything I can do if I'm attracted to the wrong type of girl. No offense but I'm not a chubby chaser.

Warrior74 said:
you should stop posting for the next month. Seriously. You should read a chapter in the DJ bible, write a report on it and go out in the field and write a field report. You need to reprogram your brain.
Well yeah I'll soon be done posting for good. Telling me to read a chapter in the bible when I've already read it several times is like telling an angry person to "chill out." (not the best comparison, I know). Do you know what I'm saying? It just makes the situation worse.

But heres the whole issue which caused me to write all that stuff anyways...I had been out on the "field" and the only way to describe that experience is just....a waste of time. Some successes, multiple failures, all in all a waste of time. So I know how to kiss better, but it was at the cost of sacrificing a ton of my brain cells.

Currently I'm going through the RSD Blueprint, and after that I've got no clue. I'll probably just vibe until I get into college (a whole year and six months from now) then I'll start taking up more activities to fill my idle time.
 

LostAndConfused

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James45 said:
Had to? Thats bull. You've made the choice. You're seeking happiness and fulfillment outside of yourself which never leaves you satisfied.
Well actually my physician directed me to a psychiatrist. I'm cool with my physician but he knows I've been through alot of sh1t so he thought it would help.

James45 said:
What you need is connection. Its a natural human need, your turmoil erupts because you feel you cannot get this from the opposite sex.
Yeah, I definitely agree with that.

You go into relationships looking to get something out of it, when you are empty. It seems your in a place of scarcity and in that mindset, you cannot attract someone who is full- with the 'philia' attributes you want. Like attracts like.
Hah that reminds me of something Interceptor told me a while back but problem is 1) all the good looking girls are "empty" as well, and 2) theres no way to fill yourself up with that value, except through yourself.

James45 said:
What process? Define it.
The whole seduction process. Small talk.

James45 said:
Why and how does it get 'shut down'?
It gets shut down because I ALLOW myself to prove my perceptions wrong, but then I encounter another stupid girl. Then it just reinforces those "bad" perceptions about attractive girls.

I was one time eating lunch with a friend and these two girls behind me kept checking me out, and I considered approaching them but I realized they were too dumb from their conversation.


Thanks for the tips James.

Reading that validation thread I think another one of the problems is that I rely too much on physical manifestations of validation. Like when I get called attractive, handsome or cute by alot of girls I feel good but when that doesn't happen I start getting upset.
 
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LostAndConfused said:
Thats the whole problem. When I pursue activities that I like (Basketball, mixed martial arts, lifting weights, photography), I seem to get in a whole different world than females. They stop "seeking" me, if you will. How can they discover what a great guy I am when they don't make the attempt to do so? And by "they" I mean the girls I'm attracted to.

There really isn't anything I can do if I'm attracted to the wrong type of girl. No offense but I'm not a chubby chaser.

None taken, and you've got to start to improve. I dont mean stop being around them, but be with them, and have FUN. It's the core objective of being with a woman. You wouldn't a woman who made you have a second job would you. Having a girlfriend is like being on holiday. It's meant to help you relax, have fun, and leave happier than when you came there. Fun man, it's all in that three letter word.
 

oakraiderz2

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LostAndConfused said:
Well, there was this girl I was obsessed with in middle school (pretty much oneitis). I never had the balls to approach her, and I was upset for a while but I finally got over it.

A couple of weeks ago I saw her again and noticed that she's developed and now she's extremely good looking so I talked to her and got her # then took her out to a lunch date.

I would have gotten a better conversation out of my medium-well cooked steak.

I realized, why had I agonized over a stupid girl like that in middle school when she was lame as fvck?

Then I considered the recent dates I had been on. Most of them had been negative experiences, even though they had been kiss closes. Mainly just blablablablabla touch feel blablablablabla touch her leg blablablablabla kiss blabbla make out, then a bit of texting and calling game.

Could something be wrong with my perception? Yeah, its d@mn well possible.

Youre being overly emotional and you made a hasty decision with your post. If all youre dates suck, its probably because of what youre doing or not doing. Stop protecting your ego by rejecting the attraction and dating process. Fix yourself, cause obviously you need some form of improvement.
 
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